She knew her thoughts were wild, but their torrent bore her with them into a strange, great silence. She did not hear the vicar"s words, or the responses of the people. She was not within the grey stone walls.
She had been drawn away as into the darkness and stillness of the night, and no soul but her own seemed near. Through the stillness and the dark her praying seemed to call and echo, clamouring again and again. It must reach Something--it must be heard, because she cried so loud, though to the human beings about her she seemed kneeling in silence. She went on and on, repeating her words, changing them, ending and beginning again, pouring forth a flood of appeal. She thought later that the flood must have been at its highest tide when, singularly, it was stemmed. Without warning, a wave of awe pa.s.sed over her which strangely silenced her--and left her bowed and kneeling, but crying out no more. The darkness had become still, even as it had not been still before. Suddenly she cowered as she knelt and held her breath. Something had drawn a little near. No thoughts--no words--no cries were needed as the great stillness grew and spread, and folded her being within it. She waited--only waited. She did not know how long a time pa.s.sed before she felt herself drawn back from the silent and shadowy places--awakening, as it were, to the sounds in the church.
"Our Father," she began to say, as simply as a child. "Our Father who art in Heaven--hallowed be thy name." There was a stirring among the congregation, and sounds of feet, as the people began to move down the aisle in reverent slowness. She caught again the occasional sound of a subdued sob. Rosalie gently touched her, and she rose, following her out of the big pew and pa.s.sing down the aisle after the villagers.
Outside the entrance the people waited as if they wanted to see her again. Foreheads were touched as before, and eyes followed her. She was to the general mind the centre of the drama, and "the A"mighty" would do well to hear her. She had been doing his work for him "same as his lordship." They did not expect her to smile at such a time, when she returned their greetings, and she did not, but they said afterwards, in their cottages, that "trouble or not she was a wonder for looks, that she was--Miss Vanderpoel."
Rosalie slipped a hand through her arm, and they walked home together, very close to each other. Now and then there was a questioning in Rosy"s look. But neither of them spoke once.
On an oak table in the hall a letter from Mr. Penzance was lying. It was brief, hurried, and anxious. The rumour that Mount Dunstan had been ailing was true, and that they had felt they must conceal the matter from the villagers was true also. For some baffling reason the fever had not absolutely declared itself, but the young doctors were beset by grave forebodings. In such cases the most serious symptoms might suddenly develop. One never knew. Mr. Penzance was evidently torn by fears which he desperately strove to suppress. But Betty could see the anguish on his fine old face, and between the lines she read dread and warning not put into words. She believed that, fearing the worst, he felt he must prepare her mind.
"He has lived under a great strain for months," he ended. "It began long before the outbreak of the fever. I am not strong under my sense of the cruelty of things--and I have never loved him as I love him to-day."
Betty took the letter to her room, and read it two or three times.
Because she had asked intelligent questions of the medical authority she had consulted on her visit to London, she knew something of the fever and its habits. Even her unclerical knowledge was such as it was not well to reflect upon. She refolded the letter and laid it aside.
"I must not think. I must do something. It may prevent my listening,"
she said aloud to the silence of her room.
She cast her eyes about her as if in search. Upon her desk lay a notebook. She took it up and opened it. It contained lists of plants, of flower seeds, of bulbs, and shrubs. Each list was headed with an explanatory note.
"Yes, this will do," she said. "I will go and talk to Kedgers."
Kedgers and every man under him had been at the service, but they had returned to their respective duties. Kedgers, giving directions to some under gardeners who were clearing flower beds and preparing them for their winter rest, turned to meet her as she approached. To Kedgers the sight of her coming towards him on a garden path was a joyful thing. He had done wonders, it is true, but if she had not stood by his side with inspiration as well as confidence, he knew that things might have "come out different."
"You was born a gardener, miss--born one," he had said months ago.
It was the time when flower beds must be planned for the coming year.
Her notebook was filled with memoranda of the things they must talk about.
It was good, normal, healthy work to do. The scent of the rich, damp, upturned mould was a good thing to inhale. They walked from one end to another, stood before clumps of shrubs, and studied bits of wall. Here a ma.s.s of blue might grow, here low things of white and pale yellow. A quickly-climbing rose would hang sheets of bloom over this dead tree.
This sheltered wall would hold warmth for a Marechal Niel.
"You must take care of it all--even if I am not here next year," Miss Vanderpoel said.
Kedgers" absorbed face changed.
"Not here, miss," he exclaimed. "You not here! Things wouldn"t grow, miss." He checked himself, his weather-toughened skin reddening because he was afraid he had perhaps taken a liberty. And then moving his hat uneasily on his head, he took another. "But it"s true enough," looking down on the gravel walk, "we--we couldn"t expect to keep you."
She did not look as if she had noticed the liberty, but she did not look quite like herself, Kedgers thought. If she had been another young lady, and but for his established feeling that she was somehow immune from all ills, he would have thought she had a headache, or was low in her mind.
She spent an hour or two with him, and together they planned for the changing seasons of the year to come. How she could keep her mind on a thing, and what a head she had for planning, and what an eye for colour!
But yes--there was something a bit wrong somehow. Now and then she would stop and stand still for a moment, and suddenly it struck Kedgers that she looked as if she were listening.
"Did you think you heard something, miss?" he asked her once when she paused and wore this look.
"No," she answered, "no." And drew him on quickly--almost as if she did not want him to hear what she had seemed listening for.
