I never thought I would walk through this gate again.
The soccer and baseball teams were practicing in the s.p.a.cious school yard.
My legs soon started shaking as I headed toward the school building, and each time I took a step, my chest tightened and my throat burned. My body stiffened with extreme tension.
"Konoha, are you all right?" Tohko asked me in a worried voice. I had lost any ability to answer her. The instant I lifted my face to wipe off the sweat pouring from my brow, I spotted the flag waving on top of the school building, and it made me think of the skirt of Miu"s uniform.
In that moment, I was a.s.saulted by an intense pain inside my head. It seemed to crack my skull and crush my brain. A white light inside my head dazed me, and I crumpled to the ground in front of the entrance.
"Konoha!"
"...Nngh."
When I tried to stand, my legs were as heavy as lead and wouldn"t move. The scene I"d witnessed that day on the roof ran through my mind like bolts of lighting.
An unnerving sky overhead like the cover of Miu Inoue"s book. Myself standing frozen on the roof.
The gusting wind, the sickly sweet aroma of greenery. Her fluttering skirt, her fluttering ponytail. Miu"s gaze wavering like the surface of a lake. Miu standing outside the railing.
"Don"t! No, that"s dangerous. Come back, Miu!"
I wanted to run to her, but my feet wouldn"t move a single step forward. My throat simply hurt so much it felt like it would rip apart, and I couldn"t speak!
Miu smiled sadly.
And those words-!
"You would never understand, Konoha."
Still staring at me, Miu wheeled forward.
And just like that she fell back headfirst, like a bird that"s lost its wings.
"Miu! Miu! Miu!"
"Konoha!!"
Tohko"s voice was fading into the distance.
The world broke apart, and as my heart was torn open and my blood flowed, Miu"s last words were like a broken CD, playing again and again inside my head.
You probably wouldn"t understand.
"You would never understand, Konoha."
Oh, how woeful. It"s so woeful.
You loved that little white bird so much. You gave it clean water and good food every day and gave it kisses. You were so fond of it.
How woeful. The bird"s neck started bleeding, and it stopped moving.
And the goldfish turned upside down and bobbed in the water, remember?
We dug a hole under a cherry tree and tried to line the goldfish up, but the hole was too small, so we couldn"t fit them all. And despite your sobs, we layered more goldfish on top of the others, remember?
Your hands got filthy with dirt, and there was even mud under your fingernails. You were rubbing at the tears rolling down your cheeks with those dirty hands, so your cheeks got covered in mud, too, and you scratched yourself.
Oh, how woeful.
But I couldn"t do it because you weren"t really looking.
Did you know that in a way you killed the bird and the goldfish?
Everything you hold dear will go away.
So woeful.
So very, very woeful.
I wonder what you"ll lose next.
Note: Shut your mouth, B! I"m not looking for your opinion!
Don"t give me orders! Get out!
When my eyes opened, I saw a wooden ceiling.
Where am I?
I didn"t recognize the sliding door, the bamboo mat flooring, the pale violet curtains, the huge stacks of books lined up on the shelf.
A rug was laid out in the center of the floor, and bedding was spread out on top of it. I had been put to bed there.
Someone was gently squeezing my hand.
Looking up to find the owner of the other hand, I saw Tohko"s face. She was still in her uniform, looking down at me worriedly, and when our eyes met, she smiled softly.
"Thank goodness. You"re awake."
"Did I lose consciousness?"
My throat was dried out, rasping, and my voice was terribly hoa.r.s.e.
Tohko"s fingers gently brushed my right hand, which was sticking out from under the covers.
"Yes, you did. The boys on the soccer team carried you to a taxi for me. I used your cell phone to call your house, but I guess everyone was out because no one answered. So I brought you to my room."
Oh...so this was where Tohko was staying.
The room was surprisingly neat, and there were no books piled up every which way like in the clubroom. Even the books on the shelf were neatly lined up.
"I"ll bring you something to drink."
