She parked her car off the road under a white oak by a pasture gate and spent some time trying to make out what kind of animals were sleeping on the next hill. Their dark shapes didn"t resemble cows. Horses, she decided. She tried to rub a gra.s.s stain off her plaid shirt with a tissue.
It was better to let things end this way. Jared would be gone for three or four weeks. When he came back she"d be busy with school. She"d pretend she hadn"t really fallen in love with him, at least not any more than he had with her. They could still be friends. His friendship was precious to her, she didn"t want to lose it. She"d never have to let him know she"d gone and broken her heart into a zillion too-familiar pieces hoping for something that was never to be.
She went and sat on the hood of her car as the sun was coming up and finger-combed the gra.s.s out of her hair. Sunrise was her favorite time of day. It was the most peaceful time, when most of the world with its problems was still asleep. At sunrise a person could feel nature all around in soft light and stirring breezes. At sunrise a person could think without the events of the day cluttering the mind. At sunrise a person could be totally alone.
Well-she sniffed back a stray tear-so being alone wasn"t the greatest thing today. Some days it was wonderful. She would focus on that. Her life was full and rewarding. She was her own complete person, she didn"t need to be part of a matched set like crystal salt and pepper shakers. She was an intelligent, reasonably decent-looking person with a job she loved, a comfortable home, good friends, interests, and talents.
Catch 22, she thought. Having this great life made her want to share it with someone special. Jared. And Alyssa.
She was grateful she had had at least some time with Jared, grateful he had bullied her into spending time with him, or she might never had known what a wonderful guy he was. She might never have looked past the punk hair and the diamond earring and the annoying macho act.
The animals in the pasture began to get up and stretch. Funny-looking horses, Genna thought as she watched them crane long necks this way and that. One stood up in the tall gra.s.s in front of her car. It was a llama.
Genna shook her head. Nothing was ever what it appeared to be anymore.
Eventually she drove home, showered, and put on a pair of madras plaid shorts and an oversize T-shirt. For an hour and a half she sat on a stool at her kitchen counter and just stared. For the first time in weeks she couldn"t think of anything to bake.
At ten o"clock she walked over to Jared"s house to make sure everyone was okay after the wild events of the evening. The Corvette wasn"t there, so she was certain Jared had gone. She tried to ignore the sense of loss that knowledge brought her.
"Gilda!" Roberta exclaimed as she opened the door. Her gray hair stuck up in every direction, making her look like an exotic bird. She wore red high-top sneakers and a ratty blue bathrobe. Shaking her head, she took a long drag on her cigarette and pulled Genna into the house. "I am so so glad you dropped by. Our J.J. was looking all over for you." glad you dropped by. Our J.J. was looking all over for you."
"Really," Genna said, trying to blink the smoke out of her eyes. Tough luck, J.J. You"ll just have to save your n.o.ble speech for someone else Tough luck, J.J. You"ll just have to save your n.o.ble speech for someone else.
"I won"t tell James, honey," Roberta said in a conspiratorial whisper. She stuck her cigarette into her mouth and patted Genna"s arm. "Really, though, Georgia, you shouldn"t fall for a priest. There"s no future in it."
Genna sighed and rubbed at the dull headache settling between her eyes. "I just wanted to make sure everyone was okay after last night."
Roberta threw her hands up in the air. "Dead to the world, the lot of them! Dead to the world. Bill"s fire works just did everyone in. Weren"t they lovely, Janet?"
"Yes."
"My word, they were beautiful." She stubbed out her cigarette in an overflowing ashtray that balanced precariously on the edge of Jared"s cluttered desk, and promptly lit another.
Genna had hoped someone a tad more lucid than Roberta would be up and around, but she had to give up hope of anyone rescuing her. Slowly she started inching back toward the door. "I should be going-"
"Oh, stay!" Roberta exclaimed. "I was just about to have breakfast. Omelettes-chocolate chip and cheese. It"s my specialty."
"I"ll bet." Genna forced a smile, hoping she didn"t look as green as she suddenly felt. She slipped one leg out the screen door. "Really, I can"t stay, Aunt Roberta. Thanks for the offer, though."
"Some other time, then. Say, Glenda, some man stopped by from Alyssa"s school to pick up her records. I heard J.J. tell Gracie they were in a manila envelope here on his desk, and I just dug around until I found it and gave it to the fellow. Was that all right? Do you think that was all right?"
Genna tossed a glance at Jared"s desk. As usual, it looked as though a bomb had gone off on it. "I"m sure that was fine. It was probably Mr. Adams from the secretary"s office." She slipped the rest of her body out the door. "Bye now."
"Bye-bye. Come again!" Roberta said, leaning out the door with her cigarette as Genna started across the lawn. "Oh, wait! Wait, Gardenia!"
Genna stopped and turned around to see Roberta disappear into the house. She came back out waving a piece of paper in one hand.
"J.J. left this for you." She handed the paper to Genna.
It was a check for the second half of her salary and a hastily scrawled note thanking her and saying he"d call. That really said it all, didn"t it? Genna"s heart sank to a new low. She"d been his for the summer, bought and paid for.
