It hurted.... It hurted a lot, a lot to think that you do everything in your life to please someone. That the sole purpose of your life was to please someone, someone you look up to... that someone for whom caring is far fetched, who doesn"t even acknowledge your effort, for a matter-of-fact not even your existence.She was driving at an insane speed, something she never had, she didn"t know where she was going. She couldn"t even tell where she was coming from.She just knew everything was a blur.
No matter where this road was leading her to. That just didn"t matter. She wasn"t going to go back. There was no going back.
Wiping the stream of tears off her cheeks and rubbing her eyes harshly, she tried to clear her vision to see clearly but then laughed a bitter laugh, what vision did she even want to see. Did she even know where she was going? Did she even have a place to go to?
On the empty dark road ahead of her, she only could see the long shadows of the trees on the sides mocking her.
The limited edition silk gown she was wearing was damped, mudded and torn. Her burgundy brown hairs were a mess and her face even worse, with mascara that was ruined and lipstick that was everywhere but on her lips.
But that didn"t matter, nothing mattered, not anymore.... Never... It was never enough, Nothing was ever enough and nothing would ever be enough.
I lived a life without a mother and with a father whose absence was better than his presence. Brother that didn"t even acknowledge me. But they were not my brothers, they were my "step"-brothers. Yeah that"s why I was never accepted. Who I even were? A proof of a crime..... illegitimate.
With a bitter laugh, she thought."What have I not done to be acceptable?" Simply I always did everything I was asked to. I never rebelled. I listened to every bulls.h.i.+t they spout. I did everything that they wanted and the way they wanted it.
But what do I get?.....Further rejection. But that is it... no more. I would never marry that playboy, Li Yuan. I will not be dictated any more. I will rebel today! Even if It is the last thing I do...
If I couldn"t get what I wanted, it just didn"t matter what I got... worthless! It is all worthless. Everything I have is worthless.
She was hysterical with clear madness in her eyes.
Wiping another spilled salt water, she accelerated the already fast car, the road turned even blurry. She could tell it was far from civilization. A no man land. As if she wanted to compete with the speed of light, she further accelerated the car, the rush of air felt good, it felt free.
Free.... She was finally free. She smiled, the beautiful torn petals blooming on her face.
With a deafening sound she knew she crashed. But she never wanted to land. She didn"t know what to live for so death didn"t matter. It didn"t matter. Finally, nothing will matter. It hurted but it is the last time it will hurt.
"Last time.... "she smiled bitterly reflecting all the pain she had suffered while surrendering it in front of the dark to consume her. "In a no man land, no one knew she lived and no one will know she died."