aDonat shoot. Itas just us, Eli,a I said, announcing us to keep him from firing his gun in our direction.
At once, the darkness receded and we stood in the waning light coming from the cave entrance. Elias eyes bulged when he noticed the girl in Oliveras arms.
aWell, thatas interesting,a he said, shaking his head. aYou go in with one and come out with two. Whereas Robert?a aDead,a Oliver answered, setting Liv down beside where Grant lay.
aHowas he doing?a I asked.
Grantas eyeas fluttered open as he answered. aIam fine. Hurting, but fine.a The storm had finally broken. The wind died down along with it, making it safe enough for an evac extraction.
Oliver wove his way around everyone, disappearing to the rocks below where Nadia waited.
Lowering myself to sit opposite of where Ace set a groggy Airen down, I allowed myself to look into her eyes as she opened them.
For a few brief seconds, we watched each other. I owed her an explanation. By the look in her eyes, she knew what I had to say wouldnat be good.
Maybe it would make things easier if she hated me. I could walk away knowing her anger would one day turn into resentment, and shead eventually forget about me.
Eli moved in front of her, speaking to her about her injuries. I tipped my head back, allowing myself to grieve the loss of her while no one watched.
THE ONLY THING THAT KEPT me grounded was the connection of our eyes. I held it for all I was worth, willing him to see past the guilt he felt.
I needed him to see I didnat hold any grudges. That I wasnat broken by the moment. Any of them, for that matter.
If anything, it made me stronger. Forced me to accept that life was perfectly imperfecta and that it was all right to be that way.
So long as he kept his eyes on mine, we could see past all of it and into one another. Head been my strength whether he knew it or not.
A strength I never thought Iad need, but that I found myself reaching for in him. If he shut me out, Iad never be the same.
Iad survive it, surely, but I didnat want to have to face it without him.
See me, Aiden. Donat push away. I still need you. I willed my thoughts at him, hoping theyad penetrate the foggy look in his eyes.
Even though our eyes were caught in silent communication, I was aware of everything around me. Could hear them as they spoke to one another.
Beside Grant, Liv lay curled in a ball. Her once straight, flowing hair was matted to the side of her head. Bones stuck out prominently as her dirty clothes hung from her frame.
Every single person around me had in some way been affected by my uncleas madness, but that would be no more. He was dead, no longer a threat to humanity. No longer a threat to my family.
My heart stuttered as Aunt Brenda and Mum popped into my thoughts, filling my eyes with tears. Were they still alive?
Aidenas face pinched. When he noticed the tears, his nostrils flared and his fist clenched. I wanted so badly to slide along the stone floor and tuck my head up under his chin. It would feel safe there, warm even.
Before I could scoot forward, Eli knelt down in front of me, severing the connection Aiden and I shared.
I wanted to shove him aside, but it was too late. Peeking around Elias shoulder, I saw Aiden close his eyes.
A sense of heaviness descended over me like a cold, wet blanket. I knew in that moment Iad lost him, and it hurt like h.e.l.l.
THE DOOR TO THE HOSPITAL room swished open before I could place my hand on the k.n.o.b.
We stood there staring at each other, both unsure of what to say.
Iad avoided her for two weeks after we were picked up at the cave. I wish I could say it was a blur of time, but that would be a d.a.m.n lie.
Every day since Airen had been taken to the hospital to be treated for her injuries had been nothing but torturous for me.
Knowing exactly where she was didnat help either. It only made it worse. Made my decision eat away at me until I felt like there was nothing left but an empty sh.e.l.l.
I could never love Airen the way she deserved to be loved. The way I wanted so desperately to love her.
She bit her bottom lip, sidestepping me as she walked at a fast clip away from me.
I hung my head, knowing that if I didnat go after her, didnat at least try to explain it to her, that Iad never get another chance.
Grant and Nadia had decided I needed to go back to the States for a little bit. The ticket theyad bought was tucked into my suitcase, sitting in the car.
aAiren, wait!a I called after her, running to catch up.
She stopped, but she didnat turn around.
I reached out, stopping myself at the last second before my hands touched her shoulders.
