They came to him only as colors and moods. Mommy"s DIVORCE thoughts centered around what Daddy had done to his arm, and what had happened at Stovington when Daddy lost his job. That boy. That George Hatfield who got p.i.s.sed off at Daddy and put the holes in their bug"s feet. Daddy"s DIVORCE thoughts were more complex, colored dark violet and shot through with frightening veins of pure black. He seemed to think they would be better off if he left. That things would stop hurting. His daddy- hurt almost all the time, mostly about the Bad Thing.
Danny could almost always pick that up too: Daddy"s constant craving to go into a dark place and watch a color TV and eat peanuts out of a bowl and do the Bad Thing until his brain would be quiet and leave him alone.
But this afternoon his mother had no need to worry and he wished he could go to her and tell her that. The bug had not broken down. Daddy was not off somewhere doing the Bad Thing. He was almost home now, put-putting along the highway between Lyons and Boulder. For the moment his daddy wasn"t even thinking about the Bad Thing. He was thinking about... about...
Danny looked furtively behind him at the kitchen window. Sometimes thinking very hard made something happen to him. It made things-real things-go away, and then he saw things that weren"t there. Once, not long after they put the cast on his arm, this had happened at the supper table. They weren"t talking much to each other then. But they were thinking. Oh yes. The thoughts of DIVORCE hung over the kitchen table like a cloud full of black rain, pregnant, ready to burst. It was so bad he couldn"t eat. The thought of eating with all that black DIVORCE around made him want to throw up. And because it had seemed desperately important, he had thrown himself fully into concentration and something had happened. When he came back to real things, he was lying on the floor with beans and mashed potatoes in his lap and his mommy was holding him and crying and Daddy had been on the phone. He had been frightened, had tried to explain to them that there was nothing wrong. That this sometimes happened to him when he concentrated on understanding more than what normallv came to him. He tried to explain about Tony, who they called his "invisible playmate." His father had said: "He"s having a Ha Loo Sin Nation. He seems okay, but I want the doctor to look at him anyway." After the doctor left, Mommy had made him promise to never do that again, to never scare them that way, and Danny had agreed. He was frightened himself.
Because when he had concentrated his mind, it had flown out to his daddy, and for just a moment, before Tony had appeared (far away, as be always did, calling distantly) and the strange things had blotted out their kitchen and the carved roast on the blue plate, for just a moment his own consciousness had plunged through his daddy"s darkness to an incomprehensible word much more frightening than DIVORCE, and that word was SUICIDE. Danny had never come across it again in his daddy"s mind, and he had certainly not gone looking for it. He didn"t care if he never found out exactly what that word meant.
But he did like to concentrate, because sometimes Tony would come. Not every time. Sometimes things just got woozy and swimmy for a minute and then cleared- most times, in fact-but at other times Tony would appear at the very limit of his vision, calling distantly and beckoning...
It had happened twice since they moved to Boulder, and he remembered how surprised and pleased he had been to find Tony had followed him all the way from Vermont. So all his friends hadn"t been left behind after all.
The first time he had been out in the back yard and nothing much had happened.
Just Tony beckoning and then darkness and a few minutes later he had come back to real things with a few vague fragments of memory, like a jumbled dream. The second time, two weeks ago, had been more interesting. Tony, beckoning, calling from four yards over: "Danny... come see..." It seemed that he was getting up, then falling into a deep hole, like Alice into Wonderland. Then he had been in the bas.e.m.e.nt of the apartment house and Tony had been beside him, pointing into the shadows at the trunk his daddy carried all his important papers in, especially "THE PLAY."
"See?" Tony had said in his distant, musical voice. "It"s under the stairs. Right under the stairs. The movers put it right... under... the stairs." Danny had stepped forward to look more closely at this marvel and then he was falling again, this time out of the back-yard swing, where he had been sitting all along. He had gotten the wind knocked out of himself, too.
Three or four days later his daddy had been stomping around, telling Mommy furiously that he had been all over the G.o.ddam bas.e.m.e.nt and the trunk wasn"t there and he was going to sue the G.o.ddam movers who had left it somewhere between Vermont and Colorado. How was he supposed to be able to finish "THE PLAY" if things like this kept cropping up?
