d.i.c.k. (_crosses to ALMA_) Hallo! You here? Seen the notices? (_NED crosses R._)
ALMA. Of the new piece?
NED. The one you thought so highly of?
d.i.c.k. Did I think highly of it?
ALMA. Didn"t you say the booking after the first night would be a caution?
d.i.c.k. So it is. Two stalls.
NED. I heard it wasn"t a success.
d.i.c.k. (_producing a sheaf of newspaper cuttings_) _Morning News:_ "It is not often that we have to chronicle so signal a fiasco." _Daily Post:_ "Seldom of late years has a first night audience been so emphatic in its condemnation." _Evening Mail:_ "The play is absolutely dest.i.tute of merit." _Sunday Slogger:_ "A striking instance of the inept.i.tude, incompetence, and imbecility of our native playwrights."
What do you think of that?
NED. I"m very sorry for poor Sparkle"s sake. (_ALMA crosses to sofa_)
d.i.c.k. Hang Sparkle! I"m sorry for my own sake. Very annoying. I particularly wanted this to be a go.
ALMA. Because I wasn"t in it. (_leaning on back of sofa_)
d.i.c.k. Miss Blake has a notion we can"t do without her.
NED. It appears you can"t.
d.i.c.k. All the more reason she should think we can. _I_ don"t know what the public see in her. Miss Blake"s always Miss Blake.
ALMA. That"s what they like, my dear.
d.i.c.k. I don"t care what the part is!
ALMA. Nor do they.
d.i.c.k. Well, if they want you they shall have you. Now, look here. (_to NED_) I"ll make you a proposition. If you"ll let Sparkle look over your comedy, write up Blake"s part, re-cast the plot, and smarten up the dialogue, I"ll bring the piece out under Sparkle"s name, pay him the fees, and--and your fortune"s made. (_ALMA comes down, C._)
NED. Let Sparkle hack about my piece? Sparkle, who"s just made this fiasco?
d.i.c.k. Sparkle has such a name.
ALMA. Yes--for fiascos.
d.i.c.k. Never mind what it"s for--he has a name.
NED. No, Mr. d.i.c.k, no!
d.i.c.k. You refuse?
NED. Decidedly. (_goes up to L.C., sits at table_)
d.i.c.k. (_taking stage, R._) And yet they say we managers don"t give young men a chance.
ALMA. (_crosses to C._) Mr. d.i.c.k, Mr. Chetwynd has another comedy.
d.i.c.k. Won"t do at all!
ALMA. But I say it _will_ do. I"ve read it.
d.i.c.k. I _haven"t_ read it, and I say it _won"t._ Sparkle"s the man for comedies. I"ll go to Sparkle. He"ll write me a bran new one in a week, and it won"t want rehearsing, because it"ll be the old stuff all over again.
ALMA. If he does I don"t play in it.
d.i.c.k. Oh, yes, you do.
ALMA. I say I don"t.
d.i.c.k. (_crosses to ALMA_) No play no pay. We"ve an agreement.
ALMA. (_crosses to d.i.c.k_) We"ll have a _dis_agreement. Mark my words, I play in Mr. Chetwynd"s piece or I don"t play at all.
d.i.c.k. What"s it about?
ALMA. Never mind what it"s about. You"d better leave the whole thing in my hands. You know I shall have my own way in the end; so you may just as well let me have it at the beginning.
d.i.c.k. Settle it how you like. I must be off. (_goes up, R._)
ALMA. So must I, Ned. It"s time for me to bring Sir Humphrey.
(_crosses to L. d.i.c.k takes hat, puts it on_)
NED. (_to d.i.c.k_) Won"t you take the ma.n.u.script?
d.i.c.k. What for?
NED. To read.
d.i.c.k. I don"t read plays, sir; I produce "em.
NED. But if you did read them----
d.i.c.k. Then I shouldn"t produce "em.
ALMA. I"ve read it, Mr. d.i.c.k, and it"ll do for me.
d.i.c.k. Do for me, too, I expect. All you"ve read is your part.
ALMA. My part"s the play.
d.i.c.k. I thought as much. Good evening. (_Exit, R._)