Back in her own house, Genna settled down on a dining room chair prepared to do some heavy staring. She decided she would take it up as a hobby since it was easy, cheap, and portable.
The back door banged.
"You"re not baking," Amy said as quietly as her grating voice allowed.
"No. I"ve covered every major holiday through 1990. I even did Hanukkah and Queen Elizabeth"s birthday."
"So, what are you doing?" she asked, planting her plumpness on the chair opposite Genna"s.
"I"m staring."
Out of deference for her friend, Amy sat and stared for a minute. She didn"t have the required patience to do it well; however.
"Where did you go after all the excitement last night?" she asked, focusing on a deep red apple in a wicker basket on the table.
"I went to watch the sun rise on the llamas."
Amy thought it best to let that one slide. She pretended not to have heard. "J.J. was looking all over for you."
"I wanted to be alone. Explosions do that to me. I just need to go off after a good explosion and be by myself."
"Bull roar." Amy blinked as her eyes teared up. "You ran out of here like Walter Payton."
Genna managed to scowl and stare at the same time. "Who is is this Walter Payton guy?" this Walter Payton guy?"
"Never mind," she said. "So did you guys have a fight, or what?"
"What would we have to fight about?"
"Since when do you need a reason? You haven"t been rational since he moved in. Maybe you got into a fight about your relationship."
"We don"t have a relationship. Not in the sense you mean."
"Genna," Amy barked, abandoning her attempt at staring to glare at Genna, "can the c.r.a.p. We"re best friends, remember?"
Genna broke her staring and held a hand up to halt what was undoubtedly going to be one of Amy"s lectures. "I freely admit to being involved with Jared. I freely admit to being in love with Jared. But as far as he"s concerned, we"re just friends who had a fun summer together."
Amy screwed up her pudgy face and gave an unladylike snort that was a pretty good imitation of a whoopie cushion. "You get the most asinine ideas-"
"It"s the truth," Genna said wearily, "We made a deal: We"d have a light summer romance, no strings attached."
"What a bunch of hooey! The guy is in love with you!"
"Yeah? Well ..." She handed Amy the note Jared had left her. "I"m no authority, but this doesn"t win any prize as a love letter in my book."
""Genna, thanks for all the good work. I"ll call you when I get a chance."" Amy frowned in confusion. Genna and Jared"s relationship may have started out light, but she"d have sworn J.J. had fallen in love at least as much as Genna had. She couldn"t have missed the mark by that much. Something here didn"t fit, and she was going to find out what. Meanwhile, she"d stall as best she could. She slid the slip of paper back across the table. "This is no kind of evidence. It"d never stand up in court. It doesn"t prove anything."
"You"ve been watching Divorce Court Divorce Court again, haven"t you?" A long, slow sigh slid out of Genna. For a moment she just sat there doodling storm clouds over sad faces on the back of the note. "I wish you were right, friend. I for one don"t have to be hit over the head to get the message. again, haven"t you?" A long, slow sigh slid out of Genna. For a moment she just sat there doodling storm clouds over sad faces on the back of the note. "I wish you were right, friend. I for one don"t have to be hit over the head to get the message.
I just have to get my heart broken.
G.o.d would have had no trouble creating the world in seven days, Genna thought, if each of those days had been as long as the ones that followed Jared"s departure. In fact, He probably could have taken an extra day off. It seemed to her she counted every second of every minute of every hour of Sat.u.r.day, Sunday, and Monday. Not crying, not feeling sorry for herself, not feeling anything but empty.
One thing she was sure of, she would never fall in love again. It wasn"t because she was bitter or afraid. It was because she"d given all she had. She was just fresh out of love for men-good, bad, or otherwise.
Running on empty, she spent her time on such activities as watching her oven clean itself, and even that was too strenuous.
Monday evening she forced herself to drag out boxes of bulletin board materials that she had acc.u.mulated over eight years of teaching, inviting Amy to keep her company and help her sort through the mountains of construction-paper alphabets and animal cutouts. The subject of J.J. Hennessy was immediately declared off limits, at least as far as romance was concerned. They couldn"t totally avoid him as a topic, since Alyssa was present. Genna had volunteered to baby-sit while Grace and Bill took Aunt Roberta to the airport.
Alyssa seemed even more subdued than Genna. She sat on the love seat in her nightgown with Dollie, regarding a coloring book with uncharacteristic apathy and paying little or no attention to the Disney movie Genna had rented for her. When bedtime rolled around, the tears began to flow. Jared"s daughter was convinced her father was never coming home, just as her mother had never come home after their accident.
Genna didn"t hesitate to dial the number Jared had left with his parents in case of emergency, but she had to admit to being reluctant to speak with him. While she was waiting for him to come on the line, she decided she wouldn"t give him a chance to start a personal conversation. Alyssa was the only reason she was calling.
"Jared, this is Genna," she said above Alyssa"s sobs. The little girl had her head pressed to Genna"s shoulder, her tears soaking into Genna"s gray T-shirt. "I"m baby-sitting Lyssa and we"re having a little problem. She thinks you"re not coming home-ever."
Before Jared could say anything, she handed the receiver to Alyssa.
"D-daddy?"
