The Story Of Dusk

The pain of knowing he had lost his child and Qianru would have difficulty to fall pregnant again was nothing compared to the feeling of losing her.

He felt something precious slipped from his fingers and he could do nothing about it. It felt like he was in the middle of an important battle, but his sword suddenly disappeared.

He lost her? Was that even real?

"Are you in so much pain?" Xiao Jun asked, his voice was barely a whisper in Qianru"s ears, he still buried his head on her shoulder.

"I am." Qianru answered shortly as she nodded her head.

Xiao Jun gritted his teeth as he tightened his arms around her body. "Can you forgive me?"

Qianru shook her head. "I don"t know Jun…" She said pitifully, she didn"t want to lie. Not anymore. "I really don"t know."

"What should I do for you to forgive me?" He was in pain too. He ached for her.

Qianru shook her head once again. "I don"t know. I don"t even want you anymore."

With that being said, Xiao Jun felt the sky crumbled and nothing seemed important in his eyes, not even his plan, his mission… nothing.

He lost her for real?

Xiao Jun didn"t say anything and he stayed a bit longer in that position, hugging the woman who had given up on him, grieving upon something that he had not cherished and he regretted it now.

The silent was suffocating and Xiao Jun couldn"t bear it any longer.

Abruptly he released Qianru"s body and strode toward the door while saying. "We will leave tomorrow." He informed her in hoa.r.s.e voice before he closed the door behind him.

Qianru didn"t see his face when he left her, but when she touched her shoulder, the spot where Xiao Jun had put his head, was wet.

*** 

It had been a week and they still not left Greenhill Mountain, no one knew what was in Xiao Jun"s mind, but he seemed more and more secretive.

He spent more of his time inside Qianru"s room and accompanied her in almost every meal if he wasn"t busy enough.

Xiao Jun would sit on the table while looking at his letter that contain with the report from his spies and Qianru would sit near the window, the spot that had become her favorite place while reading her book.

Xiao Jun would give her various books once she had finished the previous one. Both of them didn"t talk with each other and only mind their own business though they were in the same room.

Qi Xunyi had never appeared in front of Qianru or she saw him again after that night. She didn"t know what Xiao Jun had done to him, but she didn"t feel like she wanted to know about it either.

This was another night and Qianru was having her dinner alone, Jinse told her that Ye Xiu and Ye Bai finally came back from whatever place they had visited.

Actually, Qianru had never asked Jinse to report her about anything, but the young maidservant took the initiative to slip any information whenever there were only the two of them, kept her mistress up to date about the situation around her.

Qianru would only listen some of it and ignored the rest, she became unusually quiet and looked more callous as if nothing could bother her.

Even the present of Xiao Jun couldn"t disturb her calm face as she show less and less emotion day after day.

"Probably we will go back to Azura tomorrow…" Jinse still continued with her chatter while serving Qianru with her dinner.

Putting down her chopstick, Qianru abruptly stood up, her sudden gesture startled Jinse. "My lady…" She said in very low tone. Her mistress"s mood was hard to predict recently.

"I will take a walk for a while." Qianru said.

"Oh, alright… I will inform the guard to…"

Before Jinse could finish her words Qianru stated coldly. "Alone." Afterward she left the room.

The cold night wind brushed against Qianru"s skin the moment she was out of her room, this was the first time she stepped out after that night with Qi Xunyi.

She looked around her and saw the village closely. Before, everything before her eyes were blurry, the only vivid memory that she could remember was the meadow where Qi Xunyi had showed her.

Now, she saw her surrounding clearer. It was a beautiful small village.

A faint smile grazed Qianru"s lips, she like the scene before her eyes, the trees, the houses, the ground that she stepped on and the smell of the gra.s.ses and newly blooming flowers that blew with the wind.

Why she just realized it now?

The things about Xiao Jun must have been blinded her until she couldn"t cherish a little beautiful thing around her.

Some people would slightly bend their body when she walked past them as they knew her real ident.i.ty, but kept their distance from her.

Qianru didn"t mind with that, as she didn"t want to be disturbed.

When the night became more cold and the robe around her couldn"t hold back the chill any longer, she decided to walk back home when suddenly she felt something warm draped on her shoulder.

There was a warm brown cloak on her shoulder and Xiao Jun beside her.

Qianru stared at him, but he didn"t look at her direction, he just stood two steps away from her with his hands behind his back and the eyes that looking into the distance.

She didn"t know how he found her, if she wasn"t mistaken, Jinse had said that Xiao Jun was meeting with Ye Xiu and Ye Bai, but how could he was here now? And found her whereabouts?

However, Qianru didn"t want to dwell with that matter as she readjusted the cloak on her shoulder and continued to walk home.

