"Before Heaven," I cried with fervour, "I have _not_!"
"You are not one of those false men who give their bridle-reins a shake, and ride off with "Adieu for evermore!"--tell me you are not?"
I might shake _my_ bridle-reins till I was tired and nothing would come of it unless Brutus was in the humour to depart; so that I was able to a.s.sure her with truth that I was not at all that kind of person.
"Then why not let your heart speak?"
"There is such a thing," I said gloomily, "as a heart that is gagged."
"Can no word, no hint of mine loosen the gag?" she wished to know.
"What, you are silent still? Then, Mr. Pulvertoft, though I may seem harsh and cruel in saying it, our pleasant intercourse must end--we must ride together no more!"
No more? What would Brutus say to that? I was horrified. "Miss Gittens,"
I said in great agitation, "I entreat you to unsay those words. I--I am afraid I could not undertake to accept such a dismissal. Surely, after that, you will not insist!"
She sighed. "I am a weak, foolish girl," she said; "you are only too able to overcome my judgment. There, Mr. Pulvertoft, look happy again--I relent. You may stay if you will!"
You must believe that I felt thoroughly ashamed of myself, for I could not be blind to the encouragement which, though I sought to confine my words to strict truth, I was innocently affording. But, with a horse like mine, what was a man to do? What would you have done yourself? As soon as was prudent, I hinted to Brutus that his confidences had lasted long enough; and as he trotted away with me, he remarked, "I thought you were never going." Was he weary of the grey already? My heart leaped.
"Brutus," I said thickly, "are you strong enough to bear a great joy?"
"Speak out," he said, "and do try to keep those heels out of my ribs."
"I cannot see you suffer," I told him, with a sense of my own hypocrisy all the time. "I must tell you--circ.u.mstances have come to my knowledge which lead me to believe that we have both judged Wild Rose too hastily.
I am sure that her heart is yours still. She is only longing to tell you that she has never really swerved from her allegiance."
"It is too late now," he said, and the back of his head looked inflexibly obstinate; "we have kept asunder too long."
"No," I said, "listen. I take more interest in you than you are, perhaps, aware of, and I have thought of a little plan for bringing you together again. What if I find an opportunity to see the lady she belongs to--we have not met lately, as you know, and I do not pretend that I desire a renewal of our intimacy----"
"You like the one on the grey best; I saw that long ago," he said; and I left him in his error.
"In any case, for your sake, I will sacrifice myself," I said magnanimously. "I will begin to-morrow. Come, you will not let your lives be wrecked by a foolish lovers" quarrel?"
He made a little half-hearted opposition, but finally, as I knew he would, consented. I had gained my point: I was free from Miss Gittens at last!
That evening I met Diana in the hall of a house in Eaton Square. She was going downstairs as I was making my way to the ball-room, and greeted me with a rather cool little nod.
"You have quite deserted me lately," she said, smiling, but I could read the reproach in her eyes, "you never ride with us now."
My throat was swelling with pa.s.sionate eloquence--and I could not get any of it out.
"No, I never do," was all my stupid tongue could find to say.
"You have discovered a more congenial companion," said cruel Diana.
"Miss Chetwynd," I said eagerly, "you don"t know how I have been wishing--! Will you let me ride with you to-morrow, as--as you used to do?"
"You are quite sure you won"t be afraid of my naughty Wild Rose?" she said. "I have given her such a scolding, that I think she is thoroughly ashamed of herself."
"You thought it was _that_ that kept me!" I cried. "Oh, if I could tell you!"
She smiled: she was my dear, friendly Diana again.
"You shall tell me all about it to-morrow," she said. "You will not have another opportunity, because we are going to Aix on Friday. And now, good-night. I am stopping the way, and the linkman is getting quite excited over it."
She pa.s.sed on, and the carriage rolled away with her, and I was too happy to mind very much--had she not forgiven me? Should we not meet to-morrow? I should have two whole hours to declare myself in, and this time I would dally with Fortune no longer.
How excited I was the following day: how fearful, when the morning broke grey and lowering: how grateful, when the benignant sun shone out later, and promised a brilliant afternoon: how carefully I dressed, and what a price I paid for the flower for my b.u.t.tonhole!
