Sure, Barney said. You know, we got ourselves into this. No one made us chew Chew-Z. He dropped his cigarette to the floor and erased its life with the toe of his boot. And you wont give me your bindle, he said. But it was not Anne denying it to him. It was Palmer Eldritch, operating through her, holding back.
Even so, I can take it from her, he realized.
Stop, she said. Or rather it said.
Hey, Norm Schein yelled from the transmitter room, jumping to his feet, amazed. What are you doing, Mayerson? Let her The strong artificial arm struck him; the metal fingers clawed and it was almost enough; they pried at his neck, knowingly, alert to the spot where death could most effectively be administered. But he had the bindle and that was it; he let the creature go.
Dont take it, Barney, she said quietly. Its just too soon after the first dose. Please.
Without answering he started off, toward his own compartment.
Will you do one thing for me? she called after him. Divide it in half, let me take it with you. So I can be along.
Why? he said.
Maybe I can help you by being there.
Barney said, I can make it on my own. If I can reach Emily before the divorce, before Richard Hnatt shows upas I first did, he thought. Thats the only place I have any real chance. Again and again, he thought. Try! Until Im successful.
He locked the door.
As he devoured the Chew-Z he thought about Leo Bulero. You got away. Probably because Palmer Eldritch was weaker than you. Is that it? Or was Eldritch simply playing out the line, letting you dangle? You could come here and stop me; now, though, theres no stopping. Even Eldritch warned me, speaking through Anne Hawthorne; it was too much even for him, and now what? Have I gone so far that Ive plunged to the bottom out of even his sight? Where even Palmer Eldritch cant go, where nothing exists.
And of course, he thought, I cant get back up .
His head ached and he shut his eyes involuntarily. It was as if his brain, alive and frightened, had physically stirred; he felt it tremble. Altered metabolism, he realized. Shock. Im sorry, he said to himself, apologizing to his somatic part. Okay?
Help, he said, aloud.
Aw, helpmy a.s.s, a mans voice grated. What do you want me to do, hold your hand? Open your eyes or get out of here. That period you spent on Mars, it ruined you and Im fed up. Come on!
Shut up, Barney said. Im sick; I went too far. You mean all you can do is bawl me out? He opened his eyes, and faced Leo Bulero, who sat at his big, littered oak desk. Listen, Barney said. Im on Chew-Z; I cant stop it. If you cant help me then Im finished. His legs bent as if melting as he made his way to a nearby chair and seated himself.
Regarding him thoughtfully, smoking a cigar, Leo said, Youre on Chew-Z now? He scowled. As of two years ago Its banned?
Yeah. Banned. My G.o.d. I dont know if its worth my talking to you; what are you, some kind of phantasm from the past?
You heard what I said; I said Im on it . He clenched his fists.
Okay, okay. Leo puffed ma.s.ses of heavy gray smoke, agitatedly. Dont get excited. h.e.l.l, I went ahead and saw the future, too, and it didnt kill me. And anyhow, for chrissakes, youre a precogyou ought to be used to it. Anyhow He leaned back in his chair, swiveled about, then crossed his legs. I saw this monument, see? Guess to who. To me. He eyed Barney, then shrugged.
Barney said, I have nothing to gain, nothing at all, from this time period. I want my wife back. I want Emily. He felt enraged, upsurging bitterness. The bile of disappointment.
Emily. Leo Bulero nodded. Then, into his intercom, he said, Miss Gleason, please dont let anything bother us for a while. He again turned his attention to Barney, surveying him acutely. That fellow Hnattis that his name?got hauled in by the UN police along with the rest of the Eldritch organization; see, Hnatt had this contract that he signed with Eldritchs business agent. Well, they gave him the choice of a prison sentenceokay, I admit its unfair, but dont blame meor emigrating. He emigrated.
What about her?
With that pot business of hers? How the h.e.l.l could she conduct it from a hovel underneath the Martian desert? Naturally she dumped the dumb jerk. Well so see if you had waited Barney said, Are you really Leo Bulero? Or are you Palmer Eldritch? And this is to make me feel even worseis that it?
Raising an eyebrow, Leo said, Palmer Eldritch is dead.
But this isnt real; this is a drug-induced fantasy. Translation.