Danny said, "No, Daddy. It"s under the stairs. The movers put it right under the stairs." Daddy had given him a strange look and had gone down to see. The trunk had been there, just where Tony had shown him. Daddy had taken him aside, had sat him on his lap, and had asked Danny who let him down cellar. Had it been Tom from upstairs? The cellar was dangerous, Daddy said. That was why the landlord kept it locked. If someone was leaving it unlocked, Daddy wanted to know. He was glad to have his papers and his "PLAY" but it wouldn"t be worth it to him, he said, if Danny fell down the stairs and broke his... his leg. Danny told his father earnestly that he hadn"t been down in the cellar. That door was always locked. And Mommy agreed. Danny never went down in the back hall, she said, because it was damp and dark and spidery. And he didn"t tell lies.
"Then bow did you know, doc?" Daddy asked.
"Tony showed me." His mother and father had exchanged a look over his head. This had happened before, from time to time. Because it was frightening, they swept it quickly from their minds. But be knew they worried about Tony, Mommy especially, and he was careful about thinking the way that could make Tony come where she might see. But now he thought she was lying down, not moving about in the kitchen yet, and so he concentrated hard to see if he could understand what Daddy was thinking about.
His brow furrowed and his slightly grimy hands clenched into tight fists on his jeans. He did not close his eyes-that wasn"t necessary-but he squinched them down to slits and imagined Daddy"s voice, Jack"s voice, John Daniel Torrance"s voice, deep and steady, sometimes quirking up with amus.e.m.e.nt or deepening even more with anger or just staying steady because he was thinking. Thinking of.
Thinking about. Thinking...
(thinking) Danny sighed quietly and his body slumped on the curb as if all the muscles had gone out of it. He was fully conscious; he saw the street and the girl and boy walking up the sidewalk on the other side, holding hands because they were (?in love?) so happy about the day and themselves together in the day. He saw autumn leaves blowing along the gutter, yellow cartwheels of irregular shape. He saw the house they were pa.s.sing and noticed how the roof was covered with (shingles. i guess it"ll be no problem if the flashing"s ok yeah that"ll be all right. that watson. christ what a character. wish there was a place for him in "THE PLAY. " i"ll end up with the whole f.u.c.king human race in it if i don"t watch out. yeah. shingles. are there nails out there? oh s.h.i.t forgot to ask him well they"re simple to get. sidewinder hardware store. wasps. they"re nesting this time of year. i might want to get one of those bug bombs in case they"re there when i rip up the old shingles. new shingles. old) shingles. So that"s what he was thinking about. He had gotten the job and was thinking about shingles. Danny didn"t know who Watson was, but everything else seemed clear enough. And he might get to see a wasps" nest. Just as sure as his name was "Danny... Dannee..." He looked up and there was Tony, far up the street, standing by a stop sign and waving. Danny, as always, felt a warm burst of pleasure at seeing his old friend, but this time he seemed to feel a p.r.i.c.k of fear, too, as if Tony had come with some darkness hidden behind his back. A jar-of wasps which when released would sting deeply.
But there was no question of not going.
He slumped further down on the curb, his hands sliding laxly from his thighs and dangling below the fork of his crotch. His chin sank onto his chest. Then there was a dim, painless tug as part of him got up and ran after Tony into funneling darkness.
"Dannee-" Now the darkness was shot with swirling whiteness. A coughing, whooping sound and bending, tortured shadows that resolved themselves into fir trees at night, being pushed by a screaming gale. Snow swirled and danced. Snow everywhere.
"Too deep," Tony said from the darkness, and there was a sadness in his voice that terrified Danny. "Too deep to get out." Another shape, looming, rearing. Huge and rectangular. A sloping roof.
Whiteness that was blurred in the stormy darkness. Many windows. A long building with a shingled roof. Some of the shingles were greener, newer. His daddy put them on. With nails from the Sidewinder hardware store. Now the snow was covering the shingles. It was covering everything.
