Im in, he said to himself with every sort of reaction: gladness, relief, terror, and then the melancholy that came with an overwhelming sense of defeat. Anyhow , he thought as he rode back to his conapt, this beats stepping out into the midday sun, becoming, as they say, a mad dog or an Englishman .
Or did it?
Anyhow, this was slower . It took longer to die this way, possibly fifty years, and that appealed to him more. But why, he did not know.
However, he reflected, I can always decide to speed it up. On the colony world there are undoubtedly as many opportunities for that as there are here, perhaps even more.
While he was packing his possessions, ensconced for the last time in his beloved, worked-for conapt, the vidphone rang.
Mr. Bayerson A girl, some minor official of some sub-front-office department of the UNs colonizing apparatus. Smiling .
Mayerson.
Yes. What I called for, you see, is to tell you your destination, andlucky you, Mr. Mayerson!it will be the fertile area of Mars known as Fineburg Crescent. I know youll enjoy it there. Well, so goodbye, sir, and good luck. She kept right on smiling, even up until he had cut off the image. It was the smile of someone who was not going.
Good luck to you, too, he said.
Fineburg Crescent. He had heard of it; relatively, it actually was fertile. Anyhow the colonists there had gardens: it was not, like some areas, a waste of frozen methane crystals and gas descending in violent, ceaseless storms year in, year out. Believe it or not he could go up to the surface from time to time, step out of his hovel.
In the corner of the living room of his conapt rested the suitcase containing Dr. Smile; he switched it on and said, Doctor, youll have a bit of trouble believing this, but I have no further need of your services. Goodbye and good luck, as the girl who isnt going said. He added by way of explanation, I volunteered.
Cdryx.x.xxx, Dr. Smile blared, slipping a cog down below in the conapt buildings bas.e.m.e.nt. But for your typethats virtually impossible. What was the reason, Mr. Mayerson?
The death wish, he said, and shut the psychiatrist off; he resumed his packing in silence. G.o.d , he thought. And a little while ago Roni and I had such big plans; we were going to sell out Leo on a grand scale, go over to Eldritch with an enormous splash. What happened to all that? Ill tell you what happened, he said to himself; Leo acted first.
And now Roni has my job. Exactly what she wanted.
The more he thought of it the angrier it made him, in a baffled sort of way. But there was nothing he could do about it, at least not in this world. Maybe when he chewed Can-D or Chew-Z he could inhabit a universe where There was a knock at the door.
Hi, Leo said. Can I come in? He entered the apt, wiping his immense forehead with a folded handkerchief. Hot day. I looked in the pape and its gone up six-tenths of If you came to offer me my job back, Barney said, pausing in his packing, its too late because Ive entered the service. Im leaving tomorrow for the Fineburg Crescent. It would be a final irony if Leo wanted to make peace; the ultimate turn of the blind wheels of creation.
Im not offering you your job back. And I know youve been inducted; Ive got informants in the selective service and anyhow Dr. Smile notified me. I was paying himyou didnt know this, of courseto report to me on your progress in declining under stress.
What do you want, then?
Leo said, I want you to accept a job with Felix Blau. Its all worked out.
The rest of my life, Barney said quietly, will be spent at Fineburg Crescent. Dont you understand?
Take it easy. Im trying to make the best of a bad situation and youd better, too. Both of us acted too hastily, me in firing you, you in giving yourself up to your Dracula-type selective service board. Barney, I think I know a way to ensnare Palmer Eldritch. Ive hashed it out with Blau and he likes the idea. Youre to pose as a colonist Leo corrected himself. Or rather go ahead, live your actual colonist-type life, become one of the group. Now, one of these days, probably in the next week, Eldritch is going to start peddling Chew-Z in your area. They may right away approach you; anyhow we hope so. Were counting on it.
Barney rose to his feet. And Im supposed to jump to and buy.
Right.
Why?