Tohko released her interlocked fingers from mine, then slid open the door and went out of the room.
Fog clung to my brain, and my thoughts wouldn"t coalesce. My throat was intensely dry.
I gazed blankly at the books lined up on her shelves, at the Ogai, the Sseki, the Heinlein, the Andersen, the poetry by Byron, the foreign picture books, and everything else. The genres were all over the place, but I could tell from the faded covers that all the books were old and had been taken up to read many times.
Just then the door opened, and Ryuto came in, dressed untidily in a T-shirt.
"Guess you"re awake now, huh?" he said chummily, and he plopped down and crossed his legs next to the bedding where I lay.
"When Tohko brought you here and y"were all limp and covered in sweat, it surprised me. I wondered what she"d gone and done this time."
"Sorry to just barge in like this."
I sat up, and my cheeks grew hot. Ryuto laughed maturely.
"Don"t even worry about it. You"ve been having a tough time, right? I heard Kotobuki"s in the hospital."
I wondered how much he"d heard from Tohko. His tone was offhanded, but he looked at me with a tough gaze that seemed to be peeking into my soul, and my stomach squeezed tight.
"I know someone at that hospital actually. And wouldn"t y"know, I heard Kotobuki fell down the stairs at the hospital. She can"t catch a break, huh?"
"She fell?!"
I had cried out without thinking, and as if to play up how very surprised he was, Ryuto said, "Huh? Ya didn"t know? Didn"t Kotobuki tell ya?"
"...I didn"t hear that she"d fallen down the stairs, no."
How could she have fallen down stairs at the hospital? Had something happened with Miu maybe? But Miu wouldn"t have...
I hurriedly quashed the scene that flashed through my mind, sending an intense pain through my heart.
How could I think something so ridiculous? Miu would never push Kotobuki or anything else!
But...if the two of them had wrestled with each other, and her foot slipped...
Sweat (which had once dried) now gradually broke out across my forehead and the back of my neck.
Still looking straight into my face, Ryuto spoke with a bright voice.
"Wow, so Kotobuki hides things from her boyfriend. Well, lots of girls are like that. They"ll go tell their problems to some other guy instead of their boyfriend or whatever. And hook up with him in the meantime. Oh, but right-you had a date with Tohko today, and you kept that secret from Kotobuki."
His words pierced my heart.
When I got stuck for a response, Ryuto broke into a grin out of nowhere.
"Oh, man. Don"t look so serious. I"m jokin". I"m sorry. I went too far."
He ducked his head, still laughing, then brought his face close to mine with a look on his face like a mischievous child.
"Actually, I"ve got this girl right now who"s perfect for me. I"m seriously into her. And I"m workin" on her. But it"s like she"s got her guard up, and she won"t open up to me. How can I win her over, y"think?"
I answered in a gloomy voice, "I don"t know much about that kind of thing."
"Hmph. I figured you would know."
"Huh?"
He instantly turned the question back around on me, but just then, Tohko came back carrying a gla.s.s on a tray.
"Hey, Ryuto! Are you talking about girls again? Konoha"s tired. Don"t make him a party to your philandering!"
She bopped Ryuto on the head with one hand.
"Ow! You got it all wrong, Tohko. I was just askin" Konoha for romantic advice."
"In that case, I, the book girl who"s thoroughly versed in the romances of all the world, ancient and modern, will hear you out later."
"Uh, well-I just remembered I"ve gotta run an errand!" Ryuto stood up hastily. "Take it easy, Konoha."
He waved cheerfully and then left.
"Geez. All he does is run around at night on the town."
After fuming, Tohko started smiling.
"Here you go, Konoha."
She handed me the gla.s.s.
"Thanks a lot."
I accepted the cool gla.s.s in both hands. It held juice, a mixture of grated apples and honey, and finely crushed ice. It was like the elixir of life. It drenched my parched throat.
When I finished drinking, my body and emotions had both calmed considerably.
"Thank you. That was great."
"I"m glad." Tohko smiled gently.
"What time is it?"