4.
Again I behold where for hours I have ponder"d, As reclining, at eve, on yon tombstone [5] I lay; Or round the steep brow of the churchyard I wander"d, To catch the last gleam of the sun"s setting ray.
5.
I once more view the room, with spectators surrounded, Where, as Zanga, [6] I trod on Alonzo o"erthrown; While, to swell my young pride, such applauses resounded, I fancied that Mossop [7] himself was outshone.
6.
Or, as Lear, I pour"d forth the deep imprecation, By my daughters, of kingdom and reason depriv"d; Till, fir"d by loud plaudits and self-adulation, I regarded myself as a _Garrick_ reviv"d. [ii]
7.
Ye dreams of my boyhood, how much I regret you!
Unfaded your memory dwells in my breast; [iii]
Though sad and deserted, I ne"er can forget you: Your pleasures may still be in fancy possest.
8.
To Ida full oft may remembrance restore me, [iv]
While Fate shall the shades of the future unroll!
Since Darkness o"ershadows the prospect before me, More dear is the beam of the past to my soul!
9.
But if, through the course of the years which await me, Some new scene of pleasure should open to view, I will say, while with rapture the thought shall elate me, "Oh! such were the days which my infancy knew." [8]
1806.
[Footnote 1: The motto was prefixed in "Hours of Idleness".]
[Footnote 2:
"My school-friendships were with me _pa.s.sions_ (for I was always violent), but I do not know that there is one which has endured (to be sure, some have been cut short by death) till now."
"Diary", 1821; "Life", p. 21.]
[Footnote 3: Byron was at first placed in the house of Mr. Henry Drury, but in 1803 was removed to that of Mr. Evans.
"The reason why Lord Byron wishes for the change, arises from the repeated complaints of Mr. Henry Drury respecting his inattention to business, and his propensity to make others laugh and disregard their employment as much as himself."
Dr. Joseph Drury to Mr. John Hanson.]
[Footnote 4:
"At Harrow I fought my way very fairly. I think I lost but one battle out of seven."
"Diary", 1821; "Life", p. 21.]
[Footnote 5: A tomb in the churchyard at Harrow was so well known to be his favourite resting-place, that the boys called it "Byron"s Tomb:" and here, they say, he used to sit for hours, wrapt up in thought.--"Life", p. 26.]
[Footnote 6: For the display of his declamatory powers, on the speech-days, he selected always the most vehement pa.s.sages; such as the speech of Zanga over the body of Alonzo, and Lear"s address to the storm.--"Life", p. 20, "note"; and "post", p. 103, "var". i.]
[Footnote 7: Henry Mossop (1729-1773), a contemporary of Garrick, famous for his performance of "Zanga" in Young"s tragedy of "The Revenge".]
[Footnote 8: Stanzas 8 and 9 first appeared in "Hours of Idleness".]
[Footnote i: "How welcome once more".
[4to]]
[Footnote ii:
"I consider"d myself".
[4to]]
[Footnote iii:
"As your memory beams through this agonized breast; Thus sad and deserted, I n"er can forget you, Though this heart throbs to bursting by anguish possest.
[4to]
Your memory beams through this agonized breast.--
[P. on V. Occasions."]
[Footnote iv:
"I thought this poor brain, fever"d even to madness, Of tears as of reason for ever was drain"d; But the drops which now flow down _this_ bosom of sadness, Convince me the springs have some moisture retain"d".
"Sweet scenes of my childhood! your blest recollection, Has wrung from these eyelids, to weeping long dead, In torrents, the tears of my warmest affection, The last and the fondest, I ever shall shed".
[4to. "P. on V. Occasions".]