He was right. She knew this. But really, shed figured kids had knocked over the Dumpster and broken her table. That had been a good little table. Shed had it since she was a kid and moved it into the studio when she first bought the place from her old dance teacher Lesandre. Once she became business partners with Wren, and theyd moved in another desk along with two giant file cabinets, the table had had to go. So shed set it outside, a temporary fix.
Now it was gone forever. And like an idiot, she mourned the loss.
Stupid racc.o.o.ns. She kicked at the broken table but only managed to stub her toe since she was wearing flip-flops. She cried out, more in frustration than pain, p.i.s.sed that shed forget all sense in the presence of stupid Lane Gallagher, and she was tempted to shake her fists at the sky and say why.
Just before she rained her fists all over Lanes head, pummeling him senseless.
Clearly she had anger issues.
You okay?
His question, the concern in his voice, the way he looked at her, like he wanted to run both toward her and away from her, was the final straw.
No. No, Im not okay, Lane. Are you okay? Tell me the truth, because there has to be a reason why youve been avoiding me for the last week. She crossed her arms in front of her chest, ignoring the throbbing in her big toe.
The look on his face was nothing short of helpless, with a heaping dose of panic. This was the last conversation he wanted to have, she was sure of it.
Well, tough s.h.i.t.
Ive been"busy.
Bulls.h.i.t. She spit the word out so fiercely he took a step back, as if shed suddenly frightened him. Good. He should be frightened. Stop making excuses. Did you panic? Was it so good between us you got scared? Is that your problem? Are you afraid of us being over before we really began?
Im not afraid of anything.
Everyones afraid of something. Its okay, she added in a rush when he looked ready to protest. Being scared means youre human. Guess what? Im scared of you. Im scared of what I feel for you. How much power you hold and youre not even aware of it.
Lane frowned. What do you mean? I dont control you. He sounded offended.
I didnt say you controlled me, but you do have power over me. My feelings for you make up so much of who I am. The words left her in an almost whisper and the unfamiliar emotion she saw flash in his gaze made her knees wobble.
Its probably not healthy, you feeling like that. About me.
Her jaw dropped open. Are you saying Im crazy for loving you? Then call me crazy. Im tired of denying my feelings.
His eyes nearly bugged out of his head at her admission. Well, good. He needed to hear the truth. And if it rocked his world, then maybe thats what he needed.
Does the truth hurt, Lane? She was taunting him, which was rude, but she couldnt help herself.
He blew out a harsh breath and looked away from her, his gaze focusing on G.o.d knew what. d.a.m.n, he looked good in profile, the hot summer breeze ruffling through his dark hair. It had been too long since she set eyes on him and she took her time studying him.
He was too beautiful for words. And so frustrating she didnt know what to do with herself.
Looks like a fire, he said almost conversationally.
What? The rapid change of subject had her brain scrambling to keep up.
Up there on the ridge. He pointed and she followed the direction of his finger, focusing on a plume of smoke spiraling into the sky. It grew thicker as she watched, like a white round cloud in the distance. He grabbed hold of his radio and spoke into it, saying a few codes, asking about a fire and listening to dispatch relay the information back to him, his mouth tight, his gaze toward the mountain. I should go, he said once the dispatcher went quiet. Theres a fire.
Youre going to leave now? She threw her hands up into the air. Fine, so there was a fire. But wasnt that Cal Fires job? Are you serious?
Right after I told you I loved you?
She wanted to hit him.
Dee, Im on duty. The fire is already thirty acres and growing. The wind is blowing and the air is hot. Its prime fire weather. He strode toward her, grabbed her by the shoulders, and gave her a little shake. Im sorry, okay? Im an a.s.shole for avoiding you.
You totally were.
The faint smile curling his lips told her he appreciated her honesty. At least someone did. Im an a.s.shole for leaving you right now too.
I wont argue with you on that point.
It sounds like an excuse, but I really was busy. But I was also . . . freaking out. He winced.
She stared up at him, startled by his admission. What were you freaking out over?
He didnt answer her question. Ive missed you. Leaning in, he rested his forehead against hers. A lot.
Oh, G.o.d. All he had to do was say a few kind words, and she wanted to melt. She should resist, the thing she needed to do right at this very moment was resist, but he made it so difficult. I missed you too. More too-revealing words were on the tip of her tongue, and she pressed her lips together, knowing now was not the right time to continue confessing her true feelings.
Though hed stomped all over her heart by not admitting that he cared about her too. She didnt even need to hear the love word back. She just needed him to know it. She needed him to hear it.
