But this negative neutral-tinted misery was not to last; I was harmless enough, but then to some natures nothing is so offensive as inoffensiveness. My isolation was certain to raise me up an enemy in time, and he came in the person of one Clarence Ormsby.
He was a st.u.r.dy, good-looking fellow, about two years older than myself, good at games, and, though not brilliant in other respects, rather idle than dull. He was popular in the school, and I believe his general disposition was by no means bad; but there must have been some hidden flaw in his nature which might never have disclosed itself for any other but me.
For me he had displayed, almost from the first, one of those special antipathies that want but little excuse to ripen into hatred. My personal appearance--I had the misfortune to be a decidedly plain boy--happened to be particularly displeasing to him, and, as he had an unsparing tongue, he used it to cover me with ridicule, until gradually, finding that I did not retaliate, he indulged in acts of petty oppression which, though not strictly bullying, were even more hara.s.sing and humiliating.
I suspect now that if I had made ever so slight a stand at the outset, I should have escaped further molestation, but I was not pugnacious by nature, and never made the experiment; partly, probably, from a theory on which I had been reared, that all violence was vulgar, but chiefly from a tendency, unnatural in one of my age and s.e.x, to find a sentimental satisfaction in a certain degree of unhappiness.
So that I can neither pity myself nor expect pity from others for woes which were so essentially my own creation, though they resulted, alas!
in misery that was real enough.
It was inevitable that quick-sighted Marjory should discover the subjection into which I had fallen, and her final enlightenment was brought about in this manner. Ormsby and I were together alone, shortly before morning school, and he came towards me with an exercise of mine from which he had just been copying his own, for we were in the same cla.s.ses, despite the difference in our ages, and he was in the habit of profiting thus by my industry.
"Thanks, Cameron," he said, with a sweetness which I distrusted, for he was not as a rule so lavish in his grat.i.tude. "I"ve copied out that exercise of yours, but it"s written so beastly badly that you"d better do it over again."
With which he deliberately tore the page he had been copying from to sc.r.a.ps, which he threw in my face, and strolled out down to the playground.
I was preparing submissively to do the exercise over again as well as I could in the short time that was left, when I was startled by a low cry of indignation, and, looking round, saw Marjory standing in the doorway, and knew by her face that she had seen all.
"Has Ormsby done that to you before?" she inquired.
"Once or twice he has," said I.
"And you let him!" she cried. "Oh, Cameron!"
"What can I do?" I said.
"I know what _I_ would do," she replied. "I would slap his face, or pinch him. I wouldn"t put up with it!"
"Boys don"t slap one another, or pinch," I said, not displeased to find a weak place in her knowledge of us.
"Well, they do _something_!" she said; "a real boy would. But I don"t think you are a real boy, Cameron. _I"ll_ show you what to do. Where"s the exercise that--that _pig_ copied? Ah! I see it. And now--look!"
(Here she tore his page as he had torn mine.)
"Now for an envelope!" and from the Doctor"s own desk she took an envelope, in which she placed the fragments, and wrote on the outside in her round, childish hand: "With Marjory"s compliments, for being a bully."
"He won"t do that again," she said gleefully.
"He"ll do worse," I said in dismay; "I shall have to pay for it.
Marjory, why didn"t you leave things alone? I didn"t complain--you know I didn"t."
She turned upon me, as well she might, in supreme disdain. "Oh! what a coward you are! I wouldn"t believe all Cartwright told me about you when I asked--but I see it"s all true. Why don"t you stick up for yourself?"
I muttered something or other.
"But you _ought_ to. You"ll never get on unless," said Marjory, very decidedly. "Now, promise me you will, next time."
I sat there silent. I was disgusted with myself, and meanly angry with her for having rendered me so.
"Then, listen," she said impressively. "I promised I would look after you, and I did mean to, but it"s no use if you won"t help yourself. So, unless you say you won"t go on being a coward any more, I shall have to leave you to your own way, and not take the least interest in you ever again."
"Then, you may," I said stolidly; "I don"t care." I wondered, even while I spoke the words, what could be impelling me to treat spirited, warm-hearted Marjory like that, and I hate myself still at the recollection.
"Good-bye, then," she said very quietly; "I"m sorry, Cameron." And she went out without another word.
