"I"ve had enough," said Tommy. "It was my Uncle John who slipped down that time, and he"s hurt, and he"d come to take me to the Crystal Palace!"
"Well, he hadn"t come to take _me_," said the clown; "you are stingy about your relations, you are; you ain"t "arf a boy for a bit o" fun."
Tommy felt this rebuke very much, he had hoped so to gain the clown"s esteem; but he would not give in, he only suggested humbly that they should go up into the play-room.
The play-room was at the top of the house, and Barbara and two little sisters of Tommy"s were playing there when they came in, the clown turning in his toes and making awful faces.
The two little girls ran into a corner, and seemed considerably frightened by the stranger"s appearance, but Barbara rea.s.sured them.
"Don"t take any notice," she said, "it"s only a horrid friend of Tommy"s. He won"t interfere with _us_."
"Oh, Barbara," the boy protested, "he"s awfully nice if you only knew him. He can make you laugh. Do let us play with you. He wants to, and he won"t be rough."
"Do," pleaded the clown, "I"ll behave so pretty!"
"Well," said Barbara, "mind you do, then, or you shan"t stop."
And for a little while he did behave himself. Tommy showed him his new soldiers, and he seemed quite interested; and then he had a ride on the rocking horse, and was sorry when it broke down under him; and after that he came suddenly upon a beautiful doll which belonged to the youngest sister.
"Do let me nurse it," he said, and the little girl gave it up timidly.
Of course he nursed it the wrong way up, and at last he forgot, and sat down on it, the head, which was wax, being crushed to pieces!
Tommy was in fits of laughter at the droll face he made as he held out the crushed doll at arm"s length, and looked at it with one eye shut, exclaiming, "Poor thing! what a pity! I do "ope I "aven"t made its "ead ache!"
But the two little girls were crying bitterly in one another"s arms, and Barbara turned on the clown with tremendous indignation.
"You did it on purpose, you know you did!" she said.
"Go away, little girl; don"t talk to me!" said the clown, putting Tommy in front of him.
"Tommy," she said, "what did you bring your friend up here for? He only spoils everything he"s allowed to touch. Take him away!"
"Barbara," pleaded Tommy, "he"s a _visitor_, you know!"
"I don"t care," she replied. "Mr. Clown, you shan"t stay here; this is our room, and we don"t want you. Go away!" She walked towards him looking so fierce that he backed hastily. "Go downstairs," she said, pointing to the door. "You, too, Tommy, for you encouraged him!"
"Nyah, nyah, nyah!" said the clown, a sound by which he intended to imitate her anger. "Oh, please, I"m going; remember me to your mother."
And he left the room, followed rather sadly by Tommy, who felt that Barbara was angry with him. "That"s a very disagribble little girl,"
remarked the clown, confidentially, when they were safe outside, and Tommy thought it wiser to agree.
"What have you got in your pockets?" he asked, presently, seeing a hard bulge in his friend"s white trunks.
"Only some o" your nice soldiers," said the clown, and walked into the schoolroom, where there was a fire burning. "Are they brave?" he asked.
"Very," said Tommy, who had quite persuaded himself that this was so.
"Look here, we"ll have a battle." He thought a battle would keep the clown quiet. "Here"s two cannon and peas, and you shall be the French and I"ll be English."
"All right," said the clown, and took his share of the soldiers and calmly put them all in the middle of the red-hot coals. "I want to be quite sure they can stand fire first," he explained; and then, as they melted, he said, "There, you see, they"re all running away. I never see such cowards."
Tommy was in a great rage, and could almost have cried, if it had not been babyish, for they were his best regiments which he could see dropping down in great glittering stars on the ashes below. "That"s a caddish thing to do," he said, with difficulty; "I didn"t give them to you to put in the fire!"
"Oh, I thought you did," said the clown, "I beg your pardon;" and he threw the rest after them as he spoke.
"You"re a beast!" cried Tommy, indignantly; "I"ve done with you, after this."
"Oh, no, yer ain"t," he returned.
"I have, though," said Tommy; "we"re not friends any longer."
"All right," said the clown; "when I"m not friends with any one, I take and use the red-"ot poker to "em," and he put it in the fire to heat as he spoke.
This terrified the boy. It was no use trying to argue with the clown, and he had seen how he used a red-hot poker. "Well, I"ll forgive you this time," he said hastily; "let"s come away from here."
"I tell you what," said the clown, "you and me"ll go down in the kitchen and make a pie."
Tommy forgot his injuries at this delightful idea; he knew what the clown"s notion of pie-making would be. "Yes," he said eagerly, "that will be jolly; only I don"t know," he added doubtfully, "if cook will let us."
However, the clown soon managed to secure the kitchen to himself; he had merely to attempt to kiss the cook once or twice and throw the best dinner service at the other servants, and they were left quite alone to do as they pleased.
What fun it was, to begin with! The clown brought out a large deep dish, and began by putting a whole turkey and an unskinned hare in it out of the larder; after that he put in sausages, jam, pickled walnuts, and lemons, and, in short, the first thing that came to hand.
"It ain"t "arf full yet," he said at last, as he looked gravely into the pie.
"No," said Tommy, sympathetically, "can"t we get anything else to put in?"
"The very thing," cried the clown, "you"re just about the right size to fill up--my! what a pie it"s going to be, eh?" And he caught up his young friend, just as he was, rammed him into the pie, and poured sauce on him.
But he kicked and howled until the clown grew seriously displeased. "Why carn"t you lay quiet," he said angrily, "like the turkey does? you don"t deserve to be put into such a nice pie!"
"If you make a pie of me," said Tommy, artfully, "there"ll be n.o.body to look on and laugh at you, you know!"
"No more there won"t," said the clown, and allowed him to crawl out, all over sauce. "It was a pity," he declared, "because he fitted so nicely, and now they would have to look about for something else;" but he contrived to make a shift with the contents of the cook"s work-basket, which he poured in--reels, pin-cushions, wax, and all. He had tried to put the kitchen cat in too, but she scratched his hands and could not be induced to form the finishing touch to the pie.
How the clown got the paste and rolled it, and made Tommy in a mess with it, and how the pie was finished at last, would take too long to tell here; but somehow it was not quite such capital fun as he had expected--it seemed to want the pantomime music or something; and then Tommy was always dreading lest the clown should change his mind at the last minute, and put him in the pie after all.
Even when it was safely in the oven he had another fear lest he should be made to stay and eat it, for it had such very peculiar things in it that it could not be at all nice. Fortunately, as soon as it was put away the clown seemed to weary of it himself.
"Let me and you go and take a walk," he suggested.
Tommy caught at the proposal, for he was fast becoming afraid of the clown, and felt really glad to get him out of the house; so he got his cap, and the clown put on a brown overcoat and a tall hat, under which his white and red face looked stranger than ever, and they sallied forth together.
Once Tommy would have thought it a high privilege to be allowed to go out shopping with a clown; but, if the plain truth must be told, he did not enjoy himself so very much after all. People seemed to stare at them so, for one thing, and he felt almost ashamed of his companion, whose behaviour was outrageously ridiculous. They went to all the family tradesmen, to whom Tommy was, of course, well known, and the clown _would_ order the most impossible things, and say they were for Tommy!
Once he even pushed him into a large draper"s shop, full of pretty and contemptuous young ladies, and basely left him to explain his presence as he could.
But it was worse when they happened to meet an Italian boy with a tray of plaster images on his head.
"Here"s a lark!" said the clown, and elbowed Tommy against him in such a way that the tray slipped and all the images fell to the ground with a crash.