"Much you care for other people," said Frances as she left the room.
But when she had shut the door on him her heart turned to him again. She went down to Anthony where he waited for her in his room.
"_Well?_" he said.
"It"s no use. He won"t go."
And Frances, quite suddenly and to her own surprise, burst into tears.
He drew her to him, and she clung to him, sobbing softly.
"My dear--my dear. You mustn"t take it to heart like this. He"s as obstinate as the devil; but he"ll come round."
He pressed her tighter to him. He loved her in her unfamiliar weakness, crying and clinging to him.
"It"s not that," she said, recovering herself with dignity. "I"m glad he didn"t give in. If he went out, and anything happened to him, I couldn"t bear to be the one who made him go."
After all, she didn"t love England more than Michael.
They were silent.
"We must leave it to his own feeling," she said presently.
But Anthony"s heart was hard against Michael.
"He must know that _public_ feeling"s pretty strong against him. To say nothing of _my_ feeling and _your_ feeling."
He did know it. He knew that they were all against him; his father and his mother, and John and Dorothy. Because he couldn"t bear to look at Dorothy, and couldn"t bear Dorothy to look at him, he kept out of her way as much as possible.
As for public opinion, it had always been against him, and he against it.
But Anthony was mistaken when he thought that the pressure of these antagonisms would move Michael an inch from the way he meant to go.
Rather, it drew out that resistance which Michael"s mind had always offered to the loathsome violences of the collective soul. From his very first encounters with the collective soul and its emotions they had seemed to Michael as dangerous as they were loathsome. Collective emotion might be on the side of the archangels or on the side of devils and of swine; its ma.s.s was what made it dangerous, a thing that challenged the resistance of the private soul But in his worst dreams of what it could do to him Michael had never imagined anything more appalling than the collective patriotism of the British and their Allies, this rushing together of the souls of four countries to make one monstrous soul.
And neither Anthony nor Frances realized that Michael, at this moment, was afraid, not of the War so much as of the emotions of the War, the awful, terrifying flood that carried him away from his real self and from everything it cared for most. Patriotism was, no doubt, a fine emotion; but the finer the thing was, the more it got you; it got you and you were done for. He was determined that it shouldn"t get him. They couldn"t see--and that was Michael"s grievance--that his resistance was his strength and not his weakness.
Even Frances, who believed that people never changed, did not realize that the grown-up Michael who didn"t want to enlist was the same ent.i.ty as the little Michael who hadn"t wanted to go to the party, who had wanted to go on playing with himself, afraid of nothing so much as of forgetting "pieces of himself that he wanted to remember." He was Michael who refused to stay at school another term, and who talked about shooting himself because he had to go with his cla.s.s and do what the other fellows were doing. He objected to being suddenly required to feel patriotic because other people were feeling patriotic, to think that Germany was in the wrong because other people thought that Germany was in the wrong, to fight because other people were fighting.
Why should he? He saw no earthly reason why.
He said to himself that it was the blasted cheek of the a.s.sumption that he resented. There was a peculiarly British hypocrisy and unfairness and tyranny about it all.
It wasn"t--as they all seemed to think--that he was afraid to fight. He had wanted to go and fight for Ireland. He would fight any day in a cleaner cause. By a cleaner cause Michael meant a cause that had not been messed about so much by other people. Other people had not put pressure on him to fight for Ireland; in fact they had tried to stop him. Michael was also aware that in the matter of Ireland his emotions, though shared by considerable numbers of the Irish people, were not shared by his family or by many people whom he knew; to all intents and purposes he had them to himself.
It was no use trying to explain all this to his father and mother, for they wouldn"t understand it. The more he explained the more he would seem to them to be a shirker.
He could see what they thought of him. He saw it in their stiff, reticent faces, in his mother"s strained smile, in his sister"s silence when he asked her what she had been doing all day. Their eyes--his mother"s and his sister"s eyes--pursued him with the unspoken question: "Why don"t you go and get killed--for England--like other people?"
