"Women-folks" (he used to say to a casual pa.s.senger), "like all other animiles, has to be trained up before they"re real good comp"ny. You have to begin with "em early, and begin as you mean to hold out. When they once git in the habit of takin" the bit in their teeth and runnin", it"s too late for you to hold "em in."
It was only to strangers that he aired his convictions on the training of "womenfolks," though for that matter he might safely have done it even at home; for everybody in Limington knew that it would always have been too late to begin with the Widder Bixby, since, like all the Stovers of Scarboro, she had been born with the bit in her teeth. Jerry had never done anything he wanted to since he had married her, and he hadn"t really wanted to do that. He had been rather candid with her on this point (as candid as a tender-hearted and obliging man can be with a woman who is determined to marry him, and has two good reasons why she should to every one of his why he shouldn"t), and this may have been the reason for her jealousy. Although by her superior force she had overborne his visible reluctance, she, being a woman, or at all events of the female gender, could never quite forget that she had done the wooing.
Certainly his charms were not of the sort to tempt women from the strict and narrow path, yet the fact remained that the Widder Bixby was jealous, and more than one person in Limington was aware of it.
Pelatiah, otherwise "Pel" Frost, knew more about the matter than most other folks, because he had unlimited time to devote to general culture.
Though not yet thirty years old, he was the laziest man in York County.
(Jabe Sloc.u.m had not then established his record; and Jot Bascom had ruined his by cutting his hay before it was dead in the summer of "49, always alluded to afterwards in Pleasant River as the year when gold was discovered and Jot Bascom cut his hay.)
Pel was a general favorite in half a dozen villages, where he was the life of the loafers" bench. An energetic loafer can attend properly to one bench, but it takes genius as well as a.s.siduity to do justice to six of them. His habits were decidedly convivial, and he spent a good deal of time at the general musters, drinking and carousing with the other ne"er-do-weels. You may be sure he was no favorite of Mrs. Todd"s; and she represented to him all that is most undesirable in womankind, his taste running decidedly to rosy, smiling, easy-going ones who had no regular hours for meals, but could have a dinner on the table any time in fifteen minutes after you got there.
Now, a certain lady with a noticeable green frock and a white "drawn-in"
cape bonnet had graced the Midnight Cry on its journey from Limington to Saco on three occasions during the month of July. Report said that she was a stranger who had appeared at the post-office in a wagon driven by a small, freckled boy.
The first trip pa.s.sed without comment; the second provoked some discussion; on the occasion of the third, Mrs. Todd said nothing, because there seemed nothing to say, but she felt so out-of-sorts that she cut Jerry"s hair close to his head, though he particularly fancied the thin fringe of curls at the nape of his neck.
Pel Frost went over to Todd"s one morning to borrow an axe, and seized a favorable opportunity to ask casually, "Oh, Mis" Todd, did Jerry find out the name o" that woman in a green dress and white bunnit that rid to Saco with him last week?"
"Mr. Todd"s got something better to do than get acquainted with his lady pa.s.sengers," snapped Mrs. Todd, ""specially as they always ride inside."
"I know they gen"ally do," said Pel, shouldering the axe (it was for his mother"s use), "but this one rides up in front part o" the way, so I thought mebbe Jerry "d find out something "bout her. She"s han"some as a picture, but she must have a good strong back to make the trip down "n"
up in one day."
Nothing could have been more effective or more effectual than this blow dealt with consummate skill. Having thus driven the iron into Mrs.
