"Some dirty cad," said Mr. Hoopdriver, proceeding with his discourse, and suddenly growing extremely fierce, "made a remark as we went by this door."
"Steady on!" said the old gentleman with many chins. "Steady on! Don"t you go a-calling us names, please."
"One minute!" said Mr. Hoopdriver. "It wasn"t I began calling names."
("Who did?" said the man with the chins.) "I"m not calling any of you dirty cads. Don"t run away with that impression. Only some person in this room made a remark that showed he wasn"t fit to wipe boots on, and, with all due deference to such gentlemen as ARE gentlemen" (Mr.
Hoopdriver looked round for moral support), "I want to know which it was."
"Meanin"?" said the fair young man in the white tie.
"That I"m going to wipe my boots on "im straight away," said Mr.
Hoopdriver, reverting to anger, if with a slight catch in his throat--than which threat of personal violence nothing had been further from his thoughts on entering the room. He said this because he could think of nothing else to say, and stuck out his elbows truculently to hide the sinking of his heart. It is curious how situations run away with us.
""Ullo, Charlie!" said the little man, and "My eye!" said the owner of the chins. "You"re going to wipe your boots on "im?" said the fair young man, in a tone of mild surprise.
"I am," said Mr. Hoopdriver, with emphatic resolution, and glared in the young man"s face.
"That"s fair and reasonable," said the man in the velveteen jacket; "if you can."
The interest of the meeting seemed transferred to the young man in the white tic. "Of course, if you can"t find out which it is, I suppose you"re prepared to wipe your boots in a liberal way on everybody in the room," said this young man, in the same tone of impersonal question.
"This gentleman, the champion lightweight--"
"Own up, Charlie," said the young man with the gaiters, looking up for a moment. "And don"t go a-dragging in your betters. It"s fair and square.
You can"t get out of it."
"Was it this--gent?" began Mr. Hoopdriver.
"Of course," said the young man in the white tie, "when it comes to talking of wiping boots--"
"I"m not talking; I"m going to do it," said Mr. Hoopdriver.
He looked round at the meeting. They were no longer antagonists; they were spectators. He would have to go through with it now. But this tone of personal aggression on the maker of the remark had somehow got rid of the oppressive feeling of Hoopdriver contra mundum. Apparently, he would have to fight someone. Would he get a black eye? Would he get very much hurt? Pray goodness it wasn"t that st.u.r.dy chap in the gaiters! Should he rise and begin? What would she think if he brought a black eye to breakfast to-morrow? "Is this the man?" said Mr. Hoopdriver, with a business-like calm, and arms more angular than ever.
"Eat "im!" said the little man with the beard; "eat "im straight orf."
"Steady on!" said the young man in the white tie. "Steady on a minute.
If I did happen to say--"
"You did, did you?" said Mr. Hoopdriver.
"Backing out of it, Charlie?" said the young man with the gaiters.
"Not a bit," said Charlie. "Surely we can pa.s.s a bit of a joke--"
"I"m going to teach you to keep your jokes to yourself," said Mr.
Hoopdriver.
"Bray-vo!" said the shepherd of the flock of chins.
"Charlie IS a bit too free with his jokes," said the little man with the beard.
"It"s downright disgusting," said Hoopdriver, falling back upon his speech. "A lady can"t ride a bicycle in a country road, or wear a dress a little out of the ordinary, but every dirty little greaser must needs go shouting insults--"
"_I_ didn"t know the young lady would hear what I said," said Charlie.
"Surely one can speak friendly to one"s friends. How was I to know the door was open--"
Hoopdriver began to suspect that his antagonist was, if possible, more seriously alarmed at the prospect of violence than himself, and his spirits rose again. These chaps ought to have a thorough lesson. "Of COURSE you knew the door was open," he retorted indignantly. "Of COURSE you thought we should hear what you said. Don"t go telling lies about it. It"s no good your saying things like that. You"ve had your fun, and you meant to have your fun. And I mean to make an example of you, Sir."
"Ginger beer," said the little man with the beard, in a confidential tone to the velveteen jacket, "is regular up this "ot weather. Bustin"
its bottles it is everywhere."
"What"s the good of sc.r.a.pping about in a public-house?" said Charlie, appealing to the company. "A fair fight without interruptions, now, I WOULDN"T mind, if the gentleman"s so disposed."
Evidently the man was horribly afraid. Mr. Hoopdriver grew truculent.
"Where you like," said Mr. Hoopdriver, "jest wherever you like."
"You insulted the gent," said the man in velveteen.
"Don"t be a bloomin" funk, Charlie," said the man in gaiters. "Why, you got a stone of him, if you got an ounce."
"What I say, is this," said the gentleman with the excessive chins, trying to get a hearing by banging his chair arms. "If Charlie goes saying things, he ought to back "em up. That"s what I say. I don"t mind his sayin" such things "t all, but he ought to be prepared to back "em up."
"I"ll BACK "em up all right," said Charlie, with extremely bitter emphasis on "back." "If the gentleman likes to come Toosday week--"
"Rot!" chopped in Hoopdriver. "Now."
""Ear, "ear," said the owner of the chins.
"Never put off till to-morrow, Charlie, what you can do to-day," said the man in the velveteen coat.
"You got to do it, Charlie," said the man in gaiters. "It"s no good."
"It"s like this," said Charlie, appealing to everyone except Hoopdriver.
"Here"s me, got to take in her ladyship"s dinner to-morrow night. How should I look with a black eye? And going round with the carriage with a split lip?"
"If you don"t want your face sp"iled, Charlie, why don"t you keep your mouth shut?" said the person in gaiters.
"Exactly," said Mr. Hoopdriver, driving it home with great fierceness.
"Why don"t you shut your ugly mouth?"
"It"s as much as my situation"s worth," protested Charlie.
"You should have thought of that before," said Hoopdriver.
"There"s no occasion to be so thunderin" "ot about it. I only meant the thing joking," said Charlie. "AS one gentleman to another, I"m very sorry if the gentleman"s annoyed--"
Everybody began to speak at once. Mr. Hoopdriver twirled his moustache.
He felt that Charlie"s recognition of his gentlemanliness was at any rate a redeeming feature. But it became his pose to ride hard and heavy over the routed foe. He shouted some insulting phrase over the tumult.