The h.e.l.l it isnt real. Leo glared at him. What does that make me, then? Listen. He pointed his finger angrily at Barney. Theres nothing unreal about me; youre the one whos a G.o.dd.a.m.n phantasm, like you said, out of the past. I mean, youve got the situation completely backward. You hear this? He banged on the surface of his desk with all the strength in his hands. The sound reality makes. And I say that your ex-wife and Hnatt are divorced; I know because she sells her pots to us for minning. In fact she was in Roni Fugates office last Thursday. Grumpily, he smoked his cigar, still glaring at Barney.
Then all I have to do, Barney said, is look her up. It was as simple as that.
Oh yeah, Leo agreed, nodding. But just one thing. What are you going to do with Roni Fugate? Youre living with her in this world that you seem to like to imagine as unreal.
Astounded, Barney said, After two years?
And Emily knows it because since shes been selling her pots to us through Roni the two of them have become buddies; they tell each other their secrets. Look at it from Emilys viewpoint. If she lets you come back to her Ronill probably stop accepting her pots for minning. Its a risk, and I bet Em wont want to take it. I mean, we give Roni absolute say-so, like you had in your time.
Barney said, Emily would never put her career ahead of her own life.
Youdid. Maybe Em learned from you, got the message. And anyhow, even without that Hnatt guy, why would Emily want to go back to you? Shes leading a very successful life, with her career; shes planet-famous and shes got skin after skin salted away you want the truth? Shes got all the men she wants. Any darn time. Em doesnt need you; face it, Barney. Anyhow, whats lacking about Roni? Frankly I wouldnt mind I think youre Palmer Eldritch, Barney said.
Me? Leo tapped his chest. Barney, I killed Eldritch; thats why they put up that monument to me. His voice was low and quiet but he had flushed deep red. Do I have stainless steel teeth? Do I have an artificial arm? Leo lifted up both his hands. Well? And my eyes Barney moved toward the door of the office.
Where are you going? Leo demanded.
I know, Barney said as he opened the door, that if I can see Emily even for just a few minutes No you cant, fella, Leo said. He shook his head, firmly.
Waiting in the corridor for the elevator Barney thought, Maybe it really was Leo. And maybe its true .
So I cant succeed without Palmer Eldritch.
Anne was right; I should have given half the bindle back to her and then we could have tried this together. Anne, Palmer its all the same, its all him, the creator. Thats who and what he is, he realized. The owner of these worlds. The rest of us just inhabit them and when he wants to he can inhabit them, too. Can kick over the scenery, manifest himself, push things in any direction he chooses. Even be any of us he cares to. All of us, in fact, if he desires. Eternal, outside of time and spliced-together segments of all other dimensions he can even enter a world in which hes dead .
Palmer Eldritch had gone to Prox a man and returned a G.o.d.
Aloud, as he stood waiting for the elevator, Barney said, Palmer Eldritch, help me. Get my wife back for me. He looked around; no one was present to overhear him.
The elevator arrived. The doors slid aside. Inside the elevator waited four men and two women, silently.
All of them were Palmer Eldritch. Men and women alike: artificial arm, stainless steel teeth the gaunt, hollowed-out gray face with Jensen eyes.
Virtually in unison, but not quite, as if competing with each other for first chance to utter it, the six people said, Youre not going to be able to get back to your own world from here, Mayerson; youve gone too far, this time, taken a ma.s.sive overdose. As I warned .you when you s.n.a.t.c.hed it away from me at Chicken Pox Prospects.
Cant you help me? Barney said. Ive got to get her back.
You dont understand, the Palmer Eldritches all said, collectively shaking their heads; it was the same motion that Leo had just now made, and the same firm no. As was pointed out to you: since this is your future youre already established here. So theres no place for you; thats a matter of simple logic. Whom I supposed to snare Emily for? You? Or the legitimate Barney Mayerson who lived naturally up to this time? And dont think he hasnt tried to get Emily back. Dont you supposeand obviously you haventthat as the Hnatts split up he made his move? I did what I could for him, then; it was quite a few months ago, just after Richard Hnatt was shipped to Mars, kicking and protesting the whole way. Personally I dont blame Hnatt; it was a dirty deal, all engineered by Leo, of course. And look at yourself. The six Palmer Eldritches gestured contemptuously. Youre a phantasm, as Leo said; I can see through you, literally. Ill tell you in more accurate terminology what you are. From the six the calm, dispa.s.sionate statement came, then. Youre a ghost.
