"Let me change," she said. "I"ll meet you there."
"I suppose you want carrot juice."
"Actually," she said, "I want bottled water. And maybe an apple."
"Done."
She pushed past him and went to the lady"s locker room. Her hands were shaking and she was wondering what she was doing. He was a cop investigating a murder and he wanted to talk to her a second time, informally. She felt as if she were doing something wrong, as if she should get on the phone and ask for a lawyer or not show up or go upstairs and ask what he was charging her with. But all of that seemed melodramatic and unnecessary and a bit rude.
After a quick- very quick- shower, she put on her street clothes- a cheap cotton sweater and a pair of faded jeans. She left her tennies on, and kept her gym bag in the locker. She saw no reason to spend too much time with him.
The restaurant upstairs had gone through many formats in the eighteen months she had worked out in the gym. The first and most appalling had been the steak joint that served its meat thick and charbroiled. The next had been a vegetarian restaurant with poorly made, tasteless 1970s cuisine. Three different taverns came in after that, and now, finally, the deli, with its smoothies and juice bars. This new place was the only one that got the regulars from the gym. Sometimes they ran up the stairs, got a small sandwich and a fruit drink, and then went back down to work out some more.
She had come up more than once with a novel, usually science fiction, and had eaten alone, most often the taco deli sandwich made with fat-free refried beans. It had flavor, and it was filling, and it didn"t have a lot of calories, all of which counted in its favor. The seats were comfortable, and the staff congenial, never asking her to move when she finished her meal.
Now she went up to find herself and Huckleby the only customers. The lights were out in the far section of the deli, and a single employee, an older woman whom Patricia had never seen before, cleaned behind the counter.
A bottled water and the fruit plate waited for her. Huckleby had a cup of coffee and a shortbread cookie.
"That"s a lot of food."
"You looked like you could use it."
How many years had she waited for someone to say that, only to find it was someone she didn"t want to impress. She slipped into the chair and opened the bottle of water.
"You had questions."
He nodded. "Tell me what you can about Tom."
"We had this conversation yesterday."
"Yesterday I knew less than I do today."
"Oh?" She took a long sip. She had been thirsty, which meant she had let herself get dehydrated. Careless of her.
"Yeah," he said.
"Like what?"
He broke the shortbread cookie in half, then broke a half into smaller pieces. "No," he said. "I get to ask the questions first."
"I already told you about Tom."
"You told me what you know. And that was official. Now I want to know what you suspect."
Suspect. Strange word. Was she supposed to tell this man that she thought Tom Ansara was self-involved and rather stupid, that he had an eye for pretty women and no real empathy for anyone who didn"t look like a perfect match for him? Or should she tell him about her suspicions of Tom"s performance in bed?
"I think he biked a lot," she said.
Huckleby raised an amused eyebrow. "Gee. We missed that."
She felt color rise in her cheeks. "No," she said. "I mean biked all over the city, maybe over the area."
"That"s not gossip."
"You want gossip?"
"Yes."
"Talk to the aerobics instructor then. She collects it."
He leaned back and studied her. "That was harsh. You don"t like her?"
"I don"t know her."
"It amazes me that you could come to a gym for eighteen months and not know anyone."
"I came to work out."
"People usually make friends in places like this."
"Not with fat people."
"Why? They make friends with fat people everywhere else."
She picked up her fork and stabbed an orange slice with it, feeling a momentary victory when some of the juice shot across the table toward him. "I understand it," she said. "At least I do now. Most people who are more than twenty pounds overweight don"t stay. It has nothing to do with discipline and everything to do with effort. It takes a lot of effort to move a normal weight, but add extra weight on top of it and a fat person is working twice, sometimes three times as hard as everyone else. Most can"t manage it, and they leave."
"So you don"t make friends with fat people at the gym either?"
"I thought we already established that I don"t make friends," she said.
His gaze seemed a little too sharp for a moment, as if her admission was an admission to something else as well. "I"m sure you do in your personal life."
She had a few friends, people she talked to, but no one she confided in. She hadn"t confided in anyone for a very long time. Not even her brother. They talked about casual things. She supposed that counted as friendship.
And she had a lot of acquaintances on-line. She kept a board running behind her work at all times, and answered her e-mail when it showed up. She closed out her nightly sessions in a chat room, each night a room devoted to a different subject, just to keep her mind active.
