And then I wake up.
It"s the middle of the night, and Wesley"s hand is tangled with mine. He"s in a chair pulled up to my bed, slumped forward and fast asleep with his head cradled on his free arm on the comforter. The memory of him crumpling to the concrete almost makes me pull away. But here, now, with his hand warm and alive in mine, the scene on the roof feels like it was just a dream. A horrible dream, but a dream-already fading away as his noise washes over me softer and steadier than usual, but still loud enough to quiet everything else.
My head is still filled with fog, and the hours before the nightmare trickle back first in glimpses.
Mom pushing the water into my hand.
The tilting room.
The breaking gla.s.s.
Wesley"s arms folding around me.
I look down at him, sleeping with his head on my covers. I should wake him up. I should send him home. I slide my fingers from his, and for a moment he rouses, drags himself from sleep long enough to mutter something about storms. Then he"s quiet again, his breathing low and even. I sit there, watching him sleep, discovering yet another of his many faces: one without armor.
I decide to let him sleep, and I"m just about to lie back down when I hear it: the sound of someone in the room behind me. Before I can turn, an arm wraps around my shoulders, and a woman"s hand closes over my mouth.
Her noise crashes through my head, all metal and stone, and all I can think as her grip tightens is that it takes a cruel person to sound like this. It"s how I imagine Owen would have sounded when he was alive, before his life was compiled and his noise replaced by silence.
When she leans in to whisper in my ear, I catch sight of the blue-black fringe that sweeps just above her black eyes. Sako.
"Don"t scream, little Keeper," she whispers as she hauls me backward, out of the bed and to my feet. "We don"t want to wake him."
Her hand falls away from my mouth, her arm away from my shoulders, and I spin on her in the dark.
"What the h.e.l.l are you doing here?" I hiss, almost soundless, still dizzy from whatever Mom put in my water.
"Trust me," growls Sako as she grabs my arm and drags me across the room. "I"d rather be a thousand other places."
"Then get out," I snap, pulling free. "Shouldn"t you be hunting down Histories?"
"Haven"t you figured it out yet, little Keeper?" she says, driving her Crew key into my closet door. "We hunt down people for the Archive. Only some of them are Histories."
I barely have time to pull off my ring before she turns the key, opens the door, and shoves me into darkness.
Agatha is waiting.
She"s sitting behind the front desk in her cream-colored coat, her red hair sweeping perfectly around her face. One gloved hand turns through the ledger like it"s a magazine, while Roland stands at her side, looking stiff and pale. His attention snaps up when Sako drags me in, but Agatha continues to play with the pages of the ma.s.sive book.
"See, Roland?" she says, the heavy paper crinkling under her touch. "I told you Sako would find her."
Sako nods a fraction. Her hand is still a vise on my shoulder, but nothing filters in with her touch now. The silent buffer of the Archive surrounds us. Only the Librarians can read people here.
"She was asleep," says Sako. "With a boy."
Agatha raises a brow. "I"m so sorry to disturb you," she says in that milky voice.
"Not at all," I say tightly. "I would have come sooner, but I was indisposed, and my doors were out of reach." Only Crew can turn any door into an Archive door. I turn to Sako. "Thanks for the lift."
Sako smiles darkly. "Don"t mention it."
Roland"s eyes have locked onto the bandage wrapping around my right hand and up my wrist-You should see my other arm, I think-and they hover there as Agatha quietly shuts the ledger and rises to her feet.
"If you"ll excuse us, I think it"s time for Mackenzie and me to have a little chat."
"Requesting permission to be present," says Roland.
"Denied," she says casually. "Someone needs to watch the front desk. And Sako, please stay. You might be needed." Agatha points to one of the two sentinels by the door. "With me, please." I stiffen.
"I really don"t think that"s necessary," says Roland as one of the two black-clad figures steps forward. It"s the first time I"ve ever seen one move.
"I hope it"s not," says Agatha, "but one should always come prepared."
She turns toward the open doors behind the desk, and I scramble to pull my thoughts together as I follow. Roland catches my shoulder as I pa.s.s.
"Do not grant her permission," he whispers before the sentinel gives me a push through the doors.
