"NO! He was sorry for me. He cared for me; he was fond of me; and he"d respected me--too much! In the finest way he loved me, if you like, and he"d have done anything on earth for me, as I would for him, and as he knew I would. It was beautiful, Mr. Sheridan," she said. "But the cheap, bad things one has done seem always to come back--they wait, and pull you down when you"re happiest. Bibbs found me out, you see; and he wasn"t "in love" with me at all."
"He wasn"t? Well, it seems to me he gave up everything he wanted to do--it was fool stuff, but he certainly wanted it mighty bad--he just threw it away and walked right up and took the job he swore he never would--just for you. And it looks to me as if a man that"d do that must think quite a heap o" the girl he does it for! You say it was only because he was sorry, but let me tell you there"s only ONE girl he could feel THAT sorry for! Yes, sir!"
"No, no," she said. "Bibbs isn"t like other men--he would do anything for anybody."
Sheridan grinned. "Perhaps not so much as you think, nowadays," he said. "For instance, I got kind of a suspicion he doesn"t believe in "sentiment in business." But that"s neither here nor there. What he wanted was, just plain and simple, for you to marry him. Well, I was afraid his thinkin" so much OF you had kind o" sickened you of him--the way it does sometimes. But from the way you talk, I understand that ain"t the trouble." He coughed, and his voice trembled a little. "Now here, Miss Vertrees, I don"t have to tell you--because you see things easy--I know I got no business comin" to you like this, but I had to make Bibbs go my way instead of his own--I had to do it for the sake o"
my business and on his own account, too--and I expect you got some idea how it hurt him to give up. Well, he"s made good. He didn"t come in half-hearted or mean; he came in--all the way! But there isn"t anything in it to him; you can see he"s just shut his teeth on it and goin" ahead with dust in his mouth. You see, one way of lookin" at it, he"s got nothin" to work FOR. And it seems to me like it cost him your friendship, and I believe--honest--that"s what hurt him the worst. Now you said we"d talk plain. Why can"t you let him come back?"
She covered her face desperately with her hands. "I can"t!"
He rose, defeated, and looking it.
"Well, I mustn"t press you," he said, gently.
At that she cried out, and dropped her hands and let him see her face.
"Ah! He was only sorry for me!"
He gazed at her intently. Mary was proud, but she had a fatal honesty, and it confessed the truth of her now; she was helpless. It was so clear that even Sheridan, marveling and amazed, was able to see it. Then a change came over him; gloom fell from him, and he grew radiant.
"Don"t! Don"t" she cried. "You mustn"t--"
"I won"t tell him," said Sheridan, from the doorway. "I won"t tell anybody anything!"
CHAPTER x.x.xIII
There was a heavy town-fog that afternoon, a smoke-mist, densest in the sanctuary of the temple. The people went about in it, busy and dirty, thickening their outside and inside linings of coal-tar, asphalt, sulphurous acid, oil of vitriol, and the other familiar things the men liked to breathe and to have upon their skins and garments and upon their wives and babies and sweethearts. The growth of the city was visible in the smoke and the noise and the rush. There was more smoke than there had been this day of February a year earlier; there was more noise; and the crowds were thicker--yet quicker in spite of that. The traffic policeman had a hard time, for the people were independent--they retained some habits of the old market-town period, and would cross the street anywhere and anyhow, which not only got them killed more frequently than if they clung to the legal crossings, but kept the motormen, the chauffeurs, and the truck-drivers in a stew of profane nervousness. So the traffic policemen led harried lives; they themselves were killed, of course, with a certain periodicity, but their main trouble was that they could not make the citizens realize that it was actually and mortally perilous to go about their city. It was strange, for there were probably no citizens of any length of residence who had not personally known either some one who had been killed or injured in an accident, or some one who had accidentally killed or injured others.
And yet, perhaps it was not strange, seeing the sharp preoccupation of the faces--the people had something on their minds; they could not stop to bother about dirt and danger.
Mary Vertrees was not often down-town; she had never seen an accident until this afternoon. She had come upon errands for her mother connected with a timorous refurbishment; and as she did these, in and out of the department stores, she had an insistent consciousness of the Sheridan Building. From the street, anywhere, it was almost always in sight, like some monstrous geometrical shadow, murk-colored and rising limitlessly into the swimming heights of the smoke-mist. It was gaunt and grimy and repellent; it had nothing but strength and size--but in that consciousness of Mary"s the great structure may have partaken of beauty.
Sheridan had made some of the things he said emphatic enough to remain with her. She went over and over them--and they began to seem true: "Only ONE girl he could feel THAT sorry for!" "Gurney says he"s got you on his brain so bad--" The man"s clumsy talk began to sing in her heart.
