She and I took all the care of it and the key to the iron gate of it lay out on her low work table, and one or other of us always pa.s.sing through, but one afternoon in summer when I went with a basket of June roses, she being not quite up to it that day, there on the flat stone I saw with my own eyes a little crumpled bunch of daisies--all nipped off short, such as children pick, and crushed and wilted in their hot little hands! And on no other tomb but his. But I was used to such as that, by then....
Margaret was handy with her needle, and I remember well the day she made the linen garden hat with a knot of rose-colour under the brim.
"You don"t think this will be too old, do you, ma"am?" she said when she showed it to my mistress, and the dear lady was that pleased!
"Not a bit, Margaret," she said and I carried it off to Miss Winifred"s closet. Many"s the time I missed it after that, and knew too much to hunt. It was hunting that spoiled all, for we tried it....
And yet we didn"t half believe. Heaven help us, we knew, but we didn"t believe: St. Thomas was nothing to us!
Margaret was with us three years when the new family came. Hodges told us that Hudson River property was looking up and land was worth more every year. Anyway, in one year two families built big houses within a mile of us and we went to call, of course, as in duty bound. John grumbled at getting out the good harness and having the carriage re-lined, but my mistress knew what was right, and he had no choice. I dressed her very carefully, and we watched her off from the door, a thought too pale in her black, but sweet as a flower, and every inch full of breeding, as Hodges said.
I never knew what took place at that visit, but she came back with a bright red circle in each cheek and her head very high, and spent all the evening in the nursery. Alone, of course, for I heard little quick sounds on the piano in the drawing-room, and the fairy books were gone from the children"s book-shelves, and Margaret found them in front of the fire and brought them to me....
It was only three days before the new family called on us (a pair of ponies to a basket phaeton--very neat and a nice little groom) and my heart jumped into my mouth when I saw there were two children in with the lady: little girls of eight and twelve, I should say. "Twas the first carriage callers that ever I"d seen in the place, and Hodges says to me as he goes toward the hall,
"This is something like, eh, Miss Umbleby?"
But I felt odd and uncertain, and when from behind the library door I heard the lady say, "You see I"ve kept my word and brought my babies, Mrs. Childress--my son is hardly old enough for yours--only four--but Helena and Lou can"t wait--they are so impatient to see your little girl!"--when I heard that, I saw what my poor mistress had been at, and the terrible situation we were in (and had been in for years) flashed over me and my hands got cold as ice.
"Where is she?" the lady went on.
At that I went boldly into the library and stood by my mistress"s chair--I couldn"t desert her then, after all those years.
"Where? where?" my poor lady repeated, vague-like and turning her eyes so piteous at me that I looked the visitor straight in the face and getting between her and my mistress I said very calmly,
"I think Miss Winifred is in the children"s garden, madam; shall I take the young ladies there?"
For my thought was to get the children out of the way, before it all came out, you see.
Oh, the look of grat.i.tude she gave me! And yet it was a mad thing to do. But I couldn"t desert her--I couldn"t.
"There, you see, mamma!" cried the youngest, and the older one said,
"We can find our way, thank you," very civil, to me.
"Children have sharp eyes," said the lady, laughing. "One can"t hide them from each other--haven"t you found it so?"
"Now what the devil does she mean by that?" Hodges muttered to me as he pa.s.sed by me with the tray. He always kept the silver perfect, and it did one"s heart good to see his tray: urn and sugar and cream just twinkling and the toast in a covered dish--old Chelsea it was--and new cakes and jam and fresh b.u.t.ter, just as they have at home.
I don"t know what they talked of, for I couldn"t find any excuse to stop in the room, and she wouldn"t have had it, anyway. I went around to the front to catch the children when they should come back, and quiet them, but they didn"t come, and I was too thankful to think much about it.
After about half an hour I saw the oldest one coming slowly along by herself, looking very sulky.
"Where"s your sister, dear?" I said, all in a tremble, for I dreaded how she might put it.
