"Oh, great! I was hoping she"d turn up."
"What?! I thought she was your sworn enemy after the wedding debacle."
"Don"t be so dramatic." Nicole rolled her eyes. "None of that was Helena"s fault. If I can forgive Paul then I can surely forgive Helena."
Evette looked surprised. "Good for you," was all she could think of in response.
Armed with trays of mulled wine and mince pies they made their way back into the living room, where Ben was entertaining Helena.
"Helena, it"s so wonderful to see you." Nicole hugged her old friend. "I"m very glad you came."
Helena hugged her back.
"Of course I came! I was delighted to hear from you at last. I"ve missed you so much these past few months, but I figured you needed some s.p.a.ce to clear your head."
There were tears in her eyes as she sipped her mulled wine.
"I"m sorry for not keeping in touch with you, Hel. My head was all over the place. I couldn"t cope with anything and I was blaming everyone for what happened to me. I even managed to convince myself that you must have known what was going on between Simone and Paul."
"I swear to you, Nicole, I didn"t have a clue what happened between them. I was as shocked as you. If I"d even had an inkling of what they"d done I would have told you straight away."
"So have you heard from Simone since the wedding?" Evette asked.
She and Ben were agog at the latest development in Nicole"s life.
Helena sighed. "Everyone shunned her when they found out what she"d done and Paul wouldn"t have anything to do with her. I"m sure she was convinced that they"d become a couple eventually. She fancied him ever since college but you just couldn"t see it, Nic. You"ve always been so trusting of everyone. I get the feeling that she was waiting for her opportunity to pounce on him."
"It wasn"t entirly Simone"s fault," Nicole said. "After all, it takes two to tango and Paul was quite happy to tango with her."
"I suppose," Helena agreed slowly. "I felt so sorry for him after the wedding. He was in an awful state and was desperate to make things up with you. Have you two been in touch at all?"
"Yeah, we"ve been seeing a relationship counsellor and we"re trying to work it out."
Helena"s eyes widened with surprise.
"What"s Simone up to now?" Nicole asked, quickly changing the subject.
"She"s moved to Australia. When she realised that nothing was going to happen with Paul, she had a bit of a melt- down. She quit her job, packed and moved within a matter of weeks."
"I thought it took ages to get a visa for Australia," Ben interjected.
"It usually does take quite a while, but Simone was born there. She moved to Ireland with her family when she was twelve."
"Good riddance, I say," Evette chimed in.
"I second that toast." Ben downed the last of his wine in one long gulp and got to his feet.
"Do you girls have anything decent to drink? Your mulled wine was great, Nic, but I"d prefer a cold beer."
Nicole laughed. "Yeah, sure, help yourself. There are a few cans of Budweiser in the refrigerator."
The doorbell rang again. Evette groaned. "Do you have any more surprises in store for us tonight, sis?"
Nicole laughed. "None that I"ve planned anyway. Mom and Dad should be arriving any minute. Sarah and Liv said they"d be here around seven o" clock to help us decorate the tree. Speaking of which, I need to organise the popcorn and cranberries for our decorations."
"What are those heavenly smells, darling?"
Imelda, the girls" mom arrived into the kitchen, where Nicole was arranging fudge, date pet.i.t-fours and all manner of scrumptious goodies on a huge serving plate. She slapped her dad"s hand as he quickly popped some fudge in his mouth.
"Divine," John Baxter smiled at his daughter.
"Are you ready to party the night away with us youngsters, Mrs. Baxter?" Ben teased, as he helped himself to yet another mince pie.
"I"ll have you know, Ben, that I was quite the dancer in my day," Imelda grinned.
"You still are darling," John took his wife in his arms and waltzed around the room with her.
Nicole smiled at her parents, who were so obviously still madly in love with each other. Her mind wandered to Paul and she wondered if, one day, they would ever be as happy together as them.
Chapter 23.
"Are you sure you won"t come Christmas shopping with me and the girls, sis?" Evette asked, as she pulled on her heavy winter coat and tied her reindeer scarf around her neck.
"Thanks, Ev, but I think I"m going to relax for a few hours. It"ll be a relief to have some time on my own this afternoon, no offence."
