That was a painful fact that Qianru uttered, but she still talked about it as if it was someone else story, as though by doing so, it could help her to understand the situation.Qi Xunyi stared at Qianru, who was still burying her head between her knees, with unexplainable gazed.
"I lost my nation and everything in a blink of an eye." Qi Xunyi looked up at the sky that had turned dark as stars and the moon shone brightly.
The night fell as from faraway many torches had been lightened up, but from the place where Qi Xunyi and Qianru were sitting, those light was like another stars in the darkness.
It was a beautiful scene and gave a calming effect for both of them. They were like long lost best friend who caught up with their life stories, only Qi Xunyi felt more than only a good friend toward Qianru.
"It was hard to accept, especially when I became the part of it and it is for a better reason." Qi Xunyi started to voice out his own feeling.
Yes, he was part of the downfall of the Kingdom of Xinghe, but only because he knew the person in control was not the Emperor anymore and they were planning something despicable.
It was hard to explain, but all the things that his Emperor Father had done with Modama, the mind controller, was not acceptable. Qi Xunyi didn"t agree with that.
However, their schemes and they evil deed had been so deep until the only way to stop them was to destroy them all and that was what Qi Xunyi did.
"I lost them all… My father, brothers, sisters… though I didn"t very incline to them, but at the very least, they still shared the same blood as mine…" Qi Xunyi leaned his back again the tree behind them as he folded his hand in front of his chest.
Meanwhile, Qianru slightly raised her head as she peeked at him through her long lashes.
"I didn"t mean to belittle what you have just been through…" Qi Xunyi hastily explained his words, afraid Qianru would get the wrong impression about it. "What I meant is, all of us will go through this phase of their life. In one point in our life, we will lost someone, we will feel brokenhearted and we will feel so depress until there is nothing more worth for our effort anymore." Qi Xunyi glanced at Qianru beside him.
Qianru rested her chin on top of her knees as she tilted her head, staring at Qi Xunyi.
"But, you know what?" Qi Xunyi asked with smile grazed his lips, lightened up his handsome face. "There will be one point in our life when we will overcome all of those things and I believe the same thing will happen to you, because it happened to me." Qi Xunyi smiled brightly.
Qianru"s lips trembled as she tried to control the wave of emotion that started to flare up in her chest.
"You will go through all of this hardship and one day you will look back at this moment and say that you made it." Qi Xunyi stretched out his hand and caressed her head.
Qianru was startled by his affectionate action, but then she realized this was what she needed right now, a bit of affection and someone to lean on.
She was so tired to endure it alone, because the person who she thought would be her solid ground was never been there for her after all this time.
"I am so tired…" Qianru said in hoa.r.s.e voice as she leaned to Qi Xunyi"s touch.
The dark night and the calm wind along with the starry sky were manipulating their feeling as they put their guard down as they were carried away by their feelings.
"I know… but, you have been doing so well until now." Qi Xunyi said as he pulled Qianru"s head against his chest.
There was no refusal from Qianru when he did so, she just closed her eyes and savored the warmth from his body.
"But, it still hurt…" Qianru was sobbing when she admitted it. "I am in pain and he is not here…" Tear after tear finally trickled down on her cheeks as her sobbed became a pitiful cry.
"If you want to cry, just cry… you will feel much better after that." Qi Xunyi hugged Qianru"s trembling body as though he was trying to keep her in piece.
This was the first time she was crying after she had woken up from her unconscious state, after she lost her baby, after Xiao Jun"s left her for the hundredth times, after all the heart breaking moment and all the disappointment that she had to endure.
This was the first time she cried herself out like this, she was wailing against Qi Xunyi"s chest as if her heart was being ripped out.
She hugged him tightly as if he was the person that she badly wanted to see, she wanted him to be there for her, but like usual, he had never been there.
She wanted him to love her like the way he did to the other woman, because she had done everything she could for him and gave up everything just to be with him.
It was so tiring to love him for many years.
"I want him to be here…" Qianru kept wailing as her voice m.u.f.fled between her tears. "I want him to choose me over anything else… I want him to love me… I want him to hold me tight…"
Qianru kept saying all the things that she wished he did for her, she wanted to be selfish and so tired of being so tolerance.
In the other hand, Qi Xunyi caressed her back and rested his chin on top of her head as he listened to her. Those words were not only hurt Qianru, but it hurt him as well.
He wished that person was him…
"But, he was never there for me and it so tired to love him this way… he shouldn"t leave me alone! He knows my condition, but he still leaves me!" Qianru cried out her frustration.