Chapter 1: Warring Cat Sith and Cu SithPart 1[edit]I hated myself.
I hated how I made everyone hate me.
I was so big and had so much strength, but I couldn’t protect anything. No matter what I did, I would hurt someone. I would destroy everything around me.
I hated all of that.
And I thought about quitting.
No matter how hard I tried, I could never reach any kind of results.
[Omission]
But I found something even I could do.
I finally ran across it.
So I won’t lose. No matter who I’m up against.
I simply can’t lose.
Part 2[edit]Let us review the basic information.
The red armored Holy Swordswoman had long hair that started out silver at the base and grew red toward the end. Boo Boo was the Iberian Orc she knew. He was nearly 4 meters tall and fought with a beloved club-shaped Shining Weapon that resembled a thick steel beam.
And that Shining Weapon apparently contained the digitized souls of more Iberian Orcs.
It had all begun when the humans had attacked the Iberian Orc village, but one of the humans had apparently not approved of their orders. Her obligations had prevented her from fully rejecting those orders, but she had left behind a slight hope of rescue by sealing the killed Iberian Orcs’ souls in the Shining Weapon and leaving it with young Boo Boo, the sole survivor.
It was still unknown how to free those souls.
But some Magic that made it possible might exist at the far end of the Magic tree diagram.
As a Nonhuman, Boo Boo could not use Magic even with the Shining Weapon.
The human girls could learn Magic, but there was a limit to the Experience Points they could earn while exploring the Labyrinth.
But what if they joined forces?
What if they could choose to wash away that past resentment?
Only then could they possibly reach the world that someone had hoped for when leaving that thin, thin thread of possibility with Boo Boo. Only then could they possibly reach an age in which humans and Iberian Orcs could freely smile and live together.
“…Boo.”
In a Grandnir forest, the 4 meter pig-faced Iberian Orc named Boo Boo sat on a giant mushroom called a Table Shroom. He had only just returned from the surface after 2 days exploring the Labyrinth.
The silver and red haired Holy Swordswoman named Beatrice who had been on his Party smiled bitterly as she rubbed his back.
She displayed a map using fire illusion Magic.
“Look, Boo Boo. If you’re going to rest, why not get back home first?”
“But I’m so tired…”
If he wanted to, he could defeat a 1000-meter Dragon by swinging around his Shining Weapon which looked like a log or steel beam, but the Labyrinth was different.
The fluffy blond-haired White Witch named Filinion (who wore gla.s.ses and had endlessly large b.r.e.a.s.t.s) and the short green-haired Fighter Priest named Armelina (who was known for being tall with a flat chest) came to a stop to see what was up.
“Well, there aren’t any living creatures in the Labyrinth. Only the Gimmick contraptions and the Traps. When he can’t hunt, Boo Boo’s ravenous appet.i.te can be a bit of a problem.”
“That’s a real problem we need to address in the future. 80% of wh
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at he carried was food, but it didn’t even last halfway.”
In addition to the Treasure, the Labyrinth (completely inexplicably) had areas with herbs growing from the floor or wall and the occasional pizza or dried meat lying around. (Had some other human dropped it?) However, that was not enough to fill a 4 meter orc’s stomach.
“We were reliant on your Mixing toward the end there, Filinion. Boo Boo might really have pa.s.sed out without your Magic Meat.”
“Heh. Heh heh. I used up all my Painful Alraune, Universal Water, Transformation Branches, and even the ultra rare Protective Mistletoe, but it only made one hunk of meat… That felt like it completely ignored the principle of equivalent exchange… Eh heh heh.”
The White Witch laughed softly and fell into melancholy.
It had apparently cost enough for her shoulders to tilt diagonally and her gla.s.ses to slip down
Beatrice used her fire illusion Magic to draw a few square frames and lines in the air. Boo Boo was undeniably powerful in battle, but no matter how many times she calculated it out, his rate of food consumption was abnormally high. Getting the cost effectiveness right would be a task for a later date.
Boo Boo sat on the dirt ground and swung his thick arms.
“And those pa.s.sageways are too narrow. I don’t even remember how many times my stomach got caught.”
“But you also broke right through the walls to travel straight across the floor, so I think that one cancels out.”
“Yes, yes. There is a lot we still need to get used to, but if you add it all up, I think Boo Boo ends up being a major benefit.”
“Ah, wait!!” frantically shouted Beatrice.
After all, White Witch Filinion had recovered from her desperation and started rubbing up against seated Boo Boo’s chest.
His b.e.s.t.i.a.l scent had to be powerful, but the gla.s.ses girl did not seem to mind.
“Ahh, it’s a relief to have such a strong shield or tank or whatever. Beatrice and Armelina are supposed to be the vanguard, but they’re so obsessed with fighting that they never listen when I tell them to protect their rear guard healer. I’ve always been left alone as I try to Mix things. But now we finally have a solid wall who is enough of a gentleman to worry about the rear guard!!”
“Yeah, yeah. I’ll protect you next time, so get away from Boo Boo!”
“Beatrice, if you get anywhere near me when you’re going all out, you’ll probably accidentally blow me to smithereens, so no thank you. Boo Boo is so much more reliable because he only uses physical attacks without any Magic at all.”
“You’re the type that latches onto anyone useful and gets as much out of them as you can, aren’t you? What a pain. You’re like a slot machine bonus round that can’t actually be won.”
They continued their lunchtime restroom talk while walking down the forest path. They were headed to Boo Boo’s house in the mountain instead of the inn town which had been built for short lodging or the exchange of information and materials.
Boo Boo’s house was not particularly close to the Labyrinth’s entrance, but they had a simple reason to go out of their way to visit.
“Under Lake 31 had a largescale exploration plan, so…yeah, they’ll definitely be there.”
“Boo?”
“There’s an underground profession known as loot robbers who attack people who are exhausted after returning. They’ll be waiting at the entrance to the inn town or in front of the medical, lodging, or Mixing shops. Having you with us has honestly been a lot of help, Boo Boo.”
Boo Boo’s house acted as a second home for them and it had an ideal location near a river but far enough away to not get caught in any flooding. It was really more of a tent with a triangular silhouette made from large tropical leaves, but it was quite large since it had to contain all of 4m Boo Boo’s tossing and turning at night.
And before entering that tent-like house, Beatrice noticed something and came to a stop.