Todd"s soul, Pel entertained his mother with an account of the interview while she chopped the kindling-wood. He had no special end in view when, Iago-like, he dropped his first poisoned seed in Mrs. Todd"s fertile mind, or, at most, nothing worse than the hope that matters might reach an unendurable point, and Jerry might strike for his altars and his fires. Jerry was a man and a brother, and petticoat government must be discouraged whenever and wherever possible, or the world would soon cease to be a safe place to live in. Pel"s idea grew upon him in the night watches, and the next morning he searched his mother"s garret till he found a green dress and a white bonnet. Putting them in a basket, he walked out on the road a little distance till he met the stage, when, finding no pa.s.sengers inside, he asked Jerry to let him jump in and "ride a piece." Once within, he hastily donned the green wrapper and tell-tale headgear, and, when the Midnight Cry rattled down the stony hill past the Todd house, Pel took good care to expose a large green sleeve and the side of a white bonnet at the stage window. It was easy enough to cram the things back into the basket, jump out, and call a cordial thank you to the unsuspecting Jerry. He was rewarded for his ingenuity and enterprise at night, when he returned Mrs. Todd"s axe, for just as he reached the back door he distinctly heard her say that if she saw that green woman on the stage again, she would knock her off with a broomstick as sure as she was a Stover of Scarboro. As a matter of fact she was equal to it. Her great-grandmother had been born on a soil where the broomstick is a prominent factor in settling connubial differences; and if it occurred to her at this juncture, it is a satisfactory proof of the theory of atavism.
Pel intended to see this domestic tragedy through to the end, and accordingly took another brief trip in costume the very next week, hoping to be the witness of a scene of blood and carnage. But Mrs. Todd did not stir from her house, although he was confident she had seen "my lady green-sleeves" from her post at the window. Puzzled by her apathy, and much disappointed in her temper, he took off the dress, and, climbing up in front, rode to Moderation, where he received an urgent invitation to go over to the county fair at Gorham. The last idea was always the most captivating to Pel, and he departed serenely for a stay of several days without so much luggage as a hairbrush. His mother"s best clothespin basket, to say nothing of its contents, appeared at this juncture to be an unexpected inc.u.mbrance; so on the spur of the moment he handed it up to Jerry just as the stage was starting, saying, "If Mis" Todd has a brash to-night, you can clear yourself by showing her this basket, but for ma.s.sy sakes don"t lay it on to me! You can stan" it better"n I can,--you "re more used to it!"
Jerry took the basket, and when he was well out on the road he looked inside and saw a bright green calico wrapper, a white cape bonnet, a white "fall veil," and a pair of white cotton gloves. He had ample time for reflection, for it was a hot day, and though he drove slowly, the horses were sweating at every pore. Pel Frost, then, must have overheard his wife"s storm of reproaches, perhaps even her threats of violence.
It had come to this, that he was the village laughing-stock, a b.u.t.t of ridicule at the store and tavern.
Now, two years before this, Jerry Todd had for the first and only time in his married life "put his foot down." Mrs. Todd had insisted on making him a suit of clothes much against his wishes. When finished she put them on him almost by main force, though his plaintive appeals would have melted any but a Stover-of-Scarboro heart. The stuff was a large plaid, the elbows and knees came in the wrong places, the seat was lined with enameled cloth, and the sleeves cut him in the armholes.
Mr. Todd said nothing for a moment, but the pent-up slavery of years stirred in him, and, mounting to his brain, gave him a momentary courage that resembled intoxication. He retired, took off the suit, hung it over his arm, and, stalking into the sitting-room in his undergarments, laid it on the table before his astonished spouse, and, thumping it dramatically, said firmly, "I--will--not--wear--them--clo"es!" whereupon he fell into silence again and went to bed.
The joke of the matter was, that, all unknown to himself, he had absolutely frightened Mrs. Todd. If only he could have realized the impressiveness and the thorough success of his first rebellion! But if he had realized it he could not have repeated it often, for so much virtue went out of him on that occasion that he felt hardly able to drive the stage for days afterward.
"I shall have to put down my foot agin," he said to himself on the eventful morning when Pel presented him with the basket. "Dern my luck, I"ve got to do it agin, when I ain"t hardly got over the other time."
So, after an hour"s plotting and planning, he made some purchases in Biddeford and started on his return trip. He was very low in his mind, thinking, if his wife really meditated upon warfare, she was likely to inspect the stage that night, but giving her credit in his inmost heart for too much common sense to use a broomstick,--a woman with her tongue!
The Midnight Cry rattled on lumberingly. Its route had been shortened, and Mrs. Todd wanted its name changed to something less outlandish, such as the Rising Sun, or the Breaking Dawn, or the High Noon, but her idea met with no votaries; it had been, was, and ever should be, the Midnight Cry, no matter what time it set out or got back. It had seen its best days, Jerry thought, and so had he, for that matter. Yet he had been called "a likely feller" when he married the Widder Bixby, or rather when she married him. Well, the mischief was done; all that remained was to save a remnant of his self-respect, and make an occasional dash for liberty.
