Barney said, I know what youre going to say.
Entering the compartment, Palmer Eldritch shut the door, seated himself across from Barney, and said, Correct, my friend. I let you go just before it happened, before Leo fired the second time. It was my carefully considered decision. And Ive had a long time to dwell on the matter; a little over three centuries. I wont tell you why.
I dont care why, Barney said. He continued to stare down.
Cant you look at me? Palmer Eldritch said.
Im unclean, Barney informed him.
WHO TOLD YOU THAT?
An animal out in the desert. And it had never seen me before; it knew it just by coming close to me. While still five feet away, he thought to himself. Which is fairly far.
Hmm. Maybe its motive It had no G.o.ddam motive. In fact just the opposite it was half-dead from hunger and yearning to eat me. So it must be true.
To the primitive mind, Eldritch said, the unclean and the holy are confused. Merged merely as taboo. The ritual for them, the Aw h.e.l.l, he said bitterly. Its true and you know it. Im alive, I wont die on that ship, but Im defiled.
By me?
Barney said, Make your own guess.
After a pause Eldritch shrugged and said, All right. I was cast out from a star systemI wont identify it because to you it wouldnt matterand I took up residence where that wild, get-rich-quick operator from your system encountered me. And some of that has been pa.s.sed on to you. But not much. Youll gradually, over the years, recover; itll diminish until its gone. Your fellow colonists wont notice because its touched them, too; it began as soon as they partic.i.p.ated in the chewing of what we sold them.
Id like to know, Barney said, what you were trying to do when you introduced Chew-Z to our people.
Perpetuate myself, the creature opposite him said quietly.
He glanced up, then. A form of reproduction?
Yes, the only way I can.
With overwhelming aversion Barney said, My G.o.d. We would all have become your children.
Dont fret about that now, Mr. Mayerson, it said, and laughed in a humanlike, jovial way. Just tend your little garden up top, get your water system going. Frankly I long for death; Ill be glad when Leo Bulero does what hes already contemplating hes begun to hatch it, now that youve refused to take the brain-metabolism toxin. Anyhow, I wish you luck here on Mars; I would have enjoyed it, myself, but things didnt work out and thats that. Eldritch rose to his feet, then.
You could revert, Barney said. Resume the form you were in when Palmer encountered you. You dont have to be there, inhabiting that body, when Leo opens fire on your ship.
Could I? Its tone was mocking. Maybe something worse is waiting for me if I fail to show up there. But you wouldnt know about that; youre an ent.i.ty whose lifespan is relatively short, and in a short span theres a lot less It paused, thinking.
Dont tell me, Barney said. I dont want to know.
The next time he looked up, Palmer Eldritch was gone.
He lit another cigarette. What a mess, he thought. This is how we act when finally we do contact at long last another sentient race within the galaxy. And how it behaves, badly as us and in some respects much worse. And theres nothing to redeem the situation. Not now.
And Leo thought that by going out to confront Eldritch with that tube of toxin we had a chance. Ironic.
And here I am, without having even consummated the miserable act for the courts benefit, physically, basically, unclean.
Maybe Anne can do something for me, he thought suddenly. Maybe there are methods to restore one to the original conditiondimly remembered, such as it wasbefore the late and more acute contamination set in. He tried to remember but he knew so little about Neo-Christianity. Anyhow it was worth a try; it suggested there might be hope, and he was going to need that in the years ahead.
After all, the creature residing in deep s.p.a.ce which had taken the form of Palmer Eldritch bore some relationship to G.o.d; if it was not G.o.d, as he himself had decided, then at least it was a portion of G.o.ds Creation. So some of the responsibility lay on Him. And, it seemed to Barney, He was probably mature enough to recognize this.
Getting Him to admit it, though. That might be something else again.
However, it was still worth talking to Anne Hawthorne; she might know of techniques for accomplishing even that.
But he somehow doubted it. Because he held a terrifying insight, simple, easy to think and utter, which perhaps applied to himself and those around him, to this situation.
There was such a thing as salvation. But Not for everyone.
On the trip back to Terra from their unsuccessful mission to Mars, Leo Bulero endlessly nitpicked and conferred with his colleague, Felix Blau. It was now obvious to both of them what they would have to do.
