"Whither am I going? Where is this to end?" was his shuddering e.j.a.c.u.l.a.t.i.o.n, as the imminent peril of his position most vividly presented itself.
How hopelessly he wended his reluctant way homeward! There was nothing to lean upon there. No strength of ever-enduring love, to be, as it were, a second self to him in his weakness. No outstretched arm to drag him, with something of super-human power, out of the miry pit into which he had fallen; but, instead, an indignant hand to thrust him farther in.
"G.o.d help me!" he sighed, in the very bitterness of a hopeless spirit; "for there is no aid in man."
Ah! if, in his weakness, he had only leaned, in true dependence, on Him he thus asked to help him; if he had but resisted the motions of evil in himself, as sins against his Maker, and resisted them in a determined spirit, he need not have fallen; strength would, a.s.suredly, have been given.
The nearer Ellis drew to his home, the more unhappy he felt at the thought of meeting his wife. After having left the house without seeing her in the morning, and then remaining from home all day, he had no hope of a kind reception.
"It"s no use!" he muttered to himself, stopping suddenly, when within a square of his house. "I can"t meet Cara; she will look coldly at me, or frown, or speak cutting words; and I"m in no state of mind to bear any thing patiently just now. I"ve done wrong, I know--very wrong; but I don"t want it thrown into my face. Oh, dear! I am beset within and without, behind and before and there is little hope for me."
Overcoming this state of indecision, Ellis forced himself to go home.
On entering the presence of his wife, he made a strong effort to compose himself, and, when he met Cara, he spoke to her in a cheerful tone of voice. How great an effort it cost him to do this, considering all the circ.u.mstances by which he was surrounded, the reader may easily imagine. And what was his reception?
"Found your way home at last!"
These were the words with which Cara received her husband; and they were spoken in a sharp, deriding tone of voice. The day"s doubt, suspense, and suffering, had not quieted the evil spirit in her heart.
She was angry with her husband, and could not restrain its expression.
A bitter retort trembled on the tongue of Ellis; but he checked its utterance, and, turning from his wife, took one of his children in his arms. The sphere of innocence that surrounded the spirit of that child penetrated his heart, and touched his feelings with an emotion of tenderness.
"Oh, wretched man that I am!" he sighed, in the bitterness of a repentant and self-upbraiding spirit. "So much dependent on me, and yet as weak as a reed swaying in the wind."
How much that weak, tempted, suffering man, just trembling on the brink of destruction, needed a true-hearted, forbearing, long-suffering wife!
Such a one might--yes, would--have saved him. By the strong cords of love she would have held him to her side.
Several times Ellis tried to interest Cara in conversation; but to every remark she replied only in monosyllables. In fact she was angry with him, and, not feeling kindly, she would not speak kindly. All day she had suffered deeply on his account. A thousand fears had hara.s.sed her mind. She had even repented of her unkindness towards him, and resolved to be more forbearing in the future. For more than an hour she kept the table waiting at dinner time, and was so troubled at his absence, that she felt no inclination to touch food.
"I"m afraid I am not patient enough with him," she sighed, as better feelings warmed in her heart. "I was always a little irritable. But I will try to do better. If he were not so close about money, I could be more patient."
While such thoughts were pa.s.sing through the mind of Mrs. Ellis, a particular friend, named Mrs. Claxton, called to see her.
"Why, bless me, Cara! what"s the matter?" exclaimed this lady, as she took the hand of Mrs. Ellis. "You look dreadful. Haven"t been sick, I hope?"
"No, not sick in body," was replied.
"Sick in mind. The worst kind of sickness. No serious trouble, I hope?"
There was a free, off-hand, yet insinuating manner about Mrs. Claxton, that, while it won the confidence of a certain cla.s.s of minds, repulsed others. Mrs. Ellis, who had no great skill in reading character, belonged to the former cla.s.s; and Mrs. Claxton was, therefore as just said, a particular friend, and in a certain sense a confidante.
"The old trouble," replied Mrs. Ellis to the closing question of her friend.
"With your husband?"
"Yes. He pinches me in money matters so closely, and grumbles so eternally at what he calls my extravagance, that I"m out of all patience. Last evening, just as I was about telling him that he must give me new parlour carpets, he, divining, I verily believe, my thoughts, cut off every thing, by saying, in a voice as solemn as the grave--"Cara, I would like to have a little plain talk with you about my affairs." I flared right up. I couldn"t have helped it, if I"d died for it the next minute."
"Well; what then?"
"Oh! the old story. Of course he got angry, and went off like a streak of lightning. I cried half the evening, and then went to bed. I don"t know how late it was when he came home. This morning, when I got up, he was sleeping as heavy as a log. It was near ten o"clock when I heard him moving about in our chamber, but I did not go in. He had got himself into a huff, and I was determined to let him get himself out of it. Just as I supposed he would come into the nursery, where I was sitting with the children, awaiting his lordship"s pleasure to appear for breakfast, he opens the door into the pa.s.sage, and walks himself off."
"Without his breakfast?"
"Yes, indeed. And I"ve seen nothing of him since."
"That"s bad," said the friend. "A little tiff now and then is all well enough in its place. But this is too serious."
"So I feel it. Yet what am I to do?"
"You will have to manage better than this."
"Manage?"
"Yes. I never have scenes of this kind with my husband."
"He"s not so close with you as Henry is with me. He isn"t so mean, if I must speak plainly, in money matters."
"Well, I don"t know about that. He isn"t perfect by many degrees. One of his faults, from the beginning, has been a disposition to dole out my allowance of money with a very sparing hand. I bore this for some years, but it fretted me; and was the source of occasional misunderstandings that were very unpleasant."
Mrs. Claxton paused.
"Well; what remedy did you apply?" asked Mrs. Ellis.
"A very simple one. I took what he was pleased to give me, and if it didn"t hold out, I bought what I needed, and had the bills sent in to the store."
"Capital!" exclaimed Mrs. Ellis. "Just what I have been thinking of.
And it worked well?"
"To a charm."
"What did Mr. Claxton say when the bills came in?"
"He looked grave, and said I would ruin him; but, of course, paid them."
"Is that the way you got your new carpets?"
"Yes."
"And your new blinds?"
"Yes."
"Well, I declare! But doesn"t Mr. Claxton diminish your allowances of money?"
"Yes, but his credit is as good as his money. I never pay for dry goods, shoes, or groceries. The bills are all sent in to him."
"And he never grumbles?"
"I can"t just say that. It isn"t a week since he a.s.sured me, with the most solemn face in the world, that if I didn"t manage to keep the family on less than I did, he would certainly be ruined in his business."