The silence between them had grown. Finally, she said, "I thought you wanted to hear about Tom."
"And I thought you didn"t gossip."
She ate the orange slice. It was sour. She took a sip of water to cover the taste. "I discovered in the last twenty-four hours how little I knew about him. Like the daughter."
"There is no daughter," Huckleby said.
She set the bottle of water down very deliberately. "But the sign-"
"He told people there was a daughter, and the very kind folks in Seavy Village have started a fund. But I investigated, and I can tell you, there is no daughter. No ex-wife. No acrimonious divorce. There isn"t even a Tom Ansara until he came to Seavy Village."
So there was more to this than just the gym. That relieved her somehow, made the thought of murder caused by people who frequented her safe place go away.
"All of his relationships lasted a few weeks at most," Huckleby said, "so consider yourself lucky he didn"t make a pa.s.s at you."
Such a quaint old-fashioned phrase "make a pa.s.s" was. She almost smiled. But a part of her brain, the suspicious part, remained distant.
"Why are you telling me all this?"
"Because," he said, "I figured if I opened up, you would. And you look like a lady who has something to get off her chest."
She felt her eyes widen and wished she could stop them, wished she had more control than she did. Now, when she lied, he would know it. "I"ve told you everything I can," she said.
He stared at her for a moment. "Pity."
"I don"t hold any keys," she said. "I"d tell you if I did."
"Would you?" he asked, then dropped a ten on the table and stood. By the time she got to her feet, he was gone.
All that night and as she ate her solitary bowl of cereal the next morning, she kept telling herself that it was silly to feel like she was failing Huckleby somehow. She didn"t even know him, didn"t know anything about him. All she knew was that he wanted information on Tom"s death, and she had none.
In fact, she had even less than she had had before. She had believed the stories about Tom around the gym, had thought him a divorced man with a conventional past. Now, perhaps, he didn"t have one, and he, not the murderer, had violated the safety of the gym, of Seavy Village itself.
Blaming the victim, they called it. But she knew that things were never as clear-cut as they seemed. Apparently, so did Huckleby.
When she got to work, her schedule was light: some routine maintenance of a few sites and monitoring of a few others. She opened the usual chat room where she hung out when things were slow, but couldn"t concentrate.
Her brother was in his office, talking loudly on the phone. He wanted to expand their service beyond the coast, to move into the valley. It would entail hiring additional staff, getting more lines, working more computers. It would be a nightmare for her, but so far she hadn"t tried to talk him out of it.
Rather than listen to him argue with another of his friends over his plans, she opened her window. The morning breeze smelled of sea salt and fish. It was cold, but she didn"t mind. She needed something else to concentrate on.
But her attention kept wandering back to Huckleby"s words about Tom, about his secrets, and she finally succ.u.mbed. She knew where he lived: She had followed him there once, early on, so that she could have a setting to imagine her revenge. Actually sitting in her car on that cold November night, watching him shaded against his window as he moved through his apartment, made her feel like a voyeur, a stalker, something she didn"t want to be. So, even though she"d felt an urge to follow him at other times, she never had.
Still, she decided to use his name and address now to access his driver"s license. Some schlub had gotten in trouble, in Oregon, for placing all the DMV records on the Internet and, even though he had removed them, Patricia had captured the file, thinking some day it would be useful.
It was. With Tom"s driver"s license number, she was able to get into his credit report, and that, in turn, gave her his Social Security number. It didn"t belong to Tom Ansara, but to someone else, an elderly woman in Pittsburgh. Apparently he had stolen the number. But he had used it for a very long time and through it, and his credit report, she saw a life of transience, a man of many names and, as she dug, several petty crimes, mostly involving drugs, theft, and a certain roughness with women.
That last made a shudder run through her. Her revenge fantasy had been too subtle for this man. It might have turned on her. No matter how strong she was, she might not have been able to overcome his athlete"s quickness. She knew that much.
It could have ended badly. For her.
At that, she rested her head on her arms and made herself breathe. How foolish she had become. How obsessed with a man she hadn"t even known. She had even mourned him, in her own way, this man she had made up.
The door to her office opened, and her brother came in. She recognized him by his footsteps.
"You okay?"
She raised her head. Her brother still carried all the weight he had put on as he aged. Sometimes he eyed her new form as if it were a reproach to him. But she liked him at this weight. It gave him a cuddly warmth that he hadn"t had when he was thinner.