Still, he could bear these things, for they were visible, palpable; he knew where he was with them. What he could not stand was that empty spiritual s.p.a.ce between him and Nicky. That hurt him where he was most vulnerable--in his imagination.
And again, his imagination healed the wound it made.
It was all very well, but if you happened to have a religion, and your religion was what mattered to you most; if you adored Beauty as the supreme form of Life; if you cared for nothing else; if you lived, impersonally, to make Beauty and to keep it alive; and for no other end, how could you consent to take part in this b.l.o.o.d.y business? That would be the last betrayal, the most cowardly surrender.
And you were all the more bound to faithfulness if you were one of the leaders of a forlorn hope, of the forlorn hope of all the world, of all the ages, the forlorn hope of G.o.d himself.
For Michael, even more than Ellis, had given himself up as lost.
And yet somehow they all felt curiously braced by the prospect. When the young men met in Lawrence Stephen"s house they discussed it with a calm, high heroism. This was the supreme test: To go on, without pay, without praise, without any sort of recognition. Any fool could fight; but, if you were an artist, your honour bound you to ignore the material contest, to refuse, even to your country, the surrender of the highest that you knew. They believed with the utmost fervour and sincerity that they defied Germany more effectually, because more spiritually, by going on and producing fine things with imperturbability than if they went out against the German Armies with bayonets and machine-guns. Moreover they were restoring Beauty as fast as Germany destroyed it.
They told each other these things very seriously and earnestly, on Friday evenings as they lay about more or less at their ease (but rather less than more) in Stephen"s study.
They had asked each other: "Are _you_ going to fight for your country?"
And Ellis had said he was d.a.m.ned if he"d fight for his country; and Mitch.e.l.l had said he hadn"t got a country, so there was no point in his fighting, anyhow; and Monier-Owen that if you could show him a country that cared for the arts before anything he"d fight for it; but that England was very far from being that country.
And Michael had sat silent, thinking the same thoughts.
And Stephen had sat silent, thinking other thoughts, not listening to what was said.
And now people were whining about Louvain and Rheims Cathedral. Michael said to himself that he could stand these ma.s.sed war emotions if they were sincere; but people whined about Louvain and Rheims Cathedral who had never cared a d.a.m.n about either before the War.
Anthony looked up over the edge of his morning paper, inquired whether Michael could defend the destruction of Louvain and Rheims Cathedral?
Michael shrugged his shoulders. "Why bother," he said, "about Rheims Cathedral and Louvain? From your point of view it"s all right. If Louvain and Rheims Cathedral get in the way of the enemy"s artillery they"ve got to go. They didn"t happen to be in the way of ours, that"s all."
Michael"s mind was showing certain symptoms, significant of its malady.
He was inclined to disparage the military achievements of the Allies and to justify the acts of Germany.
"It"s up to the French to defend Paris. And what have we got to do with Alsace-Lorraine? As if every inteligent Frenchman didn"t know that Alsace-Lorraine is a sentimental stunt. No. I"m not pro-German. I simply see things as they are."
"I think," Frances would say placably, "we"d better not talk about the War."
He would remind them that it was not his subject.
And John laughed at him. "Poor old Nick hates the War because it"s dished him. He knows his poems can"t come out till it"s over."
As it happened, his poems came out that autumn.
After all, the Germans had been held back from Paris. As Stephen pointed out to him, the Battle of the Marne had saved Michael. In magnificent defiance of the enemy, the "New Poems" of Michael Harrison, with ill.u.s.trations by Austin Mitch.e.l.l, were announced as forthcoming in October; and Morton Ellis"s "Eccentricities," with ill.u.s.trations by Austin Mitch.e.l.l, were to appear the same month. Even Wadham"s poems would come out some time, perhaps next spring.
Stephen said the advertis.e.m.e.nts should be offered to the War Office as posters, to strike terror into Germany and sustain the morale of the Allied Armies. "If England could afford to publish Michael--"