Sir _Tim_. Alas, poor Soul! Lady, I beg your Pardon. How soft-hearted she is! I am in love; I find already a kind of tickling of I know not what, run frisking through my Veins. [_Aside_.
_Bet_. Ay, Sir, the good Alderman has been dead this twelve-month just, and has left his Daughter here, my Mistress, three thousand Pound a Year.
[_Weeping_.
Sir _Tim_. Three thousand Pound a Year! Yes, yes, I am in love.
[_Aside_.
_Bet_. Besides Money, Plate, and Jewels.
Sir _Tim_. I"ll marry her out of hand, [_Aside_.] Alas, I cou"d even weep too; but "tis in vain. Well, Nephew, you may be gone now; for "tis not necessary you shou"d be seen here, d"ye see.
[_Pushing him out_.
_Wild_. You see, Sir, now, what Heaven has done for me; and you have often told me, Sir, when that was kind you wou"d be so. Those Writings, Sir, by which you were so good to make me Heir to all your Estate, you said you wou"d put into my possession, whene"er I made it appear to you I could live without "em, or bring you a Wife of Fortune home.
Sir _Tim_. And I will keep my word; "tis time enough.
[_Putting him out_.
_Wild_. I have, "tis true, been wicked; but I shall now turn from my evil ways, establish my self in the religious City, and enter into the a.s.sociation. There want but these same Writings, Sir, and your good Character of me.
Sir _Tim_. Thou shalt have both, all in good time, Man: Go, go thy ways, and I"ll warrant thee for a good Character, go.
_Wild_. Ay, Sir, but the Writings, because I told her, Sir, I was your Heir; nay, forc"d to swear too, before she wou"d believe me.
Sir _Tim_. Alas, alas! how shreudly thou wert put to"t!
_Wild_. I told her too, you"d buy a Patent for me; for nothing woos a City-Fortune like the hopes of a Ladyship.
Sir _Tim_. I"m glad of that; that I can settle on her presently.
[_Aside_.
_Wild_. You may please to hint something to her of my G.o.dly Life and Conversation; that I frequent Conventicles, and am drunk no where but at your true Protestant Consults and Clubs, and the like.
Sir _Tim_. Nay, if these will please her, I have her for certain.
[_Aside_.
Go, go, fear not my good word.
_Wild_. But the Writings, Sir--
Sir _Tim_. Am I a Jew, a Turk? Thou shalt have any thing, now I find thee a Lad of Parts, and one that can provide so well for thy Uncle.
[_Aside_.
[_Puts him out, and addresses himself to the Lady_.
_Wild_. Wou"d they were hang"d that trust you, that have but the art of Legerdemain, and can open the j.a.pan-Cabinet in your Bed-chamber, where I know those Writings are kept. Death, what a disappointment"s here! I wou"d ha" sworn this Sham had past upon him. [_Aside_.] But, Sir, shall I not have the Writings now?
Sir _Tim_. What, not gone yet! for shame, away; canst thou distrust thy own natural Uncle? Fie, away, _Tom_, away.
_Wild_. A Plague upon your d.a.m.n"d Dissimulation, that never failing Badge of all your Party, there"s always mischief at the bottom on"t; I know ye all; and Fortune be the Word. When next I see you, Uncle, it shall cost you dearer.
[_Exit_.
_Enter_ Jervice.
_Jer_. An"t please your Worship, Supper"s almost over, and you are askt for.
Sir _Tim_. They know I never sup; I shall come time enough to bid "em welcome.
[_Exit_ Jer.
_Dia_. I keep you, Sir, from Supper, and better Company.
Sir _Tim_. Lady, Were I a Glutton, I cou"d be satisfy"d With feeding on those two bright starry Eyes.
_Dia_. You are a Courtier, Sir; we City-Maids do seldom hear such Language; in which you shew your kindness to your Nephew, more than your thoughts of what my Beauty merits.
Sir _Tim_. Lord, Lord, how innocent she is! [_Aside_.] My Nephew, Madam? yes, yes, I cannot chuse but be wondrous kind upon his score.
_Dia_. Nay, he has often told me, you were the best of Uncles, and he deserves your goodness, so hopeful a young Gentleman.
Sir _Tim_. Wou"d I cou"d see"t. [_Aside_.
_Dia_. So modest.
Sir _Tim_. Yes, ask my Maids. [_Aside_.
_Dia_. So civil.
Sir _Tim_. Yes, to my Neighbours Wives. [_Aside_.] But so, Madam, I find by this high Commendation of my Nephew, your Ladyship has a very slender opinion of your devoted Servant the while: or else, Madam, with this not disagreeable Face and Shape of mine, six thousand Pound a year, and other Virtues and Commodities that shall be nameless, I see no reason why I shou"d not beget an Heir of my own Body, had I the helping hand of a certain victorious Person in the World, that shall be nameless.
[_Bowing and smirking_.
_Dia_. Meaning me, I am sure; if I shou"d marry him now, and disappoint my dear Inconstant with an Heir of his own begetting, "twou"d be a most wicked Revenge for past Kindnesses. [_Aside_.
Sir _Tim_. I know your Ladyship is studying now who this victorious Person shou"d be, whom I dare not name: but let it suffice, she is, Madam, within a Mile of an Oak.
_Dia_. No, Sir, I was considering, if what you say be true, How unadvisedly I have lov"d your Nephew, Who swore to me he was to be your Heir.
Sir _Tim_. My Heir, Madam! am I so visibly old to be so desperate?
No, I"m in my years of desires and discretion, And I have thoughts, durst I but utter "em; But modestly say, Mum--
_Dia_. I took him for the hopefullest Gentleman--
Sir _Tim_. Let him hope on, so will I; and yet, Madam, in consideration of your Love to him, and because he is my Nephew, young, handsome, witty, and so forth, I am content to be so much a Parent to him, as if Heaven please,--to see him fairly hang"d.
_Dia_. How, Sir! [_In amaze_.
Sir _Tim_. He has deserv"d it, Madam: First, for lampooning the Reverend City with its n.o.ble Government, with the Right Honourable Gown-men; libelling some for Feasting, and some for Fasting, some for Cuckolds, and some for Cuckold-makers; charging us with all the seven deadly Sins, the Sins of our Fore-fathers, adding seven score more to the number; the Sins of Forty-One reviv"d again in Eighty-One, with Additions and Amendments; for which, though the Writings were drawn, by which I made him my whole Executor, I will disinherit him. Secondly, Madam, he deserves hanging for seducing, and most feloniously bearing away a young City-Heiress.
_Dia_. Undone, undone! Oh, with what Face can I return again!
What Man of Wealth or Reputation, now Will think me worth the owning!
[_Feigns to weep_.