"She"s too naughty--I can"t get her to leave," she said pettishly, and burst into the library ahead of me. My mistress"s face was scarlet and her eyes like two big stars--for the first time I saw that she was a beauty. Her breath came very quick and I knew as well as if I"d been there all the time that she"d been letting herself go, as they say, and talked to her heart"s content about what she"d never have a chance to talk again to any guest. She was much excited and the other woman knew it and was puzzled, I could see, from the way she looked at her.
Now the girl burst into the talk.
"Mamma, Lou is so naughty!" she cried. "I saw the ponies coming up the drive, and I told her it was time, but she won"t come!"
"Gently, daughter, gently," said the lady, and put her arm around her and smoothed her hair. "Why won"t Lou come?"
I can see that room now, as plain as any picture in a frame: the setting sun all yellow on the gilt of the rows of books, the streak of light on the waxed oak floor, the urn shining in the last rays. There was the mother patting the big girl, there was Hodges with his hand on the tray, and there was me standing behind my mistress, with her red cheeks and her poor heaving bosom.
"Why won"t Lou come?" she asked the girl again.
"Because," she says, still fretful, and very loud and clear, "because she is taking a pattern of the little girl"s hat and trying to twist hers into that shape! I told her you wouldn"t like it."
My mistress sprang up and the chair fell down with a crash behind her.
I turned (Hodges says) as white as a sheet and moved nearer her.
"Hat!" she gasped. "What hat? _whose hat_?"
There seemed to be a jingling, like sleighbells, all through the air, and I thought I was going crazy till I saw that it came from the tray, where Hodges"s hand was shaking so, and yet he couldn"t take it off.
"The hat with the rose-coloured ribbon on it," said the girl, "the one we saw as we drove in, you know, mamma. It"s so becoming."
"Sarah! Sarah! did you hear? Did you hear?" shrieked my mistress.
"She saw, Sarah, _she saw_!"
Then the colour went out of her like when you blow out a candle, and she put her hand to her heart.
"Oh, oh, what pain!" she said very quickly, and Hodges cried, "My G.o.d, she"s gone!" and I caught her as she fell and we went down together, for my knees were shaking.
When I opened my eyes there was only Margaret there, wetting my forehead, for William had gone for a doctor. Not that it was of any use, for she never breathed. But the smile on her face was lovely.
We got her on her bed and the sight of her there brought the tears to me and I cried out, "Oh, dear, oh, dear! she was all I had in the world, and now----"
"Now you"ve got me, my girl, and isn"t that worth anything to you, Sarah?"
That was William Hodges, and he put his arm over my shoulder, right before Margaret, and looked so kind at me, so kind--I saw in a moment that no one else was anything to him and that he had always cared for me. And that, coming so sudden, when I had given up all hope of it, was too much for me, weak as I was, and I fainted off again and woke up raving hot with fever and half out of my mind, but not quite, for I kept begging them to put off the funeral till I should be able to be up.
But this, of course, was not done, and by the time I was out of hospital the turf was all in place on her dear grave.
William had managed everything and had picked out all the little keepsakes I should have chosen--the heirs were most kind, though Jews.
Indeed, I"ve felt different to that sort of people ever since, for they not caring for the house on account of its being lonely, to their way of thinking, made it into a children"s home for those of their belief as were poor and orphaned, and whatever may have been, the old place will never lack for children now.
I never stepped foot in the grounds again, for William Hodges, though the gentlest and fairest of men, never thwarted me but once, and it was in just that direction. Moreover, he forbade me to speak of what only he and I knew for a certainty, and he was one of that sort that when a command is laid, it"s best kept.
We"ve two fine children--girl and boy--and he never murmured at the names I chose for them. Indeed, considering what my mistress"s will left me and what his master had done for him, he was as pleased as I.
"They"re named after our two best friends, Sarah," he said, looking hard at me, once.
And I nodded my head, but if she saw me, in heaven, she knew who were in my heart when I named them!