So perhaps, after all, Robin"s mistakes had been for the good of all of them. Mistake was, indeed, a slight word for what he had done, and, thinking of it even now, Harry"s anger rose.
And she had been a nice girl, too, and a plucky one.
He had answered her:--
"MY DEAR MISS FEVEREL--I was extremely pleased to get your letter. It is very good of you to speak as you have done about myself, but I a.s.sure you that what I did was of the smallest importance. It was because you had pluck yourself that you pulled through. You are quite right to fling away sentiment. I came back to England three weeks ago longing to call every man my brother. I thought that by a mere smile, a bending of the finger, the world was my friend for life. I soon found my mistake. Friendship is a very slow and gradual affair, and I distrust the mushroom growth profoundly. Life isn"t easy in that kind of way; you and I have found that out together.
"I wish you every success in your new life; I have no doubt whatever that you will get on, and I hope that you will let me hear sometimes from you.
"Things have been happening quickly during the last few days. My father died this morning; he was himself glad to go, but I shall miss him terribly--he has been a most splendid friend to me during these weeks. Then I know that you will be interested to hear that I am engaged to Miss Bethel--you know her, do you not? I hope and believe that we shall be very happy.
"As to Robin, he has, as you say, been having a bad time. To do him justice it has not been only the fear of the letters that has hung over him--he has also discovered a good many things about himself that have hurt and surprised him.
"Well, good-bye--I am sure that you will look back on the Robin episode with grat.i.tude. It has done a great deal for all of us. Good luck to you!--Always your friend,
HENRY TROJAN."
He turned on the lights in his room and tried to read, but he found that that was impossible. His eyes wandered off the page and he listened: he caught himself again and again straining his ears for a sound. He pictured the coming of steps up the stairs and then sharp and loud along the pa.s.sage--then a pause and a knock on his door.
Often he fancied that he heard it, but it was only fancy and he turned away disappointed; but he was sure that Robin would come.
They had decided not to dine downstairs together on that evening--they were, all of them, overwrought and the situation was strained; they were wondering what he was going to do. There were, of course, a thousand things to be done, but he was glad that they had left him alone for that night at any rate. He wanted to be quiet.
He had written a letter of enormous length to Mary, explaining to her what had happened and telling her that he would come to her in the morning. It was very hard, even then, not to rush down to her, but he felt that he must keep that day at least sacred to his father.
Would Robin come? It was quarter to seven and that terrible sleep was beginning to overcome him again. The fire, the walls, the pictures, danced before his eyes ... the stories of the fishermen in the Cove came back to him ... the Four Stones and the man who had lost his way ... the red tiles and the black rafters of "The Bended Thumb" ... and then Mary"s beauty above it all. Mary on the moors with the wind blowing through her hair; Mary in the house with the firelight on her face, Mary ... and then he suddenly started up, wide awake, for he heard steps on the stair.
He knew them at once--he never doubted that they were Robin"s. The last two steps were taken slowly and with hesitation.
Then he hurried down the pa.s.sage as though he had suddenly made up his mind; then, again, there was a long pause before the door. At last came the knock, timidly, and then another loudly and almost violently.
Harry shouted "Come in," and Robin entered, his face pale and his hands twisting and untwisting.
"Ah, Robin--do you want anything? Come in--sit down. I"ve been asleep."
"Oh, I"m sorry, did I wake you up? No, thanks, I won"t sit down. I"ve got some things I want to say. I"d rather say them standing up."
There was a long pause. Harry said nothing and stared into the fire.
"I"ve got a good lot to say altogether." Robin cleared his throat.
"It"s rather hard. Perhaps this doesn"t seem quite the time--after grandfather--and--everything--but I couldn"t wait very well. I"ve been a bit uncomfortable."
"Out with it," said Harry. "This time will do excellently--there"s a pause just now, but to-morrow everything will begin again and there"s a terrible lot to do. What is it?"
Was it, he wondered, Robin"s fault or his own that there was that barrier so strangely defined between them even now? He could feel it there in the room with them now. He wondered whether Robin felt it as well.
"It is about what my aunt said to you this morning--and other things--other things right from the beginning, ever since you came back. I"m not much of a chap at talking, and probably I shan"t say what I mean, but I will try. I"ve been thinking about it all lately, but what made me come and speak to you was this morning--having to ask you a favour after being so rude to you. A chap doesn"t like doing that, and it made me think--besides there being other things."
"Oh, there"s no need to thank me about this morning," Harry said drily; "I shall be very pleased to do what I can."
"Oh, it isn"t that," Robin said quickly. "It isn"t about that somehow that I mind at all now; I have been worrying about it a good bit, but that isn"t what I want to speak about. I"ll go through with it--Breach of Promise--or whatever it is--if only you wouldn"t think me--well, quite an utter rotter."