So we cantered on to the Row, as goodly a couple (if I may be pardoned this retrospective vanity) as any there; and by and by, I saw, with the quick eye of a lover, Diana"s willowy form in the distance. She was not alone, but I knew that the Colonel would soon have to yield his place to me.
As soon as she saw me, she urged her mare to a trot, and came towards me with the loveliest faint blush and dawning smile of welcome, when, all at once, Brutus came to a dead stop, which nearly threw me on his neck, and stood quivering in every limb.
"Do you see that?" he said hoa.r.s.ely. "And I was about to forgive her!"
I saw: my insinuation, baseless enough at the beginning, was now but too well justified. Colonel c.o.c.kshott was on his raw-boned brown hunter, and even my brief acquaintance with horses enabled me to see that Wild Rose no longer regarded him with her former indifference.
Diana and the Colonel had reined up and seemed waiting for me--would Brutus never move? "Show your pride," I said in an agonised whisper, "Treat her with the contempt she deserves!"
"I will," he said between his bit and clenched teeth.
And then Miss Gittens came b.u.mping by on the grey, and, before I could interfere, my Houyhnhnm was off like a shot in pursuit. I saw Diana"s sweet, surprised face: I heard the Colonel"s jarring laugh as I pa.s.sed, and I--I could only bow in mortified appeal, and long for a gulf to leap into like Curtius!
I don"t know what I said to Miss Gittens. I believe I made myself recklessly amiable, and I remember she lingered over parting in a horribly emotional manner. I was too miserable to mind: all the time I was seeing Diana"s astonished eyes, hearing Colonel c.o.c.kshott"s heartless laugh. Brutus made a kind of explanation on our way home: "You meant well," he said, "but you see you were wrong. Your proposed sacrifice, for which I am just as grateful to you as if it had been effected, was useless. All I could do in return was to take you where your true inclination lay. I, too, can be unselfish."
I was too dejected to curse his unselfishness. I did not even trouble myself to explain what it had probably cost me. I only felt drearily that I had had my last ride, I had had enough of horsemanship for ever!
That evening I went to the theatre, I wanted to deaden thought for the moment; and during one of the intervals I saw Lady Verney in the stalls, and went up to speak to her. "Your niece is not with you?" I said; "I thought I should have had a chance of--of saying good-bye to her before she left for the continent."
I had a lingering hope that she might ask me to lunch, that I might have one more opportunity of explaining.
"Oh," said Lady Verney, "but that is all changed; we are not going--at least, not yet."
"Not going!" I cried, incredulous for very joy.
"No, it is all very sudden; but,--well, you are almost like an old friend, and you are sure to hear it sooner or later. I only knew myself this afternoon, when she came in from her ride. Colonel c.o.c.kshott has proposed and she has accepted him. We"re _so_ pleased about it. Wasn"t dear Mrs. ---- delightful in that last act? I positively saw real tears on her face!"
If I had waited much longer she would have seen a similar display of realism on mine. But I went back and sat the interval out, and listened critically to the cla.s.sical selection of chamber-music from the orchestra, and saw the rest of the play, though I have no notion how it ended.
All that night my heart was slowly consumed by a dull rage that grew with every sleepless hour; but the object of my resentment was not Diana. She had only done what as a woman she was amply justified in doing after the pointed slight I had apparently inflicted upon her. Her punishment was sufficient already, for, of course, I guessed that she had only accepted the Colonel under the first intolerable sting of desertion. No: I reserved all my wrath for Brutus, who had betrayed me at the moment of triumph. I planned revenge. Cost what it might I would ride him once more. In the eyes of the law I was his master. I would exercise my legal rights to the full.
The afternoon came at last. I was in a white heat of anger, though as I ascended to the saddle there were bystanders who put a more uncharitable construction upon my complexion.
Brutus cast an uneasy eye at my heels as we started: "What are those things you"ve got on?" he inquired.
"Spurs," I replied curtly.
"You shouldn"t wear them till you have learnt to turn your toes in," he said. "And a whip, too! May I ask what that is for?"