“Huh? There are a lot less vegetables in the garden.”
An area of ground was separated out with a simple fence alongside the house. It should have contained all sorts of colorful fruits only seen in Grandnir, but it was clearly missing something. About half of it was gone.
White Witch Filinion, the guidebook obsessed Mixing expert, looked shocked.
“Oh, wow… You have everything from the all-purpose Mola.s.ses Gra.s.s and Nyandetta Fruit to the Joyful Belladonna, the Angry Digitalis, and the Sorrowful Sage!! None of this can be grown at the inn town, so you shouldn’t be able to get it without delving into the Flask Flower Garden which overlaps a Break News territory!!”
Hm? Is this stuff really that amazing? wondered Beatrice. She only knew that it included Flat Chest Eggplant, the nemesis of all teenage girls.
Boo Boo did not seem to understand either.
“I don’t really like vegetables much, so I don’t remember what kinds I have or how many.”
“Why do you even have a garden?”
Fighter Priest Armelina looked exasperated.
“It would be such a shame to eat these~ [omission] ~bla bla bla~ [omission] ~All of these herbs start with what we call the All-Purpose Seed and the environmental factors like the soil and water determine which of countless flowers those identical seeds grow into. But when people try to grow them, they end up no better than weeds~ [omission] ~bla bla bla~ [omission] ~So what I’m trying to say is, do you mind if I take these!? Pant, pant!!”
They decided to ignore Filinion as she got all worked up and her gla.s.ses fogged over.
“But, Boo Boo, you don’t want people stealing the vegetables you worked to grow, do you?”
“That is how nature works, so it can’t be helped. And the animals that eat the vegetables here will grow and eventually fill my stomach, so it all works out in the end.”
“Hmm, I’m not sure the circle is quite that perfect,” said Armelina.
That was when a new face appeared.
It looked like a girl of about 10 with long silver hair, but she was actually the girl-type Break News named Sutriona. Her only clothing was the black ribbons wrapped around her body, a miniskirt, and the large flower decorations on either side of her head and on her back, so the outfit could be called a ribbon dress. The ribbon dress had been sewn by palm-sized Fairies from the silk of the Ground Spider, so the skirt bloomed like a living flower and the cloth mysteriously moved just enough to keep anyone from seeing up her skirt no matter how vigorously she moved around.
“Oh, so you’re back, Boo Boo! Since you’re home, hurry up and make me some food. I’m so sick of the food my caretaker shrine maidens make. I’m in the mood for one of your super wild roasts!!”
“…”
“…”
“…”
“Boo?”
The humans’ all gave her suspicious looks and Boo Boo alone remained puzzled, so the paradox with a soul flinched back.
“Wh-what? Why are you all looking at me like I’m a thief?”
“Well, um…”
“I can’t think of a better suspect for the one arrogantly swiping Boo Boo’s food while he was gone.”
It was kind Boo Boo who helped her out.
“Stop it, everyone. If she was hungry, then it can’t be helped. I don’t care about the vegetables in the garden. Even if Sutriona ate them, it was only a part of nature, so we can’t blame her for it.”
That was the finishing blow.
Sutriona was viewed as something like a G.o.d in how she was revered and longed after as the fairy queen, but she finally caught on when she saw the sad state of the garden.
“Wait! Wait just a second!! It wasn’t me. The only plants I’ll pick and eat are Crimson Heaven Flowers. I rarely eat vegetables, so I would have no reason to steal them!”
“I don’t really like vegetables either.”
“Heh heh!!”
“Heh heh!!”
“You two, let’s find time later for some intense training to overcome that dislike.”
Boo Boo and Sutriona trembled at Beatrice’s frightening announcement, but they had not forgotten the main point at hand.
“Look! There are footprints in the garden dirt. Do you see that kind of paw pads on my feet!? See, it wasn’t me!”
“Hmm, they look like cat prints.”
Filinion was relaxed and Armelina cut in from the side.
“No, wait. The vegetable stalks here were clearly cut with some kind of blade. Would a cat or dog use that kind of tool? And do pure cats even exist in Grandnir???”
“Kh!?”
“Sutriona says she likes to go around the inn town pretending to be human, so she probably heard someone talking about cats and faked it.”
Everyone but Boo Boo gave the fairy queen suspicious looks.
Generally, the circ.u.mstances were not taken into account when it came to clever intellectual crimes.
“…me…”
Sutriona lowered her head and trembled as her voice spilled from her lips.
When she raised her head, that voice grew in volume like a volcanic eruption.
“It wasn’t me!! I really didn’t steal it! I didn’t, I didn’t! But you’re all acting like I did!! Wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!”
Something pierced Beatrice and the others’ chests.
Given how she looked (even if she was actually untold centuries or millennia old), these things could do more damage than made any logical sense.
“Boo. Beatrice, Sutriona, and everyone else needs to calm down.”
“But!! Hic, but those three are being mean!!”
“I don’t mind that I don’t have as many vegetables.”
“That kind look means you don’t believe me, doesn’t it!? Wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!”
She may have been the type who was willing to take on all the world’s hatred and malice but then felt horribly betrayed if someone she had decided to trust began suspecting her.
That said, the tears streaming down the childlike face had not actually cleared their suspicions. On the other hand, proving that Sutriona had not stolen any of the vegetables could easily turn into the devil’s proof.
There was only one expedient way of settling this.
“It would be fastest to catch the real culprit ourselves.”
“Sob, hic. V-very well!! As the Queen of the Harlots and the summoner of the Sandstorm of Red Madness that burns through people’s sanity, I will do everything I can to make them pay for framing me!!”
“Wait, wait, you d.a.m.n paradox. Are you trying to turn Boo Boo’s garden into a toxic bog?”
It was clear that they could not let Sutriona handle this task and Boo Boo was too large to easily keep watch in secret. But this would probably take a while, so Beatrice and the others were also a poor choice since they could only stay in Grandnir for a few days.
The red Holy Swordswoman crossed her arms, thought, and used lines of fire illusion Magic to connect the frames for Boo Boo’s garden, Sutriona, and the culprit.
“Let’s set a trap.”
“I’m no good with detailed work,” said Boo Boo. “Whenever I try to make a pitfall to catch an animal, I fall in it myself.”
“This won’t be that difficult. …Cow, as a Mixing specialist, you must’ve brought ‘that’ with you. Take it all out.”
