There was a time, he thought, when he, Tom Sedley, might have made her like him. What a fool he was! And that was past--unimproved-- irrevocable--and now she never could. Girls may affect those second likings, he thought, but they never really care after the first. It is pride, or pique, or friendship, or convenience--anything but love.
Love! And what had he to do with love? Who would marry him on four hundred a year, and no expectations? And now he was going to teaze himself because he had not stepped in before Cleve Verney and secured the affections of little Agnes. What a fool he was! What business had he dreaming such dreams? He had got on very well without falling in love with Agnes. Why should he begin now? If he found _that_ folly gaining upon him, he would leave Cardyllian without staying his accustomed week, and never return till the feeling had died as completely as last year"s roses.
Down the hill he marched in his new romance, as he had done more than a year ago, over the same ground, in his old one, when in the moonlight, on the shingle, he had met the same old lady of whom he was now in quest.
The old trees of Malory rose up before him, dark and silent, higher and higher as he approached. It was a black night--no moon; even the stars obscured by black lines of cloud as he pushed open the gate, and entered the deeper darkness of the curving carriage-road that leads up through the trees.
It was six o"clock now, and awfully dark. When he reached the open s.p.a.ce before the hall-door, he looked up at the dim front of the house, but no light glimmered there. The deep-mouthed dog in the stable-yard was yelling his challenge, and he further startled the solitary woods by repeated double-knocks that boomed through the empty hall and chambers of the deserted house.
Despairing of an entrance at last, and not knowing which way to turn, he took the way by chance which led him to the front of the steward"s house, from the diamond cas.e.m.e.nt of which a light was shining. The door lay open; only the latch was closed, such being the primitive security that prevails in that region of poverty and quietude.
With his stick he knocked a little tattoo, and a candle was held over the clumsy banister, and the little servant girl inquired in her clear Welsh accent what he wanted.
So, preliminaries over, he mounted to that chamber in which Mr. Levi had been admitted to a conference among the delft and porcelain, stags, birds, officers, and huntsmen, who, in gay tints and old-fashioned style, occupied every coigne of vantage, and especially that central dresser, which mounted nearly to the beams of the ceiling.
The room is not large, the recesses are deep, the timber-work is of clumsy oak, and the decorations of old-world teapots, jugs, and beasts of the field, and c.o.c.ked-hatted gentlemen in gorgeous colouring and gilding, so very gay and splendid, reflecting the candle-light and the wavering glare of the fire from a thousand curves and angles; the old shining furniture, and carved oak clock; the room itself, and all its properties so perfectly neat and tidy, not one grain of dust or single cob-web to be seen in any nook or crevice, that Tom Sedley was delighted with the scene.
What a delightful retreat, he thought, from the comfortless affectations of the world. Here was the ideal of snugness, and of brightness, and warmth. It amounted to a kind of beauty that absolutely fascinated him.
He looked kindly on the old lady, who had laid down her knitting, and looked at him through a pair of round spectacles, and thought that he would like to adopt her for his housekeeper, and live a solitary life of lonely rabbit-shooting in Penruthyn Park, trout-fishing in the stream, and cruising in an imaginary yacht on the estuary and the contiguous seaboard.
This little plan, or rather vision, pictured itself to Tom Sedley"s morbid and morose imagination as the most endurable form of life to which he could now aspire.
The old lady, meanwhile, was looking at him with an expression of wonder and anxiety, and he said--
"I hope, Mrs. Mervyn, I have not disturbed you much. It is not quite so late as it looks, and as the post-master, Mr. Robson, could not find a messenger, and I was going this way, I undertook to call and give you the letter, having once had the pleasure of making your acquaintance, although you do not, I"m afraid, recollect me."
"I knew it, the moment his face entered the room. It was the same face,"
she repeated, as if she had seen a picture, not a face.
"Just under the walls of Malory; you were anxious to learn whether a sail was in sight, in the direction of Pendillion," said he, suggesting.
"No, there was none; it was not there. People--other people--would have tired of watching long ago; my old eyes never dazzled, sir. And _he_ came, so like. He came--I thought it--was a spirit from the sea; and here he is. There"s something in your voice, sir, and your face. It is wonderful; but not a Verney--no, you told me so. They are cruel men--one way or other they were all cruel, but some more than others--my G.o.d!
much more. There"s something in the eyes--the setting, the light--it can"t be mistaken; something in the curve of the chin, very pretty--but you"re no Verney, you told me--and see how he comes here a second time, smiling--and yet when he goes, it is like waking from a dream where they were, as they all used to look, long ago; and there"s a pain at my heart, for weeks after. It never can be again, sir; I"m growing old. If it ever comes, it will find me so changed--or dead, I sometimes begin to think, and try to make up my mind. There"s a good world, you know, where we"ll all meet and be happy, no more parting or dying, sir. Yet I"d like to see him even once, here, just as he was, a beautiful mortal. G.o.d is so good; and while there"s life there is hope."