I pad barefoot through the atrium of the Archive, the white of Agatha"s coat in front of me, the black of the sentinel"s cloak trailing behind, and for the first time, I feel like a prisoner. As we turn down one of the halls, I catch sight of Patrick standing at the edge of a row of stacks. His eyes follow us-curious, but otherwise unreadable.
Agatha leads me into a room with no shelves and two chairs.
"Have a seat," she tells me, waving at one as she takes the other. When I hesitate, the sentinel forces me down. His hands stay pressed onto my shoulders, holding me in place until Agatha says, "That won"t be needed," and then he takes a step back. I can feel him looming like a shadow behind the chair.
"Why am I here?" I ask.
Agatha crosses her legs. "It"s been nearly a month since our last meeting, Miss Bishop. I thought it time for a checkup. Why?" she says, tilting her head innocently. "Can you think of any other reasons I"d summon you?"
A pit forms in my stomach as she pulls a small black notebook from the pocket of her coat and opens it with a small sigh.
"Preceding the obvious failure to report when summoned..." I bite back the urge to cut in, to call her out on the fact she knew I couldn"t come. "...I"ve compiled a rather concerning list of irregularities," she says, dragging a gloved finger down the page. "We have nights spent in the Archive."
"Roland"s been training me."
"The a.s.sault of two humans in the Outer."
"They a.s.saulted me. I merely defended myself."
"And the Archive had to clean up the mess."
"I didn"t ask the Archive to."
She sighs. "An arrest for breaking and entering a crime scene?"
"I was never processed."
"Then how about crimes more pertinent to the Archive?" she challenges. "Such as failure to return Histories." I open my mouth, but she holds up a hand. "Do not insult me by claiming you were the one to send those lost souls back, Miss Bishop. I happen to know that Mr. Ayers"s key was used to access the Returns in your territory. The simple fact is that you have been neglecting your job."
"I"m sorry. I was indisposed."
"Oh, I know. Hospitalized. For self-harm." She taps the paper thoughtfully. "Do you understand why I find that so troublesome?"
"It"s not what you-"
"This is a stressful job, Miss Bishop. I am aware of that. The mind bears as many scars as the body. But the mind also keeps our secrets. A weak mind is a threat to the Archive. It is why we alter those who leave. And those who are removed." Agatha"s eyes hold mine. "Now tell me, what happened?"
I take a deep breath in. Most people do before telling a lie-it"s an almost automatic physical preparation and one of the hardest tells to break-but I make sure to let it out before starting, hoping the hesitation pa.s.ses for embarra.s.sment. And then I hold out my right hand. The cuts from the gla.s.s are shallow, but I"ve made sure they"re covered, and the bandages wrap down around my wrist.
"Last month," I start, "when I tried to stop Owen, he broke a few of the bones in my wrist." I think back to my physiology textbook. "He cracked the radius and crushed the scaphoid, lunate, and part of the triquetrum." I point out the rough placement of each. "The last two didn"t set properly. There were a few small pieces of bone that never re-fused. They were getting in the way, so I did my best to take them out." Her eyes drift to the bandages that circle my wrist as she leans forward, closing the narrow gap between us. It"s exactly what I want, her to focus on the hand. She need never know about the bandages on my other arm.
"Why not go to the hospital?" she asks.
"I didn"t want my parents to worry."
"Why not have Patrick see to it?"
"He"s not my biggest fan," I say, "and I thought I could see to it myself. But I"m afraid the thing about being a teenager is that people tend to notice when you take a knife to yourself, no matter the reason."
A sad smile touches her lips, and I"m beginning to think she actually bought the lie when she says, "Roll up your sleeves."
I hesitate, and that brief pause is enough to give me away. Agatha rises to her feet, and I move to rise, too, but the sentinel holds me in my seat as she leans forward and guides up my sleeve-not my right one, but my left-exposing the bandage that winds around my forearm.
"Tell me," says Agatha, running a finger gingerly over the tape, "did pieces of bone wander into this arm, too?"
"I can-"
But she lifts a finger to silence me.
"I asked you once," she says, "if you wanted to remember all that had happened to you. I gave you a chance to forget. I fear I might have erred in doing so. Bad memories left in weak minds are like rot. They spread and ruin."