“Eh? By ‘that’, you, um, don’t mean that, do you?”
Beatrice added Filinion to her diagram and made a coldhearted announcement.
“I’m talking about the Mandragora seedlings. The ones that scream when you pull them from the dirt and remove the souls of everything around them. Add some of those into the garden and it’ll knock out the culprit.”
“Wait, wait, wait, wait! Those are rare, you know? Ultra miracle rare! They’re a miracle!! A miracle with ultra added to it! Since you don’t seem to get it, I’ll put it so even an idiot can understand: Most of the medicinal plants used for Mixing come from this really pain-in-the-a.s.s thing called the All-Purpose Seed, and growing them like normal leaves you with nothing but weeds! But when you have them as seedlings like this, it means you know they’ll grow into Mandragoras no matter what, so they’re exorbitantly expensive and I can’t possibly waste them on something like this! I don’t care if you have to bury everything but my head in the dirt, but isn’t there any other way!?”
“…”
“…”
“…”
“Ah, I know where this is going… You’re going to use Miss Sutriona’s strength to force me to do it, aren’t you? But that’s not going to work this time! Deeeeeefense!! Deeeeeefenvarlmgchah!!!???”
A feminine scream echoed across the mountain.
Just to be safe, Beatrice had wadding in her ears instead of earplugs, so she only knew something had happened because of the unnatural ripples formed by the vibration of the water in the water jug.
“That was fast.”
Beatrice pulled the wadding from her ears and stuck her head out of the leaf house.
“Yes, they hit them right away.”
Several small figures were collapsed on their backs in the garden. They all held what looked like lewd carrots with the end split into two. However, these were clearly not humans. They were about half Beatrice’s height, they were covered in soft-looking fur, and they had cat faces.
It may have been a trait of their species, but they were all wearing tiny maid uniforms for some reason.
“Those are Cat Sith. They’re called cat fairies and you don’t see them very often.”
The Fighter Priest who was surprisingly fond of cute things spoke up wildly.
“But that’s odd… They’re supposed to live in the trees in the southern forest, which is a mangrove-like place, so you don’t often see them in this area…”
They were more or less cats that walked on their hind legs like humans. They used tools like normal and they were carrying primitive spears made by attaching a sharp shard of pottery to the end of a stick.
Armelina introduced them.
“It’s salt. The southern forest has a very high salt content due to a few geysers that spray out Diamond Salt. That salt is actually stronger than your average stone, so they make all their houses and ships out of it. …And I hear all their signature dishes are things like vegetables pickled in salt or meat cooked in salt.”
Then Sutriona grew angry with them.
She clung to Boo Boo’s giant body like she was riding on his shoulders and she wrapped her arms and legs around his head like it was a giant round cushion. She supposedly did not wear any underwear, but that did not seem to matter to her.
“See? It wasn’t me! Boo Boo, what are you going to do about this failure!?”
“Boo. I’ll give you some Dew Tea later, so can you cheer up?”
“Do I look that much like a shameless starving character!? Bite, bite!!”
“Ow, ow! I’ll apologize, so stop eating my head!!”
Meanwhile, the gla.s.ses girl who had lost all of her Mandragora seedlings had grown all gray and dried out.
“Heh, heh hee hee hee. By the way, what are we going to do about these Cat Sith?”
“I don’t really want to eat them,” said Boo Boo. “They don’t have much meat and don’t look tasty.”
At that very moment, the Cat Sith unsteadily but frantically got up, perhaps due to the mention of eating them. But the damage had left the stuffed animal maids too weak to flee.
“Oh, no! We’re going to be eaten!? There’s nothing we can do against a terribly cruel Iberian Orc!!”
“That’s why I said this was a bad idea! This is the Dragon Eater who can make a meal of a Dragon. We’ll just be a tiny snack if he catches us!! Like a guy’s home cooking!!”
The thieves grew fierce, but Beatrice smiled at them.
Yes, when she saw a puppy, a kitten, or anything else that acted like they deserved love because of how cute they were, she only found them impudent!
So the girl made a smiling suggestion.
“Don’t worry, Boo Boo. Even if they don’t have much meat, you can increase the volume and sumptuousness by cutting open their bellies and filling them with mushrooms and herbs before cooking them. Fire is my specialty, so you can leave that to me.”
“Gnyaaahh!?”
“Gnyaaahh!?”
The cat fairies collapsed and just about wet themselves, so they began earnestly begging for their lives while shaking with fear. They suddenly grew much more polite.
“B-but we had no choice. We never would have visited the Dragon Eater’s forest otherwise. This was the only way we could survive!”
“I haven’t heard anything about a lack of food around here. Is the southern forest having trouble?”
“I-if we only had to eat and sleep like normal, we would be just fine,” said one of the Cat Sith. “But the offering to the Break News has put such a great burden on us that we had to start fighting those vile dog fairies, the Cu Sith!!”
Part 3[edit]Now, then. Things had gotten complicated.
It sounded like a long story, so they all returned to the leaf house where, for some reason, they found a dish cooked from a Bucket Ostrich Egg larger than Beatrice’s head. The entire egg had simply been wrapped in a large leaf and then cooked over a fire.
They were probably meant to all grab off pieces as they spoke. Beatrice recalled that Sutriona had asked for something “super wild” after growing tired of her shrine maidens’ food.
The dense egg had a naturally sweet aroma reminiscent of vanilla, but its umami could be increased by adding a little rock salt. If it was steamed, it would likely become a pudding-like dessert. It was quite good, but a girl would have to work up some courage to eat something that large on her own. That was why Beatrice and the others were so excited to have a chance to eat it together.
But there was a reason they could do that.
“Oh! If I’d asked that Fairy that hangs around this house, I could have cleared all suspicion against me right away!! Curse Meridiana. She had to have been somewhere nearby!!”
“That palm-sized girl isn’t going to show up in front of people. We dealt with her a bit during the Thousand Dragon stuff, but it’s not like she actually got over her shyness.”
As Sutriona had said, a palm-sized Fairy had moved into Boo Boo’s house and she had been saved by Boo Boo when she had tried to sacrifice herself to the 1000 meter Thousand Dragon. Fairy blood could apparently intoxicate a giant Dragon, so it had a habit of eating them.
But that aside, Beatrice split up the dessert egg, placed the portions on large leaves, and stopped talking. Then everyone focused on a single point: the Cat Sith maids that were trying to be as small as possible.
