The Water Goats and Other Troubles.
by Ellis Parker Butler.
I. THE WATER GOATS
"And then," said the landscape gardener, combing his silky, pointed beard gently with his long, artistic fingers, "in the lake you might have a couple of gondolas. Two would be sufficient for a lake of this size; amply sufficient. Yes," he said firmly, "I would certainly advise gondolas. They look well, and the children like to ride on them. And so do the adults. I would have two gondolas in the lake."
Mayor Dugan and the City Council, meeting as a committee of the whole to receive the report of the landscape gardener and his plan for the new public park, nodded their heads sagely.
"Sure!" said Mayor Dugan. "We want two of thim--of thim gon--thim gon--"
"Gondolas," said the landscape gardener. "Sure!" said Mayor Dugan, "we want two of thim. Remimber th" gondolas, Toole."
"I have thim fast in me mind," said Toole. "I will not let thim git away, Dugan."
The landscape gardener stood a minute in deep thought, looking at the ceiling.
"Yes, that is all!" he said. "My report, and the plan, and what I have mentioned, will be all you need."
Then he shook hands with the mayor and with all the city councilmen and left Jeffersonville forever, going back to New York where landscape gardeners grow, and the doors were opened and the committee of the whole became once more the regular meeting of the City Council.
The appropriation for the new park was rushed through in twenty minutes, pa.s.sing the second and third readings by the reading of the t.i.tle under a suspension of the by-laws, and being unanimously adopted. It was a matter of life and death with Mayor Dugan and his ring. Jeffersonville was getting tired of the joyful grafters, and murmurs of discontent were concentrating into threats of a reform party to turn the cheerful rascals out. The new park was to be a sop thrown to the populace--something to make the city proud of itself and grateful to its mayor and council. It was more than a pet scheme of Mayor Dugan, it was a lifeboat for the ring. In half an hour the committees had been appointed, and the mayor turned to the regular business. Then from his seat at the left of the last row little Alderman Toole arose.
"Misther Mayor," he said, "how about thim--thim don--thim don--Golas!"
whispered Alderman Grevemeyer hoa.r.s.ely, "dongolas."
"How about thim dongolas, Misther Mayor?" asked Alderman Toole.
"Sure!" said the mayor. "Will annyone move that we git two dongolas t"
put in th" lake for th" kids t" ride on? Will annyone move that Alderman Toole be a conmittee of wan t" git two dongolas t" put in th" lake?"
"I make dot motions," said Alderman Greveneyer, half raising his great bulk from his seat and sinking back with a grunt.
"Sicond th" motion," said Alderman Toole.
"Moved and siconded," said the mayor, "that Alderman Toole be a committee t" buy two dongolas t" put in th" lake for th" kids t" ride on. Ye have heard th" motion."
The motion was unanimously carried. That was the kind of City Council Mayor Dugan had chosen.
When little Alderman Toole dropped into Casey"s saloon that night on his way home he did not slip meekly to the far end of the bar, as he usually did. For the first time in his aldermanic career he had been put on a committee where he would really have something to do, and he felt the honour. He boldly took a place between the big mayor and Alderman Grevemeyer, and said: "One of th" same, Casey," with the air of a man who has matters of importance on his mind. He felt that things were coming his way. Even the big mayor seemed to appreciate it, for he put his hand affectionately on Toole"s shoulder.
"Mike," said the mayor, "about thim dongolas, now; have ye thought anny about where ye would be gettin" thim?"
"I have not," said Toole. "I was thinkin" "twould be good t" think it over a bit, Dugan. Mebby "twould be best t" git thim at Chicagy." He looked anxiously at the mayor"s face, hoping for some sign of approval or disapproval, but the mayor"s face was noncommittal. "But mebby it wouldn"t," concluded Toole. As a feeler he added: "Would ye be wantin"
me t" have thim made here, Dugan?"
The big mayor patted Toole on the shoulder indulgently.
"It"s up t" you, Mike," he said. "Ye know th" way Dugan does things, an"
th" way he likes thim done. I trust thim that I kin trust, an" whin I put a man on committee I"m done wid th" thing. Of coorse," he added, putting his mouth close to Toole"s ear, and winking at Grevemeyer, "ye will see that there is a rake-off for me an" th" byes."
