I"m terrified. But it--it isn"t only that. It"s--oh, I don"t want our baby to be born in this awful country. Think--think of its little eyes opening on--on this wilderness. Besides----"
She broke off, her tearful eyes filled with doubt.
"Besides--what?"
There was no denying the directness of this man"s mind.
"It--it doesn"t matter. I----"
"But it does."
Audie had stopped to pick up the fish; but she left it where it was.
She understood the uselessness of further denial. She had long ago learned her lesson. This man, young as he was, was utterly different to all the men she had ever met. Sometimes she was afraid of him; sometimes she would have given worlds never to have set eyes on him.
But always she knew that somehow her fate was linked with his; and above all she knew that she loved him, and under no circ.u.mstances would she have had it otherwise.
His love for her she never considered--she dared not consider it. In the remote recesses of her woman"s soul, recesses hidden so well that even she, herself, rarely visited them, recesses the contemplation of which filled her with dread and trepidation, she held the hideous truth that his regard for her was incomparable with the devotion she yielded to him. But even with this subtle conviction, with this painful truth ever vibrant in her happiest moments, she was woman enough to be able to thank her G.o.d that she was permitted to live on the fringe of his life, his only companion in the rough hut which was their home. She would have him just as he was--yes, a thousand times sooner than yield up the love she bore him.
She knew now that a crisis in their lives had arrived. She knew that she had gone too far to retreat. Therefore she took her courage in both her hands.
"It"s--it"s the baby," she cried haltingly. "He--oh, yes, he, I am sure it will be a boy--will--will have no father, if--if he is born up here."
It was out. She could get no further; and she stood clasping her hands to steady the trembling she had no power to check.
The verdict of this man, whom she looked to as the arbiter of her fate, was slow in coming. With each pa.s.sing moment her apprehension grew till she longed to cry out at the torture of the suspense. He was thinking earnestly, swiftly. He knew that she had confronted him with a problem that might well change his whole future. Therefore he considered without haste, without the least emotion.
At last his keen eyes turned upon her up-turned face, and what she beheld there warned her of the calm judgment he had brought to bear.
"Yes," he said thoughtfully. "And," he went on, after a moment, "maybe he"d have no mother either."
For a moment puzzlement was added to the woman"s trouble.
"You mean----?"
Again Audie broke off. A sudden understanding had come. His point of view was wholly in another direction from hers. He was not thinking of their moral obligations towards the little, unborn life. He was thinking of her; of what the una.s.sisted birth in these outlands might mean for her.
She was startled. Then a rush of feeling swept over her that would not be denied.
"I--I wasn"t thinking so much of--of myself," she cried eagerly. "I meant----"
"I know," he interrupted her. "You meant we are not married."
"Yes, yes. That"s it." She came to him and seized one of his strong hands in both of hers, and her eyes were pleading up into his. "Oh, Leo, don"t you understand what it means to him? Won"t you? I never thought of it before. How should I? All I wanted in the world was to be with you. All I wanted was to be your devoted companion. That"s why I--I made you bring me up here. Yes. I know. I made you bring me. You didn"t want to. I knew then, as I have always known, as I know now, that--that I was merely a pa.s.sing fancy to you. But I did not care. I believed I could make you love me. I blinded myself utterly, purposely, because I loved you. But now I realize something else. I realize there is another life to be considered. A life that is part of us. It is that which appalls me. Now I see the terrible consequences of my folly, to remedy which I must add to your burden, or give up forever all the happiness that has been mine since I knew you. Oh, Leo, I cannot bring a b.a.s.t.a.r.d into the world. Think of it. The terrible shame for the boy--for his mother. Don"t you see? Give our little one a father, and never as long as I live will I cross your path, or make any claim on you. You can let the memory of my love lose itself amid all the great schemes that fill your thoughts. All I want, all I hope for is that you may go on to the success which you desire more than all things in life, and may G.o.d ever prosper you."
The man released his hand deliberately, but without roughness. The calculating brain was still undisturbed by the self-sacrifice of the girl. He had solved the problem to his own satisfaction, through the only method he understood.
"You don"t need to worry yourself, Audie," he said, in his blunt way.
"The boy--if he"s a boy--shall have a father. And I don"t guess you need to cut yourself out of my life. We"ll start down this day week.
You"ve got to face the winter trail, but that can"t be helped. We"ll get Si-wash"s dogs. He"s a good scout, and knows the trail well. He"ll take us down."
The woman"s face had suddenly flooded with a radiant happiness, the sight of which caused the man to turn away. In a moment her thankfulness broke out, spasmodic, disjointed, but from the depths of her simple soul.
"You mean that?" she cried. "You mean--oh, may G.o.d bless every moment of your life, Leo! Oh, thank G.o.d--thank G.o.d!"
She suddenly buried her face in her hands, and tears of joy and happiness streamed down her cheeks.