“I have no interest in your dispute, but I must know why you have entered my territory and caused trouble here. Answer me, you d.a.m.n cats. Refuse and this Break News will show you h.e.l.l.”
Sutriona sounded especially displeased (and her eyes and nose were still red). She continued to cling to Boo Boo’s giant head while sitting on his shoulders and the cat fairies trembled as they responded.
The issue was between the Cat Sith and the Cu Sith.
“The cat fairies and the dog fairies were originally very close because there are so many similarities between our habits and lifestyles.”
“Hm? Is that why you ended up fighting over territory and feeding grounds?” asked the Fighter Priest while rudely sitting cross-legged.
But the cats shook a hand (or front paw?) in front of their faces.
“No, that isn’t it. In a way, this is a much more serious problem.”
“The moon…or rather, its waxing and waning are incredibly important to us. It relates to the creation of salt and is also directly linked to our vitality and energy, so we use the moon to schedule when to hunt and when to stockpile.”
It had nothing to do with the issue at hand, but Beatrice was fascinated that they called that light in the night sky “the moon”. Since they used the same name, it was likely the humans who had named it.
Meanwhile, Sutriona raised an eyebrow.
“I see.”
“And then the problem occurred.”
Boo Boo and the humans still did not understand, so one of the Cat Sith continued.
“One of the Break News is a Vampire that freely controls lunar eclipses. Her name is Kallikantzaros.”
It was guidebook obsessed White Witch Filinion who reacted.
“Um, that’s a Break News that was only recently confirmed to be active, right? The scale is unknown, but she supposedly used a lunar eclipse and the moon’s gravitational pull to bring a high tide to the coast and produce swarms of bugs and crabs…”
“Technically, she was napping in a musty old coffin and only resumed activity recently.” Sutriona sighed. “It’s the same as a swarm of bugs. Any plant or animal affected by the moon’s gravitational pull is influenced by Kallikantzaros. Including the instincts at the foundation of their minds. The Cat Sith and Cu Sith are no exception.”
“What does that mean?” asked Boo Boo. “I don’t really get it.”
“It means whether they feel happy or sad can be manipulated by someone else, Boo Boo.”
They could see the problem now.
But that would mean the Cat Sith and Cu Sith should join together to challenge the Break News, so why would the cat fairies and dog fairies be fighting each other?
“We are no match for the Break News.”
“So the Cat Sith and Cu Sith worked toward our common interest by creating a salt altar in the southern forest. We made lots of offerings to Kallikantzaros so she would not cause a lunar eclipse.”
The situation had changed.
Beatrice’s face clouded over as she managed the information in her midair collection of frames and lines.
“But the lazy Cu Sith failed to make their offerings. And yet we promised to alternate which one of us left salted meat and salt pickled fruits on the altar to avoid placing too great a burden on any one of us!”
“So Kallikantzaros has continued her lunar eclipse control and we have received no rest. If the Cu Sith do not change their ways, we will be stuck like this forever! We don’t want to steal crops, but they’re forcing our hand!!”
The maid cat fairies were angry, but they were unlikely to target Boo Boo’s garden again anytime soon. Once Beatrice told them they were free to go, they bowed and left the leaf house.
They carried their spears with them.
They were intent on settling things with the similar Cu Sith dog fairies.
The first one to speak was Fairy Queen Sutriona.
“Now, what do you think?”
“This is too complicated for me,” said Boo Boo.
“I think there has been some damage caused by this lunar eclipse controlling vampire named Kallikantzaros.” Beatrice rubbed her slender chin. “But would a Break News really care about the people below them? I know the Thousand Dragon had an altar, but wasn’t that 1000 meter dragon king impossible to speak with and weren’t the self-proclaimed priests beaten to a pulp?”
That was how it was supposed to work with the Break News. It was rare to be able to speak with them like with Sutriona. Both on the language front and the shared values front.
“For me, it depends on my territory. If Kallikantzaros causes trouble in my territory now that she’s woken up, I’ll put her back to sleep forever, but otherwise I won’t touch this. What about you, humans?”
Beatrice, Filinion, and Armelina exchanged a glance.
“Well, the thing about that is…”
“We can’t watch those stuffed animal things spill each other’s blood and we’d love to stop it, but…”
It was simple enough to say, but this would mean facing one of the Break News, the paradoxes with souls who were said to have been born of a certain environment while also producing that environment. It was like an individual saying they would stop a typhoon or sandstorm.
With his extraordinary body, Boo Boo had once defeated the Thousand Dragon to save a palm-sized Fairy from being made a living sacrifice, but not even he could defeat Sutriona who also reigned as a Break News. It was unknown where in the hierarchy Kallikantzaros fell, but it would be suicide for even those level cap adventurers to rush in without a plan.
“Fighting is bad.”
Boo Boo was the only one with even a slight chance of success.
“But the same is true with Kallikantzaros. I don’t see why we should be allowed to make her cry just because she has a lot of power.”
That was another form of justice.
He would not give into his emotions and justify violence. Other than to live and to eat, he would not allow himself to wield violence. Whether he would continue to follow his personal rule or bend that rule held great meaning and a great price.
Holy Swordswoman Beatrice slowly sighed.
“If her category is Vampire, she probably understands human language. Whether we’re going to fight or not, why don’t we start by speaking with her, Boo Boo? We might be able to get her to stop the lunar eclipse without crossing blades.”
“Right. I’m fine with that, so I’ll go with you, Beatrice.”
“Really? I feel like a Vampire would actively try to attack humans.”
Armelina sounded annoyed, but White Witch Filinion spread out her guidebook written on parchment.
“But how exactly are we supposed to contact Kallikantzaros? She’s only just resumed activity, so I’m not sure what the range of that activity is.”
“That shouldn’t be a problem.”
This may have been an old acquaintance because Sutriona readily took over.
But…
“She’s always been stubborn about the weirdest things. Or you could say she has strange habits, so meeting her will probably be a real pain in the a.s.s.”
She concluded with a rather ominous comment.
Part 4[edit]And so…
“…I have a question.”
Beatrice sounded like she was cursing the world while walking on one of the roads away from the inn town.
It was early evening and some people were eating an early dinner, but this group was walking through a dark mangrove.
It was a different sort of fantastical than the forest around Boo Boo’s leaf house.
