Seeing as her grandfather had ordered a very luxurious car for her, she knew this wasn"t just a simple dinner with him. She was thankful that her intuition told her to modestly dress well for tonight or else she would have embarra.s.sed him.
Zhao Lifei stared out the car window, watching the city lights pa.s.s by her in a blur. The city of Shenbei was truly prosperous and filled with attractions. In the day time, one could see the magnificent and modern skysc.r.a.pers, beautiful structures, and scenic locations. But at night time is when the city truly s.h.i.+nes — literally.
The city seemed to never sleep because even at night, it was lit up with brilliant colors. Millions of s.h.i.+mmering lights caused the dense skysc.r.a.pers and beautiful attractions to dance and glitter beneath the night sky. Stars were rarely visible as they hid behind the clouds, letting the magnificent city do its own work. On the surface, the scenic backdrop of Shenbei against the bustling crowd seemed harmonious. It was the perfect illusion for the destructive underworld.
Everything seems to remind her about Yang Feng. Along with thoughts of the underworld are flashes of his onyx eyes adoringly gazing into hers and how his muscular build always seem to protect her frail body.
Her mood soured once again when she remembered how outstanding yet distant he looked when he turned his back to her. Her apartment felt desolate when he showed no hesitation in leaving her aside at that moment.
Without warning, she felt a pang of fear shake her heart. The idea of him closing himself to her and permanently leaving her life brought an unprecedented sense of desperation into her. It caused her heart to quiver in pain that spread to the rest of her body.
She realized she might"ve gone too far in this push-and-pull game. If her heart had never been broken before and she had never gone through what she did with Zheng Tianyi, maybe she could have fallen for him faster than the speed of light.
Her head is telling her she could trust him, and that with him, she would never be stripped of her clothes and her dignity against her will again. But she was held back by the idea that once upon a time, the people she had trusted wholeheartedly had already betrayed her.
A tiny voice in the back of her mind spoke to her like a small child terrified of being abandoned by the world once again.
"What if he truly decides to leave you?"
"What if he doesn"t care about you anymore?"
"What if he decides to shower that same affection and doting behavior onto another woman?"
"You"re right. You are nothing to him. Not his girlfriend. Not his wife. Not even an ambiguous lover. Your parents do not want you. Your sister hates you. You can"t even keep your fiance even with everything you have to offer. Why would someone like Yang Feng wait for you until you"re ready?"
She sucked in a panicked breath at the taunting voice, her heart suddenly building up momentum and drumming fiercely in fear.
The image of Zheng Tianyi walking away from her with Xia Mengxi securely tucked into his arms haunted her like a broken record on repeat. She could never forget the memory of being a heartbroken sobbing woman on her knees, begging him to come back to her.
The idea of Yang Feng doing the same brought a sense of anxiety within her. Her hands turned clammy as she thought about his strong arms wrapped around another woman"s waist while he smiles down at her with the same warmth and expressions he had always shown her.
Unknowingly, her face became pale and her brain couldn"t think properly. There were a million scenarios running through her head. She was scared at the idea that no matter how hard she tried to control it, she seemed to be helplessly falling in love with him in such a short time.
The feeling was totally different compared to the one she felt for Zheng Tianyi. At the time, it has been nurtured over the years and had been borne from their supposed lifetime together. There was an irrational sense of relief bubbling through her at the thought that she"s quickly moving on from him.
"Young Miss, are you alright?" The driver gently asked upon seeing her ghostly complexion in the rearview mirror.
Zhao Lifei"s usual pale skin had turned even more translucent, almost resembling a piece of paper.
The voice of the driver brought her back to reality as she took in an unsteady breath of air to calm herself. "Y-yes, I"m fine. Thank you." She briefly said, looking out the window once again.
She blinked and chided herself for falling so easily into darkness the same way she used to when she used to drink herself to sleep. She knew she was reverting back to her old ways, where her overthinking and self-doubt creates a paralyzing nightmare for her.
She suddenly thought back to the past two nights and how comfortably she had slept. Without any nightmares tearing her sanity down, she actually had some decent sleep. Thinking back to this morning, she remembered how refreshed and comforted she had felt. Another voice whispered in the back of her mind, "Maybe it was because Yang Feng was there…"
The second voice was immediately silenced by the first one that doubted herself. "What if he forgets about us and does the same to another woman…" The devil whispered to her, sitting on her shoulders and teasing her.
Zhao Lifei painfully bit her bottom lip as fear instantly shrouded her again like a heavy blanket. "No, no, think positive." She whispered in her head, furiously shaking the negative thoughts away from her.
Instead of letting her unhealthy thoughts take over, she decided to focus her mind elsewhere. She thought of a plan to reach out to Yang Feng without making it seem like she was deliberately trying to see him.
Suddenly, her brain thought back to the email she had received from Lu Minhong a few days ago. An idea popped into her mind and it had everything to do with the gift war that was unknowingly placed on hold.
A small smile slowly spread on her lips at her perfect plan. She would send him the manila envelope with the doc.u.ments on Lu Minhong"s findings. Although she was a bit doubtful of her idea since Yang Feng might"ve already sought out the rat that dared to come after the dragon. But nonetheless, she decided it would still be a good attempt at talking to him instead of her just randomly texting him.