I could feel her heata"smell the light perfume she wore. The combination of the two reached inside my chest and squeezed my heart until it threatened to stop beating.
aWhat do ye want, Aiden?a she asked, her voice barely a whisper.
aIam sorry,a I said, matching the soft tone of her voice.
aYeah, me too,a she answered, and then walked away.
I left my heart there on the floor of the hospital as I walked out without saying good-bye to Brenda. Iad already said them to Mina at her funeral.
Airen didnat deserve me hanging around, trying to be her friend. Too much had happened. Too many secrets had been kept from her. Leaving was for the best. It was what I had to do. And it hurt like f.u.c.king h.e.l.l.
I DOUBLE CHECKED THE ADDRESS from the email on my phone with the one on the door. It was definitely Joshas apartment. What didnat make sense was the location of it. I thought he would have lived a little closer to the university. Raising my fist, I pounded on the door, waiting for him to answer.
The chain lock stopped it from opening fully as Josh peeked out through the crack.
aAiden? What are you doing here?a he asked before closing the door and pulling the chain lock free.
Dragging a deep breath into my chest, I let the first of many lies Iad end up telling Josh fall from my lips. aIam on leave and decided to come check out the college hotties youare keeping all to yourself, a.s.shole. Now let me in.a He pulled the door open slowly, revealing a spa.r.s.e living room.
aGuess I canat sleep on your couch thenaa I said, pointing out the fact that he had no couch.
Something like embarra.s.sment flashed in Joshas eyes. He tried hiding it, but it was too late. Iad already seen it. Maybe coming to see Josh wasnat just my salvation. What if it was his too? aDonat worry; the floor works just fine.a Joshas eyes snapped, life springing back into them. aWhat the h.e.l.l makes you think Iall let you stay here with me? You could be cramping my style, ya know?a I laughed at him, moving further into the small apartment and heading for the kitchen. aIam hungry,a I said, pulling the refrigerator door open.
It was empty. Jesus, how the h.e.l.l was he even getting by?
aI havenat gone shopping yet. I just cleaned that out last night. Itas a good thing too. There was a box of pizza that had its own colony of mold about to storm the apartment.a He could lie to me all he wanted. I knew lies. I told them more than I cared to. aWell, in that case, go get your shoes. Dinneras on me.a Something like relief crossed his face as he spun away and disappeared into the room at the end of the short hallway.
Josh locked the door behind us as we made our way down the street to a sandwich shop.
Seated under brighter lighting than what was in his apartment, I could see the dark circles sitting prominently under his eyes.
Things hadnat worked out so well for me in Scotland. Grant and Nadia sending me to Pennsylvania seemed like a reason for them to push me away so I could get my s.h.i.t together.
Seeing Josh and the way he looked made me wonder if they knew how he was doing and sent me so that Josh and I could somehow work through our demons together. Hopefully, we landed back on the other side of living.
There was only one way to find out. aSo, I think Iall be sticking around for a while,a I said, watching him look at me in confusion.
aI thought you were just on leave,a he said, wiping his face with a napkin.
aIam not on leave. I didnat make it with the army,a I answered, telling the truth for once. Even if it wasnat the full truth.
Josh studied me for a minute, and then blew out a deep breath. Chuckling, he tossed the napkin on the table before saying, aLooks like we both failed. I lost my scholarship money. Iam not in college.a Shock rolled through me, making my mouth open and close without a hint of what to say. Finally, I said the only thing I could think of. aWhat the h.e.l.l happened?a Josh shook his head, rolling his eyes up to the ceiling as he said, aLong a.s.s story, bro.a I settled back against the bench seat, draped my arm over the back, and said, aLucky for you, I have all the time in the world to hear it.a aYeah, well, itas not something I want to talk about right now,a he answered.
I nodded, understanding that whatever it was head been through was his and his alone to share if he wanted to. The last thing Iad expect was for someone to spill all of their secrets.
I knew I wouldnat. They were mine and mine alone to torture me.
Airenas face fluttered through my thoughts, and I let the image linger there longer than I normally did.