Hes all the time traveling between a master-satellite around Venus and the other planets, plus his demesne on Luna, Felix pointed out in summation. And we all recognize how vulnerable a ship in s.p.a.ce is; even a small puncture can He gestured graphically.
Wed need the UNs cooperation, Leo said gloomily. Because all he and his organization were allowed to possess were side arms. Nothing that could be used by one ship against another.
Ive got what may be some interesting data on that, Felix said, rummaging in his briefcase. Our people in the UN reach into Hepburn-Gilberts office, as you may or may not know. We cant compel him to do anything, but we can at least discuss it. He produced a doc.u.ment. Our Secretary-General is worried about the consistent appearance of Palmer Eldritch in every one of the so-called reincarnations that users of Chew-Z experience. Hes smart enough to correctly interpret what that implies. So if it keeps happening undoubtedly we can get more cooperation from him, at least on a sub rosa basis; for instance Leo broke in, Felix, let me ask you something. How long have you had an artificial arm?
Glancing down, Felix grunted in surprise. And then, staring at Leo Bulero, he said, So do you, too. And theres something the matter with your teeth; open your mouth and lets see.
Without answering, Leo got to his feet and went into the mens room of the ship to survey himself in the floorlength mirror.
There was no doubt of it. Even the eyes, too. Resignedly he returned to his seat beside Felix Blau. Neither of them said anything for a while; Felix rattled his doc.u.ments mechanicallyoh G.o.d, Leo thought; literally mechanically!and Leo alternated between watching him and dully staring out the window at the blackness and stars of interplan s.p.a.ce.
Finally Felix said, Sort of throws you at first, doesnt it?
It does, Leo agreed hoa.r.s.ely. I mean, hey Felix what do we do?
We accept it, Felix said. He was gazing with fixed intensity down the aisle at the people in the other seats. Leo looked and saw, too. The same deformity of the jaw. The same brilliant, unfleshly right hand, one holding a homeopape, another a book, a third its fingers restlessly tapping. On and on and on until the termination of the aisle and the beginning of the pilots cabin. In there, too, he realized. Its all of us.
But I just dont quite get what it means, Leo complained helplessly. Are we inyou know. Translated by that foul drug and this is He gestured. Were both out of our minds, is that it?
Felix Blau said, Have you taken Chew-Z?
No. Not since that one intravenous injection on Luna.
Neither have I, Felix said. Ever. So its spread. Without the use of the drug. Hes everywhere, or rather its everywhere. But this is good; thisll decidedly cause Hepburn-Gilbert to reconsider the UNs stand. h.e.l.l have to face exactly what this thing amounts to. I think Palmer Eldritch made a mistake; he went too far.
Maybe it couldnt help it, Leo said. Maybe the d.a.m.n organism was like a protoplasm; it had to ingest and growinstinctively it spread out farther and farther. Until its destroyed at the source, Leo thought. And were the ones to do it, because Im personally h.o.m.o sapiens evolvens : Im the human of the future right here sitting in this seat now. If we can get the UNs help.
Im the Protector, he said to himself, of our race.
He wondered if this blight had reached Terra, yet. A civilization of Palmer Eldritches, gray and hollow and stooped and immensely tall, each with his artificial arm and eccentric teeth and mechanical, slitted eyes. It would not be pleasant. He, the Protector, shrank from the envisioning of it. And suppose it reaches our minds? he asked himself. Not just the anatomy of the thing but the mentality as well what would happen to our plans to kill the thing?
Say, I bet this still isnt real, Leo said to himself. I know Im right and Felix isnt; Im still under the influence of that one dose; I never came back outthats whats the matter. Thinking this he felt relief, because there was still a real Terra untouched; it was only himself that was affected. No matter how genuine Felix beside him and the ship and the memory of his visit to Mars to see about Barney Mayerson seemed.
Hey, Felix, he said, nudging him. Youre a figment. Get it? This is a private world of mine. I cant prove it, naturally, but Sorry, Felix said laconically. Youre wrong.
Aw, come on! Eventually Im going to wake up or whatever it is you finally do when that miserable staff is out of your system. Im going to keep drinking a lot of liquids, you know, flush it out of my veins. He waved. Stewardess. He beckoned to her urgently. Bring us our drinks now. Bourbon and water for me. He glanced inquiringly at Felix.
The same, Felix murmured. Except I want a little ice. But not too much because that way when it melts the drink is no good.
