THE CHAPLAIN"S WIFE (_to the_ CURATE, _a new arrival_). Oh, you will _very_ soon get into all our little ways. The hours here are _most_ convenient--breakfast (_table d"hote_) with choice of eggs or fish and coffee--really _admirable_ coffee--from eight to nine; midday dinner at one. Supper at nine. Then, if you want to write a letter, the post for England goes out--(_&c., &c._) And on Sundays, eleven o"clock service (Evangelical, of _course!_) at the----(_&c., &c.,_) My husband----(_&c., &c._)
FIRST OLD MAID (_looking up from a four days" old "Telegraph"_). I see they are still continuing that very interesting correspondence on "Our Children"s Mouths--and are they widening?" One letter attributes it to the habit of thumb-sucking in infancy--which certainly ought to be checked. Now I never _would_ allow any----
THE C."S. W. Nor I. But corals are quite as bad. Only this afternoon I was telling a Lady in this hotel that her little boy would be much happier with a rubber ring. You get them at a shop in the Hoch-stra.s.se--I can take you to it at any time, or if you like to mention my name----(_&c., &c._)
SECOND O. M. One correspondent thought the practice of eating soup with table-spoons tended to enlarge the mouth. I really believe there may be something in it. [_A pause._
THE CURATE. The weather we have been having seems to have materially affected the harvest prospects at home; they say there will be little or no fodder for the cattle this year. I saw somewhere--I forget where it was exactly--a suggestion to feed cows on chickweed.
PODB. (_at the bookcase_). Capital thing for them too, Sir. Know a man who never gives his cattle anything else.
THE CURATE. Oh, really? And does he find the experiment answer?
PODB. They take to it like birds. And--curious thing--after he"d tried it a month, all the cows turned yellow and went about chirping and twittering and hopping. Fact, I a.s.sure you!
THE CURATE. Dear me--I should scarcely have----
[_He gradually comes to the conclusion that he is being trifled with, and after a few moments of uncomfortable silence, gets up and quits the room with dignity._
PODB. (_to himself_). _One_ of "em gone! Now if I can only clear these old tabbies out, I can tackle Culchard. (_Aloud, to_ CHAPLAIN"S WIFE.) You don"t happen to know if there"s a good doctor here, I suppose? A lady was saying in the Musik-saal--the lady with the three daughters who came this afternoon--that she was afraid they were in for bad feverish colds or something, and asking who there was to call in.
[Ill.u.s.tration: GETS UP AND QUITS THE ROOM WITH DIGNITY.]
THE C."S W. Oh, I"ve _no_ belief in foreign doctors. I always find a few drops of aconite or pulsatilla,----I have my h.o.m.oeopathic case with me now. Perhaps, if I went and had a talk with her I could----
[_She goes out energetically._
PODB. Another gone! (_To the_ OLD MAIDS.) So you aren"t going down to the Cloisters to-night? I"m told there"s to be some fun there--Hide-and-seek, or something--first-rate place for it, especially now the moon"s up!
FIRST O. M. n.o.body told _us_ a word about it. Hide-and-seek--and in those quaint old Cloisters too--It sounds delightful! What do you say, Tabitha. Shall we just----? Only to look _on_, you know. We needn"t _play_, unless----
[_The_ TWO OLD MAIDS _withdraw in a pleased flutter._ PODBURY _crosses to_ CULCHARD.
PODB. (_with determination_). Look here, Culchard, I"d just like to know what you mean by the way you"re going on.
CULCH. I thought we were both agreed that discussions of this kind----
PODB. It"s all bosh our travelling together if we"re not to have any discussions. You"ve been on the sulk long enough. And I"ll thank you to inform me what you"re after here, going about alone with Miss Prendergast like this, in the Museum with her all the morning, and on the lake again this afternoon--it won"t _do,_ you know!
CULCH. If she happens to prefer my society to yours and her brother"s, I presume you have no claim to interfere.
PODB. I don"t know about that. How about Miss Trotter?
CULCH. If I remember rightly, you yourself were not insensible to Miss Trotter"s--er--attractions?
PODB. Perhaps not; but I am not engaged to her--you _are_. You told me so in the train.
CULCH. You entirely misunderstood me. There was no definite understanding between us--nothing of the sort or kind. In fact, it was merely a pa.s.sing caprice. Since I have had the privilege of knowing Miss Prendergast, I see clearly----
PODB. Then you mean to propose to her, eh?
CULCH. That is certainly my intention; have you any objection to offer?
PODB. Only that I mean to propose too. I dare say my chances are as good as yours--even now.
CULCH. I doubt it, my dear fellow; however, don"t let _me_ discourage you.
PODB. I don"t intend to. (_The figure of_ MISS PRENDERGAST _is seen to pa.s.s the glazed doors, and move slowly across the Musik-saal; both rush_ _to the door, and look after her._) She"s gone out into the balcony. "Jove, I"ll go too, and get it over!
CULCH. I should not advise you to do so. It is possible she may have gone there with the--er--expectation of being joined by--by somebody else. [_He smiles complacently._
PODB. You mean she gave you a _rendezvous_ there? I don"t believe it!
CULCH. I did not say so. But I am not prepared to deny that I have been waiting here with some such expectation.
PODB. (_holding the door_). If you go, I go too--that"s all.
CULCH. Don"t be absurd. You will only be _de trop,_ I a.s.sure you.
PODB. _De trop_ or not, I mean going--she shall choose between us.
CULCH. (_turning pale_). I suppose you intend to enlighten her as to my--er--little flirtation (before I knew _her_) with Miss Trotter? Do it, Podbury, do it--if you think you"ll gain any good by it!
PODB. Telling tales is not exactly in my line. But you don"t go on that balcony without me--that"s all.
CULCH. Well, listen to reason, my dear fellow. What you propose is ridiculous. I--I don"t mind conceding this: we"ll each go, and--er--t.i.t up, as you call it, which goes first.
PODB. Done with you! (_Produces a mark._) Sudden death. You"re Eagle--I"m the other Johnny. (_Tosses._) Eagle! Confound you! But I mean to have my innings all the same.
CULCH. You"re perfectly welcome--when I"ve had mine. I"ll--er--wish you good evening.
[_He stalks out triumphantly._ PODBURY _places himself in a position from which he can command a view of the Musik-saal, over the top of "uber Land und Meer," and awaits results._
CHAPTER XI.
Courtship according to Mr. Ruskin.
SCENE--_A Balcony outside the Musik-Saal of the Insel Hotel, Constance._ MISS PRENDERGAST _is seated;_ CULCHARD _is leaning against the railing close by. It is about nine; the moon has risen, big and yellow, behind the mountains at the further end of the Lake; small black boats are shooting in and out of her track upon the water; the beat of the steamers" paddles is heard as they come into harbour._ CULCHARD _has just proposed._
MISS PRENDERGAST (_after a silence_). I have already felt very strongly with Ruskin, that no girl should have the cruelty to refuse a proposal----
CULCH. (_with alacrity_). Ruskin is always so right. And--er--where there is such complete sympathy in tastes and ideas, as I venture to think exists in our own case, the cruelty would----
MISS P. Pray allow me to finish! "Refuse a proposal _at once_" is Ruskin"s expression. He also says (if my memory does not betray me), that "no lover should have the insolence to think of being accepted at once." You will find the pa.s.sage somewhere in _Fors_.