"My parents would"ve known," she said. "They would"ve known all along. They would"ve seen me and Ballard as babies. They would"ve seen me shift, and they never told me. They never said, "Hey, expect to grow hair in unusual places, when you turn twenty-three. And Gaven... Gaven! This explains absolutely everything."
"Actually... ," I said.
She looked at me, shaking her head. "What is it?" she said. Her eyes were sad again, almost as if she didn"t want to acknowledge what was coming.
"You do realize, Lia, that in a sense, I am Italian, even though I have a weird-sounding name, and used to be b.u.t.t white because of where I grew up in New England, don"t you? I was born here. Then Risky had Ballard contact me. Why? And why didn"t your parents say anything about it? If you were a baby," I said, "and popped, went from a cute and cuddly little thing to looking like a furball, and they didn"t freak and kill you" or, I thought to myself, give that child up for adoption, "then I think we have to a.s.sume that they expected it to happenwhich means Risky must"ve talked."
"Risky was my mother"s brother," said Lia, trying to figure out what that meant. "He probably, I dunno, let her down slowly. Told her about Ballard and me. Except Ballard"s different. It"s me. I"m the freak."
"Come off it, Lia. There"s nothing wrong with being a werewolf," I said. And then, because she looked like she was going to cry: "Or having been one. But the fact remains that they didn"t say anything. It speaks to a larger conspiracy. And that"s what I want to know about."
I had let my voice get out of control. Ballard looked up at me, but I ignored him.
"First things first, is this Wiccaning. Let"s get our Marks first. Then we"ll see," I said. "Can you see any more definition? Come on. Show me. I don"t think it knows what it wants to be yet," I said, looking at her Wiccan Mark. "Kind of like us."
Lia sniffled. "A witch who can"t conjure, and a werewolf who can"t shift," she said. "I"m practically useless."
"What about me? I don"t even know what I can do?"
Chapter 18 The Wiccaning.
Light filtered in through the slats in our door and the day of the Wiccaning was upon Lia and I. Something which had been bothering me had finally been worked out. It happened sometimes, my brain working independently from myself.
Becca had Seen.
I could finally take it to mean that St. Martley"s had put her and its other recent graduates through their own Wiccaning process. She hadn"t told me what that all meant. Probably on Mistress Genevieve"s orders. ("Halsey has certain things she has to figure out for herself...") In that moment, I was cool with it, I was cool with wiccaning, with being wiccaned.
If they wanted to break in, so be it.
I watched the swirling dust motes for a while, but no little impulse came to log it all in my diary. Today I was going to be getting some answers. Lia stirred. Since psychologically saying To h.e.l.l with itto h.e.l.l with them, Lia"s dream-time talking had all but dried up. Which was good, because we needed to be on our toes today, present, here.
I wondered if I would See. Then: if I would see the way they thought I should see, or the way Infester had seen me seeing, the way I saw when I saw the Wolf, or threw my mind and saw certain shadowy individuals, nebulous and out of reach.
Asher"s and Lia"s advice to Hide was more important than ever.
The heavy snores of the werewolves filled the atrium.
Lia, tousle-haired, and I, made our way to the Meadpalace in our robes; then, because that was empty, the Star Room. And there on the threshold were the other Initiates. Something curious happened. My b.u.t.terflies left me. I was b.u.t.terfly-free. The other Initiates, meanwhile, were not.
Only Lia and I looked as though we could care less.
I saw Vittoria spread her fingers with her off hand. She had long, pointed, crimson-painted fingernails. Her Spanish eyes caught mine staring at her. But her visible gulp meant that she was in something less than her usual form. Take that for a W!
The Wiccaning took all day. And as it was alphabetical, Halsey Andromeda Rookmaaker was called during the latter half of it.
n.o.body spoke. n.o.body needed to. It was clear what this was all about. Hiving and Houses.
I just wondered if it would be like Valentine"s Day, and some of us would be left holding cards, while others would not.
They weren"t that cruel, were they?
Something told me they were.
Vittoria was up; it was my turn next.
I looked where my Mark should be. There was still nothing there. Instead of feeling nervous, as I normally would have, or guilty, because it had not shown, a carefree serenity settled over my brow.
Maybe I was just a late bloomer.
It was a while before I was called. But, eventually, I was. They certainly had put Vittoria through her paces. Longer, in fact, than anyone else. And so I stood up, and wished Lia good luckShe was after me, you see?and went to meet my doom.
The Star Room looked somehow more ominous than I had ever seen it. Still my b.u.t.terflies would not flap. Even when I saw the Wiccan Elders, and who they were.