Xiao Jun followed behind her silently, he kept the distance between them as if he wanted her to not aware about his present.

Once they were inside the room and Qianru had changed into her sleeping robe, Xiao Jun blew the candles.

Inside the dim room he stood beside the bed, where Qianru had just laid her body down, and tucked her inside the blanket.

"We will leave in the morning." Xiao Jun softly whispered, knowing that Qianru would be able to hear him.

"Alright." Qianru replied.

That was a short conversation between both of them after a week and that night Xiao Jun didn"t sleep beside her, instead, he didn"t return until the first light in the morning.

Qianru couldn"t close her eyes as well.

***  

When the sun ray enlightened the room, Qianru had been sitting on the bed. She didn"t sleep. She wasn"t able to close her eyes.

There was something that bothering her but she also didn"t know what it was.

There were two knocking sounds on the door before Xiao Jun appeared. He looked tired with dark circle around his eyes. He must have been not sleeping either.

"You already awake." He said when he found out Qianru was sitting on the bed with head rested on her knees. "The carriage is ready, you can continue your sleep there."

While saying that, Xiao Jun took the brown cloak that he used to cover her body last night and wrapped it around her again. "Let"s go." He said.

Without a word, Qianru followed him out of the room.

Before the door closed, she glanced one last time at the room that she had occupied for more than a month, the place where she had said that she didn"t want Xiao Jun anymore.

This room was the witness of her struggled and heartbreaking moment in her life.

And this man, beside her, Qianru glanced at Xiao Jun, was once the source of her happiness and ached, however now he was nothing, only another man was in her life.

Xiao Jun helped her to get into the carriage while holding her hand he asked. "Do you mind if I sit inside the carriage?"

Qianru looked at him and shook her head. "You can sit everywhere you like."

Qianru"s answered made Xiao Jun closed his eyes to hide his disappointment, that reply was akin to she was saying; she didn"t care wherever he was, there was no different for her.

Xiao Jun thought Qianru"s callous demeanor would gradually soften after a few days had pa.s.sed, but seemingly it wouldn"t be the case.

Xiao Jun had tried for having a small talk with her during the moment they were alone, but the look in her eyes that didn"t even have him there, held him back and forced him to swallow his shallow words.

In the end, Xiao Jun sat inside the carriage with Qianru while she continued to sleep, or at least that was what he thought.

Qianru only could close her eyes when the carriage had moved and Xiao Jun was sitting there, accompanied her while reading through a bunch of report.

During their three days journey back to Azura, there was nothing significant that happen. Their uneventful journey ended when they reached the border line of Azura Kingdom.

Their long entourage was stopped by the guards, but when they saw Liu Wei came with Xiao Jun"s token, they let them in without asking any questions.

"Qianru." Xiao Jun called her when they had pa.s.sed the border and headed toward the Capital City. it would take another day to reach Xiao Jun"s mansion.

Qianru slightly raised her head and averted her gaze from the familiar scenery before her eyes, to look at Xiao Jun.

It felt she had gone for long time.

Qianru still remembered the last time she was with Xiao Jun before they left Azura, she was literally begging him to let her came with him to Rockstone Kingdom, their serene journey that filled with them reminiscing about their childhood memories, it almost felt like that moment was happened in her different life.

While now, both of them were barely talking. No one came up with the topic of her miscarriage as if it was a taboo matter.

"Once we arrived at the mansion, I have to go immediately…" Xiao Jun tried to read her reaction, but there was nothing to read for him as Qianru"s expression remained calm. "Is it alright with you?" He felt stupid to ask that question, but he really needed to know.

"Alright." Qianru gave her usual answer as if that was the only word that she could say.

Another disappointment hit Xiao Jun, that wasn"t the reaction that he wanted, though he had expected it.

He wanted Qianru to not allow him to leave or asked to go with him like the last time. But, "alright" wasn"t an answer that he desired.

"Qianru…" He called her again.

"Hm?" This time, Qianru didn"t even lift her head and kept her eyes on the road.

"Can you stop treating me like this?" Xiao Jun asked, these past days were the hardest day in his life, either it was his plan with Ye Xiu and Elder Dam for their next move, or to face the cold side of Qianru.

He wanted to shake her body harshly only to get another reaction, it would be better if she vented out her anger, yelled at him and even hit him. Xiao Jun would gladly accept those treatments, he felt like he was almost gone insane.

Qianru didn"t answer him and only went back to her side and pulled the blanket until her chin and closed her eyes, clearly didn"t want to continue the conversation, as if she didn"t listen his pleading.

Could you give us another chance so we could start this over again? Xiao Jun wanted to ask that question, but couldn"t find his voice to utter a single word.