There was seawater below them and tropical-looking trees up above. Beatrice and the others were walking on a narrow bridge made of whitish stone that seemed to continue forever at about a meter above the water. Countless bridges connected together like a spider web and their path sparkled as it reflected the moonlight.
The pale light came from both the bridges and the branches overhead. In addition to the white bridges crossing over at a higher level, there were a lot of beautiful white cubes measuring at a meter or two across.
Those were the Cat Sith and Cu Sith’s homes. Those creatures were salt craftsmen who cut out the Diamond Salt hardened around the geysers to make houses, boats, or whatever else. The bridges Beatrice and the others walked on had been built up over a long period of time.
Along with the sound of small waves, a few white lights were moving within the darkness, but this was not a paranormal phenomenon. In Grandnir, it was common for people to pick large white flowers known as Lantern Plants, twist their stamen to make them glow, and carry them around like lanterns at night. The light had apparently originally been a way of gathering bugs to carry their pollen.
Despite the fantastical nightscape, Armelina was rubbing her temple while looking like she had woken up in the morning with menstrual cramps and she replied to Beatrice’s question.
“Don’t say it. We all think it’s ridiculous.”
“Why are we wearing swimsuits!? Why is this the requirement for meeting Kallikantzaros!?”
“I said not to say it! How can she call this disarmament!? There has got to be a better way of sealing the Percentage-type Magic that takes the form of our clothes!!”
While they yelled atop the Diamond Salt bridge, the two of them were equipped with the Girl’s Swimsuit, an item entirely unnecessary for exploring the Labyrinth. Specifically, Beatrice wore a red bikini with translucent lace over it and Armelina wore a modified white one piece swimsuit. …However, this was an alternate world with no means of creating petrochemical products, so it was doubtful these had any defenses against growing see-through when wet.
Armelina made a gesture like she was messing with the temple of an imaginary pair of gla.s.ses.
“I guess I shouldn’t be surprised the swordswoman went with a bikini. And b.o.o.b armor when you have no b.o.o.bs? Have you no shame?”
“Wha-!?”
“And I bet you added that fluffy lace over the bikini itself to give the illusion of greater volume.”
“I have more than average!! And Armelina, don’t you feel like you’ve lost something important as a human being now that you can’t hide your flaaat chest? Oh ho ho ho ho.”
“Ahh!? You wanna fight!?”
“You’re the one that picked a fight with me!!!!!”
Meanwhile, Filinion (the biggest one of all) remained calm.
The 4 meter Orc tilted his head, so the gla.s.ses girl quietly began her commentary.
“In human society, your rank is determined by your chest size. How boring.”
“Really? Then I’m the biggest one!”
“Yes, you are. Eh heh heh.”
As Filinion spoke with Boo Boo, she also observed the other plants and the things that looked like hermit crab ghosts growing from the surface of the mangrove trees.
“The Nun who made the swimsuits for us is apparently an expert at Appraisal rather than Mixing. A lot of craftsmen know her, so she introduces a lot of jobs to people and even I have used that to make a little money.”
“Ridiculous! Curse that Nun for selling entertainment Mixing items. The only upside is that she promises to use the Experience Point filled Gimmick gears for an emergency reserve!!”
Armelina had steam rising from her head (and had her back mostly bared), but the gla.s.ses girl had recovered quite quickly from losing her Mandragora seedlings. There was a simple reason for that:
“Boo. I can’t eat all of the vegetables in my garden, so you all can take any you want.”
That announcement had been a joyous reward for a Mixing expert. Beatrice and Armelina had not really seen the value in it, but it had been a treasure trove to Filinion.
“Um, one other thing. This southern forest is a hotbed for blood-sucking animals like giant ticks, fleas, leeches, eels, and bats. They react to human Magic and attack as a group. One theory for why the Cat Sith houses are made from Diamond Salt is because it keeps the blood-sucking animals out. Of course, this might be a defense mechanism set up by a human-hating Vampire who can control the moon’s gravitational pull and thus manipulate the surrounding animals.”
“Wait, gla.s.ses girl who isn’t actually all that smart.”
“Beatrice, I feel like you haven’t been treating me with much respect lately!”
The fluffy-haired gla.s.ses girl shed some tears saltier than the seawater, but the Holy Swordswoman only glared at her with dead eyes.
“You claim you didn’t get those giant b.o.o.bs on purpose, but you’re definitely posing right now. And why would you choose a cow-print bikini, you Holstein breed!? Even the knee socks are cow print!!”
“Th-this was the only one in my size, so I had no choice! Curse that Nun… I would have loved to have your range of selection! I’m so jealous!!”
“Oh!? Then let’s chop those things off and cook them as yakiniku!!”
“Oh!? Then let’s chop those things off and cook them as yakiniku!!”
Due to that, the Holy Swordswoman could not call up her map like usual. This must have made her uncomfortable because she would occasionally fidget and either mess with the bikini’s knots or adjust the bottom.
Boo Boo alone gave them a puzzled look as the salt bridge creaked (a concerning amount) below him.
“Boo… I don’t really get what a swimsuit is. Why am I fine like this?”
“W-well, you can’t use Magic, so you don’t need a swimsuit to prove you’re disarmed.”
Not to mention that he always wore a loincloth and nothing else, so the Holy Swordswoman gave him a mature smile. She did not want to imagine that 4 meter body wearing a bikini or one piece swimsuit.
(Although he’s really cute on the inside.)
Even now, Boo Boo was holding up the glowing flower of a Lantern Plant to illuminate the dark mangrove. A closer look showed his large round shoulders were trembling.
“Boo Boo, are you still scared of ghosts?”
“All ghosts are really angry, so they scare me. I wish everyone could smile more.”
“I think all those ghosts are weeded out because they can rest in peace.”
With a mechanical beep, a red light appeared beyond the trees and ocean surface.
Boo Boo jumped straight up (and nearly broke the bridge when he landed).
“Squeal!? Something just glowed!”
“Someone on earth failed their Sign In. We got a warning. That’s what happens when your smartphone signal is interrupted when you’re waiting for approval. The detailed error log will fill up all the empty s.p.a.ce, so it’s a huge pain.”
“Since it’s getting dark, it might be best to get to sleep.”
While they discussed that, Fighter Priest Armelina rested her metal staff Shining Weapon on her shoulder.
