"That"s on the whole my besetting impression."
"_Cest la que je vous attends!_ I"m precisely engaged in trying what can be done in taking it the other way. It"s my little personal experiment.
Life consists of the personal experiments of each of us, and the point of an experiment is that it shall succeed. What we contribute is our treatment of the material, our rendering of the text, our style. A sense of the qualities of a style is so rare that many persons should doubtless be forgiven for not being able to read, or at all events to enjoy, us; but is that a reason for giving it up--for not being, in this other sphere, if one possibly can, an Addison, a Ruskin, a Renan? Ah we must write our best; it"s the great thing we can do in the world, on the right side. One has one"s form, _que diable_, and a mighty good thing that one has. I"m not afraid of putting all life into mine, and without unduly squeezing it. I"m not afraid of putting in honour and courage and charity--without spoiling them: on the contrary I shall only do them good. People may not read you at sight, may not like you, but there"s a chance they"ll come round; and the only way to court the chance is to keep it up--always to keep it up. That"s what I do, my dear man--if you don"t think I"ve perseverance. If some one"s touched here and there, if you give a little impression of truth and charm, that"s your reward; besides of course the pleasure for yourself."
"Don"t you think your style"s a trifle affected?" Nick asked for further amus.e.m.e.nt.
"That"s always the charge against a personal manner: if you"ve any at all people think you"ve too much. Perhaps, perhaps--who can say? The lurking unexpressed is infinite, and affectation must have begun, long ago, with the first act of reflective expression--the subst.i.tution of the few placed articulate words for the cry or the thump or the hug. Of course one isn"t perfect; but that"s the delightful thing about art, that there"s always more to learn and more to do; it grows bigger the more one uses it and meets more questions the more they come up. No doubt I"m rough still, but I"m in the right direction: I make it my business to testify for the fine."
"Ah the fine--there it stands, over there!" said Nick Dormer. "I"m not so sure about yours--I don"t know what I"ve got hold of. But Notre Dame _is_ truth; Notre Dame _is_ charm; on Notre Dame the distracted mind can rest. Come over with me and look at her!"
They had come abreast of the low island from which the great cathedral, disengaged to-day from her old contacts and adhesions, rises high and fair, with her front of beauty and her majestic ma.s.s, darkened at that hour, or at least simplified, under the stars, but only more serene and sublime for her happy union far aloft with the cool distance and the night. Our young men, fantasticating as freely as I leave the reader to estimate, crossed the wide, short bridge which made them face toward the monuments of old Paris--the Palais de Justice, the Conciergerie, the holy chapel of Saint Louis. They came out before the church, which looks down on a square where the past, once so thick in the very heart of Paris, has been made rather a blank, pervaded however by the everlasting freshness of the vast cathedral-face. It greeted Nick Dormer and Gabriel Nash with a kindness the long centuries had done nothing to dim. The lamplight of the old city washed its foundations, but the towers and b.u.t.tresses, the arches, the galleries, the statues, the vast rose-window, the large full composition, seemed to grow clearer while they climbed higher, as if they had a conscious benevolent answer for the upward gaze of men.
"How it straightens things out and blows away one"s vapours--anything that"s _done_!" said Nick; while his companion exclaimed blandly and affectionately:
"The dear old thing!"
"The great point"s to do something, instead of muddling and questioning; and, by Jove, it makes me want to!"
"Want to build a cathedral?" Nash inquired.
"Yes, just that."
"It"s you who puzzle _me_ then, my dear fellow. You can"t build them out of words."
"What is it the great poets do?" asked Nick.
"_Their_ words are ideas--their words are images, enchanting collocations and unforgettable signs. But the verbiage of parliamentary speeches--!"
"Well," said Nick with a candid, reflective sigh, "you can rear a great structure of many things--not only of stones and timbers and painted gla.s.s." They walked round this example of one, pausing, criticising, admiring, and discussing; mingling the grave with the gay and paradox with contemplation. Behind and at the sides the huge, dusky vessel of the church seemed to dip into the Seine or rise out of it, floating expansively--a ship of stone with its flying b.u.t.tresses thrown forth like an array of mighty oars. Nick Dormer lingered near it in joy, in soothing content, as if it had been the temple of a faith so dear to him that there was peace and security in its precinct. And there was comfort too and consolation of the same sort in the company at this moment of Nash"s equal appreciation, of his response, by his own signs, to the great effect. He took it all in so and then so gave it all out that Nick was reminded of the radiance his boyish admiration had found in him of old, the easy grasp of everything of that kind. "Everything of that kind" was to Nick"s sense the description of a wide and bright domain.