"Certainly, hope, there"s always hope; everyone has something to vex them. _I_ have, I know, Mrs. Mervyn; and I was just thinking what a charming drawing-room this is, and how delightful it must be, the quiet and comfort, and glow of such a room. There is no drawing-room on earth I should like so well," said good-natured Tom Sedley, whose sympathies were easy, and who liked saying a pleasant thing when he could; "And this is the letter, and here is a printed receipt, which, when you have been so kind as to sign it, I"ve promised to give my friend, Mr. Robson of the post-office."
"Thank you, sir; this is registered, they call it. I had one a long time ago, with the same kind of green ribbon round it. Won"t you sit down while I sign this?"
"Many thanks," said Sedley, sitting down gravely at the table, and looking so thoughtful, and somehow so much at home, that you might have fancied his dream of living in the Steward"s House had long been accomplished.
"I"d rather not get a letter, sir; I don"t know the handwriting of this address, and a letter can but bring me sorrow. There is but one welcome chance which could befall me, and that _may_ come yet, just a _hope_, sir. Sometimes it brightens up, but it has been low all to-day."
"Sorry you have been out of spirits, Mrs. Mervyn, I know what it is; I"ve been so myself, and I _am_ so, rather, just now," said Tom, who was, in this homely seclusion, tending towards confidence.
"There are now but two handwritings that I should know; one is his, the other Lady Verney"s; all the rest are dead; and this is neither."
"Well, Mrs. Mervyn, if it does not come from either of the persons you care for, it yet may tell you news of them," remarked Tom Sedley, sagely.
"Hardly, sir. I hear every three months from Lady Verney. I heard on Tuesday last. Thank G.o.d, she"s well. No, it"s nothing concerning her, and I think it may be something bad. I am afraid of this letter, sir--_tell_ me I need not be afraid of it."
"I know the feeling, Mrs. Mervyn; I"ve had it myself, when duns were troublesome. But you have nothing of the kind in this happy retreat; which I really do envy you from my heart."
"Envy! Ah, sir--happy retreat! Little you know, sir. I have been for weeks and months at a time half wild with anguish, dreaming of the sea.
How can he know?"
"Very true, I can"t know; I only speak of it as it strikes me at the moment. I fancy I should so like to live here, like a hermit, quite out of the persecutions of luck and the nonsense of the world."
"You are wonderfully like at times, sir--it is beautiful, it is frightful--when I moved the candle then----"
"I"ll sit any way you like best, Mrs. Mervyn, with pleasure, and you can move the candle, and try; if it amuses--no, I mean interests you."
If some of his town friends could have peeped in through a keyhole, and seen Tom Sedley and old Rebecca Mervyn seated at opposite sides of the table, in this very queer old room, so like Darby and Joan, it would have made matter for a comical story.
"Like a flash it comes!"
Tom Sedley looked at the wild, large eyes that were watching him--the round spectacles now removed--across the table, and could not help smiling.
"Yes, the _smile_--it _is_ the smile! You told me, sir, your name was Sedley, not Verney."
"My name is Thomas Sedley. My father was Captain Sedley, and served through a part of the Peninsular campaign. He was not twenty at the battle of Vittoria, and he was at Waterloo. My mother died a few months after I was born."
"Was _she_ a Verney?"
"No; she was distantly connected, but her name was Melville," said he.
"Connected. That accounts for it, perhaps."
"Very likely."
"And your father--dead?" she said, sadly.
"Yes; twenty years ago."
"I know, sir; I remember. They are all locked up _there_, sir, and shan"t come out till old Lady Verney dies. But he was not related to the Verneys?"
"No, they were friends. He managed two of the estates after he left the army, and very well, I"m told."
"Sedley--Thomas Sedley--I remember the name. I did not know the name of Sedley--except on one occasion--I was sent for, but it came to nothing.
I lived so much in the dark about things," and she sighed.
"I forgot, Mrs. Mervyn, how late it is growing, and how much too long I have stayed here admiring your pretty room, and I fear interrupting you," said Tom, suddenly remembering his dinner, and standing up--"If you kindly give me the receipt, I"ll leave it on my way back."
Mrs. Mervyn had clipped the silken cord, and was now reading the letter, and he might as well have addressed his little speech to the china shepherdess, with the straw disc and ribbons on her head, in the bodice and short petticoat of flowered brocade, leaning against a tree, with a lamb with its hind leg and tail broken off, looking affectionately in her face.
"I can"t make it out, sir; your eyes are young--perhaps you would read it to me--it is not very long."
"Certainly, with pleasure"--and Tom Sedley sat down, and, spreading the letter on the table, under the candles, read as follows to the old lady opposite:--