Ellen
I love you with my all.
Your fingers, voice, eyes, I love with my entire body.
I don’t need my eyes anymore.
I don’t even need my legs.
I can just see with your eyes.
I can just run with your legs.
So please, give it to me.
All of you, to me.
1
The moment that “spell” was used, the entire forest was shrouded in darkness.
A powerful wind blew, and birds took off in surprise.
Sleeping beasts woke up with a start, looking around cautiously in all directions. Because they didn’t know where the air of unrest was coming from.
Among them, only one, a child, with eyes like gla.s.s, faced the correct direction.
The wise beast child knew.
That this forest was under someone’s control. An ent.i.ty in a realm far above even the brown bear. That it observed this great forest, and intervened. And that they beasts were little more than toys in that ent.i.ty’s palm.
The child saw the red roofed house - the house where the witch lived.
That was the place from which this unrest came.
Now, some sort of change was occurring with the master of the forest.
A great, unprecedented change.
It knew not what it was. Perhaps this had something to do with the life of the master.
In fact, for that reason, there was no grief. Even if the master died, they beasts would simply go on living in the forest.
The beast child’s mother saw her unlucky child and sharply howled.
That was when it happened.
A lightning-like flash of light spread through the entire forest.
Only for a moment. Only for a moment did the white light take vision from the beasts, then promptly was gone. And with it also left the black fog of unease.
The forest regained its afternoon brightness as if nothing had happened.
The birds and beasts were relieved, and began to move.
…But the beast child did not.
A calm wind blew through the forest. It was somehow different from that which had always blown; it seemed to carry a sorrowful tone.
The beast child felt it with its eyes and ears, its entire body. But it was meaningless, as it had no way to express the emotion.
Again, its mother howled.
The child followed its mother, vanishing into the trees.
Had the beast child the means to express itself, perhaps this is what it would have said.
Now, one tragedy has ended - and another begun.
2
The white light filled my head.
As the light gradually faded…
…I slowly opened my eyes.
I heard the wind rustling the leaves of the trees.
It was very calming.
And I didn’t think so because this was a house deep in the forest.
There was no longer a noisy ringing deep in my ears.
There was no longer a headache a.s.saulting my temples.
It was completely silent.
I heard only the breathing and pulse of my body.
I could see.
That alone told me it was not my body.
I was still sitting in the chair, fallen over the bed.
I moved my eyes around to look at my body.
There were no bandages on my hands. I could delicately move even my fingertips. My legs were both there. Touching the ground. There were not bandages around my feet, but leather shoes.
I slowly got myself up, and a golden braid swayed at my shoulders.
…Unmistakably, it was Viola’s body.
The spell had worked.
I could tell my cheeks were heating up. I held them with both hands and yelled.
“Aah…! Wow…! Thank you! Thank you, Viola! Look, look at me! I’m in your body!”
I looked at the girl lying down.
Lying on the bed, I - Viola, rather, was still unconscious.
Bandages were wrapped around both eyes. The pale lips opened slightly, taking shallow breaths. The long purple hair lay strewn across the bed. One of the little hands reached toward me.
The hand I’d been holding hers with a moment ago.
I could still feel the sensation in my hand.
Reacting to my voice, Viola’s eyebrows moved slightly. Finally regaining consciousness, a moan came out of her mouth.
“Ugh… ahh…”
“Viola!”
Viola turned her head toward the source of my voice. Then her face cruelly warped itself into an attempt at a smile.
Suddenly, she held her forehead like she’d been punched, and began to scream.
“Aaaaah! - G-GAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!”
“Hey, hey, Viola! Look! Look, it’s me! I’m in your body, Viola! Wow, this is great. It feels so light being in a body that doesn’t hurt.”
I stood up from the chair and spun around, making the skirt flutter.
“Aaagh… hah… hh…”
“Oh, sorry. You can’t see, can you?”
I softly touched Viola’s forehead. My hand was rudely pushed away.
She couldn’t properly respond to the pain of the body. She pushed the hand away so weakly, it was like being brushed by an angel’s feather.
“…Ah!”
As if only just realizing, I put a hand to my mouth and gasped. I whispered in concern.