You file a complaintour legal boys will draw it up for youwith the UN. Declaring that the G.o.dd.a.m.n miserable unholy c.r.a.p produced highly toxic side effects in you; never mind what, now. Well escalate you into a test case, compel the UN to ban Chew-Z as harmful, dangerouswell keep it off Terra completely. Actually its ideal, you quitting your job with P.P. and going into the service; it couldnt have happened at a better time.
Barney shook his head.
Whats that mean? Leo said.
Im out of it.
Why?
Barney shrugged. Actually he did not know. After the way I let you down You panicked. You didnt know what to do; its not your job. I should have had Smile contact the head of our company police, John Seltzer. All right, so you made a mistake. Its over.
No, Barney said. Because, he thought, of what I learned from it about myself; I cant forget that. Those insights, they only go one way, and thats straight at your heart. And theyre poison-filled.
Dont brood, for chrissakes. I mean, its morbid; you still have a whole lifetime ahead, even if it is at Fineburg Crescent; I mean, youd probably have been drafted anyhow. Right? You agree? Agitated, Leo paced about the living room. What a mess. All right, dont help us out; let Eldritch and those Proxers do whatever it is theyre up to, taking over the Sol system or even worse, the entire universe, starting with us. He halted, glared at Barney.
Let methink it over.
Waitll you take Chew-Z. Youll find out. Its going to contaminate us all, starting inside and working to the surfaceits utter derangement. Wheezing with exertion, Leo paused to cough violently. Too many cigars, he said, weakly. Jeez. He eyed Barney. The guys given me a day, you know that? Im supposed to capitulate and if not He snapped his fingers.
I cant be on Mars that soon, Barney said. Let alone be set up to buy a bindle of Chew-Z from a pusher.
I know that. Leos voice was hard. But he cant destroy me that soon; itll take him weeks, maybe even months. And by then well have someone in the courts who can show damages. I recognize this doesnt sound to you like much, but Barney said, Contact me when Im on Mars. At my hovel.
Ill do that! Ill do that! And then, half to himself, Leo said, And itll give you a reason.
Pardon?
Nothing, Barney.
Explain.
Leo shrugged. h.e.l.l, I know the spot youre in. Ronis got your job; you were right. And I had you traced; I know you went beeline-wise to your ex. You still love her and she wont come with you, will she? I know you better than you know yourself. I know exactly why you didnt show up to bail me out when Palmer had me; your whole life has led up to your replacing me and now thats collapsed, you have to start over with something new. Too bad, but you did it to yourself, by overreaching. See, I dont plan to step aside, never did. Youre good, but not as an executive, only as a Pre-Fash boy; youre too petty. Look at how you turned down those pots of Richard Hnatts. That was a dead giveaway, Barney. Im sorry.
Okay, Barney said finally. Possibly youre right.
Well, so you learned a lot about yourself. And you can start again, Fineburg Crescent-wise. Leo slapped him on the back. Become a leader in your hovel; make it creative and productive or whatever hovels do. And youll be a spy for Felix Blau; thats big-time.
Barney said, I could have gone over to Eldritch.
Yeah, but you didnt. Who cares what you might have done?
You think I did the right thing to volunteer for the service?
Leo said quietly, Fella, what the h.e.l.l else could you do?
There was no answer to that. And they both knew it.
When the urge strikes you, Leo said, to feel sorry for yourself, remember this. Palmer Eldritch wants to kill me Im a lot worse off than you.
I guess so. It rang true, and he had one more intuition to accompany that.
His situation would become the same as Leos the moment he initiated litigation against Palmer Eldritch.
He did not look forward to it.
That night he found himself on a UN transport sighted on the planet Mars as its destination. In the seat next to him sat a pretty, frightened, but desperately calm dark-haired girl with features as sharply etched as those of a magazine model. Her name, she told him almost as soon as the ship had attained escape velocityshe was patently eager to break her tension by conversation with anyone, on any topicwas Anne Hawthorne. She could have avoided the draft, she declared a trifle wistfully, but she hadnt; she believed it to be her patriotic duty to accept the chilling UN greetings! summons.
How would you have avoided it? he asked, curious.
A heart murmur, Anne said. And an arrhythmia, paroxysmal tachycardia.