Maybe he didnt hear that word enough.
I gotta go. He shifted away from her and she felt the loss. Felt the wide-open split of her heart that was just dying to be filled with anything and everything that had to do with Lane. But he still kept up those walls. Used those same old excuses.
She was growing weary, dealing with it"with him"all the time. But he was busy. He had a job to do. And she didnt want to freak him out further. He was already running scared. Admitting how she felt about him when he wasnt ready to hear it might send him packing for good.
The dread that filled her over revealing her exact feelings couldnt be stopped. She couldnt take those words back either. Not that he had even acknowledged them.
A sharp pain pierced her chest and she took a deep breath. Lane, I dont kn"
Listen. I dont want to leave you like this, but I" He shook his head once before he slipped his hand beneath her chin and tilted her face up. I have to go.
She nodded, though she wanted to beg him to stay. And begging so wasnt her thing. This is what hed reduced her to"a beggar. Of course you do.
Her cool tone did not go unnoticed. He watched her carefully. Its like this a lot with me. Having to leave all the time. The job comes first.
Oh, that just infuriated her. I hope you and your job have a wonderful life then, she practically spit out. Im sure you and your job will have a lovely marriage. I can only imagine how fulfilled youll be when you go to bed alone every single night for the rest of your life. Lonely and sad but always with that beloved job.
He flinched, taking a step back. What the h.e.l.ls got you so mad?
You! The word shot out of her lips like a bullet. And she wouldnt doubt shed made a direct hit, what with the wounded look on Lanes face. You make me insane. And I dont mean that in a nice way. More like a cruel-and-unusual-punishment-type way. You play tug-of-war with my heart constantly. You screw with my head, you mess with my emotions, and I cant take it. You want me, you dont want me. You kiss me, you f.u.c.k me, and then you shove me away like I have a disease. She hesitated, unsure if she should say it or not. Screw it. I dont know if I can keep going on like this.
Are you saying this is it? That were through? Why in the world did he sound almost . . . hopeful? She should hate him forever for this.
But she couldnt. And there was more there than met the eye. Would that actually make you happy?
No, Lane finally said. He took too long to answer, yet only a few seconds had pa.s.sed. That there was still a slight hesitation on his part proved he wasnt ready. For her. For a relationship.
Maybe hed never be ready.
She was beyond ready. She wanted more. She wanted Lane. But she was done chasing. Done looking like a fool. I think it might.
If you really stand by that statement, you dont know anything about me, he said, sounding hurt.
Great. Welcome to the club.
Youre right. Im confused. I dont know whats going on in that head of yours, Lane. I dont think I ever have. You keep your secrets close to your chest. You dont allow anyone in, but why? Are you that scared of getting hurt? Or what? Of having a great time?
Life isnt just one big great time, Dee.
Life is what you make it, she pointed out. If youre miserable, its miserable. If youre happy, its . . . happy.
You make it sound so simple. His voice was small and he glanced toward the fire once more. The plume of smoke looked thicker already. s.h.i.t, Dee. I really have to go.
Go, Delilah told him and he met her gaze once more. Be careful.
Come back to me safely. Dont do anything crazy. Youre everything to me. I love you.
But she said none of those things. She didnt try to stop him. She didnt ask for a kiss or words of rea.s.surance. She didnt ask for him to text her later.
Instead, she gave him a little wave before he walked away, but he never even noticed. He was already gone, his radio crackling to life, his strides long as he headed for his car. She was already forgotten as he left her behind.
Left her alone.
Would this be her future if she tried to stick it out with Lane? Always coming in second to his job? G.o.d, she hoped not.
But she had the distinct feeling that was all shed ever get from him.
Chapter Seventeen.
LANE TRIED HIS best to stay focused on the task at hand but it was d.a.m.n hard. His mind kept wandering back to Delilah. Hed gotten the vandalism call with the familiar address and his first instinct had been to ignore it. She was making s.h.i.t up to force him to come see her. Hed felt it in his bones.
But the more hed thought about it, the more hed worried. What if someone really had vandalized her studio? What if some creeper was stalking her? Or wanted to rob her? She never locked that d.a.m.n front door, and that frustrated the h.e.l.l out of him. Why didnt she listen?