"Hey, m.u.f.fin, what"s wrong?" Jared asked, guilt riding him hard. He had wanted to call his daughter sooner, but there just hadn"t been time. He should have made time.
"Are y-you in h-heaven?"
Jared"s heart lodged firmly in his throat. "No, baby," he a.s.sured hoa.r.s.ely. "I"m at training camp. They don"t have phones in heaven, sweetheart."
"Are you sure?"
"I"m sure." He grimaced as he leaned back against the headboard of his bed. Every muscle in his body felt as if it"d been put through a Veg-O-Matic. "I"m a long way from heaven. I"m at training camp. We talked all about that, remember?"
Jared talked until Alyssa sounded relaxed and was reasonably certain she was going to see him again. He promised to call her every night before her bedtime from now on, then he told her to have sweet dreams and asked to speak to Genna again.
Genna, he thought with a smile, adjusting the ice pack on his shoulder. Already he missed her like crazy. He frowned, though, when she came back on the line because her voice sounded like something fresh out of the freezer.
"That do the trick?" he asked.
"Yes, I"m sure she"ll be fine now," Genna said, determined to terminate the conversation posthaste. "Thank you, J.J. Sorry we had to disturb you."
He realized with no small amount of surprise that she was about to hang up, and he rushed to keep her on the line. "Gen, did you get my note?" He"d been on pins and needles wondering how she"d reacted.
The jerk! she thought, shooting the phone a narrow-eyed look of outrage. Did he think she was some kind of half-wit?
"Yes," she snapped. "General Motors and I thank you."
Jared winced at the sound of the receiver slamming down on the other end of the line. What had he done now? He knew he hadn"t spent much time composing the note-he"d had to spend too much time trying to track Genna down-but he didn"t think it was all that bad. And what did GM have to do with their future? She had to have been referring to his check and the car payments she would make with it. He would have thought a marriage proposal would have ranked above auto financing in Genna"s mind. She was probably angry he hadn"t called sooner, but the first few days of camp were always hectic for him. He hoped she"d understand that when he explained.
He waited an hour before calling back, to be sure Alyssa was asleep, so they could talk without interruption. He decided it would be best to work up to the subject of his note slowly, given Genna"s apparent mood.
"Hi, it"s me. Everything under control?"
Genna heaved a sigh and rolled her eyes at Amy, who sat cross-legged on the floor sorting through woolly, cotton-ball sheep. She had never taken Jared for a s.a.d.i.s.t, but he seemed determined to rub her nose in the end of their relationship. She decided to be incredibly sophisticated about the whole thing and deny any heartbreak he might egotistically believe he"d caused. "Lyssa"s sound asleep. So ... how"s summer camp going?"
Jared gave a nervous laugh. His instincts were telling him something was definitely wrong here. He and his lady love seemed to be working out of different playbooks. "That"s training training camp." camp."
"Oh. Sorry. How"s it going?"
"It stinks. I hate it."
"Gee, that"s too bad," she said without a lick of sincerity.
"It"s okay. I always hate it. Everybody does. We"ve got an a.s.sistant coach who thinks he"s still in the Marines and a rookie quarterback who thinks he"s the next Jim McMahon."
"Is he any relation to Ed McMahon?" she asked with bored indifference, which was not an easy task, given the fact that every muscle in her body was so tight she was trembling and she had a pressure behind her eyes that felt suspiciously like tears.
"No, he"s not," Jared said, his heart sinking slowly toward his stomach. She didn"t sound like a lady who was making wedding plans. Maybe she wanted a little persuading. "You know, I"m really glad you were there for Lyssa. You"re so good with her."
"You"re welcome." This had better not be the "what a good friend you are" speech This had better not be the "what a good friend you are" speech.
"You"ve been an awfully good friend."
One succinct if vulgar word crossed Genna"s mind as the tears started to pool in her eyes.
"I think Alyssa sees you as a kind of second mother."
Self-preservation forced her to swallow the lump in her throat and put a stop to this before she dissolved into the pile of debris at her feet. "Look, Jared, I know what you"re trying to do, but it isn"t necessary."
"It"s not?"
"No. I"m perfectly aware the romance has gone out of our relationship."
"It has?" His heart dropped the rest of the way and plopped into his churning stomach. Had he misread the situation again? He had been so sure- "That was the deal, after all."
"But-" That blasted deal!
"So, it was a fun summer. I don"t have any regrets-"
"Genna, honey," he interrupted. Nothing was making sense. It was worse than trying to have a conversation with Aunt Roberta. "You sound upset-"
"Ha!" She laughed hysterically. So much for sophistication. "Why should I sound upset?"
"Ask him about the note!" Amy prompted, poking Genna"s jean-clad leg with a cardboard giraffe.
Genna made an angry face and waved her off.
"Well, I don"t know!" he said, exasperated, pulling his ice pack from behind his shoulder and settling it firmly on his head. "It seems to have something to do with the note. If you hadn"t taken off after the fire, we could"ve just talked-"
"That"s okay," she snarled. "I can read English. I got the message loud and clear. You don"t have to beat me over the head with it, Hennessy. It"s over! It"s over and I wish it"d never ever started!"