"I wish," said Harry quietly, "that you would sit down. I"m sure that you would find it easier to talk."
Robin looked at him for a moment and then at the chair--then he sat down.
"You see, somehow grandfather"s dying has made things seem different to one--it has made one younger somehow. I used to think that I was really very old and knew a lot; but his death has shown me that I know nothing at all--really nothing. But there have been a lot of things all happening together--your coming back, that business with Dahlia--Miss Feverel, you know--a dressing down that I got from Miss Bethel the other evening, and then grandfather"s dying----"
He paused again and cleared his throat. He looked straight into the fire, and, every now and again, he gave a little choke and a gasp which showed that he was moved.
"A chap doesn"t like talking about himself," he went on at last; "no decent chap does; but unless I tell you everything from the beginning it will never be clear--I must tell you everything----"
"Please--I want to hear."
"Well, you see, before you came back, I suppose that I had really lots of side. I never used to think that I had, but I see now that what Mary said the other night was perfectly right--it wasn"t only that I "sided" about myself, but about my set and my people and everything.
And then you came back. You see we didn"t any of us very much think that we wanted you. To begin with, you weren"t exactly like my governor; not having seen you all my life I hadn"t thought much about you at all, and your letters were so unlike anything that I knew that I hadn"t believed them exactly. We were very happy as we were. I thought that I had everything I wanted. And then you didn"t do things as we did; you didn"t like the same books and pictures or anything, and I was angry because I thought that I must know about those things and I couldn"t understand you. And then you know you made things worse by trying to force my liking out of me, and chaps of my sort are awfully afraid of showing their feelings to any one, least of all to a man----"
Robin paused.
"Yes," said Harry, "I know."
"But all this isn"t an excuse really; I was a most awful cad, and there"s no getting away from it. But I think I began to see almost from the very beginning that I hadn"t any right to behave like that, but I was obstinate.
"And then I began to get in a fright about Miss Feverel. She wouldn"t give my letters back, although I went to her and Uncle Garrett and Aunt Clare--all of us--but it was no good--she meant to keep them and of course we knew why. And then, too, I saw at last that I"d behaved like an utter cad--it was funny I didn"t see it at the time. But I"d seen other chaps do the same sort of thing and the girls didn"t mind, and I"d thought that she ought to be jolly pleased at getting to know a Trojan--and all that sort of thing.
"But when I saw that she wasn"t going to give the letters back but meant to use them I was terribly frightened. It wasn"t myself so much, although I hated the idea of my friends knowing about it all and laughing at me--but it was the House too--my letting it down so.
"I"d been thinking about you a good bit already. You see you changed after Aunt Clare spoke to you that morning and I began to be rather afraid of you--and when a chap begins to be afraid of some one he begins to like him. I got Aunt Clare and Uncle Garrett to go and speak to Dahlia, and they couldn"t get anything out of her at all; so, then, I began to wonder whether you could do anything, and as soon as I began to wonder that I began to want to talk to you. But I never got much chance; you were always in grandfather"s room, and you didn"t give me much encouragement, did you? and then--I began to be awfully miserable.
I don"t want to whine--I deserved it all right enough--but I didn"t seem to have a friend anywhere and all my things that I"d believed in seemed to be worth nothing at all. Then I wanted to talk to you awfully, and when grandfather was worse and was dying I began to see things straight--and then I saw Mary and she told me right out what I was, and I saw it all as clear as daylight.
"And so; well, I"ve come--not to ask you to help me about Dahlia--but whether you"ll help me to play the game better. I wasn"t always slack and rotten like I am now. When I was in Germany I thought I was going to do all sorts of things ... but anyhow I can"t say exactly all that I mean. Only I"m awfully lonely and terribly ashamed; and I want you to forgive me for being so beastly to you----"
He looked wretched enough as he sat there facing the fire with his lip quivering. He made a strong effort to control himself, but in a moment he had broken down altogether and hid his head in the arm of the chair, sobbing as if his heart would break.
Harry waited. The moment for which he had longed so pa.s.sionately had come at last; all those weary weeks had now received their reward. But he was very tired and he could not remember anything except that his boy was there and that he was crying and wanted some one to help him--which was very sentimental.
He got up from his chair and put his hand on Robin"s shoulder.
"Robin, old boy--don"t; it"s all right really. I"ve been waiting for you to come and speak to me; of course, I knew that you would come.
Never mind about those other things--we"re going to have a splendid time, you and I."
He put his arm round him. There was a moment"s silence, then the boy turned round and gripped his father"s coat--then he buried his head in his father"s knees.
Benham entered half an hour later with Harry"s evening meal.
"I will have mine here, too, Benham," said Robin, "with my father."