Leo waited for her emotion to pa.s.s. He stood gazing out down at the creek. His eyes shone with that peculiar fire which in unguarded moments would not be denied. Then after a few moments the sound of sobs died down, and the man turned.
There was a marked change in him. The fire in his eyes was deep and somber. Audie, glancing into his face, knew that he was deeply stirred.
She knew that for the first time in her companionship with him the restraint that was always his had been relaxed. The soul of the man had risen superior to the domination of his will.
"Listen to me, Audie," he cried, in a voice grown suddenly thick with an emotion she had never before witnessed in him. "You said you knew you were merely a pa.s.sing fancy to me. That"s not quite true. It"s true I never calculated to marry you. But I liked you. I don"t suppose I loved you in the way you would have me love you. No, I liked you, because--you are a woman. Just a woman full of all the extraordinary follies of which some of your s.e.x are capable, but--a woman. It"s difficult, but I must tell you. I"ve always known that the time would come when we must have a straight talk. I have no real love to give to any woman. My whole mind and body are absorbed in another direction, which is utterly opposed to all sentiment. What shall I call it?
Ambition? It"s scarcely the word. It"s more than that. It"s a pa.s.sion."
His eyes shone with deep feeling. "A pa.s.sion that"s greater than any love man ever gave to woman."
"Yes, all my life I"ve fostered it," he went on abstractedly, "from away back in the days of early boyhood. G.o.d knows where I got it from.
My father and mother were respectable, dozy, middle-cla.s.s folks in New England, without a thought beyond the doings of their little town. They had no ambition. Their life drove me frantic. I must get out and do. I must take my place in the battle of life, and win my way to the forefront among the ranks of our country"s millionaires. That is the pa.s.sionate dream of my life which I intend to achieve. That is the wild ambition that has eaten into my very bones. It is part of me. It is me.
It is a driving force which I have created in myself--and now it is beyond my control. I am the slave of my self-created pa.s.sion, as surely as any drug fiend is a slave to the wiles of his torturer. I could not defy its will if I desired to. But I do not desire to. Do you understand me? Do you understand when I say I have no love to give to any woman? I am eaten up with this pa.s.sion which leaves no room in mind or heart for any other.
"Maybe you think me a heartless brute," he continued after a moment"s pause, "without feeling, or sympathy. Perhaps you"re right. Maybe I am.
I don"t know. Nor do I care. I doubt if you can possibly understand me.
I don"t understand myself. All I know is, nothing I can remove will ever stand in the way of my achievement. I have no real scruples, and I want you to know all this now--now with our whole futures lying before us. This problem is not as difficult as you seem to think. There is no particular reason why I should not marry you. On the contrary there is every reason why I should. I have had a good year, so good that it might astonish you if you knew the amount of gold I have taken out of the creek. We shall go down to the coast with twice the amount Tug possesses. Tug never knew how well I was doing."
He smiled faintly.
"However," he hastened on, "my plan had been to leave here next spring, to avoid the winter journey, that was all. There will be no work done all the coming winter. So what does it matter if we make the journey six months earlier? It will help you, and does not hurt me. So--don"t worry yourself any more about it, but just make your preparations for departure this day week."
The man"s usual calm had returned by the time he finished speaking. He had settled the matter in his own way, and his manner left nothing more to be said.
Audie understood. Her eyes were alight with a rapturous joy and devotion, but she realized how little he desired the outburst of grat.i.tude she was longing to pour into his unwilling ears. In spite of the coldness with which he had told her he could never love her, this was probably the happiest moment of her life. She held herself tightly and strove to speak in the same calm manner he had used at the last.
"Thank you, Leo," she said simply. Then she added with an emotion that would not be denied, "I pray G.o.d to bless you."
Leo nodded.
"Right ho!" he said coldly. Then he picked up the trout. "Guess we"ll get food."
CHAPTER II
THE ROOF OF THE NORTHERN WORLD
Si-wash was a great scout; he was also an Indian of independence and decision, both qualities very necessary in the snow-bound country such as he lived in. But Si-wash understood men very well; particularly the curiously a.s.sorted samples of whitemen who sought the remoteness of the Yukon in those early days when the news of its wealth was only just beginning to percolate through to civilized countries. It was for this reason he was as putty in the hands of the man Leo.
When consulted Si-wash protested against Leo"s contemplated journey over the winter trail to the coast, especially with the added burden of a white woman. He drew a picture of every difficulty and danger his fertile brain could imagine, and laid it before the cold eyes of the big man. Encouraged by the silence with which his stories were received he finally threw an added decision in his definite refusal to hire his dogs, and conduct the party over the perilous road.
Then Leo rose from his seat on the floor of Si-wash"s hut, and invited him to visit his workings on the creek bank. Si-wash went, glad that he had been able to dissuade this man who possessed such cold eyes, and so unsmiling a face.