When Ormsby came in, I watched him apprehensively as he read the envelope upon his desk and saw its contents. He said nothing, however, though he shot a malignant glance in my direction; but the lesson was not lost upon him, for from that time he avoided all open ill-treatment of me, and even went so far as to a.s.sume a friendliness which might have rea.s.sured me had I not instinctively felt that it merely masked the old dislike.
I was constantly the victim of mishaps, in the shape of missing and defaced books, ink mysteriously spilt or strangely adulterated, and, though I could never trace them to any definite hand, they seemed too systematic to be quite accidental; still I made no sign, and hoped thus to disarm my persecutor--if persecutor there were.
As for my companions, I knew that in no case would they take the trouble to interfere in my behalf; they had held aloof from the first, the general opinion (which I now perceive was not unjust) being that "I deserved all I got."
And my estrangement from Marjory grew wider and wider; she never spoke to me now when we sat near one another at the drawing-cla.s.s; if she looked at me it was by stealth, and with a glance that I thought sometimes was contemptuously pitiful, and sometimes half fancied betrayed a willingness to return to the old comradeship.
But I nursed my stupid, sullen pride, though my heart ached with it at times. For I had now come to love Marjory devotedly, with a love that, though I was a boy and she was a child, was as genuine as any I am ever likely to feel again.
The chance of seeing her now and then, of hearing her speak--though it was not to me--gave me the one interest in my life, which, but for her, I could hardly have borne. But this love of mine was a very far-off and disinterested worship after all. I could not imagine myself ever speaking of it to her, or picture her as accepting it. Marjory was too thorough a child to be vulgarised in that way, even in thought.
The others were healthy, matter-of-fact youths, to whom Marjory was an ordinary girl, and who certainly did not indulge in any strained sentiment respecting her; it was left for me to idealise her; but of that, at least, I cannot feel ashamed, or believe that it did me anything but good.
And the days went on, until it wanted but a fortnight to Christmas, and most of us were thinking of the coming holidays, and preparing with a not unpleasant excitement for the examinations, which were all that barred the way to them now. I was to spend my Christmas with my uncle and cousins, who would by that time be able to receive me; but I felt no very pleasurable antic.i.p.ations, for my cousins were all boys, and from boys I thought I knew what to expect.
One afternoon Ormsby came to me with the request that I would execute a trifling commission for him in the adjoining village; he himself, he said, was confined to bounds, but he had a shilling he wanted to lay out at a small fancy-shop we were allowed to patronise, and he considered me the best person to be entrusted with that coin. I was simply to spend the money on anything I thought best, for he had entire confidence, he gave me to understand, in my taste and judgment. I think I suspected a design of some sort, but I did not dare to refuse, and then his manner to some extent disarmed me.
I took the shilling, therefore, with which I bought some article--I forget what--and got back to the school at dusk. The boys had all gone down to tea except Ormsby, who was waiting for me up in the empty schoolroom.
"Well?" he said, and I displayed my purchase, only to find that I had fallen into a trap.
When I think how easily I was the dupe of that not too subtle artifice, which was only half malicious, I could smile, if I did not know how it ended.
"How much was that?" he asked contemptuously, "twopence-halfpenny? Well, if you choose to give a shilling for it, I"m not going to pay, that"s all. So just give me back my shilling!"
Now, as my weekly allowance consisted of threepence, which was confiscated for some time in advance (as I think he knew), to provide fines for my mysteriously-stained dictionaries, this was out of the question, as I represented.
"Then go back to the shop and change it," said he; "I won"t have that thing!"
"Tell me what you would like instead, and I will," I stipulated, not unreasonably.
He laughed; his little scheme was working so admirably. "That"s not the bargain," he said; "you"re bound to get me something I like. I"m not obliged to tell you what it is."
But even I was driven to protest against such flagrant unfairness. "I didn"t know you meant that," I said, "or I"m sure I shouldn"t have gone.
I went to oblige _you_, Ormsby."
"No, you didn"t," he said, "you went because I told you. And you"ll go again."
"Not unless you tell me what I"m to get," I said.
"I tell you what I believe," he said; "you never spent the whole shilling at all on that; you bought something for yourself with the rest, you young swindler! No wonder you won"t go back to the shop."
This was, of course, a mere taunt flung out by his inventive fancy; but as he persisted in it, and threatened exposure and a variety of consequences, I became alarmed, for I had little doubt that, innocent as I was, I could be made very uncomfortable by accusations which would find willing hearers.