Josh kicked me under the table. aYou look tired. Ready to head back?a I pushed myself out of the booth, dropping enough money on the table to cover our meal plus the tip, and then followed Josh out to the street. Winter was coming in Pennsylvania.
Scotland would be beautiful in the winter. Stomping my feet against the chill of the air, and the memories I couldnat shake, I fell into step with Josh.
aI canat tell you how good it is to have you here,a Josh said, his words coming out with puffs of white.
aMark and Paige are getting married. Did you know that?a I asked, settling into the old way all of us used to talk about random things whenever they popped in our heads.
aYeah, Paige called me a few weeks ago. She said, and I quote, aYou a.s.sholes better get time off together at the same time, or Iall find each of you and kick your a.s.ses. Sheas pretty scary when she wants to be. Glad Markas the one who gets to tame that one,a he said, laughing.
aWhatas scarier is trying to get everyone together at the same time. I guess itas doable though. Probably have to start working on it now,a I said as something like happiness brewed up inside of me.
The Six back together again like old times would definitely be something to look forward to.
aGood, Iall let you round everyone up then, because thereas no way Iam calling to tell her I canat get anyone to return my calls,a he said, giving me a exaggerated face of mock fear.
aConsider it done,a I said, slapping my hand against his shoulder.
Yep, it was good to be back to something like normal after the crazy adventures my life had taken me on since we graduated high school.
One thing was for certain. No matter where I went or what I did, Airen would always haunt me, but I would always have my friends. That would have to be enough.
WAITING FOR MY EYES TO adjust to the dim lighting of the church, I willed my heart to slow. My decision hadnat been an easy one, but it was the right one. The only hitch in my plan would be Nadia.
Candlelight flickered towards the pulpit, highlighting the open-armed statue of Mary.
Saying a prayer silently, I made the sign of the cross, hoping I wasnat too late.
She was sitting there at the back of the church. Her head was bowed, and her eyes were closed.
ah.e.l.lo, Airen,a she said, startling me.
aNadia,a I said as she slid over, making room for me on the pew.
She lifted her head to look towards the front of the church and said, aI know what youave come to ask me.a More nervous than Iad been before walking into the church, I clutched my hands in my lap. aI need to knowaa aPennsylvania. We sent him to Pennsylvania. But, Airenaa She paused briefly as her hand reached out to cover mine. aI want you to fully understand what it is youare asking of him by accepting you into his life.a aIam not asking him to accept me into his life. I just have to see him again,a I said, biting the inside of my lip until I tasted blood.
aIf you show up on his doorstep, thatas exactly what youall be doing. He walked away to keep you safe. That doesnat mean he walked away from his feelings. Youare special to him, and there isnat a thing I can do to change that.a Her explanation bristled me. aHow special could I be if he spent the last two weeks completely ignoring me?a aMore than you know,a she said. A soft sound escaped her, almost like a laugh. aHad you not come to me, he would have eventually come to you. We sent him to Pennsylvania to see if being away from herea"away from youa"would help him through this.a aThis?a I asked, not sure what she meant.
aYou, his guilta itas an Aiden thing.a She shrugged, adding, aHeas faithful to a fault. When he feels, he feels it with his all. And once I saw the way he looked at you, I just knew at one point or another, you and I would be having this conversation.a Taken aback at her honesty, I relaxed against the hard wood. aAye, but yeave no really told me anything. I still donat know what it is he doesa what any of ye do. I think I have an idea, butaa aBut Aiden needs to be the one who tells you. You have to hear it all from him, and then decide whatas best for you. Itas the only way,a she said, squeezing my hand before standing.
I got to my feet, moving out of the way to let her into the aisle.
She reached inside her jacket pocket. aGive him my best, will ya?a My hands trembled as I took the plane tickets in her hand. aHow did youa.a aBecause Iad do the same thing in your shoes,a she said, turning to walk away.
Clasping the tickets to my chest, I stood on legs that threatened to buckle. When the shaking became too much, I sat back down on the pew, lifted my head towards the ceiling, and offered a silent thank you to my answered prayer.