A green witchlight glowed into being on the front of the building, flickered, and became a giant, grinning skull over two crossed bones: "Poison," Tony said from the floating darkness. "Poison." Other signs flickered past his eyes, some in green letters, some of them on boards stuck at leaning angles into the snowdrifts. NO SWIMMING. DANGER! LIVE WIRES. THIS PROPERTY CONDEMNED. HIGH VOLTAGE. THIRD RAIL. DANGER OF DEATH. KEEP OFF. KEEP OUT. NO TRESPa.s.sING. VIOLATORS WILL BE SHOT ON SIGHT. He understood none of them completely-he couldn"t read!-but got a sense of all, and a dreamy terror floated into the dark hollows of his body like light brown spores that would die in sunlight.
They faded. Now he was in a room filled with strange furniture, a room that was dark. Snow spattered against the windows like thrown sand. His mouth was dry, his eyes like hot marbles, his heart triphammering in his chest. Outside there was a hollow booming noise, like a dreadful door being thrown wide.
Footfalls. Across the room was a mirror, and deep down in its silver bubble a single word appeared in green fire and that word was: REDRUM.
The room faded. Another room. He knew (would know) this one. An overturned chair. A broken window with snow swirling in; already it had frosted the edge of the rug. The drapes had been pulled free and hung on their broken rod at an angle. A low cabinet lying on its face.
More hollow booming noises, steady, rhythmic, horrible. Smashing gla.s.s.
Approaching destruction. A hoa.r.s.e voice, the voice of a madman, made the more terrible by its familiarity: Come out! Came out, you little s.h.i.t! Take your medicine!
Crash. Crash. Crash. Splintering wood. A bellow of rage and satisfaction.
REDRUM.
Coming. Drifting across the room. Pictures torn off the walls. A record player (?Mommy"s record player"!) overturned on the floor. Her records, Grieg, Handel, the Beatles, Art Garfunkel, Bach, Liszt, thrown everywhere. Broken into jagged black pie wedges.
A shaft of light coming from another room, the bathroom, harsh white light and a word flickering on and off in the medicine cabinet mirror like a red eye, REDRUM, REDRUM, REDRUM- "No," he whispered. "No, Tony please-" And, dangling over the white porcelain lip of the bathtub, a hand. Limp. A slow trickle of blood (REDRUM) trickling down one of the fingers, the third, dripping onto the tile from the carefully shaped nail- No oh no oh no- (oh please, Tony, you"re scaring me) REDRUM REDRUM REDRUM (stop it, Tony, stop it) Fading.
In the darkness the booming noises grew louder, louder still, echoing, everywhere, all around.
And now he was crouched in a dark hallway, crouched on a blue rug with a riot of twisting black shapes woven into its pile, listening to the booming noises approach, and now a Shape turned the corner and began to come toward him, lurching, smelling of blood and doom. It had a mallet in one hand and it was swinging it (REDRUM) from side to side in vicious arcs, slamming it into the walls, cutting the silk wallpaper and knocking out ghostly bursts of plasterdust: Come on and take your medicine! Take it like a man!
The Shape advancing on him, reeking of that sweet-sour odor, gigantic, the mallet head cutting across the air with a wicked hissing whisper, then the great hollow boom as it crashed into the wall, sending the dust out in a puff you could smell, dry and itchy. Tiny red eyes glowed in the dark. The monster was upon him, it had discovered him, cowering here with a blank wall at his back.
And the trapdoor in the ceiling was locked.
Darkness. Drifting.
"Tony, please take me back, please, please-" And he was back, sitting on the curb of Arapahoe Street, his shirt sticking damply to his back, his body bathed in sweat. In his ears he could still hear that huge, contrapuntal booming sound and smell his own urine as he voided himself in the extremity of his terror. He could see that limp hand dangling over the edge of the tub with blood running down one finger, the third, and that inexplicable word so much more horrible than any of the others: REDRUM.
And now sunshine. Real things. Except for Tony, now six blocks up, only a speck, standing on the corner, his voice faint and high and sweet. "Be careful, doc..." Then, in the next instant, Tony was gone and Daddy"s battered red bug was turning the corner and chattering up the street, farting blue smoke behind it.