Hed broken down and rushed over to her studio, only to discover that her vandals were true bandits"in the form of pesky racc.o.o.ns. Shed looked so happy and p.i.s.sed to see him, so f.u.c.king gorgeous and s.e.xy in her bright pink tank top and black shorts"way too much skin on display. Just looking at her sent his pulse racing. Seeing her after going without for a solid week had just about brought him to his knees. She slayed him dead with just a look"that flash of anger in her gaze"the sound of her voice, the scent of her skin. Avoiding her hadnt worked as hed hoped. How could he believe hed get over her? He had it bad.
So f.u.c.king bad for her.
And he was helpless to stop it. h.e.l.l, for once in his life he didnt want to stop it. He hadnt realized how much he missed her until he saw her earlier. Panic had set in after she left his house last week. He didnt like how she always tried to sneak out. What did that mean? Was this just a casual thing for her? h.e.l.l, thats what hed claimed he wanted, what hed told himself he wanted.
But he wasnt being honest.
When it came to Delilah, he always wanted more. He just wasnt sure how to get it. How to ask for it. How to keep it.
Keep her.
Especially after everything she said. Deep down, he was terrified she was being honest. Would she give up on him? She should. Hed pushed her away so many times. Hed never played fair with Delilah. She deserved more.
But d.a.m.n it, so did he. Why the h.e.l.l did he always have to hide his feelings? Why couldnt he just open up to her?
He sat in his patrol car at the base of the road that led up to the ridge that was currently on fire, blocking all incoming traffic until someone came to relieve him when his shift was over. Residents who had houses on the ridge had been mostly evacuated as the fire had grown to fifty acres in an alarmingly short time. The flames were aided by the fast-blowing wind, the low humidity in the air, and the afternoons high temperatures. If the fire crews couldnt get a good handle on this fire quickly, it could get out of hand.
And that was the last thing they needed.
The land and surrounding vegetation were dry. There were a lot of dead trees mixed in with the live ones on the mountain ridge. Which meant plenty of fuel to keep the fire going for a long time. Everyone had been nervous last fire season because of drought conditions. This year was even worse. The mountains that surrounded Wildwood could go up in flames and smoke very easily.
Lane didnt really like entertaining that thought. No Wildwood resident did.
Holdens engine was at the fire; hed seen it come through earlier. West was off duty but had texted Lane that he might end up coming in and covering at his station if necessary. Lane had called for a.s.sistance and had one deputy keeping watch in town while another was patrolling the area, looking for anything suspicious. The word arson hadnt been uttered yet but Lane wasnt going to let his guard down. Better to be cautious and on alert.
Thats why he was the one who was sitting here, blocking the road. The theory was that arsonists loved to return to the scene of the crime to watch their fire grow. The only way in and out was Ridge Point Road. Theyd have no choice but to pa.s.s his patrol car.
A red Cal Fire SUV pulled up alongside his car, and the drivers side window rolled down to reveal Josh, the arson investigator. Josh scowled at him, and Lane scowled back, finally rolling down his window when the guy didnt seem in any hurry to move.
What are you doing here? Josh asked.
Keeping the citizens of Wildwood safe, Lane retorted. What are you doing here? If the investigator was here then something was definitely up.
Thought Id check this one out. Fairly certain it wasnt started by your resident arsonist, but better safe than sorry, you know?
Lane did know. And he sort of hated that they were on the same page. How did the fire start?
Not sure yet. Ive heard a few stories. Nothing concrete. The a.s.shole smirked, clearly getting a thrill out of telling Lane squat. Guess Ill talk to you later. Josh rolled up his window and took off up the road.
Lane muttered a few choice words under his breath, shaking his head. He didnt like that guy. Worse, he didnt trust him either and he was pretty sure the feeling was mutual. Lane wanted to help and the guy refused him every chance he got.
It sucked.
Frustration had been the name of the game so far this summer. He had been frustrated with his brother coming back home, though now he was glad to have West around. Hed also been frustrated with his feelings for Delilah, frustrated with his mother, his father . . . The only thing that didnt drive him bats.h.i.t crazy was his job.
And if he was being truthful with himself, Delilah didnt drive him crazy either. Well, she did, but not in a bad way. He needed to be honest with her, but that was easier said than done. Besides, he wasnt sure how he could make it right between them again. Maybe he didnt need to tell her with words how much she meant to him. He could show her just how much he needed her . . .
d.a.m.n it, he should just tell her. He cared about her. He"he loved her. He was in love with her. Had been in love with her far longer than hed ever care to admit.
But what if she turned him away? What would he do then?
His phone rang and he glanced at the screen, surprised to see it was Wren calling. Whats up? he answered.
Where are you?