She went over to the window, and stood perfectly silent. It was raining steadily; the river, a block away, was hidden in the yellow fog; down in the yard, the tables and chairs under the poplar dripped and dripped. As for Maurice, it was as if some dark finger had stretched out and touched a bubble.... She was the same Eleanor.
But he did not dwell upon this revealing moment; it was enough that at last he could stop lying, and that Eleanor would help him about Jacky!
He called her back from the window and made her sit down again beside him, pretending not to see how her hands were trembling. Then he went on talking about Jacky.
"His latest achievement is an infernal mouth harmonicon."
She said, listlessly, "I wish I could give him music lessons."
"He"s crazy about music; trails hand organs all over Medfield!" Maurice said, with a great effort to be cheerfully casual; "but, Heaven knows, I"d be glad if you could give him lessons in anything! Manners, for instance. He hasn"t any. Or grammar; I told him not to say "ain"t," and, if you please! he told his mother _she_ mustn"t say it! Lily got on her ear."
She smiled faintly. "I wish I could see him," she said.
She had urged this more than once, but it had not seemed practicable. "I can"t bring him here," Maurice explained; "he"d blurt out to Lily where he"d been, and she"d get uneasy. Even as it is, I live in dread that she"ll pack up and clear out with him."
"She _shan"t_ take him away!" Eleanor said; she was eager again;--after all, Edith, for all her impertinence in advising Maurice how to treat his wife!--Edith could not break in upon an intimacy like this!
Her incessant talk about Jacky (which might have bored Maurice just a little, if it had not touched him) gave her, in some subtle, spiritual way, a sense of approaching motherhood: _she made preparations_! She planned little gifts for him;--Maurice had told her of Jacky"s lively interest in benefits to come; once, she thought, "I suppose he"s too old to have one of those funny papers in his room? I saw such a pretty one to-day, little rabbits in trousers!"--For by this time she had determined that, somehow, she would get possession of him! In these maternal moments she feared no rivalry from Edith Houghton. Jacky would save her from Edith!
"Oh, Maurice! I _must_ see him," she said once.
"I"ll fix it so you can," he told her. But it was two months before he was able to fix it; then "Forepaws" came to town, and the way was clear!
He would take Jacky, and Eleanor should go and have a seat near by, and come up and speak to the youngster, as any admiring stranger might, and, indeed, often did, for Jacky was a striking child--his eyes blue and keen, his skin very clear, and his cheeks glowing with health. "If he goes home and tells Lily a lady spoke to him," Maurice said, "she won"t think anything of it."
"May I give him some candy?"
"No; he has too much of it as it is; get one of those tin horns for him.
He"ll raise Cain for Lily, I suppose; but we won"t have to listen to him!" (That "we" so fed Eleanor"s starved soul, that she thought of Edith Houghton with a sort of gay contempt: "_I"m_ not afraid of her!")
The plan for seeing Jacky went through easily enough. "I"ll take that boy of yours to the circus," Maurice told Lily, carelessly, one day.
"Why, that"s awful kind in you, Mr. Curtis; but ain"t you afraid somebody"ll see you luggin" a child around?"
"Lots of men take kids to the circus--just as an excuse to go themselves."
So Maurice and the eight-year-old Jacky, in a new sailor suit, and a face so clean that it shone, walked in among the gilded cages, felt the sawdust under their feet, smelled the wild animals, heard the yelps of the jackals, the booming roar of lions, and the screeching chatter of the monkeys. And as Jacky dragged his father from cage to cage, a yard or two behind them came Eleanor.... Now and then, over Jacky"s head, she caught Maurice"s eye; and they both smiled.
When a speechless Jacky was taken into the central tent to sit on a narrow bench, and drink pink lemonade and eat peanuts, Eleanor was quite near him. He was unconscious of her presence--unconscious of everything!
except the blare of the band, the elephants, the performing dogs--especially the poor, strained performing dogs! He never spoke once; his eyes were fixed on the rings; he didn"t see his father watching him, amused and proud; still less did he see the lady who had been at his heels in the animal tent, and who now kept her mournful dark eyes on his face. When the last horse gave the last kick and trotted out through the exit, with its mysterious canvas walls, Jacky was in a daze of bliss. He sat, open-mouthed, staring at the empty, trampled sawdust.