Barney stared at them and they stared back placidly, unmoved.
Try building your life on that premise, the Eldritches continued. Well, you got what St. Paul promises, as Anne Hawthorne was blabbing about; youre no longer clothed in a perishable, fleshly bodyyouve put on an ethereal body in its place. How do you like it, Mayerson? Their tone was mocking, but compa.s.sion showed on the six faces; it showed in the weird, slitted mechanical eyes of each of them. You cant die; you dont eat or drink or breathe air you can, if you wish, pa.s.s directly through walls, in fact through any material object you care to. Youll learn that, in time. Evidently on the road to Damascus Paul experienced a vision relating to this phenomenon. That and a lot more besides. The Eldritches added, Im inclined, as you can see, to be somewhat sympathetic to the Early- and Neo-Christian point of view, such as Anne holds. It a.s.sists in explaining a great deal.
Barney said, What about you, Eldritch? Youre dead, killed two years ago by Leo. And I know, he thought, that youre suffering what I am; the same process must have overtaken you, somewhere along the route. You gave yourself an overdose of Chew-Z and now for you theres no return to your own time and world, either.
That monument, the six Eldritches said, murmuring together like a rattling, far-off wind, is highly inaccurate. A ship of mine had a running gun-battle with one of Leos, just off Venus; I was aboard, or supposed to be aboard, ours. Leo was aboard his. He and I had just held a conference together with Hepburn-Gilbert on Venus and on the way back to Terra Leo took the opportunity to jump our ship. Its on that premise that the monument was erecteddue to Leos astute economic pressure, applied in all the proper political bodies. He got himself into the history books once and for all.
Two persons, a well-dressed executive-type young man and a girl who was possibly a secretary, strolled down the hall; they glanced curiously at Barney and then at the six creatures within the elevator.
The creatures ceased to be Palmer Eldritch; the change took place before him. All at once they were six individual, ordinary men and women. Utterly heterogeneous.
Barney walked away from the elevator. For a measureless interval he roamed the corridors and then, by ramp, descended to ground level where the P. P. Layouts directory was situated. There, reading it, he located his own name and office number. Ironicallyand this bordered on being just too muchhe held the t.i.tle he had tried to pry by force out of Leo not so long ago; he was listed as Pre-Fash Supervisor, clearly outranking every individual consultant. So again, if he had only waited Beyond doubt Leo had managed to bring him back from Mars. Rescued him from the world of the hovel. And this implied a great deal.
The planned litigationor some subst.i.tute tactichad succeeded. Would, rather. And perhaps soon.
The mist of hallucination cast up by Palmer Eldritch, the fisherman of human souls, was enormously effective, but not perfect. Not in the long run. So had he stopped consuming Chew-Z after the initial dose Perhaps Anne Hawthornes possession of a bindle had been deliberate. A means of maneuvering him into taking it once again and very quickly. If so, her protests had been spurious; she had intended that he seize it, and, like a beast in a superior maze, he had scrambled for the glimpsed way out. Manipulated by Palmer Eldritch through every inch of the way.
And there was no path back.
Ifhe was to believe Eldritch, speaking through Leo. Through his congregation everywhere. But that was the key word, if.
By elevator he ascended to the floor of his own office.
When he opened the office door the man seated at the desk raised his head and said, Close that thing. We dont have a lot of time. The man, and it was himself, rose; Barney scrutinized him and then, reflexively, shut the door as instructed. Thanks, his future self said, icily. And stop worrying about getting back to your own time; you will. Most of what Eldritch didor does, if you prefer to regard it that wayconsists of manufacturing surface changes: he makes things appear the way he wants, but that doesnt mean they are. Follow me?
Illtake your word for it.
His future self said, I realize thats easy for me to say, now; Eldritch still shows up from time to time, sometimes even publicly, but I know and everyone else right down to the most ignorant readers of the lowest level of papes know that its nothing but a phantasm; the actual man is in a grave on Sigma 14-B and thats verified. Youre in a different spot. For you the actual Palmer Eldritch could enter at any minute; what would be actual for you would be a phantasm for me, and the same is going to be true when you get back to Mars. Youll be encountering a genuine living Palmer Eldritch and I dont frankly envy you.