“But if she wants to disarm us, wouldn’t it be faster to take these from us?”
“The Shining Weapons are like our lifelines, so no one would agree to that. Negotiations are about finding a compromise. Either way, we can’t use our Command-style Magic without the Parameter-style to go with it. We’re unarmed and about the same as normal humans, so we need to be careful.”
“That’s why I’m glad we have this ma.s.s of pure physical strength so close by. We’re up against a Break News and we might not actually be able to defeat her, but we might get enough of an opening to escape.”
And as they said that, the White Witch in the insane cow print bikini shook the cowbell around her neck while rubbing up against Boo Boo’s giant body.
“Yes, we need Boo Boo to protect us right now. Yes! We finally have a realistic shot at the ideal situation for a healer, which is how it should have been in the first place!!”
“Ah! Wait, cow!! Don’t cling to Boo Boo dressed like that!!”
Meanwhile, Boo Boo tilted his head on the bridge as if he did not understand his situation here.
“Boo?”
“A perfect meat shield. A one-man vanguard. And I remain unharmed even if I’m only a burden. Everything about it is perfect! It’s like a dream! I will leave everything to you, Boo Boo!!”
“I said get away from Boo Boo!!”
In her fancy dress-like white swimsuit, Armelina listened to the cowbell and calmly observed the situation.
The White Witch was clinging to the Iberian Orc and shaking her head back and forth, but Armelina figured she was tripping a bit after experiencing the intense b.e.s.t.i.a.l from so close.
“I don’t like fighting, but I’ll do what I can to protect all of you from fights. Humans don’t have fur and your skin is soft, so be careful.”
“That’s right, that’s right! You don’t need a berserker that only thinks about attacking for your vanguard! I wanted someone who would focus on defense!! Kyah! Boo Boo, you’re just perfect☆”
“…”
“And you can keep giving me more of the rare Mixing materials that all the supposedly intellectual old men in the inn town said were impossible to cultivate. I just…I have no words! I just have to stay by your side and I don’t have to worry about battles or procuring materials! It’s a dream come true!!”
“……………………………………………………………………………………………………………”
She’s definitely going to make yakiniku, mincemeat, or a roast out of those things, thought Armelina with a distant look in her eyes. If the bridge breaks, I can jump to a nearby tree, but what happens if the entire mangrove is set on fire?
Half worried and half excited, she once more turned toward Beatrice.
Holy Swordswoman Beatrice was biting her lip and trembling.
But what happened next was truly unexpected.
“Sniff…hic…”
It was Armelina in the audience who noticed first.
“She’s crying!? She wilted instead of exploding!?”
“Boo? What is it, Beatrice? Does your stomach hurt?”
She must not have wanted the 4 meter Orc to see her cry because Beatrice covered her face with her hands and curled up. But instead of reducing the confusion, she shouted back an incomplete answer.
“It’s your fault, Boo Boo!!”
“Squeal!? Beatrice, I don’t want to see you cry. If I did anything wrong, I’ll fix it, so tell me what it is!”
“It’s because…! It’s because you…!!”
She was trying to say that he had Cow Bikini Filinion clinging to him in ecstasy (over finding the kind of position she had always wanted), but since that would mean she had lost control of her emotions, her pride would not allow her to say so. If she had used her frames and lines to put the information in order, it might have destroyed her mentally.
Armelina commented in a daze.
“Y’know, I could have sworn we were on an almost certainly deadly mission to visit a Break News while unarmed…”
The image around her was mostly chaos.
After pointing back and forth between Boo Boo and Filinion’s faces, hitting dense Boo Boo’s calf with a low kick, and sobbing, the representative member of the level cap adventurers ultimately found herself on Boo Boo’s back.
No, instead of riding on his back, she rode on his shoulders while using his giant pig head as a cushion. After all, his back was too big to wrap her legs around!
Her level of intelligence was the same as Sutriona’s.
After calming down a fair bit, Filinion asked another question.
“Um, is there some kind of rule saying any crying girl in Grandnir is sucked in toward Boo Boo’s head? So is that eventually going to happen to us too?”
Beatrice was in a fairly dangerous position (and she realized using his head like a round cushion pressed various parts of her body against him and rested her b.r.e.a.s.t.s on top of his head), but she ignored how her own head nearly hit the occasional tunnel of trees as she pointed down at Filinion and Armelina on the ground.
“New rule! No clinging to Boo Boo when you have more than 50% of your skin exposed. Got that!?”
“Eh!? Why am I part of this too!?”
“Boo Boo, no cheating on me! And I mean that in every way!!”
“I don’t even know what cheating on you means, so what am I supposed to do?”
“You don’t need to know that!! Wahhhh!!”
“Beatrice, I feel like you were more mature before. You weren’t such a crybaby.”
Boo Boo walked onward while tilting his head.
As Filinion and Armelina followed in their swimsuits, they finally spoke up.
“I feel like I’m getting worn out faster than usual.”
“Oh, your physical strength has probably dropped without the Percentage-type reinforcing it. Think about it. You wouldn’t normally go on a trip in sandals or mules, would you?”
“I’m still not letting you ride on Boo Boo! I’ll never allow it!!”
No one was hoping for that, but she still drove the point home.
“?”
The tunnel of trees overhead began to shake up ahead.
Some small figures were dropping down. They were half as tall as a human, looked like bipedal dogs and cats, and could clearly speak.
It was the Cat Sith cat fairies and the Cu Sith dog fairies.
The kitties were dressed as maids and the puppies were dressed as butlers.
They were barking and meowing while skillfully rolling across the white bridge, but they were clearly grappling with each other. Plus, they were not unarmed. The blades were only sharp shards of Diamond Salt attached to sticks, but the Cat Sith had spears and the Cu Sith had axes.
They had not been refined, but that would only make the wound and pain last longer.
“We must settle this! You underhanded cowards held off on your donations to give yourselves a better future. Did you think you immoral lot had any hope of victory here!?”
“Nonsense. The burden of our offerings to the Break News was 50/50? You forced that onto us without even thinking about our comparative situations, but when we ignore that, you think you have the right to attack us? Don’t make me laugh. We have no reason to compromise and we will teach you first-hand what it is you properly deserve!”
Boo Boo and the others did not have time to call out to them.
As the small and round group jumped to the trees and scrambled up to the higher bridges, the sounds of the struggle faded into the distance.