They consisted of the Mistresses of each of the three recognized Houses at the Gathering.
Veruschka Ravenseal, Mariska Coven, and Fanishwar Harcort. Lux was also in attendance, which meant that he was also going to be reading my mind ("...Just great," I thought); and, here was a surprise, Julius Pendderwenn; together with Maria Lenoir and her consort, I seemed to recall was named Pier Alexander. Asher stood next to them. His indifference was the first warning to put me on my guard. Gaven, of course, was also there. Although what good he would be, I had no idea. As were two twins, I had never seen before in my life. There was also one other. The mysterious gentleman I had seen at the party who always looked so surly, but whom, I realized now, was so serious-minded that indeed, he was the only one who looked like he hadn"t been talking to the rest. He sat in contemplation, his head bowed. But when I entered, he looked up at me, momentarily. His piercing blue eyes jabbed into my own softer, brown ones.
The committee or whatever. The judges" panel. They Who Sat In Judgement Of Me.
Everyone took their places. Instead of Gaven, who usually emceed, it was Maria Lenoir who headed up the proceedings. I could see her look at me, from the center of the group, with dark eyes.
They were gathered in a circle, the judges, with me inside it, and all of them in their finest robes; me in mine.
I looked up at the stands, but they had been darkened out. An unusual amount of twitters came from the stands. It was obvious the other Houses had sent their delegates. I didn"t know who they were yet, but one thing was sure. The numbers were there. The Initiates would be Chosen.
I didn"t know how I felt about that. Numb, perhaps. The waiting was over. I was up.
Veruschka started off. "Welcome... Miss Rookmaaker..." she said. She had to read my name off a piece of paper. I stood waiting while she wrote something down. Finally, she looked up at me, and then at the judges.
"It is my turn?" she said.
They nodded, and she turned to me. I couldn"t help it. I looked around at all of them. Were they all going to be "reading" me? I found Lux whose cheek colored slightly when I looked questioningly at him.
"Miss Rookmaaker?"
Veruschka Ravenseal had apparently finished shuffling her papers, and was calling me back to attention. I waited. Finally, she spoke. I repeat the event verbatim.
"Try and keep eye contact," she said.
I looked into her blue-haired face. "Into my eyes," she said. "There you go."
Close your mind, Halsey, I told myself.
Veruschka Ravenseal probedevery once in a while her reading of me was punctuated by the sounds of her scribbling in her notebook, but she never once broke eye contact with me. I could see her iridescent moonlight eyes widen and distend, the pupils grow larger. It felt like I was going to fall in to them.
"Don"t be alarmed," she said. "It is just you and me, just you and me. The others needn"t know." Somewhere I heard an intake of breath. "Do not look away, Halsey."
I redoubled my efforts, staring in to her, in to her eyes, which held me like a caress.
"I can see someone has been teaching you how to lock safe your reticent soul, but you needn"t fear me. In fact... let me see if I can... pry you open a bit... Now this won"t hurt..."
"No..."
I tried to resist, to break from her eye contact, but it was like we were locked; she was in my head. "I don"t want you to see!" It came from me like a gasp.
I could feel Veruschka Ravenseal rattling around in my mind with all of her skeleton keys and super-secret lock-picking devicesshe darted here and there into various corners of my brain. "And my, are you strong," she said. "Very good indeed. We"re almost over; then I"ll pa.s.s you off."
You mean, I have to go through this again?
I felt like I was on display; like one of those bodies being taken apart in an anatomy theater; the good doctor humbly taking a bow, cleansing his hands of my blood; my body open for all to see ("I wonder if he"ll wish to look inside," said Veruschka Ravenseal, "if he will even be able"). I felt voices, not all of them friendly, there on the outskirts of my vision. Gray mist ensconced us, as in a curtain of fog, Mistress Veruschka and myself battling one another. Lux warned me to empty my mind. Now I knew why. It was like a house that"s been shuttered, thrown wide open. All the locks ordinarily in place had been picked. The other Wiccans were waiting to come inside.
Veruschka held me, it felt like, within the palms of her handsyet, from some places, she would turn away.
"No, mustn"t go there, mustn"t go there, either..." she said, as she skirted about.
"Jackpot! Oh, that is good! Yes, indeed! Wonderful, wonderful!"
She made notes and winked at me, the move to draw me away, to distract me from someplace else she wished to penetrate.