“…Viola, does it hurt? Ohh, I bet it does. Sorry, just wait, okay? I’ll get you some medicine to stop the pain.”
“…P-plea… se…”, Viola said as if about to cry, catching her breath.
Looking at her, I went to the cupboard. I opened the drawer and quickly found the medicine. But I purposefully took my time rummaging around.
Viola gripped the sheets, desperately trying to endure the pain. Ahh, it was so comical, so darling.
Soon, I heard a hasty rustling of clothes.
“E-Ellen, m… m-my legs…”
“Hm? What’s that?”
“Ah…”
When I pretended not to hear, Viola swallowed and asked nothing more.
What happened to my legs? Boy. Did she only just notice they were gone?
How stupid was she?
After taking enough of my sweet time, I grabbed the medicine and returned to the bedside table.
I filled the cup with water from a pitcher.
The sound of pouring water seemed to alleviate just a fraction of Viola’s tension.
Then I dropped a grain of the candy-like medicine in the cup. It dissolved in an instant.
The water remained the same clear color.
But this medicine wouldn’t stop the pain.
“Here you go, Viola. You’ll feel better if you drink this.”
I handed her the cup, gently putting her hands around it.
Viola thanked me, and drank the medicine all at once.
I heard her throat gulp. Just a moment later, the cup danced into the air.
The moment the contents spilled out onto the floor -
“Ahahahahahahhahhah!! You drank it! You drank it! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!”
I yelled, as if unable to hold in my laughter.
Viola stuck our her tongue and held her throat with both hands. She trembled and panted in a hoa.r.s.e voice.
She didn’t seem to understand what happened. Blood spilled out from the gaps in the bandages around her eyes.
After laughing a while, I wiped away the blood and spoke.
“…Ahahah. You see, that was a throat-burning medicine.”
Viola faced me with her whole body.
Why?, she seemed to ask.
So I answered.
“…Don’t you see? I don’t want to hear my own screams.”
“… …”
Viola still desperately held her throat.
She had stopped wanting to scream and gotten quiet, but her breathing was rough.
Like a wild animal’s.
I looked at Viola somewhat coldly.
“Does it hurt? …Hey, does it hurt? All over, right? That’s how my body’s always felt. Didn’t you know?”
“… … … …”
“Oh, but I guess I don’t know the pain in your throat now. Ah, but that’s right. Since your throat hurts so much, you can forget the pain of the sickness, can’t you? Just for a little while, but it will stop that pain… heh. Hahahaha.”
I laughed like I’d just thought of a funny joke.
She faintly trembled. Soon, she started to struggle. I figure that was all she could do to distract from the pain.
Because of her struggling, blood began to pour from the stumps of her legs. Oh, my. The bed was stained with a sea of blood in no time.
Her body, only an upper half, tumbled out of bed onto the floor.
I backed away at once.
This clean skirt being stained with blood would be no good, no good at all.
The thing at my feet gripped the floor with both hands, seemingly desperate to retain consciousness.
A miserable whistling breath repeated. She didn’t even seem to know where I was.
“What a strange creature,” I thought of the thing that had once been my body.
Her nose bled, perhaps. .h.i.t when she fell to the floor.
Viola frantically tried to push some words out of her ruined throat.
Hearing her repeat the same thing over and over, I cautiously listened.
“Gi… i… … ba…”
…Give it back.
Perhaps that was what she was saying.
When I heard it, my eyebrows raised.
I felt like I’d long been awaiting those words.
Like I’d wanted to hear them for so long.
Becoming ill-tempered, I asked.
“…Give it back? Weren’t you going to lend it to me for a day?”
Viola’s body hardened at once, and she shook her head. Firmly so. Like she was apologizing from the bottom of her heart.
I put my hands on my hips.
Viola crawled toward my feet.
Tilting my head only slightly, furrowing my brows, I looked down at her. Or perhaps looking down on her was more accurate.
“No way. I promised it’d just be a day. …Could it be you were lying?”
I knew she hadn’t lied.
But I made sure to ask.
Viola clenched her teeth, and I heard them grind. Drool came between the gaps, mixing with the b.l.o.o.d.y nose. Her b.l.o.o.d.y tears stained the bandages red.