I grip the chair even though it sends pain up my arm. "I a.s.sure you, Agatha, I am not ruined."
"No," she says, "but you may be broken."
I cringe. "I am not. You have to believe me."
"Actually," she says, tugging on the fingers of one black glove, "I don"t. Not when I can see for myself."
The sentinel"s grip tightens on my shoulders, and Roland"s voice rushes in my ears. Once she has access to your mind, anything she finds there can be used against you. If she found you unfit, you would be sentenced to alteration.... Do not grant her permission.
"No," I say, the words br.i.m.m.i.n.g with panic. "You can"t."
Agatha pauses, her eyes narrowing. "Excuse me?"
"You don"t have my permission," I say, reminding myself that this is law, even though it feels like suicide. Agatha"s false warmth dissolves, and she considers me coldly.
"You are denying me access to your mind." It is not a question. It is a challenge.
I nod. "It is my right."
"Only the guilty plead the Fifth, Miss Bishop. I strongly advise you to reconsider."
But I can"t. I have chosen my path, and she must respect it. She can"t hurt me, at least not right now. It may only be a reprieve, but it"s better than a sentence. I roll my sleeve down over the bandages, and she reads the gesture for the denial it is.
The sentinel"s grip retreats from my shoulders, and I"m about to push myself to my feet when she says, "We are not done." My stomach twists as she rounds her chair and curls her gloved hands around the back. "You still haven"t explained the crime scene or what you were doing there."
Lie, lie, lie pounds my heart. But a lie has to be as quick as truth, and the fact I"ve paused yet again means I won"t be able to sell a line. She"ll see through it. If I was standing on ice before, my refusal has driven cracks into it.
"Someone I met was abducted," I say, the words coming out too cautiously. "I thought I might be able to see something the cops had missed. The man, Gregory Phillip, went missing from his home. The room where the abduction took place was trashed, and the police didn"t have any leads. They couldn"t make sense of the evidence, couldn"t figure out how the man had vanished. Because they couldn"t see it. But when I broke in, I saw it clearly."
"Saw what, Miss Bishop?"
"Someone had made a void."
Agatha"s eyes narrow. "That," she says, "is a very serious accusation."
It is. Voids can only be made using Crew keys, the only people given Crew keys are Crew, and Agatha is personally responsible for every member of this branch, Keeper and Crew alike. Which is why she should be more interested in finding the person behind this than in burning me.
"I understand the severity-"
"Do you?" she says, rounding her chair. "Do you truly know what you"re suggesting? Voids are tears in the world. Every time one is created, it puts the Outer and the Archive at risk. As such, the intentional creation of one is punishable by alteration. And you think that a member of Crew would disobey the Archive-disobey me-and create such a tear in the Outer in order to dispose of one human?"
"Three," I correct. "There have been three disappearances in the last week, and I believe voids were created in every instance. And I"m not convinced the Crew responsible is doing it for themselves. I think it"s possible that someone in the Archive has given them the order."
"And why on earth would someone do that?"
"I think"-G.o.d, I sound mad; I can barely will the words out-"someone"s trying to frame me." Agatha"s eyebrows go up as I add, "I crossed paths with each victim before they vanished."
"And who would want to frame you?" she asks, her voice dripping with condescension.
"There are members of the Archive," I say, "who disapprove of your initial ruling. Those who are opposed to my continued service."
Agatha sighs. "I"m well aware of Patrick"s feelings toward you, but you honestly believe he would break Archival law to see you terminated?"
I hesitate. I"m not sure I do. It was easy to believe he would send Eric to find evidence, but I have a harder time believing he would plant it.
"I don"t know," I say, trying hard not to waver. "I"m only telling you what I found."
"You must be mistaken."
"I know what I saw."
"How can you?" she counters. "Voids are not truly visible, to anyone. You got a bad feeling, you thought your eyes slid off a bit of air, and you a.s.sumed-"
"I read the wall. The memories surrounding the creation of the void were all ruined. Whited out."
She shakes her head. "Even if there was a void, how do I know you aren"t to blame? Do you have any idea how rare a void door is? You"ve already been tied to one-"
"I was doing my job."