"I loathed Viscount Mildenhall. I had always thought that Monty sounded like exactly the sort of man I ought to marry."
He went very still for a second, then said, slowly, "And you have been tortured at the thought of me taking a mistress. Does this mean," he whispered, "you love me? A little?"
She nodded, shyly, and lay back down among the pillows, rev el ling in the way he was looking at her. As though she meant the world to him.
"You did not like me much when we first met, either," she pointed out, too scared to ask outright if he might love her a little, too. "And you only married me as a favour to Rick."
He winced. "I should not have let you think that. For it was not the truth."
"Not?"
He shook his head as though in annoyance. "I was only in London because I had got to the end of my tether, down at Shevington. My father made me feel so useless! The only value I had in his eyes was as a means to produce the next generation. I did not bother arguing with him that time, either. We had already clashed enough, during the months I had been there. But-" and he speared his fingers through his hair in a frustrated gesture "-once I got here, the husband hunters came out in force anyway. I thought you were one of them. The scandalous Miss Hebden." He smiled ruefully. "But even though I believed so many bad things about you, I found myself looking out for you every where I went. Despised myself for wanting to catch a glimpse of you. And not being able to help myself. You were driving me out of my mind! After that scorching kiss, I knew I had to marry you. I made the appointment to see your uncle the very next morning. Before I knew you were Midge."
"Oh!"
"But then, some thing wonderful happened. I met you at the theatre and found you were Rick"s sister. Perhaps now would be a good time to tell you that I used to lie awake in my bivouac, after hearing one of those letters you used to write to Rick, dreaming of coming home to someone who would love me like that. Like you loved Rick. No-" he flushed slightly "-I don"t mean as a brother. I mean unreservedly. Well, when I found out Rick"s loyal, loving sister, Midge, was the same girl as the one who had kissed me with such pa.s.sion on Lady Carteret"s terrace, I was even more determined to snap you up before some one else got wind of what a treasure was on the market."
"Oh," said Midge again, going pink with pleasure. "Why did you not just tell me all this?"
"And risk laying my heart at your feet for you to trample on? A man has his pride!" He hung his head, and studied his boots for a couple of seconds, before adding, "I bitterly regret the way I held back."
She sat up again, and reached for his hands. "It is all behind us now. And I will never trample on your heart, Monty. Or your pride. I-" She took a deep breath. One of them had to be the first to take the plunge. "I love you."
"And I love you too," he said, dazed. And then he flung back his head and laughed. "We"re in love!"
"So when are you going to stop talking and just kiss me?" asked Midge plaintively.
He took her hands that were trembling slightly and kissed her salty lips. And kissed her, and kissed her, until she truly felt like the most alluring woman on earth.
"Midge," he groaned at last. "We have to stop. Before I am unable to stop. We must not do anything that might harm our child!"
She sat back, completely abashed. He was still able to think clearly and consider the con sequences of what they were doing. Whereas she...she laid her hands protectively over her stomach. Over the past couple of days she had hiked several miles across country in un suitable footwear, then sat up all night in an inn nursing a man who wished her no good. She had fled to London in only the clothes she stood up in, and got soaked to the skin, all the while in a state of complete emotional turmoil. And her mother, she suddenly recalled, had lost a baby, simply because she"d suffered a terrible shock.
Her eyes flew to his guiltily as it suddenly hit her that any one of the things she had done over the last couple of days might have brought on a miscarriage.
"Oh, Monty," she gasped, feeling slightly sick. "I have behaved dread fully, have I not? How can you ever forgive me?"
"There is nothing to forgive," he said tenderly. "I should have been taking better care of you. I know how impulsive you are. I should have been with you when you heard about your brother. You had n.o.body. n.o.body." His face hardened. "And, G.o.d knows, I have always found Shevington a cold, in hospitable place. How could I have left you there alone, just because I could no longer make love to you? It was selfish of me."
"You are the least selfish man I have ever met," she breathed fervently.
He reached for her over the back of the chair, his expression wry as he rubbed his hands soothingly across her hunched shoulders. Who did she have to compare him with? The step father who had not bothered to make any financial provision for her? The step brother who would not open his door to her when she was in dire need? Or the half brother who had turned up at her wedding with the sole intention of ruining her day?
"Then you agree, for tonight, we must sleep apart? Just one last time?" he said, brushing a tendril of hair from her face. "Until we hear differently from another medical man, I refuse to put you at risk."
"Is it too much to ask that you just hold me?" she whispered.
He shut his eyes tight, as though he was in pain. "I do not think you understand quite what you are asking of me."
She relented. "If you can be n.o.ble about it, then so can I. But after tomorrow..."
"I am looking forward to tomorrow." He grinned. "As I have woken up looking forward to every day since I married you."
"Oh," she breathed, misty-eyed. "Have you?"
He nodded, laying his chin on his hands again and gazing at her with a fond smile. "It is hard to credit, now, that I was afraid that civilian life would be a dead bore! No chance of that with you in my life."
Her spirits sank. She knew he was only trying to lighten the atmosphere between them, but the truth was, she still felt like some thing of a liability.
"If all the doctors say we must not sleep together for a while, I will go back to Shevington, and stay there, if you like," she offered bravely. If he could make sacrifices, then so could she. "I don"t want to be a burden. And I know I will most probably get into some dreadful sc.r.a.pe if I stay in town."
"First of all," he said sternly, "I have no intention of sending you back to Shevington! Nor returning for anything but brief visits for the fore seeable future. I have achieved all that I can, for now. The tenants know I am not cut from the same cloth as Piers. The steward knows I am onto him and that I won"t tolerate that kind of behaviour once I hold the reins. If he wants to keep his job, he will have to clean up his act! The twins have been sent to school..."
"Oh, and how they hate me for it!"
"They may do now," he said soothingly, "because they have never known anything but the un healthy atmosphere that prevails at Shevington. Once they have seen some thing of the outside world and made friends, they will understand why you acted to get them out."
"Do you think so?" she said wistfully.
Monty nodded firmly. "And we shall make sure we are there for them, during school holidays. Show them we are their friends. They are not fools, Midge. They will come round."
But a frown still pleated her brow.
"And as for your propensity for getting into sc.r.a.pes, well, I shall just have to stick to you like a burr. And you won"t hear me complaining. You are an utter delight, to me, Midge, exactly as you are. Funny, and impulsive, and kind and brave and warm."
"But," she persisted, "you said you wanted to get involved with politics. You will not be able to do much of that if you are baby sit ting me!"
He stroked one finger along the curve of her cheek. "When I heard you had gone missing, Bonaparte seemed of less importance than a flea. There are plenty of other men arguing my point of view in the house. But I am the only husband you have. You and the baby, you are my family now."
Some thing inside Midge felt as if it was melting. All her life, it seemed, she had been waiting to hear somebody say that. With tears streaming down her face, she knelt up on the bed and flung her arms round his neck.
"Oh, Monty," she sobbed, "I do love you so!"
"Funny way to show it," he observed with a wry grin. And through her tears, Midge smiled back at him.
And he finally knew that his father was wrong. In his heart now, instead of just inside his head.
Midge loved him. For himself. It did not matter who his mother had been or how much money he had or what t.i.tle he held. She was plainly willing to follow him to the ends of the earth. She would even brave Shevington on her own, if he asked her to.
And best of all, he was head over heels in love with her too. And he did not care what his father might say. Nothing had ever felt so b.l.o.o.d.y marvellous!