The song was begun there when she saw the accident.
She was directly opposite the Sheridan Building then, waiting for the traffic to thin before she crossed, though other people were risking the pa.s.sage, darting and halting and dodging parlously. Two men came from the crowd behind her, talking earnestly, and started across. Both wore black; one was tall and broad and thick, and the other was taller, but noticeably slender. And Mary caught her breath, for they were Bibbs and his father. They did not see her, and she caught a phrase in Bibbs"s mellow voice, which had taken a crisper ring: "Sixty-eight thousand dollars? Not sixty-eight thousand b.u.t.tons!" It startled her queerly, and as there was a glimpse of his profile she saw for the first time a resemblance to his father.
She watched them. In the middle of the street Bibbs had to step ahead of his father, and the two were separated. But the reckless pa.s.sing of a truck, beyond the second line of rails, frightened a group of country women who were in course of pa.s.sage; they were just in front of Bibbs, and shoved backward upon him violently. To extricate himself from them he stepped back, directly in front of a moving trolley-car--no place for absent-mindedness, but Bibbs was still absorbed in thoughts concerned with what he had been saying to his father. There were shrieks and yells; Bibbs looked the wrong way--and then Mary saw the heavy figure of Sheridan plunge straight forward in front of the car. With absolute disregard of his own life, he hurled himself at Bibbs like a football-player shunting off an opponent, and to Mary it seemed that they both went down together. But that was all she could see--automobiles, trucks, and wagons closed in between. She made out that the trolley-car stopped jerkily, and she saw a policeman breaking his way through the instantly condensing crowd, while the traffic came to a standstill, and people stood up in automobiles or climbed upon the hubs and tires of wheels, not to miss a chance of seeing anything horrible.
Mary tried to get through; it was impossible. Other policemen came to help the first, and in a minute or two the traffic was in motion again.
The crowd became pliant, dispersing--there was no figure upon the ground, and no ambulance came. But one of the policemen was detained by the clinging and beseeching of a gloved hand.
"What IS the matter, lady?"
"Where are they?" Mary cried.
"Who? Ole man Sheridan? I reckon HE wasn"t much hurt!"
"His SON--"
"Was that who the other one was? I seen him knock him--oh, he"s not bad off, I guess, lady. The ole man got him out of the way all right. The fender shoved the ole man around some, but I reckon he only got shook up. They both went on in the Sheridan Building without any help. Excuse me, lady."
Sheridan and Bibbs, in fact, were at that moment in the elevator, ascending. "Whisk-broom up in the office," Sheridan was saying. "You got to look out on those corners nowadays, I tell you. I don"t know I got any call to blow, though--because I tried to cross after you did. That"s how I happened to run into you. Well, you want to remember to look out after this. We were talkin" about Murtrie"s askin" sixty-eight thousand flat for that ninety-nine-year lease. It"s his lookout if he"d rather take it that way, and I don"t know but--"
"No," said Bibbs, emphatically, as the elevator stopped; "he won"t get it. Not from us, he won"t, and I"ll show you why. I can convince you in five minutes." He followed his father into the office anteroom--and convinced him. Then, having been diligently brushed by a youth of color, Bibbs went into his own room and closed the door.
He was more shaken than he had allowed his father to perceive, and his side was sore where Sheridan had struck him. He desired to be alone; he wanted to rub himself and, for once, to do some useless thinking again.
He knew that his father had not "happened" to run into him; he knew that Sheridan had instantly--and instinctively--proved that he held his own life of no account whatever compared to that of his son and heir. Bibbs had been unable to speak of that, or to seem to know it; for Sheridan, just as instinctively, had swept the matter aside--as of no importance, since all was well--reverting immediately to business.
Bibbs began to think intently of his father. He perceived, as he had never perceived before, the shadowing of something enormous and indomitable--and lawless; not to be daunted by the will of nature"s very self; laughing at the lightning and at wounds and mutilation; conquering, irresistible--and blindly n.o.ble. For the first time in his life Bibbs began to understand the meaning of being truly this man"s son.
