GEORGE.--He! he! he! he! [Grins at her.]
MILLIKEN.--Hush, children! Here, Arabella darling, here is a book for you. Look--aren"t they pretty pictures?
ARABELLA.--Is it a story, Papa? I don"t care for stories in general.
I like something instructive and serious. Grandmamma Bonnington and grandpapa say--
GEORGE.--He"s NOT your grandpapa.
ARABELLA.--He IS my grandpapa.
GEORGE.--Oh, you great story! Look! look! there"s a cab. [Runs out.
The head of a Hansom cab is seen over the garden-gate. Bell rings. Page comes. Altercation between Cabman and Captain TOUCHIT appears to go on, during which]
MILLIKEN.--Come and kiss your old father, Arabella. He"s hungry for kisses.
ARABELLA.--Don"t. I want to go and look at the cab; and to tell Captain Touchit that he mustn"t use naughty words. [Runs towards garden. Page is seen carrying a carpet-bag.]
Enter TOUCHIT through the open window smoking a cigar.
TOUCHIT.--How d"ye do, Milliken? How are tallows, hey, my n.o.ble merchant? I have brought my bag, and intend to sleep--
GEORGE.--I say, G.o.dpapa--
TOUCHIT.--Well, G.o.dson!
GEORGE.--Give us a cigar!
TOUCHIT.--Oh, you enfant terrible!
MILLIKEN [wheezily].--Ah--ahem--George Touchit! you wouldn"t mind--a--smoking that cigar in the garden, would you? Ah--ah!
TOUCHIT.--Hullo! What"s in the wind now? You used to be a most inveterate smoker, Horace.
MILLIKEN.--The fact is--my mother-in-law--Lady Kicklebury--doesn"t like it, and while she"s with us, you know--
TOUCHIT.--Of course, of course [throws away cigar]. I beg her ladyship"s pardon. I remember when you were courting her daughter she used not to mind it.
MILLIKEN.--Don"t--don"t allude to those times. [He looks up at his wife"s picture.]
GEORGE.--My mamma was a Kicklebury. The Kickleburys are the oldest family in all the world. My name is George Kicklebury Milliken, of Pigeoncot, Hants; the Grove, Richmond, Surrey; and Portland Place, London, Esquire--my name is.
TOUCHIT.--You have forgotten Billiter Street, hemp and tallow merchant.
GEORGE.--Oh, bother! I don"t care about that. I shall leave that when I"m a man: when I"m a man and come into my property.
MILLIKEN.--You come into your property?
GEORGE.--I shall, you know, when you"re dead, Papa. I shall have this house, and Pigeoncot; and the house in town--no, I don"t mind about the house in town--and I shan"t let Bella live with me--no, I won"t.
BELLA.--No; I won"t live with YOU. And I"LL have Pigeoncot.
GEORGE.--You shan"t have Pigeoncot. I"ll have it: and the ponies: and I won"t let you ride them--and the dogs, and you shan"t have even a puppy to play with and the dairy and won"t I have as much cream as I like--that"s all!
TOUCHIT.--What a darling boy! Your children are brought up beautifully, Milliken. It"s quite delightful to see them together.
GEORGE.--And I shall sink the name of Milliken, I shall.
MILLIKEN.--Sink the name? why, George?
GEORGE.--Because the Millikens are n.o.bodies--grandmamma says they are n.o.bodies. The Kickleburys are gentlemen, and came over with William the Conqueror.
BELLA.--I know when that was. One thousand one hundred and one thousand one hundred and onety-one!
GEORGE.--Bother when they came over! But I know this, when I come into the property I shall sink the name of Milliken.
MILLIKEN.--So you are ashamed of your father"s name, are you, George, my boy?
GEORGE.--Ashamed! No, I ain"t ashamed. Only Kicklebury is sweller. I know it is. Grandmamma says so.
BELLA.--MY grandmamma does not say so. MY dear grandmamma says that family pride is sinful, and all belongs to this wicked world; and that in a very few years what our names are will not matter.
GEORGE.--Yes, she says so because her father kept a shop; and so did Pa"s father keep a sort of shop--only Pa"s a gentleman now.
TOUCHIT.--Darling child! How I wish I were married! If I had such a dear boy as you, George, do you know what I would give him?
GEORGE [quite pleased].--What would you give him, G.o.d-papa?
TOUCHIT.--I would give him as sound a flogging as ever boy had, my darling. I would whip this nonsense out of him. I would send him to school, where I would pray that he might be well thrashed: and if when he came home he was still ashamed of his father, I would put him apprentice to a chimney-sweep--that"s what I would do.
GEORGE.--I"m glad you"re not my father, that"s all.
BELLA.--And I"M glad you"re not my father, because you are a wicked man!
MILLIKEN.--Arabella!
BELLA.--Grandmamma says so. He is a worldly man, and the world is wicked. And he goes to the play: and he smokes, and he says--
TOUCHIT.--Bella, what do I say?
BELLA.--Oh, something dreadful! You know you do! I heard you say it to the cabman.
TOUCHIT.--So I did, so I did! He asked me fifteen shillings from Piccadilly, and I told him to go to--to somebody whose name begins with a D.
CHILDREN.--Here"s another carriage pa.s.sing.
BELLA.--The Lady Rumble"s carriage.
GEORGE.--No, it ain"t: it"s Captain Boxer"s carriage [they run into the garden].