When she left him and went back to the house, all the loveliness of spring, summer and autumn had been thought out and provided for. Kedgers stood on the path and looked after her until she pa.s.sed through the terrace door. He chewed his lip uneasily. Then he remembered something and felt a bit relieved. It was the service he remembered.
"Ah! it"s that that"s upset her--and it"s natural, seeing how she"s helped him and Dunstan village. It"s only natural." He chewed his lip again, and nodded his head in odd reflection. "Ay! Ay!" he summed her up. "She"s a great lady that--she"s a great lady--same as if she"d been born in a civilised land."
During the rest of the day the look of question in Rosalie"s eyes changed in its nature. When her sister was near her she found herself glancing at her with a new feeling. It was a growing feeling, which gradually became--anxiousness. Betty presented to her the aspect of one withdrawn into some remote s.p.a.ce. She was not living this day as her days were usually lived. She did not sit still or stroll about the gardens quietly. The consecutiveness of her action seemed broken. She did one thing after another, as if she must fill each moment. This was not her Betty. Lady Anstruthers watched and thought until, in the end, a new pained fear began to creep slowly into her mind, and make her feel as if she were slightly trembling though her hands did not shake. She did not dare to allow herself to think the thing she knew she was on the brink of thinking. She thrust it away from her, and tried not to think at all. Her Betty--her splendid Betty, whom nothing could hurt--who could not be touched by any awful thing--her dear Betty!
In the afternoon she saw her write notes steadily for an hour, then she went out into the stables and visited the horses, talked to the coachman and to her own groom. She was very kind to a village boy who had been recently taken on as an additional a.s.sistant in the stable, and who was rather frightened and shy. She knew his mother, who had a large family, and she had, indeed, given the boy his place that he might be trained under the great Mr. Buckham, who was coachman and head of the stables.
She said encouraging things which quite cheered him, and she spoke privately to Mr. Buckham about him. Then she walked in the park a little, but not for long. When she came back Rosalie was waiting for her.
"I want to take a long drive," she said. "I feel restless. Will you come with me, Betty?" Yes, she would go with her, so Buckham brought the landau with its pair of big horses, and they rolled down the avenue, and into the smooth, white high road. He took them far--past the great marshes, between miles of bared hedges, past farms and scattered cottages. Sometimes he turned into lanes, where the hedges were closer to each other, and where, here and there, they caught sight of new points of view between trees. Betty was glad to feel Rosy"s slim body near her side, and she was conscious that it gradually seemed to draw closer and closer. Then Rosy"s hand slipped into hers and held it softly on her lap.
When they drove together in this way they were usually both of them rather silent and quiet, but now Rosalie spoke of many things--of Ughtred, of Nigel, of the Dunholms, of New York, and their father and mother.
"I want to talk because I"m nervous, I think," she said half apologetically. "I do not want to sit still and think too much--of father"s coming. You don"t mind my talking, do you, Betty?"
"No," Betty answered. "It is good for you and for me." And she met the pressure of Rosy"s hand halfway.
But Rosy was talking, not because she did not want to sit still and think, but because she did not want Betty to do so. And all the time she was trying to thrust away the thought growing in her mind.
They spent the evening together in the library, and Betty read aloud.
She read a long time--until quite late. She wished to tire herself as well as to force herself to stop listening.
When they said good-night to each other Rosy clung to her as desperately as she had clung on the night after her arrival. She kissed her again and again, and then hung her head and excused herself.
"Forgive me for being--nervous. I"m ashamed of myself," she said.
"Perhaps in time I shall get over being a coward."
But she said nothing of the fact that she was not a coward for herself, but through a slowly formulating and struggled--against fear, which chilled her very heart, and which she could best cover by a pretence of being a poltroon.
She could not sleep when she went to bed. The night seemed crowded with strange, terrified thoughts. They were all of Betty, though sometimes she thought of her father"s coming, of her mother in New York, and of Betty"s steady working throughout the day. Sometimes she cried, twisting her hands together, and sometimes she dropped into a feverish sleep, and dreamed that she was watching Betty"s face, yet was afraid to look at it.
She awakened suddenly from one of these dreams, and sat upright in bed to find the dawn breaking. She rose and threw on a dressing-gown, and went to her sister"s room because she could not bear to stay away.
The door was not locked, and she pushed it open gently. One of the windows had its blind drawn up, and looked like a patch of dull grey.
Betty was standing upright near it. She was in her night-gown, and a long black plait of hair hung over one shoulder heavily. She looked all black and white in strong contrast. The grey light set her forth as a tall ghost.
Lady Anstruthers slid forward, feeling a tightness in her chest.
"The dawn wakened me too," she said.
"I have been waiting to see it come," answered Betty. "It is going to be a dull, dreary day."
CHAPTER XLVII
"I HAVE NO WORD OR LOOK TO REMEMBER"
It was a dull and dreary day, as Betty had foreseen it would be. Heavy rain clouds hung and threatened, and the atmosphere was damp and chill.
It was one of those days of the English autumn which speak only of the end of things, bereaving one of the power to remember next year"s spring and summer, which, after all, must surely come. Sky is grey, trees are grey, dead leaves lie damp beneath the feet, sunlight and birds seem forgotten things. All that has been sad and to be regretted or feared hangs heavy in the air and sways all thought. In the pa.s.sing of these hours there is no hope anywhere. Betty appeared at breakfast in short dress and close hat. She wore thick little boots, as if for walking.