Danny was off the curb in a second, waving, jiving from one foot to the other, yelling: "Daddy! Hey, Dad! Hi! Hi!" His daddy swung the VW into the curb, killed the engine, and opened the door.
Danny ran toward him and then froze, his eyes widening. His heart crawled up into the middle of his throat and froze solid. Beside his daddy, in the other front seat, was a short-handled mallet, its head clotted with blood and hair.
Then it was just a bag of groceries.
"Danny... you okay, doc?"
"Yeah. I"m okay." He went to his daddy and buried his face in Daddy"s sheepskin-lined denim jacket and hugged him tight tight tight. Jack hugged him back, slightly bewildered.
"Hey, you don"t want to sit in the sun like that, doc. You"re drippin sweat."
"I guess I fell asleep a little. I love you, Daddy. I been waiting."
"I love you too, Dan. I brought home some stuff. Think you"re big enough to carry it upstairs?"
"Sure am!"
"Doc Torrance, the world"s strongest man," Jack said, and ruffled his hair.
"Whose hobby is falling asleep on street corners." Then they were walking up to the door and Mommy had come down to the porch to meet them and he stood on the second step and watched them kiss. They were glad to see each other. Love came out of them the way love had come out of the boy and girl walking up the street and holding hands. Danny was glad.
The bag of groceries-just a bag of groceries-crackled in his arms.
Everything was all right. Daddy was home. Mommy was loving him. There were no bad things. And not everything Tony showed him always happened.
But fear had settled around his heart, deep and dreadful, around his heart and around that indecipherable word he had seen in his spirit"s mirror.
5 - Phonebooth
Jack parked the VW in front of the Rexall in the Table Mesa shopping center and let the engine die. He wondered again if he shouldn"t go ahead and get the fuel pump replaced, and told himself again that they couldn"t afford it. If the little car could keep running until November, it could retire with full honors anyway. By November the snow up there in the mountains would be higher than the beetle"s roof... maybe higher than three beetles stacked on top of each other.
"Want you to stay in the car, doe. I"ll bring you a candy bar."
"Why can"t I come in?"
"I have to make a phone call. It"s private stuff."
"Is that why you didn"t make it at home?"
"Check." Wendy had insisted on a phone in spite of their unraveling finances. She had argued that with a small child-especially a boy like Danny, who sometimes suffered from fainting spells-they couldn"t afford not to have one. So Jack had forked over the thirty-dollar installation fee, bad enough, and a ninety-dollar security deposit, which really hurt. And so far the phone had been mute except for two wrong numbers.
"Can I have a Baby Ruth, Daddy?"
"Yes. You sit still and don"t play with the gearshift, right?"
"Right. I"ll look at the maps."
"You do that." As Jack got out, Danny opened the bug"s glovebox and took out the five battered gas station maps: Colorado, Nebraska, Utah, Wyoming, New Mexico. He loved road maps, loved to trace where the roads went with his finger. As far as he was concerned, new maps were the best part of moving West.
Jack went to the drugstore counter, got Danny"s candy bar, and newspaper, and a copy of the October Writer"s Digest. He gave the girl a five and asked for his change in quarters. With the silver in his hand he walked over to the telephone booth by the keymaking machine and slipped inside. From here he could see Danny in the bug through three sets of gla.s.s. The boy"s head was bent studiously over his maps. Jack felt a wave of nearly desperate love for the boy. The emotion showed on his face as a stony grimness.
He supposed he could have made his obligatory thank-you call to Al from home; he certainly wasn"t going to say anything Wendy would object to. It was his pride that said no. These days he almost always listened to what his pride told him to do, because along with his wife and son, six hundred dollars in a checking account, and one weary 1968 Volkswagen, his pride was all that was left. The only thing that was his. Even the checking account was joint. A year ago he had been teaching English in one of the finest prep schools in New England. There had been friends-although not exactly the same ones he"d had before going on the wagon-some laughs, fellow faculty members who admired his deft touch in the cla.s.sroom and his private dedication to writing. Things had been very good six months ago. All at once there was enough money left over at the end of each two-week pay period to start a little savings account. In his drinking days there had never been a penny left over, even though Al Shockley had stood a great many of the rounds. He and Wendy had begun to talk cautiously about finding a house and making a down payment in a year or so. A farmhouse in the country, take six or eight years to renovate it completely, what the h.e.l.l, they were young, they had time.
