Will. Hopeless.
_Middle-Temple, October_ 26, 1714.
_SIR_,
"Tho" you have formerly made _Eloquence_ the Subject of one or more of your Papers, I do not remember that you ever consider"d it as possessed by a Set of People, who are so far from making _Quintilian"s_ Rules their Practice, that, I dare say for them, they never heard of such an Author, and yet are no less Masters of it than _Tully_ or _Demosthenes_ among the Ancients, or whom you please amongst the Moderns. The Persons I am speaking of are our common Beggars about this Town; and that what I say is true, I appeal to any Man who has a Heart one Degree softer than a Stone. As for my part, who don"t pretend to more Humanity than my Neighbours, I have oftentimes gone from my Chambers with Money in my Pocket, and returned to them not only Pennyless, but dest.i.tute of a Farthing, without bestowing of it any other way than on these seeming Objects of Pity.
In short, I have seen more Eloquence in a _Look_ from one of these despicable Creatures, than in the _Eye_ of the fairest _She_ I ever saw, yet no one is a greater Admirer of that s.e.x than my self. What I have to desire of you is, to lay down some Directions in order to guard against these powerful Orators, or else I know nothing to the contrary but I must my self be forced to leave the Profession of the Law, and endeavour to get the Qualifications necessary to that more profitable one of Begging. But in which soever of these two Capacities I shine, I shall always desire to be your constant Reader, and ever will be"
_Your most humble Servant_,
J. B.
_SIR_,
"Upon Reading a _Spectator_ last Week, where Mrs. _f.a.n.n.y Fickle_ submitted the Choice of a Lover for Life to your decisive Determination, and imagining I might claim the Favour of your Advice in an Affair of the like, but much more difficult Nature, I called for Pen and Ink, in order to draw the Characters of Seven Humble Servants, whom I have equally encouraged for some time. But alas! while I was reflecting on the agreeable Subject, and contriving an advantageous Description of the dear Person I was most inclined to favour, I happened to look into my Gla.s.s. The sight of the Small-Pox, out of which I am just recovered, tormented me at once with the loss of my captivating Arts and my Captives. The Confusion I was in, on this unhappy, unseasonable Discovery, is inexpressible. Believe me, Sir, I was so taken up with the Thoughts of your fair Correspondent"s Case, and so intent on my own Design, that I fancied myself as Triumphant in my Conquests as ever.
"Now, Sir, finding I was incapacitated to Amuse my self on that pleasing Subject, I resolved to apply my self to you, or your Casuistical Agent, for Advice in my present Circ.u.mstances. I am sensible the Tincture of my Skin, and the Regularity of my Features, which the Malice of my late Illness has altered, are irrecoverable; yet don"t despair, but that Loss, by your a.s.sistance, may in some measure be reparable, if you"ll please to propose a way for the Recovery of one only of my Fugitives.
"One of them is in a more particular Manner beholden to me than the rest; he for some private Reasons being desirous to be a Lover incognito, always addressed me with _Billet-Doux_, which I was so careful of in my Sickness, that I secured the Key of my Love-Magazine under my Head, and hearing a noise of opening a Lock in my Chamber, indangered my Life by getting out of Bed, to prevent, if it had been attempted, the Discovery of that Amour.
"I have formerly made use of all those Artifices, which our s.e.x daily practises over yours, to draw, as it were undesignedly, the eyes of a whole Congregation to my Pew; I have taken a Pride in the number of Admirers at my Afternoon Levee; but am now quite another Creature. I think, could I regain the attractive Influence I once had, if I had a Legion of Suitors, I should never be ambitious of Entertaining more than one. I have almost contracted an Antipathy to the trifling Discourses of Impertinent Lovers, though I must needs own, I have thought it very odd of late, to hear Gentlemen, instead of their usual Complacencies, fall into Disputes before me of Politicks, or else weary me with the tedious Repet.i.tion of how thankful I ought to be, and satisfied with my Recovery out of so dangerous a Distemper: This, though I am very sensible of the Blessing, yet I cannot but dislike, because such Advice from them rather seems to Insult than Comfort me, and reminds me too much of what I was; which melancholy Consideration I cannot yet perfectly surmount, but hope your Sentiments on this Head will make it supportable.
"To shew you what a Value I have for your Dictates, these are to certify the Persons concern"d, that unless one of them returns to his Colours, (if I may so call them now) before the Winter is over, I"ll voluntarily confine my self to a Retirement, where I"ll punish them all with my Needle. I"ll be reveng"d on them by deciphering them on a Carpet, humbly begging Admittance, my self scornfully refusing it: If you disapprove of this, as favouring too much of Malice, be pleased to acquaint me with a Draught you like better, and it shall be faithfully performed"
_By the Unfortunate_
Monimia.
No. 614. Monday, November 1, 1712.
"Si mihi non animo fixum, immotumque sederet, Ne cui me vinclo vellem sociare jugali, Postquam primus amor deceptam morte fefellit; Si non pertaesum thalami, tedaeque fuisset: Huic uni forsan potui succ.u.mbere culpae."