Barney said, Just tell me how to get back.
You dont care about Emily any more?
Im scared. And he felt his own gaze, the perception and comprehension of the future, sear him. Okay, he blurted, what am I supposed to do, pretend otherwise to impress you? Anyhow youd know.
Where Eldritch has the advantage over everyone and anyone whos consumed Chew-Z is that recovery from the drug is excessively r.e.t.a.r.ded and gradual; its a series of levels, each progressively less an induced illusion and more compounded of authentic reality. Sometimes the process takes years. This is why the UN belatedly banned it and turned against Eldritch; Hepburn-Gilbert initially approved it because he honestly believed that it aided the user to penetrate to concrete reality, and then it became obvious to everyone who used it or witnessed it being used that it did exactly the Then I never recovered from my first dose.
Right; you never got back to clear-cut reality. As you would have if you had abstained another twenty-four hours. Those phantasms of Eldritch, imposed on normal matter, would have faded away entirely; you would have been free. But Eldritch got you to accept that second, stronger dose; he knew you had been sent to Mars to operate against him, although he didnt have any idea in what way. He was afraid of you.
It sounded strange to hear that; it did not ring right. Eldritch, with all he had done and could dobut Eldritch had seen the monument of the future; he knew that somehow, in some manner, they were going to kill him after all.
The door of the office abruptly opened.
Roni Fugate looked in and saw the two of them; she said nothingshe simply stared, open-mouthed. And then at last murmured, A phantasm. I think its the one standing, the one nearest me. Shakily, she entered the office, shutting the door after her.
Thats right, his future self said, scrutinizing her sharply. You can test it out by putting your hand into it.
She did so; Barney Mayerson saw her hand pa.s.s into his body and disappear. Ive seen phantasms before, she said, withdrawing her hand; now she was more composed. But never of you, dear. Everyone who consumed that abomination became a phantasm at one time or another, but recently theyve become less frequent to us. At one time, about a year ago, you saw them everytime you turned around. She added, Hepburn-Gilbert finally saw one of himself; just what he deserved.
You realize, his future self said to Roni, that hes under the domination of Eldritch, even though to us the man is dead. So we have to work cautiously. Eldritch can begin to affect his perception at any time, and when that happens h.e.l.l have no choice but to react accordingly.
Speaking to Barney, Roni said, What can we do for you?
He wants to get back to Mars, his future self said. Theyve got an enormously complicated scheme screwed together to destroy Eldritch via the interplan courts; it involves him taking an Ionian epilepsygenic, KY-7. Or cant you remember back to that?
But it never got into the courts, Roni said. Eldritch settled. They dropped litigation.
We can transport you to Mars, his future self said to Barney, in a P. P. Layouts ship. But that wont accomplish anything because Eldritch will not only follow you and be with you on the trip; h.e.l.l be there to greet you a favorite outdoor sport of his. Never forget that a phantasm can go anywhere; its not bounded by time or s.p.a.ce. Thats what makes it a phantasm, that and the fact that it has no metabolism, at least not as we understand the word. Oddly, however, it is affected by gravity. There have been a number of studies lately on the subject; anyhow not much is yet known. Meaningfully he finished, Especially on the subtopic, How does one return a phantasm to its own s.p.a.ce and timeexorcise it .
Barney said, Youre anxious to get rid of me? He felt cold.
Thats right, his future self said calmly. Just as anxious as you are to get back; you know now you made a mistake, you know that He glanced at Roni and immediately ceased. He did not intend to refer to the topic of Emily in front of her.
Theyve made some attempts with high-voltage, low-amperage electroshock, Roni said. And with magnetic fields. Columbia University has The best work so far, his future self said, is in the physics department at Cal, out on the West Coast. The phantasm is bombarded by Beta particles which disintegrate the essential protein basis for Okay, Barney said. Ill leave you alone. Ill go to the physics department at Cal and see what they can do. He felt utterly defeated; he had been abandoned even by himself, the ultimate, he thought with impotent, wild fury. Christ!
Thats strange, Roni said.