He did all his errands with his usual care, dropping a blue ribbon for Doxy Morton"s Sunday hat, four cents" worth of gum-camphor for Almira Berry, a spool of cotton for Mrs. Wentworth, and a pair of "galluses"
for Living Bean. He finally turned into the "back-nippin"" road from Bonny Eagle to Limington, and when he was within forty rods of his own house he stopped to water his horses. If he feared a scene he had good reason, for as the horses climbed the crest of the long hill the lady in green was by his side on the box. He looked anxiously ahead, and there, in a hedge of young alder bushes, he saw something stirring, and, unless he was greatly mistaken, a birch broom lay on the ground near the hedge.
Notwithstanding these danger signals, Jerry"s arm encircled the plump waist of the lady in green, and, emboldened by the shades of twilight, his lips sought the identical spot under the white "fall veil" where her incendiary mouth might be supposed to lurk, quite "fit for treasons, stratagems, and spoils." This done, he put on the brake and headed his horses toward the fence. He was none too soon, for the Widder Bixby, broom in hand, darted out from the alders and approached the stage with objurgations which, had she rated them at their proper value, needed no supplement in the way of blows. Jerry gave one terror-stricken look, wound his reins round the whipstock, and, leaping from his seat, disappeared behind a convenient tree.
At this moment of blind rage Mrs. Todd would have preferred to chastise both her victims at once; but, being robbed of one by Jerry"s cowardly flight, her weapon descended upon the other with double force. There was no lack of courage here at least. Whether the lady in green was borne up by the consciousness of virtue, whether she was too proud to retreat, or whatever may have been her animating reason, the blow fell, yet she stood her ground and gave no answering shriek. Enraged as much by her rival"s cool resistance as by her own sense of injury, the Widder Bixby aimed full at the bonnet beneath which were the charms that had befuddled Jerry Todd"s brain. To blast the fatal beauty that had captivated her wedded husband was the Widder Bixby"s idea, and the broom descended. A shower of seeds and pulp, a copious spattering of pumpkin juice, and the lady in green fell resistlessly into her a.s.sailant"s arms; her straw body, her wooden arms and pumpkin head, decorating the earth at her feet! Mrs. Todd stared helplessly at the wreck she had made, not altogether comprehending the ruse that had led to her discomfiture, but fully conscious that her empire was shaken to its foundations. She glanced in every direction, and then hurling the hateful green-and-white livery into the stage, she gathered up all traces of the shameful fray, and sweeping them into her gingham ap.r.o.n ran into the house in a storm of tears and baffled rage.
Jerry stayed behind the tree for some minutes, and when the coast was clear he mounted the seat and drove to the store and the stable. When he had put up his horses he went into the shed, took off his boots as usual, but, despite all his philosophy, broke into a cold sweat of terror as he crossed the kitchen threshold. "I can"t stand many more of these times when I put my foot down," he thought, "they"re too weakening!"
But he need not have feared. There was a good supper under the mosquito netting on the table, and, most unusual luxury, a pot of hot tea. Mrs.
Todd had gone to bed and left him a pot of tea!
Which was the more eloquent apology!
Jerry never referred to the lady in green, then or afterwards; he was willing to let well enough alone; but whenever his spouse pa.s.sed a certain line, which, being a Stover of Scarboro, she was likely to do about once in six months, he had only to summon his recreant courage and glance meaningly behind the kitchen door, where the birch broom hung on a nail. It was a simple remedy to outward appearances, but made his declining years more comfortable. I can hardly believe that he ever took Pel Frost into his confidence, but Pel certainly was never more interesting to the loafers" bench than when he told the story of the eventful trip of the Midnight Cry and "the breaking in of the Widder Bixby."
NOTES:
1. On page 20, reentered is spelled with diaeresis over the second "e".
2. On pages 153 & 154 the verses beginning respectively "Rebel mourner"
and "This gro-o-oanin" world" are accompanied with staves of music in the treble clef.