"Sure!" said Toole.
The big mayor turned back to the bar and took a drink from his gla.s.s.
Grevemeyer took a drink from his gla.s.s, also. So did Toole, gravely.
Dugan wiped his mouth on the back of his hand and turned to Toole again.
"Mike," he said, "what do ye think? Mebby "twould do as well t" git a couple of sicond-hand dongolas an" have thim painted up. If they was in purty good shape no wan would know th" difference, an" "twould make a bit more rake-off fer th" byes, mebby."
"Th" same word was on th" ind o" me tongue, Dugan," said Toole, nodding his head slowly. "I was considerin" this very minute where I could lay me hand on a couple of purty good dongolas that has not been used much.
Flannagan could paint thim up fine!"
"Or Stoltzenau could do such paintings," interposed Grevemeyer.
"Sure!" agreed the big mayor. He toyed with his gla.s.s a moment. "Mike,"
he said suddenly, "what th" divil is a dongola, anyhow?"
Mike Toole was just raising his gla.s.s to his lips with the movements of one accustomed to hold conversation with the mayor. His left hand rested on his hip, with his arm akimbo, and his hat was tipped carelessly to the back of his head. The hand raising his gla.s.s stopped short where it was when he heard the mayor"s question. He frowned at the gla.s.s--scowled at it angrily.
"A dongola, Dugan"--he said slowly, and stopped. "A dongola"--he repeated. "A dongola--did ye ask me what a dongola might be, Dugan?"
The big mayor nodded, and Grevemeyer leaned forward to catch the answer.
Casey, too, leaned on his bar and listened. Alderman Toole raised his gla.s.s to his lips and filled his mouth with the liquor. Instantly he dashed the gla.s.s furiously to the floor. He jerked off his hat and cast it into a far corner and pulled off his coat, throwing it after his hat.
He was climbing on to the bar when the big mayor and Grevemeyer laid their hands on the little man and held him tightly. The big mayor shook him once and set him on the floor.
"Mike!" said the big mayor. "What"s th" matter wid ye? What are ye goin"
afther Casey that way for? Is it crazy ye are? Or have ye gone insane?"
"Knock-out drops!" shouted Toole, shaking his fist at Casey, who looked down at him in astonishment. "Knock-out drops! I will have th" law on ye, Casey. I will have th" joint closed! I"ll teach ye t" be givin"
knock-out drops t" th" aldermin of th" city!"
"Mike!" cried the big mayor, giving him another vigorous shake. "Shut up wid ye! Casey wouldn"t be givin" ye annything that wasn"t good for ye.
Casey wouldn"t be givin" ye knock-out drops."
"No?" whispered Mike angrily. "No? Wouldn"t he, Dugan? An" what has he done t" me mimory, then, Dugan? What has he put in th" drink t" rob me of me mimory? Wan minute ago I knew as well anny other man what a dongola is like, an" now I have no mimory of anny dongolas at all. Wan minute ago I could have told ye th" whole history of dongolas, from th"
time of Adam up till now, an" have drawed a picture of wan that annywan could recognize--an" now I wouldn"t know wan if ye was show it t" me! I was about t" tell ye th" whole history of dongolas, Dugan; "twas on th"
ind of me tongue t" give ye a talk on dongolas, whin I took a drink. Ye saw me take a drink, Grevemeyer?"
"Ya!" said Grevemeyer, nodding his head solemnly. "You took such a drink!"
"Sure," said Toole, arranging his vest. "Grevemeyer saw me take th"
drink--an now I have no mimory of dongolas at all. If ye was t" show me a chromo of wan I wouldn"t know was it a dongola or what. I"m ashamed of ye, Casey!"
"If ye done it, Casey, ye hadn"t have ought t" have done it," said Dugan reprovingly. "Th" mind of him might be ruined intirely."
"Stop, Dugan!" said Toole hastily. "I forgive him. Me mind will likely be all right by mornin". "Tis purty good yit, ixcipt on th" subjict of dongolas. I"m timporarily out of remimbrance what dongolas is. "Tis odd how thim knock-out drops works, Grevemeyer."