LADY K.--We see a number of things, Clarence. Will you drive with me?
K.--Not as I knows on, thank you. No, Ma; drivin"s TOO slow: and you"re goin" to call on two or three old dowagers in the Park? Thank your ladyship for the delightful offer.
Enter JOHN.
JOHN.--Please, sir, here"s the man with the bill for the boats; two pound three.
K.--d.a.m.n it, pay it--don"t bother ME!
JOHN.--Haven"t got the money, sir.
LADY K.--Howell! I saw Mr. Milliken give you a cheque for twenty-five pounds before he went into town this morning. Look sir [runs, opens drawer, takes out cheque-book]. There it is, marked, "Howell, 25L."
JOHN.--Would your ladyship like to step down into my pantry and see what I"ve paid with the twenty-five pounds? Did my master leave any orders that your ladyship was to inspect my accounts?
LADY K.--Step down into the pantry! inspect your accounts? I never heard such impertinence. What do you mean, sir?
K.--Dammy, sir, what do you mean?
JOHN.--I thought as her ladyship kept a heye over my master"s private book, she might like to look at mine too.
LADY K.--Upon my word, this insolence is too much.
JOHN.--I beg your ladyship"s pardon. I am sure I have said nothing.
K.--Said, sir! your manner is mutinous, by Jove, sir! if I had you in the regiment!--
JOHN.--I understood that you had left the regiment, sir, just before it went on the campaign, sir.
K.--Confound you, sir! [Starts up.]
LADY K.--Clarence, my child, my child!
JOHN.--Your ladyship needn"t be alarmed; I"m a little man, my lady, but I don"t think Mr. Clarence was a-goin" for to hit me, my lady; not before a lady, I"m sure. I suppose, sir, that you WON"T pay the boatman?
K.--No, sir, I won"t pay him, nor any man who uses this sort of d.a.m.ned impertinence!
JOHN.--I told Rullocks, sir, I thought it was JEST possible you wouldn"t. [Exit.]
K.--That"s a nice man, that is--an impudent villain!
LADY K.--Ruined by Horace"s weakness. He ruins everybody, poor good-natured Horace!
K.--Why don"t you get rid of the blackguard?
LADY K.--There is a time for all things, my dear. This man is very convenient to Horace. Mr. Milliken is exceedingly lazy, and Howell spares him a great deal of trouble. Some day or other I shall take all this domestic trouble off his hands. But not yet: your poor brother-in-law is restive, like many weak men. He is subjected to other influences: his odious mother thwarts me a great deal.
K.--Why, you used to be the dearest friends in the world. I recollect when I was at Eton--
LADY K.--Were; but friendship don"t last for ever. Mrs. Bonnington and I have had serious differences since I came to live here: she has a natural jealousy, perhaps, at my superintending her son"s affairs. When she ceases to visit at the house, as she very possibly will, things will go more easily; and Mr. Howell will go too, you may depend upon it. I am always sorry when my temper breaks out, as it will sometimes.
K.--Won"t it, that"s all!
LADY K.--At his insolence, my temper is high; so is yours, my dear. Calm it for the present, especially as regards Howell.
K.--Gad! d"you know I was very nearly pitching into him? But once, one night in the Haymarket, at a lobster-shop, where I was with some fellows, we chaffed some other fellows, and there was one fellah--quite a little fellah--and I pitched into him, and he gave me the most confounded lickin" I ever had in my life, since my brother Kicklebury licked me when we were at Eton; and that, you see, was a lesson to me, ma"am. Never trust those little fellows, never chaff "em: dammy, they may be boxers.
LADY K.--You quarrelsome boy! I remember you coming home with your naughty head SO bruised. [Looks at watch.] I must go now to take my drive. [Exit LADY K.]