The stewardess presently approached, tray extended. Yours is with ice? she asked Felix; she was blonde and pretty, with green eyes the texture of good polished stones, and when she bent forward her articulated, spherical b.r.e.a.s.t.s were partially exposed. Leo noticed that, liked that; however, the distortion of her jaw ruined the total impression and he felt disappointed, cheated. And now, he saw, the lovely long-lashed eyes had vanished. Been replaced. He looked away, disgruntled and depressed, until she had gone. It was going to be especially hard, he realized, regarding women; he did not for instance antic.i.p.ate with any pleasure the first sight of Roni Fugate.
You saw? Felix said as he drank his drink.
Yes, and it proves how quickly weve got to act, Leo said. As soon as we land in New York we look up that wily, no-good nitwit Hepburn-Gilbert.
What for? Felix Blau asked.
Leo stared at him, then pointed at Felixs artificial, shiny fingers holding his gla.s.s.
I rather like them now, Felix said meditatively.
Thats what I thought, Leo thought. Thats exactly what I was expecting. But I still have faith I can get at the thing, if not this week then next. If not this month then sometime. I know it; I know myself now and what I can do. Its all up to me. Which is just fine. I saw enough in the future not to ever give up, even if Im the only one who doesnt succ.u.mb, whos still keeping the old way alive, the pre-Palmer Eldritch way. Its nothing more than faith in powers implanted in me from the start which I canin the enddraw on and beat him with. So in a sense it isnt me; its something in me that even that thing Palmer Eldritch cant reach and consume because since its not me its not mine to lose. I feel it growing. Withstanding the external, nonessential alterations, the arm, the eyes, the teethits not touched by any of these three, the evil, negative trinity of alienation, blurred reality, and despair that Eldritch brought back with him from Proxima. Or rather from the s.p.a.ce in between.
He thought, We have lived thousands of years under one old-time plague already thats partly spoiled and destroyed our holiness, and that from a source higher than Eldritch . And if that cant completely obliterate our spirit, how can this? Is it maybe going to finish the job? If it thinks soif Palmer Eldritch believes thats what he arrived here forhes wrong. Because that power in me that was implanted without my knowledge it wasnt even reached by the original ancient blight. How about that?
My evolved mind tells me all these things, he thought. Those E Therapy sessions werent in vain I may not have lived as long as Eldritch in one sense, but in another sense I have; Ive lived a hundred thousand years, that of my accelerated evolution, and out of it Ive become very wise; I got my moneys worth. Nothing could be clearer to me now. And down in the resorts of Antarctica Ill join the others like myself; well be a guild of Protectors. Saving the rest.
Hey Blau, he said, poking with his non-artificial elbow the semi-thing beside him. Im your descendant. Elditch showed up from another s.p.a.ce but I came from another time. Got it?
Um, Felix Blau murmured.
Look at my double-dome, my big forehead; Im a bubblehead, right? And this rind; its not just on top, its all over. So in my case the therapy really took. So dont give up yet. Believe in me.
Okay, Leo.
Stick around for a while. Therell be action. I may be looking out at you through a couple of Jensen luxvid artificial-type eyes but its still me inside here. Okay?
Okay, Felix Blau said. Anything you say, Leo.
Leo? How come you keep calling me Leo?
Sitting rigidly upright in his chair, supporting himself with both hands, Felix Blau regarded him imploringly. Think, Leo. For chrissakes think .
Oh yeah. Sobered, he nodded; he felt chastened. Sorry. It was just a temporary slip. I know what youre referring to; I know what youre afraid of. But it didnt mean anything. He added, Ill keep thinking, like you say. I wont forget again. He nodded solemnly, promising.
The ship rushed on, nearer and nearer Earth.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR.
PHILIP K. d.i.c.k was born in Chicago in 1928 and lived most of his life in California. He briefly attended the University of California, but dropped out before completing any cla.s.ses. In 1952 he began writing professionally and proceeded to write thirty-six novels and five short story collections. He won the Hugo Award for best novel in 1962 for The Man in the High Castle and the John W. Campbell Memorial Award for best novel of the year in 1974 for Flow My Tears the Policeman Said . Philip K. d.i.c.k died of heart failure following a stroke on March 2, 1982, in Santa Ana, California.
end.