Whats strange? his future self said, tipping his chair back, folding his arms and regarding her.
Your saying that about Cal, Roni said. As far as I know theyve never done any work with phantasms out there. To Barney she said quietly, Ask to see both his hands.
Barney said, Your hands. But already the creeping alteration in the seated man had begun, in the jaw especially, the idiosyncratic bulge which he recognized so easily. Forget it, he said thickly; he felt dizzy.
His future self said mockingly, G.o.d helps those who help themselves, Mayerson. Do you really think its going to do any good to go knocking all around trying to dream up someone to take pity on you? h.e.l.l, I pity you; I told you not to consume that second bindle. Id release you from this if I knew how, and I know more about the drug than anyone else alive.
Whats going to happen to him? Roni asked his future self, which was no longer his future self; the metamorphosis was complete and Palmer Eldritch sat tilted back at the desk, tall and gray, rocking slightly in the wheeled chair, a great ma.s.s of timeless cobwebs shaped, almost as a cavalier gesture, in quasi-human form. My good G.o.d, is he just going to wander around here forever?
Good question, Palmer Eldritch said gravely. I wish I knew; for myself as well as him. Im in it a lot deeper than he, remember. Addressing Barney he said, You grasp the point, dont you, that it isnt necessary for you to a.s.sume your normal Gestalt; you can be a stone or a tree or a jet-hopper or a section of ant.i.thermal roofing. Ive been all those things and a lot more. If you become inanimate, an old log for instance, youre no longer conscious of the pa.s.sage of time. Its an interesting possible solution for someone who wants to escape his phantasmic existence. I dont. His voice was low. Because for me, returning to my own s.p.a.ce and time means death, at Leo Buleros instigation. On the contrary; I can live on only in this state. But with you He gestured, smiling faintly. Be a rock, Mayerson. Last it out, however long it is before the drug wears off. Ten years, a century. A million years. Or be an old fossil bone in a museum. His gaze was gentle.
After a time Roni said, Maybe hes right, Barney.
Barney walked to the desk, picked up a gla.s.s paperweight, and then set it down.
We cant touch him, Roni said, but he can The ability of phantasms to manipulate material objects, Palmer Eldritch said, makes it clear that they are present and not merely projections. Remember the poltergeist phenomenon they were capable of hurling objects all around the house, but they were incorporeal, too.
Mounted on the wall of the office gleamed a plaque; it was an award which Emily had received, three years before his own time, for ceramics she had entered in a show. Here it was; he still kept it.
I want to be that plaque, Barney decided. It was made of hardwood, probably mahogany, and bra.s.s; it would endure a long time and in addition he knew that his future self would never abandon it. He walked toward the plaque, wondering how he ceased being a man and became an object of bra.s.s and wood mounted on an office wall.
Palmer Eldritch said, You want my help, Mayerson?
Yes, he said.
Something swept him up; he put out his arms to steady himself and then he was diving, descending an endless tunnel that narrowedhe felt it squeeze around him, and he knew that he had misjudged. Palmer Eldritch had once more thought rings around him, demonstrated his power over everyone who used Chew-Z; Eldritch had done something and he could not even tell what, but anyhow it was not what he had said. Not what had been promised.
G.o.dd.a.m.n you, Eldritch, Barney said, not hearing his voice, hearing nothing; he descended on and on, weightless, not even a phantasm any longer; gravity had ceased to affect him, so even that was gone, too.
Leave me something, Palmer, he thought to himself. Please. A prayer, he realized, which had already been turned down; Palmer Eldritch had long ago actedit was too late and it always had been. Then Ill go ahead with the litigation, Barney said to himself; Ill find my way back to Mars somehow, take the toxin, spend the rest of my life in the interplan courts fighting youand winning. Not for Leo and P. P. Layouts but for me.
He heard, then, a laugh. It was Palmer Eldritchs laugh but it was emerging from Himself.
Looking down at his hands, he distinguished the left one, pink, pale, made of flesh, covered with skin and tiny, almost invisible hair, and then the right one, bright, glowing, spotless in its mechanical perfection, a hand infinitely superior to the original one, long since gone.
Now he knew what had been done to him. A great translationfrom his standpoint, anyhowhad been accomplished, and possibly everything up to now had worked with this end in mind.