K.--I owe a doose of a tick at that billiard-room; I shall have that boatman dunnin" me. Why hasn"t Milliken got any horses to ride? Hang him! suppose he can"t ride--suppose he"s a tailor. He ain"t MY tailor, though, though I owe him a doosid deal of money. There goes mamma with that darling nephew and niece of mine. [Enter BULKELEY]. Why haven"t you gone with my lady, you, sir? [to Bulkeley.]
BULKELEY.--My lady have a-took the pony-carriage, sir; Mrs. Bonnington have a-took the hopen carriage and "orses, sir, this mornin", which the Bishop of London is "olding a confirmation at Teddington, sir, and Mr.
Bonnington is attending the serimony. And I have told Mr. "Owell, sir, that my lady would prefer the hopen carriage, sir, which I like the hexercise myself, sir, and that the pony-carriage was good enough for Mrs. Bonnington, sir; and Mr. "Owell was very hinsolent to me, sir; and I don"t think I can stay in the "ouse with him.
K.--Hold your jaw, sir.
BULKELEY.--Yes, sir. [Exit BULKELEY.]
K.--I wonder who that governess is?--sang rather prettily last night--wish she"d come and sing now--wish she"d come and amuse me--I"ve seen her face before--where have I seen her face?--it ain"t at all a bad one. What shall I do? dammy, I"ll read a book: I"ve not read a book this ever so long. What"s here? [looks amongst books, selects one, sinks down in easy-chair so as quite to be lost.]
Enter Miss PRIOR.
MISS PRIOR.--There"s peace in the house! those noisy children are away with their grandmamma. The weather is beautiful, and I hope they will take a long drive. Now I can have a quiet half-hour, and finish that dear pretty "Ruth"--oh, how it makes me cry, that pretty story.
[Lays down her bonnet on table--goes to gla.s.s--takes off cap and spectacles--arranges her hair--Clarence has got on chair looking at her.]
K.--By Jove! I know who it is now! Remember her as well as possible.
Four years ago, when little Foxbury used to dance in the ballet over the water. DON"T I remember her! She boxed my ears behind the scenes, by jingo. [Coming forward]. Miss Pemberton! Star of the ballet! Light of the harem! Don"t you remember the grand Oriental ballet of the "Bulbul and the Peri?"
MISS P.--Oh! [screams.] No, n--no, sir. You are mistaken: my name is Prior. I--never was at the "Coburg Theatre." I--
K. [seizing her hand].--No, you don"t, though! What! don"t you remember well that little hand slapping this face? which nature hadn"t then adorned with whiskers, by gad! You pretend you have forgotten little Foxbury, whom Charley Calverley used to come after, and who used to drive to the "Coburg" every night in her brougham. How did you know it was the "Coburg?" That IS a good one! HAD you there, I think.
MISS P.--Sir, in the name of heaven, pity me! I have to keep my mother and my sisters and my brothers. When--when you saw me, we were in great poverty; and almost all the wretched earnings I made at that time were given to my poor father then lying in the Queen"s Bench hard by. You know there was nothing against my character--you know there was not. Ask Captain Touchit whether I was not a good girl. It was he who brought me to this house.
K.--Touchit! the old villain!
MISS P.--I had your sister"s confidence. I tended her abroad on her death-bed. I have brought up your nephew and niece. Ask any one if I have not been honest? As a man, as a gentleman, I entreat you to keep my secret! I implore you for the sake of my poor mother and her children!
[kneeling.]
K.--By Jove! how handsome you are! How crying becomes your eyes! Get up; get up. Of course I"ll keep your secret, but--
MISS P.--Ah! ah! [She screams as he tries to embrace her. HOWELL rushes in.]
HOWELL.--Hands off, you little villain! Stir a step and I"ll kill you, if you were a regiment of captains! What! insult this lady who kept watch at your sister"s death-bed and has took charge of her children!
Don"t be frightened, Miss Prior. Julia--dear, dear Julia--I"m by you.
If the scoundrel touches you, I"ll kill him. I--I love you--there--it"s here--love you madly--with all my "art--my a-heart!
MISS P.--Howell--for heaven"s sake, Howell!