"You have a very nice mind; quite good, in fact. It"s capable of great leaps. Still some places are underdeveloped. It"s not clear if you"ll ever be good there, for instance," she said, zooming in on one aspect of my nature, "but, all in all... yes, I"m quite satisfied. It"s like taking somebody"s car out for a test spin, don"t you think; a nice little two-door coupe. I like you, Halsey Rookmaaker, very much." She broke off.
I felt myself fall off-balance; I had to take a step to regain my equilibrium. Disconnecting from her was like electrocution. Veruschka Ravenseal scribbled in her notebook, and said she was finished, quite finished, indeed. Lux was next.
He held me in his eyes and I felt them open warm and inviting. The tenor of his mind was different than that of Veruschka Ravenseal. Where she sought to probe, and rifle into every closet, his was more laissez-faire. He came in and took a look around, politely inquired as to this or that, how I was holding up.
When I replied, it was like I was talking through my teeth. "I"m fine." My lips didn"t move very well.
"Ignore them, Halsey. They can"t hear us. You have some formidable minds coming up. I noticed Veruschka Ravenseal was a little rough with you."
"Is that what you call it? She"s grabby," I said.
"I can"t say that I blame her."
Lux smiled and the contact was broken.
"Good?" said Maria, raising her eyebrows to me.
"We"re good," said Lux. He settled back in his chair. I could see his encouragement like a palpable blanket enfold me.
"Then it"s my turn," said Maria Lenoir.
I looked at her like she was joking. Which was the absolute worst thing I could have done. "I thought" I said.
She didn"t need a psychic wereleopardor an invitation. Maria Lenoir invaded my mind. She was flipping through it. Her brazen marigold-colored eyes stared at me. "Ah! Miss Rookmaaker! At last, we meet!"
"You"re a witch?" I said. I couldn"t help it; I wanted to know more.
"How simple your mind works. I am eldest. Now... be quiet." Her pupils widened, sucking me in. "I want to penetrate through the lies to the real you."
"How old are you?" I said.
"I see you know my cousin, Lennox..." I could feel my heart rate spike. "I see you know him very well. At least, you think you do!"
Her voice continued.
"And running around with poor Professor Lux. Isn"t he an unfortunate one? But then, you don"t know anything about that, do you? And what is this? There"s something insatiable about you, Halsey Rookmaaker. I can see you have lots to learn. About us... About everything... Do you have feelings for a vampire?"
"Stop it," I said.
"Ah! You"re hiding something. Now, what is it? Ce n"est pas possible. They wouldn"t be so benign if they knew what dark powers I saw lurking here. Something happened to you. It"s here, plain as day. Something I have not seen in two centuries..." She rattled around. Her mind was absolutely filthy with death. "They"re afraid of you. What is it that you can do, Halsey Rookmaaker? Is that Camille, do I see?"
But I had finally had enough.
I ripped myself from Maria Lenoir.
Her deeply-hooded eyes looked back at me shrewdly. I blew the strand of hair out of my face, letting it fall between us. I was tired of looking at her.
"I"m done," said Maria Lenoir. Asher, I noticed, was smiling. Maria and Pier Alexander whispered to one another. Julius Pendderwenn looked like he was anxious to get started. Then this coldness... Like ice... I shut down completely. I turned, looking for who had done it. Who had been trying to break into my mind.
The silent wizard was staring at me. Without preamble, he leapt into my brain. I forced myself back, to no avail.
There was this silence about melike an aura. I realized it was what kept him from my stare. A dark nebulousness through which it was impossible to see him. But into me he could, and did, look....
I had come to the silent wizard"s mind only to find it locked shut, remote, inhospitable. Very hostile. He tossed my memories about. Before I even knew it he was gone. My synapses caught up with the rest of me. The silent aura had retreated shadow-like from my mind.
"That just leaves I Gatti," said Veruschka Ravenseal. "Gaven?" She indicated that the werewolves should go next.
"One moment, please! One moment!" said Mr. Pendderwenn. He held up his hands; I could see his Wiccan Mark. It had no style whatsoever.
"We said that we would let you watch, Julius," said Veruschka Ravenseal.
"Then I should be able to read her!" he said. The idea was repulsive to me; I promised myself not to allow it. I would expel him from the temple of my imagination. A temple, the others hadn"t had any real problems negotiating.
"Do not try my patience, Julius," said Veruschka. "The Sons and Daughters of Romulus must first have their turn! Asher?"
Gaven cleared his throat. "There is no need. Halsey is here with me. I know her."
"You mean you have already tried to indoctrinate her!" said Julius Pendderwenn angrily.
"Julius!" Veruschka Ravenseal stood up. "You are the House of Rome. But you have no right to talk in that way."