Then he had lost his temper.
George Hatfield.
The smell of hope had turned to the smell of old leather in Crommert"s office, the whole thing like some scene from his own play: the old prints of previous Stovington headmasters on the walls, steel engravings of the school as it had been in 1879, when it was first built, and in 1895, when Vanderbilt money had enabled them to build the field house that still stood at the west end of the soccer field, squat, immense, dressed in ivy. April ivy had been rustling outside Crommert"s slit window and the drowsy sound of steam heat came from the radiator. It was no set, he remembered thinking. It was real. His life. How could he have f.u.c.ked it up so badly?
"This is a serious situation, Jack. Terribly serious. The Board has asked me to convey its decision to you." The Board wanted lack"s resignation and Jack had given it to them. Under different circ.u.mstances, he would have gotten tenure that June.
What had followed that interview in Crommert"s office had been the darkest, most dreadful night of his life. The wanting, the needing to get drunk had never been so bad. His hands shook. He knocked things over. And he kept wanting to take it out on Wendy and Danny. His temper was like a vicious animal on a frayed leash. He had left the house in terror that he might strike them. Had ended up outside a bar, and the only thing that had kept him from going in was the knowledge that if he did, Wendy would leave him at last, and take Danny with her. He would be dead from the day they left.
Instead of going into the bar, where dark shadows sat sampling the tasty waters of oblivion, he had gone to Al Shockley"s house. The Board"s vote had been six to one. Al had been the one.
Now he dialed the operator and she told him that for a dollar eighty-five he could be put in touch with Al two thousand miles away for three minutes. Time is relative, baby, he thought, and stuck in eight quarters. Faintly he could hear the electronic boops and beeps of his connection sniffing its way eastward.
Al"s father had been Arthur Longley Shockley, the steel baron. He had left his only son, Albert, a fortune and a huge range of investments and directorships and chairs on various boards. One of these had been on the Board of Directors for Stovington Preparatory Academy, the old man"s favorite charity. Both Arthur and Albert Shockley were alumni and Al lived in Barre, close enough to take a personal interest in the school"s affairs. For several years Al had been Stovington"s tennis coach.
Jack and Al had become friends in a completely natural and uncoincidental way: at the many school and faculty functions they attended together, they were always the two drunkest people there. Shockley was separated from his wife, and Jack"s own marriage was skidding slowly downhill, although he still loved Wendy and had promised sincerely (and frequently) to reform, for her sake and for baby Danny"s.
The two of them went on from many faculty parties, hitting the bars until they closed, then stopping at some mom "n" pot) store for a case of beer they would drink parked at the end of some back road. There were mornings when Jack would stumble into their leased house with dawn seeping into the sky and find Wendy and the baby asleep on the couch, Danny always on the inside, a tiny fist curled under the shelf of Wendy"s jaw. He would look at them and the self-loathing would back up his throat in a bitter wave, even stronger than the taste of beer and cigarettes and martinis-martians, as Al called them. Those were the times that his mind would turn thoughtfully and sanely to the gun or the rope or the razor blade.
If the bender had occurred on a weeknight, he would sleep for three hours, get up, dress, chew four Excedrins, and go off to teach his nine o"clock American Poets still drunk. Good morning, kids, today the Red-Eyed Wonder is going to tell you about how Longfellow lost his wife in the big fire.