But something did remain.
There were red drips visible here and there on the white bridge over the ocean.
“This has gone beyond a joke. The Cat Sith and Cu Sith have slowly lost control and gone beyond a simple skirmish.”
“Boo. Should we chase after them to stop them?”
“If we tried to stop every little fight, we would never see the end of it. And if we climbed up into the branches, they would probably break. Not to mention that they’d start up again when we weren’t looking even if we did stop them. If we’re really going to stop this, we need to cut off the source of their fear and confusion.”
Boo Boo looked worriedly into the forest and then started walking toward their destination once more.
They were on their way to Kallikantzaros, the Vampire who controlled lunar eclipses.
Part 5[edit]The moon shined brightly on the beach.
They were on a point of land that stuck out of Grandnir’s southern forest. The seawater covering the mangrove seemed to avoid this beach in a Y-shape. Fine white sand covered the coast and a giant wooden ship had run aground like a beached whale. The ghost ship had been abandoned for so long that it was damaged and falling apart. The words Next Voyager had just about faded from the side of the ship.
“I hear that’s the last remnant of a project meant to find other land beyond the ocean,” said Cow Print Bikini White Witch Filinion as she looked up at the ship.
They had thrown out the Lantern Plant after arriving at the beach. No matter what happened, giving away their position by carrying a light was not the best plan.
“That was before it had been medically proven that the slight differences in Grandnir’s rotation, gravity, and atmosphere cause definite changes to the mind and body of anyone who stays here for long periods. The 2000 people who recklessly built the ship and set sail vanished, but the empty ship returned to the beach.”
“I see. That’s the perfect history for a Vampire’s base.”
Armelina forced a challenging tone into her voice while wearing her fancy dress swimsuit.
Boo Boo looked worried as he stared up at the rotted black shape. Was that due to the Break News there, or due to the ghost story?
It was supposedly a sea research vessel, but it looked like a clipper with a giant sail. Or perhaps like a cruise ship from an older age. That was because it had been loaded with plenty of entertainment facilities to maintain the mental health of the 2000 people living on it long term. From their outside perspective, they could see what looked like parasols sticking up from the deck. The rotted ship could no longer sail out to sea, so it had become a haunted mansion large enough to easily host a dance party.
“Now, then.”
After finally calming down, Beatrice descended from Boo Boo in her red bikini with fluffy lace. She rubbed her still-red nose and opened her mouth.
“Where do we go in? Well, if we have to climb the wall, I guess we can do that.”
“You can make freakish muscleman comments if you want, but don’t forget that we have no equipment and thus no Parameter support. You don’t want to act all smug and then fall on your a.s.s, do you?”
After checking around, they found a boarding gangway lowered on one side. The ship’s master had not prepared it specifically for them because it seemed to have been abandoned there with the ship. It was rotting away and it seemed to have trouble under Boo Boo’s weight, but he fortunately did not break through.
They found a large pool on the deck. It even had water in it. Any smaller filth likely did not stand out in the moonlight, but it was much cleaner than Beatrice and the others had expected.
“Where is Kallikantzaros herself?”
“Ugh. 2000 people is more than a high-rise resort hotel, right? How many days would it take to check through every last one of those rooms? And we might find a Break News around any corner. Isn’t this more deadly than your average Labyrinth visit?”
But as they discussed that, the ground suddenly shook. No, the ship did.
“Wha-? Wah! Wait!?”
“Kyah!! Th-there’s nothing to hold onto!!”
The pool water tilted and flowed out like a flood. Holy Swordswoman Beatrice, White Witch Filinion, and Fighter Priest Armelina rolled down the sharply sloped deck and were dumped right into the pool. Only Boo Boo remained standing thanks to his powerful legs.
“Cough! Uhp!!”
Beatrice frantically got her head above water only to have another large wave hit her in the face.
The giant ship shook again and tilted back to its original angle.
“Was that supposed to throw us into the pool?”
“Not good. This is grabbing at our legs to slow us down!!”
Beatrice and the other two had changed into swimsuits, so they had none of the Parameter support of their clothes-shaped Magic. They were no different from the normal people walking between the gray buildings back on earth. And now they were caught in the water. They would be in real trouble if Kallikantzaros specialized in projectiles like arrows or javelins. Even if they tried to dodge, they could not escape being hit.
They naturally looked up toward the mast and lookout stand near the top, but…
“Do not fear, children of man. Your blood is not to my liking.”
They were frozen in place by a girl’s voice that rang like a small bell.
It came from right next to Boo Boo.
Boo Boo seemed unable to move.
Even he could not move a finger and that told Beatrice just how abnormal this was.
The ship’s master had appeared at some point.
But how?
She was indeed one of the Break News. The previous atmosphere was entirely uprooted by her appearance and all of the rules were rewritten with her in the center. It felt like they could no longer trust what had worked just fine in the past. It was like the most basic definitions had been rewritten by this overwhelming presence.
The girl appeared crimson in the darkness. Despite being on a beachside cruise ship, she wore what amounted to a thin red negligee. A black bikini showed through below that. Green and white fluffs were attached at points and she wore a pointed night cap, so it looked a lot like a Santa Claus outfit with a skirt. She had long reddish-blonde hair and the ends curled inwards, so its great volume looked like a wide spread triangle. The bangs were cut in a perfectly straight line and she looked to be more than a head shorter than Beatrice.
But after meeting Fairy Queen Sutriona, they knew they could not rely on her appearance.
In fact…
(She reminds me a lot of Sutriona. Is there some kind of connection between them???)
But there was one major difference with this girl whose gloved fingertips toyed with a stuffed piglet doll.
Her b.r.e.a.s.t.s alone were quite large.
“(Uuh!? I lose to her…?)”
“(Not that winning would make me exactly happy.)”
“(I wasn’t even looking for a compet.i.tion! Dammit!!)”
The girls in the water each had their own reaction.
Meanwhile, the 4 meter Orc spoke even though he still could not turn around.
“Squeal… We are here to speak with you.”
“I do not mind. It would seem the humans actually followed the dress code and I am not so short-tempered that I would throw out guests who made a point of being respectful and polite. Besides, I would never have allowed you onboard otherwise. As the Vampire who controls lunar eclipses, I could use the moon’s gravitational pull to bring an extraordinarily large wave to cover all of Grandnir or I could cover the land with a giant swarm of crabs or insects.”