"Come along, young man!" Maurice said; "do you want to stay here all night?"
"I"m going to be a circus rider," said Jacky, solemnly.
It was then that the "lady" spoke to him--her voice broke twice: "Well, little boy, did you like the circus?" the lady said. She was so pale that Maurice put his hand on her arm.
"Better sit down, Nelly," he said, kindly, under his breath.
She shook her head. "No ... Jacky, don"t you want to tell me your name?"
"But you _know_ my name," said Jacky, with a bored look.
Maurice gave her a warning glance, and she tried to cover her blunder: "I heard your father--I mean this gentleman--call you "Jacky,"" she explained--panting, for Maurice"s quick frown frightened her. "Here"s a present for you," she said.
"_Present_!" said Jacky--and made a joyous grab at the horn, which he immediately put to his lips; but before it could emit its ear-piercing screech, Maurice struck it down.
"Where are your manners? Say "Thank you" to the lady."
Jacky sighed, but murmured, ""Ank you."
Eleanor, her chin trembling, said: "May I kiss him?"
""Course," Maurice said, huskily.
She bent down and kissed him with trembling lips--"Ach!--you make me all wet," Jacky said, frowning at her tears on his rosy cheek.
Later, as Maurice pulled his reluctant son out on to the pavement, he was so moved that he almost forgot that she was still the old Eleanor; he didn"t even listen to his little boy"s pa.s.sionate a.s.sertion that he would be a flying-trapeze man. As he walked along beside his wife to put her on the car he spoke with great tenderness:
"I"ll leave him at Lily"s, and then I"ll come right home, dear, and we"ll talk things over."
When he and his son got back to Maple Street, Jacky was blowing that infernal horn so that the whole neighborhood was aware of his ecstasy.
Lily, waiting for them at the gate, put her hands over her ears.
"My soul and body! For the land"s sake, stop! Who give you that horrid thing?"
"An old lady," said Jacky--and blew a shattering screech on Eleanor"s horn.
CHAPTER XXIX
From the day of the circus, Jacky became, to Eleanor, not a symbol of Maurice"s unfaithfulness, but a hope for the future. The thought of his mother was only the scar of a wound, which Maurice, in some single slashing moment, had made in her heart. She was crippled by it, of course. But the wound had healed so she could forget the scar--because Maurice had never loved Lily, never found her "interesting," never wanted to wander about with _her_, in a dark garden, and talk
Of shoes--and ships--and sealing wax-- And cabbages--and kings ...
To be sure the scar ached dully once in a while; but Eleanor knew that if she could get possession of Jacky she would be protected against other wounds--wounds which would never heal! She said to herself that Maurice would never think of Edith Houghton if he had Jacky! But how should she get Jacky?
For months she revolved countless schemes to persuade Lily to resign him; schemes so futile that Maurice, listening to them every night when he got home from the office, was touched, of course; but by and by he was also a little uneasy. He had told her where Lily lived, then regretted it, for once she walked up and down before the house on Maple Street for an hour, hoping to see "the woman," but failing, because Lily and Jacky happened to be in town that afternoon.
"I have a great mind to steal him for you!" she said, telling Maurice of her fruitless effort.
He protested, too disturbed at her mere presence on Lily"s street to notice her attempt at a joke. "If Lily should imagine that we were interested in Jacky, she"d run!" he explained; "it"s dangerous, Nelly, really. You mustn"t go near her!"
She promised she wouldn"t; but every day of that Mercer winter of low-hanging smoke and damp chilliness, she longed to get possession of the child--first to make Maurice happy; then with the craving, driving, elemental desire for maternity; and then for self-protection,--Jacky would vanquish Edith!
So she brooded: _a child_!