He hadn"t believed he was an alcoholic, Jack thought as Al"s telephone began ringing in his ear. The cla.s.ses he had missed or taught unshaven, still reeking of last night"s martians. Not me, I can stop anytime. The nights he and Wendy had pa.s.sed in separate beds. Listen, I"m fine. Mashed fenders. Sure I"m okay to drive. The tears she always shed in the bathroom. Cautious looks from his colleagues at any party where alcohol was served, even wine. The slowly dawning realization that he was being talked about. The knowledge that he was producing nothing at his Underwood but b.a.l.l.s of mostly blank paper that ended up in the wastebasket. He had been something of a catch for Stovington, a slowly blooming American writer perhaps, and certainly a man well qualified to teach that great mystery, creative writing. He had published two dozen short stories. He was working on a play, and thought there might be a novel incubating in some mental back room. But now he was not producing and his teaching had become erratic.
It had finally ended one night less than a month after Jack had broken his son"s arm. That, it seemed to him, had ended his marriage. All that remained was for Wendy to gather her will... if her mother hadn"t been such a grade A b.i.t.c.h, he knew, Wendy would have taken a bus back to New Hampshire as soon as Danny had been okay to travel. It was over.
It had been a little past midnight. Jack and Al were coming into Barre on U.S.
31, Al behind the wheel of his Jag, shifting fancily on the curves, sometimes crossing the double yellow line. They were both very drunk; the martians had landed that night in force. They came around the last curve before the bridge at seventy, and there was a kid"s bike in the road, and then the sharp, hurt squealing as rubber shredded from the Jag"s tires, and Jack remembered seeing Al"s face looming over the steering wheel like a round white moon. Then the jingling crashing sound as they hit the bike at forty, and it had flown up like a bent and twisted bird, the handlebars striking the windshield, and then it was in the air again, leaving the starred safety gla.s.s in front of Jack"s bulging eyes. A moment later he heard the final dreadful smash as it landed on the road behind them. Something thumped underneath them as the tires pa.s.sed over it. The Jag drifted around broadside, Al still jockeying the wheel, and from far away Jack heard himself saying: "Jesus, Al. We ran him down. I felt it." In his ear the phone kept ringing. Come on, Al. Be home. Let me get this over with.
Al had brought the car to a smoking halt not more than three feet from a bridge stanchion. Two of the Jag"s tires were flat. They had left zigzagging loops of burned rubber for a hundred and thirty feet. They looked at each other for a moment and then ran back in the cold darkness.
The bike was completely ruined. One wheel was gone, and looking back over his shoulder Al had seen it lying in the middle of the road, half a dozen spokes sticking up like piano wire. Al had said hesitantly: "I think that"s what we ran over, Tacky-boy."
"Then where"s the kid?"
"Did you see a kid?" Jack frowned. It had all happened with such crazy speed. Coming around the corner. The bike looming in the Jag"s headlights. Al yelling something. Then the collision and the long skid.
They moved the bike to one shoulder of the road. Al went back to the Jag and put on its four-way flashers. For the next two hours they searched the sides of the road, using a powerful four-cell flashlight. Nothing. Although it was late, several cars pa.s.sed the beached Jaguar and the two men with the bobbing flashlight. None of them stopped. Jack thought later that some queer providence, bent on giving them both a last chance, had kept the cops away, had kept any of the pa.s.sersby from calling them.
At quarter past two they returned to the Jag, sober but queasy. "If there was n.o.body riding it, what was it doing in the middle of the road?" Al demanded. "It wasn"t parked on the side; it was right in the f.u.c.king middle!" Jack could only shake his head.
"Your party does not answer," the operator said. "Would you like me to keep on trying?"
"A couple more rings, operator. Do you mind?"
"No, sir," the voice said dutifully.
Come on, Al!
Al had hiked across the bridge to the nearest pay phone, called a bachelor friend and told him it would be worth fifty dollars if the friend would get the Jag"s snow tires out of the garage and bring them down to the Highway 31 bridge outside of Barre. The friend showed up twenty minutes later, wearing a pair of jeans and his pajama top. He surveyed the scene.
"Kill anybody?" he asked.
Al was already jacking up the back of the car and Jack was loosening lug nuts.
"Providentially, no one," Al said.
"I think I"ll just head on back anyway. Pay me in the morning."
"Fine," Al said without looking up.
The two of them had gotten the tires on without incident, and together they drove back to AI Shockley"s house. Al put the Jag in the garage and killed the motor.