That may have been why Kallikantzaros used the rotted ship as her fortress. If she went all out, the entire island would be wiped off the map. Everything but the buoyant ship would be washed away and sink to the bottom of the ocean, so she had chosen to remain on the inconvenient-looking grounded ship.
That was the scale at which the Break News thought.
The gorgeous Vampire laughed and whispered to them.
“But it has been awhile since I saw such a powerful life force. It almost feels nostalgic.”
“?”
“I said human blood is not to my liking, did I not? I felt faint when I heard the entire Iberian Orc village had been wiped out. You see, I am a Vampire that can only create subordinates from them. It might not be much, but I am very fortunate to find this proper bloodline.”
“!!!!!! Boo Boo, run away!!”
Red Bikini Beatrice frantically yelled up at him, but she could not use a single Command-style Magic right now. The pool water seemed to grab at her, so she could not even climb up onto the deck.
But surprisingly, Kallikantzaros did not do anything more.
She did not sink her fangs into or even lay a finger on Boo Boo. Instead, she simply gave them a bewitching smile.
“Do not worry. I will not devour him right away. This might be the very last one and I do not want to be the one that drives them extinct. My lifespan is long, so the wise choice would be to wait a century or two and resume hunting once their numbers have recovered.”
No matter what happened, she was not friendly and this place was not safe.
This was a much purer threat than the Thousand Dragon or Sutriona.
“There is no need to be so tense, humans.” The Vampire’s voice was calm. “In fact, the current situation is on your side. You are essentially hiding behind the most effective hostage you could hope for. So relax and tell me what it is you want.”
“…”
She was treating Boo Boo like a frail hostage.
That alone was enough for Beatrice to feel faint.
Meanwhile, Kallikantzaros was arrogance itself. She ignored the specimen of a nearly extinct species and walked to one of the parasols on the deck.
She threw herself onto a beach chair, placed the piglet doll on her stomach, and crossed her legs.
“But, humans, you must remain in the pool as you relax. If you climb onto the deck before I leave, I will see it as a hostile act and launch a merciless attack.”
“?”
Holy Swordswoman Beatrice could not see the logic of that request, so she gave voice to her confusion.
“Because your specialty fields are gravitational manipulation and water?”
“It is simpler than that.”
Kallikantzaros narrowed her eyes a little as she lay in the beach chair while wearing nightwear.
Her eyes alone were not smiling.
“I will not underestimate humans. I am aware you have a long history of thinking up means of killing and destroying ‘beings much like us’. Most of it is nonsense, but there are some truly troublesome methods mixed in. So the best way to handle humans is to keep them from moving and remove every card in their hand.”
Was she referring to vampire hunters?
It was unclear how much truth there was to any of that, but it had yet to be proven that the vampires spoken of by those supposed hunters were the same as this race in Grandnir. Beatrice would not expect to see any change to Kallikantzaros if someone held garlic up to her.
“Boo.”
Then Boo Boo spoke while looking at his natural predator.
“I don’t get all this complicated stuff, but are you saying you’ll hear us out?”
“I will allow you to speak. So out with it.”
“Okay.”
Boo Boo nodded once and began his explanation.
He explained how her power to control lunar eclipses was messing with the emotions of the Cat Sith and Cu Sith and how that was causing them problems.
He explained how they had created an altar to her and that they had tried to calm her by taking turns making offerings, but the burden of those offerings had led to conflict.
He explained how the conflict had gone beyond mere fights and there was a fear it would pa.s.s the point of no return before long.
“Hmm.”
After listening to it all, Kallikantzaros tilted her head like it was none of her concern.
Boo Boo shook his hands.
“If you reduce the amount of meat and vegetables, the Cat Sith and Cu Sith won’t have so much trouble preparing it all and they shouldn’t be quite so on edge. Can’t you do something?”
“Or you could just stop manipulating the moon’s gravitational pull so much…” added Beatrice from the center of the full moon’s reflection in the water.
But…
“I don’t know anything about that.”
“Hm?”
“I have never heard of this altar the Cat Sith and Cu Sith have supposedly constructed.”
“What!? W-wait a second. Then why are the puppies and kitties fighting!?”
Fighter Priest Armelina could not restrain herself, but the red Vampire waved a hand in annoyance.
“I understand why they might want to make requests to a paradox with a soul, but isn’t it terribly conceited to think you can have 100% control over me, humans?”
“…”
“I have no idea how many shrines and altars there are to worship or request things of me. I have no interest in it and I am not obligated to listen. I reject all offerings and prayers on general principle. So I am not involved in this conflict between the Cat Sith and Cu Sith.”
Cow Print Bikini White Witch Filinion and Fancy White Dress Swimsuit Fighter Priest Armelina exchanged a glance in the moonlit pool.
“Are you saying what I think you’re saying? The Cat Sith and Cu Sith only think they’re offering these things to a Break News?”
“This could be bad if that altar is inside the forest. Birds and wild animals might be stealing all of the offerings.”
In her beach chair, Kallikantzaros did not seem moved to positive or negative emotion.
She was truly not interested.
“But if you speak to them, I think those cats and dogs will stop fighting.”
“Why would I do that?”
“Because you’re causing all of this in the first place!”
Red Bikini Beatrice looked like she had a light headache, but the Vampire was entirely unfazed.
“Then you tell them I will not change to suit their needs. Tell them they must change to suit my needs. I am a paradox, so I have no room for logical arguments. Besides, I expect they are only blaming the moon for all of their negative emotions.”
They were at an impa.s.se.
Kallikantzaros had no interest in some creatures she had never met. And to a Break News who lived alone on a ghost ship, the category of strangers was a large one. Even when she had discussed the destruction of Boo Boo’s village, she had not shown any actual emotion.
But as Beatrice thought about that, things took an unexpected turn.
“And I am making this choice for your sakes.”
“Boo?”
“Look to the sky and you will understand. The winds have changed. A Break News besides me has been wandering around lately, but perhaps that is due to the battle between the Cat Sith and Cu Sith. If so, one of them other than me will likely intervene soon. If I join in now, we will have a fight between paradoxes on our hands. Does an endless desert or an ice age frighten you more? Those would be the choices in that battle, human.”
Even in the pool, Holy Swordswoman Beatrice definitely felt her pores opening and sweat seeping out.