Aiden had no idea the mess head made of my heart when he left me behind. Head tried to apologize at the hospital, but Iad been so hurt after Mumas pa.s.sing that I couldnat form more than a few thoughts even when strung together. I owed it to him to accept his apology and give him one of my own.
He wasnat going to get off that easy though. I was, of course, a woman feeling a tad bit jilted. And if Aiden thought head seen the last of me, he was sadly mistaken.
Pushing myself up, I found the strength I needed to walk out of the church. After all, I had a plane to catch and a heart to claim.
I JINGLED THE KEYS TO the new apartment in my hand, watching Joshas expression as he looked around the empty s.p.a.ce for the first time. aSoa what do you think?a aI think you should have waited and talked to me about this first,a he answered, sighing as he leaned against the wall.
That took me by surprise. I thought head be happy to get out of the one-bedroom s.h.i.t hole head been living in.
Plus, with me sharing the rent, head be able to maybe pick up a cla.s.s or two and go back to college. aI donat understand. I thought youad at least be a little excited.a He hitched his shoulder. aI was gonna wait until my lease was up and head home.a Josh wasnat a quitter. If anything, he was the only one of the Six that had his s.h.i.t together before we all left home. Seeing him so defeated and unsure of himself hit me like a freight train. aAnd do what? Find some minimum-wage job and just get by? Youare better than that, Josh. You had plans. What happened to them?a He pushed off the wall, shoving his hand through his hair as the air crackled with the anger coming off him in waves. aDo you know how hard itas been since I left home? Since we all parted ways? I canat even function right. What does that say about me?a Watching him poke his finger against his chest as he asked his last question p.i.s.sed me off. aYouare not the only one who had a hard time with leaving home, Josh. All of us had to make some pretty d.a.m.n big adjustments when we set out on our own, but we did it. Why arenat you in school and what the h.e.l.l have you been doing these last few months?a He tipped his head back and laughed. It wasnat a funny kind of laugh either. It was a laugh that said I was about to hear a whole bunch of s.h.i.t I didnat want to hear.
Instead of lashing out like I thought head do, he turned his back on me and walked over to the large picture window in the living room.
aI was held up at gunpoint my second day here. On my way to the bank of all things.a He sighed, kicking the toe of his shoe against the wall. aLucky for me, Iad held back a little bit of money, or I would have really been screwed.a aWhy didnat you say something?a I asked.
Had he called one of us, we would have chipped together and sent him enough money to help him get by.
aSeriously? Everyone was off doing their own thing. The last thing I wanted to do was call everyone up and be all like ahey, howas everything going? Can you send me some money?aa He shook his head. Stuffing his hands in his pockets, he continued. aI had it handled. Well, I thought I had it handled. I filed a report and got with a sketch artist, but even if they caught the guy, Iad still be broke.a aHow much?a I asked, wondering if head be honest with me.
His shoulders turned in as he grumbled. aEight grand. Almost every penny I had.a aWhat? You were walking around with eight grand in your d.a.m.n pocket?a He couldnat have been that d.a.m.n dumb.
He spun around, pegging me with a challenging stare. aI was headed to the bank! How the h.e.l.l was I supposed to know Iad get jumped on my way there? People donat do that s.h.i.t where we come from. But here? This place is nothing like home. I walk around on high f.u.c.king alert everywhere I go.a aSo youare letting one punk-a.s.s person control your entire life? Youare stronger than that, Josh!a I yelled back at him.
He recoiled as if Iad slapped him. aI know what I am, Aiden. I donat need you, or anyone else, reminding me of that. And it wasnat just being mugged that gave me a bad taste for this place.a I eyed him, waiting for him to expand on that. When he didnat, I changed my tactics. aDo you have a job?a He snorted. aOh, I have a job all right.a That was at least something. Head for sure be able to cover his half of stuff. aWhere are you working?a His anger notched up again. aI have a job. Leave it at that.a aOkay,a I said, backing off.
He gave me a surprised look. aWhat, youare not going to grill me about it?a I tilted my head as if thinking about it, but really, I knew pushing him too hard would result in another argument.
I didnat want to argue with him anymore. I wanted him to tell me things because he wanted me to know them. Not because I was pushing him to do it.