When I had finished, she said, "We won"t talk of it any more, Rudolph, for Agnes" sake as well as yours, but perhaps by and by, when the suffering is over, you will come and talk to me again; for if you ever feel that you can be a good husband to my girl, I shall not be afraid to trust her to you, if you can gain her consent."
I rose to go, and she remarked, "Yes. You mustn"t stay, for as it is, my dressing will make us very late. If the carriage is at the door, tell Maxwell to drive you home, and then return for us. You mustn"t walk in the slush with that horrid cough of yours. Does your landlady give you blankets enough? Well, tell her to make a steaming gla.s.s of whiskey toddy. Wrap some woolen round your throat and chest, and go straight to bed. Why, Rudolph, you are not going without kissing me good-night?" she continued, as if that had been my habit, adding, "Some day I shall make you tell me all about it."
I went downstairs, intending to follow her directions; but as I pa.s.sed the drawing-room door I heard the piano, and thought I recognized, from the touch, whose fingers were straying at random over the keys.
"Isn"t that Miss Walton?" I asked of the servant, as he brought me my hat and coat.
"Yes, Dr. Hartzmann. Miss Walton is to go to the ball with the ladies, and is waiting for them to come downstairs," he told me.
I left him holding my coat, and pa.s.sed noiselessly between the curtains of the portiere. Your back was turned to me as you sat at the instrument, and I stood in silence watching you as you played, till suddenly--was it sympathy, or only the consciousness of something alien?--you looked around. I should almost think it was the former, for you expressed no surprise at seeing me standing there, even though you rose.
"Don"t let me interrupt you," I begged.
"I was only beguiling the time I have to wait," you replied.
"It will be a favor to me if you will go on," I said, and without another word, with that simple grace and sweetness natural to you, you resumed your seat and went on playing, while I sat down on the divan.
Your bent, like mine, was for some reason a sad one, and what you played reflected your mood, stirring me deeply and making me almost forget my misery. Presently, however, I was seized with a paroxysm of coughing; and when I had recovered enough to be conscious of anything, I found you standing by me, looking both startled and compa.s.sionate.
"You are ill, Dr. Hartzmann," you said, anxiously.
"It is nothing," I managed to articulate.
"Can I do anything for you?" you asked.
"Nothing," I replied, rising, more wretched than ever, because knowing how little I deserved your sympathy.
"It would be a pleasure to help you, Dr. Hartzmann, for I have never been able to show any gratefulness for your kindness over my book," you went on, with a touch of timidity in your tones, as if you were asking a favor rather than conferring one.
Won by your manner, before I knew what I was doing, I spoke. "Miss Walton," I burst out, "you see before you the most miserable being conceivable, and you can save me from the worst anguish I am suffering!"
Your eyes enlarged in surprise, both at my vehemence and at what I had uttered, while you stood looking at me, with slightly parted lips; then you said sweetly, "Tell me what I can do for you."
I had spoken without thought, only conscious that I must try in some way to save you. For a moment I hesitated, and then exclaimed, "I beg of you not to marry Mr. Whitely!"
Like a G.o.ddess you drew yourself up, even before you could have appreciated the full import of my foolish speech, and never have I seen you look more beautiful or queenly than as you faced me. After a brief silence you answered, "You can hardly realize what you are saying, Dr.
Hartzmann."
"I am indeed mad in my unhappiness," I groaned.
"You owe me an explanation for your extraordinary words," you continued.
"Miss Walton," I said, "Mr. Whitely is not a man to make you happy, and in hopes of saving you from him I spoke as I did. I had no right, as none can know better than myself, but perhaps you will forgive the impertinence when I say that my motive was only to save you from future misery."
"Why should I not be happy in marrying Mr. Whitely?"
"Because you are deceiving yourself about him."
"In what respect?"
"His character is other than you think it."
"Be more specific."
"That I cannot be."
"Why not?"
"It would be dishonorable in me."
"Not more so than to stop where you have."
"I cannot say more."
"I do not recognize your right to be silent. You have said too much or too little."
"Maizie," called Mrs. Blodgett from the hall, "come quickly, for we are very late."
"I shall insist, at some future time, upon your speaking more clearly, Dr. Hartzmann," you said, as a queen would speak, and picking up your wrap, without a parting word, you left me standing in the middle of the drawing-room.
I came home through the cold, and have sat here regretting my foolishness and groping for the right course to pursue. Oh, my darling, if I but had the right, I would gladly tell you the whole story of the miserable deception, even though I disgraced myself in your eyes. If it were merely my own honor which was at stake, I should not hesitate for an instant, but would sacrifice it to save you, though self-respect seems now the only thing left me. But try as I may to prove to myself that I have the right, I cannot, for I feel that more than my own honor is concerned. I have taken Mr. Whitely"s money, and cannot return it to him. To break faith would be worse than despicable. I shall speak to you of my employer"s hardness, and beg you to ask Mr. Blodgett if he would give Agnes to Mr. Whitely or advise you to marry him. My heart yearns to aid you in your peril, but I can think of nothing more that I can do.
May G.o.d do what I cannot, my dearest. Good-night.
XXIV
_March 15._ I was so miserable with my cough to-day that I could not summon the energy to drag myself to Mr. Blodgett"s office, and did not leave my room till after eight, when your note came.
"Miss Walton," it read, "feels that she has the right to request Dr.
Hartzmann to call this evening, in relation to the conversation uncompleted last night."
I understood the implied command, and thought that I owed what you claimed, while feeling that in obeying I could for this once forego my scruple of entering your door. The footman showed me into the library, and left me there. It was the first time I had seen it since my thirteenth year, and I cannot tell you the moment"s surprise and joy I felt on finding it absolutely unchanged. Even the books were arranged as formerly, and my eye searched and found, as quickly as of yore, all the old volumes full of plates which had once given us such horror and delight. For the instant I forgot my physical suffering and the coming ordeal.
When you entered the room, you welcomed me only with a bow. Then seeing my paleness, you said kindly, "I forgot your cough, Dr. Hartzmann, or I would not have brought you out in such weather. Sit here by the fire."
After a short pause you went on: "I hope that a day"s thought has convinced you that common justice requires you to say more than you did last night?"
"Miss Walton," I replied, "to you, who know nothing of the difficult and hopeless position in which I stand, my conduct, I presume, seems most dishonorable and cowardly; yet I cannot say more than I said last night."
"You must."
"I can scarcely hope that what I then said will influence you, but if you will go to Mr. Blodgett and"--
"Does Mr. Blodgett know what you object to in Mr. Whitely?" you interrupted.
"Yes."