"None take," Evette grinned. "I know how being alone helps you recharge your batteries and it has been very hectic around here lately. I suppose it"s like a form of meditation in a way."
"Exactly, thanks for your understanding, sis."
"No worries, girl. Call me if you change your mind and decide to join us."
"I will, I promise. Now go and have fun. Don"t forget to buy me lots of very expensive presents!" She walked her sister to their front door and watched as she pulled a Santa hat down over her ears. "You"re mad, you know that, don"t you?"
"Im absolutely, stark raving bonkers and proud of it!" Evette giggled.
"Everyone"s going to be laughing at you in that hat."
"I don"t care. I love Christmas and it"s the only time when even adults can act like big kids, so I"m relishing the opportunity."
"Get out of here," Nicole shooed her sister out the door and smiled to herself as she closed the door behind her.
She breathed a deep sigh of relief. Peace at last.
Nicole loved Christmas, probably more than anyone she knew, but it was a very stressful time of the year, and particularly stressful this year. She always threw herself into the season"s festivities; cooking, shopping and entertaining, but this year it was even more hectic as she also had to plan a wedding!
William"s wedding was finally organised. She"d confirmed the last minute details yesterday. She"d finalised all the delivery items with the suppliers and dropped the Order of Service off at the church for the wedding ceremony, now all that was left was to meet the happy couple.
Nicole was really looking forward to meeting them, especially William. She"d worked very closely with him over the past few months. She already felt like she knew him well. It was odd to her to have such a strong connection with someone she"d never even met.
He had been the perfect client and she"d thoroughly enjoyed every minute of planning his wedding.
I hope all my future clients are as wonderful as William, she thought as she shut down her computer for the day.
Nicole padded into the kitchen and poured herself a warm, comforting cup of mulled wine. She savoured its fruity fragrance as she curled up on the couch. The Christmas tree almost took up half the living room s.p.a.ce, but it was worth it.
It was decorated in multi-coloured tinsel, popcorn and cranberry threads and of course hundreds of twinkling fairy-lights. The finishing touch was a beautiful gold angel which sat at the top of the tree, watching over everyone.
Nicole could stare for hours at the tree. It made her inexplicably happy just to sit and watch the dancing shadows cast by the fairy-lights. She switched on the electric fire and pulled a blanket across her lap.
Then she turned on her Christmas music CD and closed her eyes for a moment to listen to the angelic voice of Celine Dion singing "O, Holy Night." It was her favourite Christmas song and for some unknown reason it always brought tears to her eyes.
She lost herself in the music for a few moments and found herself reflecting on the year that was almost over. It had been a year of devastating endings and unexpected beginnings for her. Her entire world had been shaken upside down, but with the knowledge of hindsight, she was glad for everything that had happened.
She"d been forced out of her comfortable, carefully planned little life and had slowly realised that she hadn"t really been consciously living for a very long time. She"d lived her life with meticulous plans and checklists and she had been consumed with achieving and ticking another goal off her list, rather than actually living and feeling joy in her heart and soul.
Paul dumping her at the altar had been a very painful wakeup call for her. It was categorically the worst thing that had ever happened to her. She"d wondered at times if she"d ever recover, but she had recovered and she was a stronger, better person for all the turmoil that she"d experienced.
She"d unexpectedly discovered that she liked helping people, but more than anything else she was grateful that she had a renewed relationship with her sister, something which she"d never have discovered if it hadn"t been for her disastrous wedding day. They"d never really known each other before the wedding fiasco and now they were the very best of friends.
Nicole took another sip of her mulled wine and picked up the journal which Paul had given her to read. She looked at its leather cover and was suddenly overcome with nerves. She"d wanted to read it for a while but for some unknown reason she"d kept putting it off. He"d texted her the previous day to ask what she thought and she hadn"t replied yet.
So she took a large gulp of her mulled wine for courage and tentatively opened the journal. She began to read. The apartment was in darkness except for the flickering light of the fire and fairy-lights and the reading lamp beside her. The evocative scent of Yankee candle Christmas filled the air and she found herself becoming lost in Paul"s heartfelt words.