“Ha.”
A laugh came out at that idiotic face.
I held my skirt and squatted down. With a gentle hand, I brushed aside the hair over her ear. I put my lips close.
And to make my sorrow at being betrayed clear, I slowly and carefully spoke in a whisper.
“…You’re awful, Viola. If that’s how it’ll be, then I won’t give it back. …I’ll borrow this body forever.”
Viola’s body stiffened. The air stilled, and I could tell the sense of crisis that her trembling body said she felt.
But now?
…It was too late.
I laughed. Laughter welled up in me. It couldn’t be stopped. Ahh, that’s no good. Viola wouldn’t laugh like this. I held my cheeks and stood up.
“If it was that important to you, you shouldn’t have given it up so easily!! AHAHA HAHA HA HA HA, HAHA, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, HEEEEEHEE, HEE HEE HEE HEE, AHAHAAA, HEEHEE, HAHAHAHAAA!”
Viola raised a scream she couldn’t voice and reached a hand for me.
I easily leapt out of the way; the painless body was as light as a feather.
Her hand forcefully b.u.mped into the chair, knocking it over.
In so doing, the bandages over her eyes fell away.
The black, gouged eyes opened wide.
Those eyes. Their total blackness. They were a symbol of despair.
If a person who knew nothing saw those eyes, they might be unable to move from terror. They might imagine their soul being sucked into those open black voids.
But I felt no such thing within me.
They were just eyesockets.
I fled the room, laughing.
I ran like the wind down the hallway.
The rose vases I pa.s.sed were dropping red petals.
I ran down the wooden stairs.
There was no sound in the quiet house but my pleasant footsteps and lively breaths.
I ran. I could run.
Run on my own legs.
This body was no illusion. My legs stepped on the floor. My hands pushed open the doors. My shoulders cut through the wind. My hair swayed. My eyes took in the light. It was all real, and all mine.
I pa.s.sed through the kitchen, the dining room, all the familiar rooms, and reached the entryway in no time.
I softly put my hand to the front door.
With a slight pause, I pushed it wide open.
…In a moment.
The wind blew, lifting up my hair and skirt.
The smell of gra.s.s pierced into the back of my nose.
The red rose garden came into my eyes.
My children, which I had before only gazed at from inside.
As if drawn by the powerful colors, I took one step outside.
Perhaps I should have hesitated to take that step.
The moment my foot stepped onto the ground, I remembered.
I remembered my body, for as soon as I went outside the house, the magic would fade, and it would crumble.
But I wonder…
I stood with both feet on the ground.
There was no impact like being punched in the head. No heat like my skin was melting. The body of this human named Viola was separate from the house, existed apart from it.
The backs of my eyes warmed.
Tears which accompanied no pain fell down my cheeks.
The roses sparkled in the light of the sun, and I felt they applauded me.
Come to think of it, when I came to the house, I heard applause as well.
Then, it was welcoming applause. Celebrating that I had become a witch. And now, it was farewell.
My eyelids closed, and I saw memories that remained with this body.
I knew everything. How I had love in my future, in both directions. What lied ahead for this body. I knew it in an instant. And it was mine. …This beloved body.
I held my shoulders as if hugging myself. I wanted to kiss myself. I did so on my left shoulder.
I heard birds taking off and looked up.
I squinted at the strong sunlight.
I didn’t know what the birds were saying anymore.
I laughed, and ran as if chasing the birds in flight.
A happy wind blew at my back.
Running, running. I left the garden surrounded by roses.
…I could see my diary.
I had no magic left. I should have just been a normal human now. But I could see my room clearly.
My diary was upon on the desk. The feather pen smoothly wrote words on its own.
The final entry in my diary.
My final words.
I didn’t X her.
Because she saved me
from my sickness.
So I made her my “friend.”
In the end,
she saved me.
She switched bodies with me.
Because she was so kind.
Because she wouldn’t betray me.
Poor her.
Poor her.
She saved me.
Saved me from my sickness.
I’m sorry, okay? Thank you, Viola.
I’ll live your share.
I’ll give your share of love to your father.
So please, forgive me.