"For Julia? Is Julia so great as that? She told me she had the greatest regard for you. You"re good enough for the best, my dear boy," Mr.
Carteret pursued.
"You don"t know me: I _am_ disappointing. She had, I believe, a great regard for me, but I"ve forfeited her good opinion."
The old man stared at this cynical announcement: he searched his visitor"s face for some attenuation of the words. But Nick apparently struck him as unashamed, and a faint colour coming into his withered cheek indicated his mystification and alarm. "Have you been unfaithful to her?" he still considerately asked.
"She thinks so--it comes to the same thing. As I told you a year ago, she doesn"t believe in me."
"You ought to have made her--you ought to have made her," said Mr.
Carteret. Nick was about to plead some reason when he continued: "Do you remember what I told you I"d give you if you did? Do you remember what I told you I"d give you on your wedding-day?"
"You expressed the most generous intentions; and I remember them as much as a man may do who has no wish to remind you of them."
"The money"s there--I"ve put it aside."
"I haven"t earned it--I haven"t earned a penny of it. Give it to those who deserve it more," said Nick.
"I don"t understand, I don"t understand," Mr. Carteret whimpered, the tears of weakness in his eyes. His face flushed and he added: "I"m not good for much discussion; I"m very much disappointed."
"I think I may say it"s not my fault--I"ve done what I can," Nick declared.
"But when people are in love they do more than that."
"Oh it"s all over!" said our young man; not caring much now, for the moment, how disconcerted his companion might be, so long as he disabused him of the idea that they were partners to a bargain. "We"ve tormented each other and we"ve tormented you--and that"s all that has come of it."
His companion"s eyes seemed to stare at strange things. "Don"t you care for what I"d have done for you--shouldn"t you have liked it?"
"Of course one likes kindness--one likes money. But it"s all over," Nick repeated. Then he added: "I fatigue you, I knock you up, with telling you these troubles. I only do so because it seems to me right you should know. But don"t be worried--everything"s for the best."
He patted the pale hand rea.s.suringly, inclined himself affectionately, but Mr. Carteret was not easily soothed. He had practised lucidity all his life, had expected it of others and had never given his a.s.sent to an indistinct proposition. He was weak, yet not too weak to recognise that he had formed a calculation now vitiated by a wrong factor--put his name to a contract of which the other side had not been carried out. More than fifty years of conscious success pressed him to try to understand; he had never muddled his affairs and he couldn"t muddle them now. At the same time he was aware of the necessity of economising his effort, and he would gather that inward force, patiently and almost cunningly, for the right question and the right induction. He was still able to make his agitation reflective, and it could still consort with his high hopes of Nick that he should find himself regarding mere vague, verbal comfort, words in the air, as an inadequate guarantee. So after he had attached his dim vision to his young friend"s face a moment he brought out: "Have you done anything bad?"
"Nothing worse than usual," Nick laughed.
"Ah everything should have been better than usual."
"Well, it hasn"t been that--that I must say."
"Do you sometimes think of your father?" Mr. Carteret continued.
Nick had a decent pause. "_You_ make me think of him--you"ve always that pleasant effect."
"His name would have lived--it mustn"t be lost."
"Yes, but the compet.i.tion to-day is terrible," Nick returned.
His host considered this as if he found a serious flaw in it; after which he began again: "I never supposed you a trifler."
"I"m determined not to be."
"I thought her charming. Don"t you love Mrs. Dallow?" Mr. Carteret profoundly asked.
"Don"t put it to me so to-day, for I feel sore and injured. I don"t think she has treated me well."
"You should have held her--you shouldn"t have let her go," the old man returned with unexpected fire.
His visitor flushed at this, so strange was it to receive a lesson in energy from a dying octogenarian. Yet after an instant Nick answered with due modesty: "I haven"t been clever enough, no doubt."
"Don"t say that, don"t say that--!" Mr. Carteret shrunk from the thought. "Don"t think I can allow you any easing-off of that sort. I know how well you"ve done. You"re taking your place. Several gentlemen have told me. Hasn"t she felt a scruple, knowing my settlement on you to depend----?" he pursued.
"Oh she hasn"t known--hasn"t known anything about it."
"I don"t understand; though I think you explained somewhat a year ago"--the poor gentleman gave it up. "I think she wanted to speak to me--of any intentions I might have in regard to you--the day she was here. Very nicely, very properly she"d have done it, I"m sure. I think her idea was that I ought to make any settlement quite independent of your marrying her or not marrying her. But I tried to convey to her--I don"t know whether she understood me--that I liked her too much for that, I wanted too much to make sure of her."
"To make sure of me, you mean," said Nick. "And now after all you see you haven"t."
"Well, perhaps it was that," sighed the old man confusedly.
"All this is very bad for you--we"ll talk again," Nick urged.
"No, no--let us finish it now. I like to know what I"m doing. I shall rest better when I do know. There are great things to be done; the future will be full--the future will be fine," Mr. Carteret wandered.
"Let me be distinct about this for Julia: that if we hadn"t been sundered her generosity to me would have been complete--she"d have put her great fortune absolutely at my disposal," Nick said after a moment.
"Her consciousness of all that naturally carries her over any particular distress in regard to what won"t come to me now from another source."
"Ah don"t lose it!" the old man painfully pleaded.
"It"s in your hands, sir," Nick returned.
"I mean Mrs. Dallow"s fortune. It will be of the highest utility. That was what your father missed."
"I shall miss more than my father did," said Nick.
"Sh.e.l.l come back to you--I can"t look at you and doubt that."
Nick smiled with a slow headshake. "Never, never, never! You look at me, my grand old friend, but you don"t see me. I"m not what you think."
"What is it--what is it? _Have_ you been bad?" Mr. Carteret panted.
"No, no; I"m not bad. But I"m different."
"Different----?"
"Different from my father. Different from Mrs. Dallow. Different from you."
"Ah why do you perplex me?" the old man moaned. "You"ve done something."
"I don"t want to perplex you, but I have done something," said Nick, getting up.