They crossed to the farther side of the river, where the influence of the Gothic monument threw a distinction even over the Parisian smartnesses--the munic.i.p.al rule and measure, the importunate symmetries, the "handsomeness" of everything, the extravagance of gaslight, the perpetual click on the neat bridges. In front of a quiet little cafe on the left bank Gabriel Nash said, "Let"s sit down"--he was always ready to sit down. It was a friendly establishment and an unfashionable quarter, far away from the caravan-series; there were the usual little tables and chairs on the quay, the muslin curtains behind the glazed front, the general sense of sawdust and of drippings of watery beer. The place was subdued to stillness, but not extinguished, by the lateness of the hour; no vehicles pa.s.sed, only now and then a light Parisian foot. Beyond the parapet they could hear the flow of the Seine. Nick Dormer said it made him think of the old Paris, of the great Revolution, of Madame Roland, _quoi_! Gabriel said they could have watery beer but were not obliged to drink it. They sat a long time; they talked a great deal, and the more they said the more the unsaid came up.
Presently Nash found occasion to throw out: "I go about my business like any good citizen--that"s all."
"And what is your business?"
"The spectacle of the world."
Nick laughed out. "And what do you do with that?"
"What does any one do with spectacles? I look at it. I see."
"You"re full of contradictions and inconsistencies," Nick however objected. "You described yourself to me half an hour ago as an apostle of beauty."
"Where"s the inconsistency? I do it in the broad light of day, whatever I do: that"s virtually what I meant. If I look at the spectacle of the world I look in preference at what"s charming in it. Sometimes I"ve to go far to find it--very likely; but that"s just what I do. I go far--as far as my means permit me. Last year I heard of such a delightful little spot; a place where a wild fig-tree grows in the south wall, the outer side, of an old Spanish city. I was told it was a deliciously brown corner--the sun making it warm in winter. As soon as I could I went there."
"And what did you do?"
"I lay on the first green gra.s.s--I liked it."
"If that sort of thing"s all you accomplish you"re not encouraging."
"I accomplish my happiness--it seems to me that"s something. I have feelings, I have sensations: let me tell you that"s not so common. It"s rare to have them, and if you chance to have them it"s rare not to be ashamed of them. I go after them--when I judge they won"t hurt any one."
"You"re lucky to have money for your travelling expenses," said Nick.
"No doubt, no doubt; but I do it very cheap. I take my stand on my nature, on my fortunate character. I"m not ashamed of it, I don"t think it"s so horrible, my character. But we"ve so befogged and befouled the whole question of liberty, of spontaneity, of good humour and inclination and enjoyment, that there"s nothing that makes people stare so as to see one natural."
"You"re always thinking too much of "people.""
"They say I think too little," Gabriel smiled.
"Well, I"ve agreed to stand for Harsh," said Nick with a roundabout transition.
"It"s you then who are lucky to have money."
"I haven"t," Nick explained. "My expenses are to be paid."
"Then you too must think of "people.""
Nick made no answer to this, but after a moment said: "I wish very much you had more to show for it."
"To show for what?"
"Your little system--the aesthetic life."
Nash hesitated, tolerantly, gaily, as he often did, with an air of being embarra.s.sed to choose between several answers, any one of which would be so right. "Oh having something to show"s such a poor business. It"s a kind of confession of failure."
"Yes, you"re more affected than anything else," said Nick impatiently.
"No, my dear boy, I"m more good-natured: don"t I prove it? I"m rather disappointed to find you not more accessible to esoteric doctrine. But there is, I confess, another plane of intelligence, honourable, and very honourable, in its way, from which it may legitimately appear important to have something to show. If you must confine yourself to that plane I won"t refuse you my sympathy. After all that"s what I have to show! But the degree of my sympathy must of course depend on the nature of the demonstration you wish to make."
"You know it very well--you"ve guessed it," Nick returned, looking before him in a conscious, modest way which would have been called sheepish had he been a few years younger.
"Ah you"ve broken the scent with telling me you"re going back to the House of Commons," said Nash.
"No wonder you don"t make it out! My situation"s certainly absurd enough. What I really hanker for is to be a painter; and of portraits, on the whole, I think. That"s the abject, crude, ridiculous fact. In this out-of-the-way corner, at the dead of night, in lowered tones, I venture to disclose it to you. Isn"t that the aesthetic life?"
"Do you know how to paint?" asked Nash.
"Not in the least. No element of burlesque is therefore wanting to my position."
"That makes no difference. I"m so glad."
"So glad I don"t know how?"
"So glad of it all. Yes, that only makes it better. You"re a delightful case, and I like delightful cases. We must see it through. I rejoice I met you again."
"Do you think I can do anything?" Nick inquired.