He would be the more truly his son henceforth, though, as Sheridan said, Bibbs had not come down-town with him meanly or half-heartedly. He had given his word because he had wanted the money, simply, for Mary Vertrees in her need. And he shivered with horror of himself, thinking how he had gone to her to offer it, asking her to marry him--with his head on his breast in shameful fear that she would accept him! He had not known her; the knowing had lost her to him, and this had been his real awakening; for he knew now how deep had been that slumber wherein he dreamily celebrated the superiority of "friendship"! The sleep-walker had wakened to bitter knowledge of love and life, finding himself a failure in both. He had made a burnt offering of his dreams, and the sacrifice had been an unforgivable hurt to Mary. All that was left for him was the work he had not chosen, but at least he would not fail in that, though it was indeed no more than "dust in his mouth." If there had been anything "to work for--"
He went to the window, raised it, and let in the uproar of the streets below. He looked down at the blurred, hurrying swarms and he looked across, over the roofs with their panting jets of vapor, into the vast, foggy heart of the smoke. Dizzy traceries of steel were rising dimly against it, chattering with steel on steel, and screeching in steam, while tiny figures of men walked on threads in the dull sky. Buildings would overtop the Sheridan. Bigness was being served.
But what for? The old question came to Bibbs with a new despair. Here, where his eyes fell, had once been green fields and running brooks, and how had the kind earth been despoiled and disfigured! The pioneers had begun the work, but in their old age their orators had said for them that they had toiled and risked and sacrificed that their posterity might live in peace and wisdom, enjoying the fruits of the earth. Well, their posterity was here--and there was only turmoil. Where was the promised land? It had been promised by the soldiers of all the wars; it had been promised to this generation by the pioneers; but here was the very posterity to whom it had been promised, toiling and risking and sacrificing in turn--for what?
The harsh roar of the city came in through the open window, continuously beating upon Bibbs"s ear until he began to distinguish a pulsation in it--a broken and irregular cadence. It seemed to him that it was like a t.i.tanic voice, discordant, hoa.r.s.e, rustily metallic--the voice of the G.o.d, Bigness. And the voice summoned Bibbs as it summoned all its servants.
"Come and work!" it seemed to yell. "Come and work for Me, all men! By your youth and your hope I summon you! By your age and your despair I summon you to work for Me yet a little, with what strength you have. By your love of home I summon you! By your love of woman I summon you! By your hope of children I summon you!
"You shall be blind slaves of Mine, blind to everything but Me, your Master and Driver! For your reward you shall gaze only upon my ugliness.
You shall give your toil and your lives, you shall go mad for love and worship of my ugliness! You shall perish still worshipping Me, and your children shall perish knowing no other G.o.d!"
And then, as Bibbs closed the window down tight, he heard his father"s voice booming in the next room; he could not distinguish the words but the tone was exultant--and there came the THUMP! THUMP! of the maimed hand. Bibbs guessed that Sheridan was bragging of the city and of Bigness to some visitor from out-of-town.
And he thought how truly Sheridan was the high priest of Bigness. But with the old, old thought again, "What for?" Bibbs caught a glimmer of far, faint light. He saw that Sheridan had all his life struggled and conquered, and must all his life go on struggling and inevitably conquering, as part of a vast impulse not his own. Sheridan served blindly--but was the impulse blind? Bibbs asked himself if it was not he who had been in the greater hurry, after all. The kiln must be fired before the vase is glazed, and the Acropolis was not crowned with marble in a day.
Then the voice came to him again, but there was a strain in it as of some high music struggling to be born of the turmoil. "Ugly I am," it seemed to say to him, "but never forget that I AM a G.o.d!" And the voice grew in sonorousness and in dignity. "The highest should serve, but so long as you worship me for my own sake I will not serve you. It is man who makes me ugly, by his worship of me. If man would let me serve him, I should be beautiful!"
Looking once more from the window, Bibbs sculptured for himself--in the vague contortions of the smoke and fog above the roofs--a gigantic figure with feet pedestaled upon the great buildings and shoulders disappearing in the clouds, a colossus of steel and wholly blackened with soot. But Bibbs carried his fancy further--for there was still a little poet lingering in the back of his head--and he thought that up over the clouds, unseen from below, the giant labored with his hands in the clean sunshine; and Bibbs had a glimpse of what he made there--perhaps for a fellowship of the children of the children that were children now--a n.o.ble and joyous city, unbelievably white--
It was the telephone that called him from his vision. It rang fiercely.
He lifted the thing from his desk and answered--and as the small voice inside it spoke he dropped the receiver with a crash. He trembled violently as he picked it up, but he told himself he was wrong--he had been mistaken--yet it was a startlingly beautiful voice; startlingly kind, too, and ineffably like the one he hungered most to hear.
"Who?" he said, his own voice shaking--like his hand.
"Mary."
He responded with two hushed and incredulous words: "IS IT?"
There was a little thrill of pathetic half-laughter in the instrument.
"Bibbs--I wanted to--just to see if you--"
"Yes--Mary?"
"I was looking when you were so nearly run over. I saw it, Bibbs.
They said you hadn"t been hurt, they thought, but I wanted to know for myself."