How about premature contractions such as auricular, nodal, and ventricular, auricular tachycardia, auricular flutter, auricular fibrillation, not to mention night cramps? Barney asked, having himself lookedwithout resultinto the topic.
I could have produced doc.u.ments from hospitals and doctors and insurance companies testifying for me. She glanced him over, up and down, then, very interestedly, It sounds as if you could have gotten out, Mr. Payerson.
Mayerson. I volunteered, Miss Hawthorne. But I couldnt have gotten out, not for long, he said to himself.
Theyre very religious in the colonies. So I hear, anyhow. What denomination are you, Mr. Mayerson?
Um, he said, stuck.
I think youd better find out before we get there. Theyll ask you and expect you to attend services. She added, Its primarily the use of that drugyou know. Can-D. Its brought about a lot of conversions to the established churches although many of the colonists find in the drug itself a religious experience thats adequate for them. I have relatives on Mars; they write me so I know. Im going to the Fineburg Crescent; where are you going?
Up the creek, he thought. The same, he said, aloud.
Possibly you and Ill be in the same hovel, Anne Hawthorne said, with a thoughtful expression on her precisely cut face. I belong to the Reformed Branch of the NeoAmerican Church, the New Christian Church of the United States and Canada. Actually our roots are very old: in A.D. 300 our forefathers had bishops that attended a conference in France; we didnt split off from the other churches as late as everyone thinks. So you can see we have Apostolic Succession. She smiled at him in a solemn, friendly fashion.
Honest, Barney said. I believe it. Whatever that is.
Theres a Neo-American mission church in the Fineburg Crescent and therefore a vicar, a priest; I expect to be able to take Holy Communion at least once a month. And confess twice a year, as were supposed to, as Ive been doing on Terra. Our church has many sacraments have you taken either of the two Greater Sacraments, Mr. Mayerson?
Uh he hesitated.
Christ specified that we observe two sacraments, Anne Hawthorne explained patiently. Baptismby waterand Holy Communion. The latter in memory of Him it was inaugurated at the Last Supper.
Oh. You mean the bread and the wine.
You know how the eating of Can-D translatesas they call itthe partaker to another world. Its secular, however, in that its temporary and only a physical world. The bread and the wine Im sorry, Miss Hawthorne, Barney said, but Im afraid I cant believe in that, the body and blood business. Its too mystical for me. Too much based on unproved premises, he said to himself. But she was right; sacral religion had, because of Can-D, become common in the colony moons and planets, and he would be encountering it, as Anne said.
Are you going to try Can-D? Anne asked.
Sure.
Anne said, You have faith in that. And yet you know that the Earth it takes you to isnt the real one.
I dont want to argue it, he said. Its experienced as real; thats all I know.
So are dreams.
But this is stronger, he pointed out. Clearer. And its done in He had started to say communion . In company with others who really go along. So it cant be entirely an illusion. Dreams are private; thats the reason we identify them as illusion. But Perky Pat It would be interesting to know what the people who make the Perky Pat layouts think about it all, Anne said reflectively.
I can tell you. To them its just a business. As probably the manufacture of sacramental wine and wafers is to those who If youre going to try Can-D, Anne said, and put your faith for a new life into it, can I induce you to try baptism and confirmation into the Neo-American Christian Church? So you could see if your faith deserves to be put into that, too? Or the First Revised Christian Church of Europe which of course also observes the two Greater Sacraments. Once youve partic.i.p.ated in Holy Communion I cant, he said. I believe in Can-D, he said to himself, and, if necessary, Chew-Z. You can put your faith in something twenty-one centuries old; Ill stick with something new. And that is that.