"Yeah," she said. "Just tired."
He nodded. All he knew about Tom was what the rest of the town knew: that he had been murdered in the gym. The next day, her brother had asked her if it was safe for her to return. When she a.s.sured him it was, he had said, "I hope so," and she knew, with that terse phrase, that the conversation was closed.
He pulled up the only other chair, a folding chair she kept unfolded in the corner. It squeaked as he sat on it. "Look," he said. "If I manage to get more business, we might have to leave Seavy Village. This just isn"t a good place to do business, not if we start focusing on the valley."
Her heart was pounding. She didn"t want to leave. She loved it here. "I won"t go," she said.
"I know. I was thinking, maybe you could be in charge of our coastal lines."
That meant customer relations. It meant working alone. "Let"s wait," she said. "Talk about this when the changes become real."
"It"s getting closer every day, Patty," he said. Her brother was the only person who could call her Patty and get away with it.
"I know," she said. "I just don"t want to think about it now."
And she didn"t, not until she was on the silly StairMaster for the second night in a row. Sweat was dripping between her b.r.e.a.s.t.s, and the back of her neck was damp. The club"s televisions were all tuned to a football game, and their sound was on, as well as the latest Rod Stewart CD at full blast. She was surprised she could hear herself think. But the noise blurred, and she found her mind wandering, going over her brother"s words, trying to see if there was any reality in the changes he was discussing for his business.
Then it hit her, what he had said. Seavy Village isn"t a good place to do business. And it wasn"t. The town was small, many of its residents unskilled workers with low-paying jobs or retirees who lived on a fixed income. The tourists were seasonal: summers, mostly, with a few spikes around the holidays. Yet Tom had been here for eighteen months, maybe more. He hadn"t had a single arrest, which, considering his record before he arrived, was spectacular, and she remembered nothing that made him seem as if he had been on drugs. What had he found that kept him here? It certainly hadn"t been the spinning cla.s.s. And whatever it had been, someone had considered it worth killing for.
Pretend this is Cascade Head, he would say. Know how good you"ll feel when you reach the top.
And all the other sites on the coast route. He would mention them, use them in his cla.s.s. But he always came back to Cascade Head, as if it were important, to them, and to him.
For one long stretch of her workout, she considered buying a bike and exploring the places he had mentioned, searching. But for what, she didn"t know. And she had never searched for anything. She had no idea how to go about it.
She had to talk to Huckleby. She wondered if he would think she was crazy, all the work she had done on this. He was going to want to know why and the answer she had was really no answer at all, just a truth she was beginning to discover: That obsession, once begun, did not end easily. That losing it felt a lot like losing love.
The police station, tucked in a back road behind the post office, was a 1960s building, all metal and sand-colored brick. Its gray tile floors were spotless, and the walls had recently been painted white. She felt oddly betrayed by its cleanliness. Somehow she had expected the grit she had seen portrayed on TV.
When she asked for Huckleby, the woman at the desk- statuesque, her uniform accenting rather than hiding her figure- nodded toward the only man sitting in a sea of desks. Patricia wasn"t sure how she missed him, except that she hadn"t expected this place to be this way, and somehow hadn"t expected him to look so lost and all alone, bathed in the fog-gray light filtering in from the cross-hatched windows.
The smell, she noted as she walked toward him, was strong: burned coffee and stale sweat, the kind of smell that a person never got used to. It wasn"t until she was standing over him that he looked up, and from the movement of his lips, she guessed he had been planning to make a comment to someone else when he edited himself for her.
"I didn"t expect to see you again," he said, and kicked a green metal desk chair in her direction. She sat gingerly on it, half expecting it to squeal as her folding chair did when her brother sat on it.
His comment was strange given the size of the town they lived in. They would see each other from time to time, probably had already and just hadn"t known it, until now.
She licked her lips. "I did some digging."
"Oh?" He was giving her his full attention. The file before him was closed and pushed aside, his hands threaded on the desk like a man patiently waiting to hear something he didn"t already know.
"The name Ansara is unusual," she said, knowing that this was an inane way to start. "There was a movie star in the late sixties and early seventies named Michael Ansara. He looked something like Tom."
"Yeah," Huckleby said, his tone dry. "I can"t decide if Tom"s favorite movie was Sometimes a Great Notion or that awful television remake of Dracula."