Virg.
The following Account hath been transmitted to me by the Love Casuist.
_Mr_. SPECTATOR,
"Having, in some former Papers, taken Care of the two States of Virginity and Marriage, and being willing that all People should be served in their Turn; I this Day drew out my Drawer of Widows, where I met with several Cases, to each whereof I have returned satisfactory Answers by the Post. The Cases are as follow:
"_Q._ Whether _Amoret_ be bound by a Promise of Marriage to _Philander_, made during her Husband"s Life?
"_Q._ Whether _Semp.r.o.nia_, having faithfully given a Promise to two several Persons during the last Sickness of her Husband, is not thereby left at Liberty to chase which of them she pleases, or to reject them both for the sake of a new Lover?
"_Cleora_ asks me, Whether she be obliged to continue single, according to a Vow made to her Husband at the time of his presenting her with a Diamond Necklace; she being informed by a very pretty young Fellow of a good Conscience, that such Vows are in their Nature sinful?
"Another enquires, Whether she hath not the Right of Widowhood, to dispose of her self to a Gentleman of great Merit, who presses very hard; her Husband being irrecoverably gone in a Consumption?
"An unreasonable Creature hath the Confidence to ask, Whether it be proper for her to marry a Man who is younger than her eldest Son?
"A scrupulous well-spoken Matron, who gives me a great many good Words, only doubts, Whether she is not obliged in Conscience to shut up her two marriageable Daughters, till such time as she hath comfortably disposed of her self?
"_Sophronia_, who seems by her Phrase and Spelling to be a Person of Condition, sets forth, That whereas she hath a great Estate, and is but a Woman, she desires to be informed, whether she would not do prudently to marry _Camillus_, a very idle tall young Fellow, who hath no Fortune of his own, and consequently hath nothing else to do but to manage hers."
Before I speak of Widows, I cannot but observe one thing, which I do not know how to account for; a Widow is always more sought after, than an old Maid of the same Age. It is common enough among ordinary People, for a stale Virgin to set up a Shop in a Place where she is not known; where the large Thumb Ring, supposed to be given her by her Husband, quickly recommends her to some wealthy Neighbour, who takes a Liking to the jolly Widow, that would have overlooked the venerable Spinster.
The Truth of it is, if we look into this Sett of Women, we find, according to the different Characters or Circ.u.mstances wherein they are left, that Widows may be divided into those who raise Love, and those who raise Compa.s.sion.
But not to ramble from this Subject, there are two Things in which consists chiefly the Glory of a Widow; The Love of her deceased Husband, and the Care of her Children: To which may be added a third arising out of the former, Such a prudent Conduct as may do Honour to both.
A Widow possessed of all these three Qualities, makes not only a virtuous but a sublime Character.
There is something so great and so generous in this State of Life, when it is accompanied with all its Virtues, that it is the Subject of one of the finest among our modern Tragedies in the Person of _Andromache_; and hath met with an universal and deserved Applause, when introduced upon our _English_ Stage by Mr. _Philips_.
The most memorable Widow in History is Queen _Artemisia_, who not only erected the famous _Mausoleum_, but drank up the Ashes of her dead Lord; thereby enclosing them in a n.o.bler Monument than that which she had built, though deservedly esteemed one of the Wonders of Architecture.
This last Lady seems to have had a better t.i.tle to a second Husband than any I have read of, since not one Dust of her First was remaining. Our modern Heroines might think a Husband a very bitter Draught, and would have good Reason to complain, if they might not accept of a second Partner, till they had taken such a troublesome Method of losing the Memory of the first.
I shall add to these ill.u.s.trious Examples out of ancient Story, a remarkable instance of the Delicacy of our Ancestors in Relation to the State of Widowhood, as I find it recorded in _Cowell"s_ Interpreter.
_At_ East _and_ West-Enborne, _in the County of_ Berks, _if a Customary Tenant die, the Widow shall have what the Law calls her_ Free-Bench _in all his Copy-hold Lands_, dum sola & casta fuerit; _that is_, while she lives single and chaste; _but if she commit Incontinency, she forfeits her Estate: Yet if she will come into the Court riding backward upon a Black Ram, with his Tail in her Hand, and say the Words following, the Steward is bound by the Custom to re-admit her to her_ Free-Bench. [1]
"Here I am, Riding upon a Black Ram, Like a Wh.o.r.e as I am; And, for my_ Crinc.u.m Cranc.u.m, _Have lost my_ Binc.u.m Banc.u.m; And, for my Tail"s Game, Have done this worldly Shame; Therefore, I pray you Mr. Steward, let me have my Land again."
The like Custom there is in the Manor of _Torre_ in _Devonshire_, and other Parts of the _West_.
It is not impossible but I may in a little Time present you with a Register of _Berkshire_ Ladies and other Western Dames, who rode publickly upon this Occasion; and I hope the Town will be entertained with a Cavalcade of Widows.
[Footnote 1: Frank Bank or Free bench are copyhold lands which the wife, being married a spinster, had after her husband"s death for dower.]