"I"m home!" Evette called from the hall.
Nicole nearly jumped out of her skin. She"d been so immersed in her reading that she hadn"t even heard her sister returning home.
"Are you ok?" Evette stopped short in mid-sentence.
Her sister looked stunned and pale, sh.e.l.l-shocked almost. She"d never seen that expression on her face before.
"Read this," Nicole replied, as she thrust Paul"s journal into her hands. "I need more wine."
She returned a few minutes later to find tears rolling down her sister"s face.
"Oh my goodness, Nic, these are the most beautiful words I"ve ever read."
"I know. I can"t believe it." Nicole still seemed stunned.
Evette couldn"t take her eyes off the book in front of her.
"Listen to this. It"s a love letter by Ludwig van Beethoven to his beloved.
Though still in bed, my thoughts go out to you, my Immortal Beloved, now and then joyfully, then sadly, waiting to learn whether or not fate will hear us. I can live only wholly with you or not at all.
Yes, I am resolved to wander so long away from you until I can fly to your arms and say that I am really at home with you, and can send my soul, enwrapped in you into the land of spirits.
Yes, unhappily it must be so. You will be the more contained since you know my fidelity to you. No one else can ever possess my heart, never, never. Oh G.o.d, why must one be parted from one whom one so loves. And yet my life in V is now a wretched life. Your love makes me at once the happiest and unhappiest of men.
Be calm, only by a calm consideration of our existence can we achieve our purpose to live together. Be calm, love me, today, yesterday, what tearful longings for you, you, you, my life, my all, farewell. Oh continue to love me, never misjudge the most faithful heart of your beloved.
Ever thine Ever mine Ever ours Tears rolled down Evette"s face as she read.
"I haven"t been able to stop reading," Nicole said. "I can"t believe the time and effort Paul"s put into his journal. He"s always hated reading and writing. He"s never written anything for me before. Even the cards he gave me for our anniversary and Valentine"s Day were never emotional. I don"t care that he"s mixed his words in with some of the greatest love letters ever written, in fact it makes it even more poignant."
"It"s so romantic," Evette sniffed.
"If you think that"s romantic then you should read this."
Nicole took the journal from her sister for a moment and flipped through the pages.
"It"s written by Honore de Balzac to his lover, Eva."
My beloved angel, I am nearly mad about you, as much as one can be mad: I cannot bring together two eyes that you do not interpose yourself between them.
I can no longer think of anything but you. In spite of myself, my imagination carries me to you. I grasp you, I kiss you, I caress you, a thousand of the most amorous caresses take possession of me.
As for my heart, there you will always be; very much so. I have a delicious sense of you there. But my G.o.d, what is to become of me, if have deprived my reason? This is a monomania which, this morning, terrifes me. I rise up every morning saying to myself, "Come, I am going there!" Then I sit down again, moved by the sense of my obligations. There is a frightful conflict. This is not life. I have never before been like that. You have devoured everything.
I feel foolish and happy as soon as I think of you. I whirl round in a delicious dream in which in one instant I live a thousand years. What a horrible situation!
Overcome with love, feeling love in every pore, living only for love, and seeing oneself consumed by griefs, and caught in a thousand spiders" threads.
I talk to you as if you were there. I see you, as I did yesterday, beautiful, astonishingly beautiful.
Yesterday, during the whole evening, I said to myself "she is mine!" Ah! The angels are not as happy in Paradise as I was yesterday!
Evette turned to the last page in the journal.
"Have you read this, Nic?"
"What is it?"
"I think you should read it for yourself," Evette pa.s.sed the journal to her sister.
Nicole carefully read the last page.
Paul had written; "Nicole, you are the love of my life. I know I"m hopeless at expressing my feelings, which is why I wrote this journal for you. I mean every word that I"ve written. If you want to be with me, then meet me at seven o" clock on Christmas Eve in Killarney, under the town clock.
If you decide that you don"t want me anymore, then I understand and I promise to leave you alone. I"ll be on the first flight out of here after Christmas. I don"t think I can stay here anymore, because everywhere I look I"m reminded of you and it will be too painful for me."