Anne said, To be frank, Mr. Mayerson, I intend to try to convert as many colonists as possible away from Can-D to the traditional Christian practices; thats the central reason I declined to put together a case that would exempt me from the draft. She smiled at him, a lovely smile which, in spite of himself, warmed him. Is that wrong? Ill tell you frankly: I think the use of Can-D indicates a genuine hunger on the part of these people to find a return to what we in the Neo-American Church I think, Barney said gently, you should let these people alone. And me, too, he thought. Ive got enough troubles as it is; dont add your religious fanaticism and make it worse. But she did not look like his idea of a religious fanatic, nor did she talk like one. He was puzzled. Where had she gotten such strong, steady convictions? He could imagine it existing in the colonies, where the need was so great, but she had acquired it on Earth.
Therefore the existence of Can-D, the experience of group translation, did not fully explain it. Maybe, he thought, its been the transition by gradual stages of Earth to the h.e.l.l-like blasted wasteland which all of them could foresee h.e.l.l, experience!that had done it; the hope of another life, on different terms, had been reawakened.
Myself, he thought, the individual Ive been, Barney Mayerson of Earth, who worked for P. P. Layouts and lived in the renown conapt building with the unlikely low number 33, is dead. That person is finished, wiped out as if by a sponge.
Whether I like it or not Ive been born again.
Being a colonist on Mars, he said, isnt going to be like living on Terra. Maybe when I get there He ceased; he had intended to say, Maybe Ill be more interested in your dogmatic church . But as yet he could not honestly say that, even as a conjecture; he rebelled from an idea that was still foreign to his makeup. And yet Go ahead, Anne Hawthorne said. Finish your sentence.
Talk to me again, Barney said, when Ive lived down in the bottom of a hovel on an alien world for a while. When Ive begun my new life, if you can call it a life, as a colonist. His tone was bitter; it surprised him, the ferocity it bordered on being anguish, he realized with shame.
Anne said placidly, All right. Ill be glad to.
After that the two of them sat in silence; Barney read a homeopape and, beside him, Anne Hawthorne, the fanatic girl missionary to Mars, read a book. He peered at the t.i.tle, and saw that it was Eric Ledermans great text on colonial living, Pilgrim without Progress . G.o.d knew where she had gotten a copy; the UN had condemned it, made it incredibly difficult to obtain. And to read a copy of it here on a UN shipit was a singular act of courage; he was impressed.
Glancing at her he realized that she was really overwhelmingly attractive to him, except that she was just a little too thin, wore no makeup, and had as much of her heavy dark hair as possible covered with a round, white, veil-like cap; she looked, he decided, as if she were dressed for a long journey which would end in church. Anyhow he liked her manner of speaking, her compa.s.sionate, modulated voice. Would he run into her again on Mars?
It came to him that he hoped so. In fact was this improper?he hoped even to find himself partic.i.p.ating with her in the corporate act of taking Can-D.
Yes, he thought, its improper because I know what I intend, what the experience of translation with her would signify to me.
He hoped it anyhow.
EIGHT.
Extending his hand, Norm Schein said heartily, Hi there, Mayerson; Im the official greeter from our hovel. Welcomeughto Mars.
Im Fran Schein, his wife said, also shaking hands with Barney Mayerson. We have a very orderly, stable hovel here; I dont think youll find it too dreadful. She added, half to herself, Just dreadful enough. She smiled, but Mayerson did not smile back; he looked grim, tired, and depressed, as most new colonists did on arrival to a life which they knew was difficult and essentially meaningless. Dont expect us to sell you on the virtues of this, she said. Thats the UNs job. Were nothing more than victims like yourself. Except that weve been here a while.
Dont make it sound so bad, Norm said in warning.
But it is, Fran said. Mr. Mayerson is facing it; he isnt going to accept any pretty story. Right, Mr. Mayerson?
I could do with a little illusion at this point, Barney said as he seated himself on a metal bench within the hovel entrance. The sand-plow which had brought him, meanwhile, unloaded his gear; he watched dully.
Sorry, Fran said.
Okay to smoke? Barney got out a package of Terran cigarettes; the Scheins stared at them fixedly and he then offered them each a chance at the pack, guiltily.
You arrived at a difficult time, Norm Schein explained. Were right in the middle of a debate. He glanced around at the others. Since youre now a member of our hovel I dont see why you shouldnt be brought into it; after all it concerns you, too.