"It"ll save you a good deal of trouble, won"t it?" said Mr. Pickwick.
"And when I am in town you"ll always have somebody to sit with you." Mr.
Pickwick smiled placidly.
"I"m sure I ought to be a very happy woman," said Mrs. Bardell, trembling with agitation. "Oh, you kind, good, playful dear!" And, without more ado, she flung her arms round Mr. Pickwick"s neck.
"Bless my soul!" cried the astonished Mr. Pickwick. "Mrs. Bardell, my good woman! Dear me, what a situation! Pray consider if anybody should come!"
"Oh, let them come!" exclaimed Mrs. Bardell frantically. "I"ll never leave you, dear, kind soul!" And she clung the tighter.
"Mercy upon me," said Mr. Pickwick, struggling; "I hear somebody coming upstairs! Don"t, there"s a good creature, don"t!" But Mrs. Bardell had fainted in his arms, and before he could gain time to deposit her on a chair, Master Bardell entered the room, followed by Mr. Pickwick"s friends Mr. Tupman, Mr. Winkle, and Mr. Snodgra.s.s.
"What is the matter?" said the three Pickwickians.
"I don"t know!" replied Mr. Pickwick; while the ever gallant Mr. Tupman led Mrs. Bardell, who said she was better, downstairs. "I cannot conceive what has been the matter with the woman. I merely told her of my intention of keeping a manservant, when she fell into an extraordinary paroxysm. Very remarkable thing."
"Very," said his three friends.
"There"s a man in the pa.s.sage now," said Mr. Tupman.
"It"s the man I"ve sent for from the Borough," said Mr. Pickwick. "Have the goodness to call him up."
Mr. Samuel Weller forthwith presented himself, having previously deposited his old white hat on the landing outside.
"Ta"nt a wery good "un to look at," said Sam, "but it"s an astonishin"
"un to wear. And afore the brim went it was a wery handsome tile."
"Now, with regard to the matter on which I sent for you," said Mr.
Pickwick.
"That"s the pint, sir; out vith it, as the father said to the child ven he swallowed a farden."
"We want to know, in the first place," said Mr. Pickwick, "whether you are discontented with your present situation?"
"Afore I answers that "ere question," replied Mr. Weller, "_I_ should like to know whether you"re a-goin" to purwide me vith a better."
Mr. Pickwick smiled benevolently as he said: "I have half made up my mind to engage you myself."
"Have you though?" said Sam. "Wages?"
"Twelve pounds a year."
"Clothes?"
"Two suits."
"Work?"
"To attend upon me, and travel about with me and these gentlemen here."
"Take the bill down," said Sam emphatically. "I"m let to a single gentleman, and the terms is agreed upon. If the clothes fit me half as well as the place, they"ll do."
_II.--Bardell vs. Pickwick_
Acting on the advice of Messrs. Dodson & Fogg, solicitors, Mrs. Bardell brought an action for breach of promise of marriage against Mr.
Pickwick, and the damages were laid at 1,500. February 14 was the day fixed for the memorable trial.
When Mr. Pickwick and his friends reached the court, and the judge--Mr.
Justice Stareleigh--had taken his place, it was found that only ten of the special jury were present, and a greengrocer and a chemist were caught from the common jury to make up the number.
"I beg this court"s pardon," said the chemist, "but I hope this court will excuse my attendance. I have no a.s.sistant, and I can"t afford to hire one."
"Then you ought to be able to afford it," said the judge, a most particularly short man, and so fat that he seemed all face and waistcoat.
"Very well, my lord," replied the chemist, "then there"ll be murder before this trial"s over, that"s all. I"ve left n.o.body, but an errand- boy in my shop, and I know that he thinks Epsom salts means oxalic acid, and syrup of senna, laudanum; that"s all, my lord."
Mr. Pickwick was regarding the chemist with feelings of the deepest horror when Mrs. Bardell, supported by her friend, Mrs. Cluppins, was led into court.
Then Sergeant Buzfuz opened the case for the plaintiff, and when he had finished Elizabeth Cluppins was called.
"Do you recollect, Mrs. Cluppins," said Sergeant Buzfuz, "do you recollect being in Mrs. Bardell"s back room on one particular morning last July, when she was dusting Pickwick"s apartment?"
"Yes, my lord and jury, I do," replied Mrs. Cluppins.
"What were you doing in the back room, ma"am?" inquired the little judge.
"My lord and jury," said Mrs. Cluppins, "I will not deceive you."
"You had better not, ma"am," said the little judge.
"I was there," resumed Mrs. Cluppins, "unbeknown to Mrs. Bardell; I had been out with a little basket, gentlemen, to buy three pounds of red kidney pertaties, which was tuppence ha"penny, when I see Mrs. Bardell"s street-door on the jar."
"On the what?" exclaimed the little judge.
"Partly open, my lord."
"She _said_ on the jar," said the little judge, with a cunning look.
"I walked in, gentlemen, just to say good mornin", and went in a permiscuous manner upstairs, and into the back room. There was a sound of voices in the front room, very loud, and forced themselves upon my ear."
Mrs. Cluppins then related the conversation we have already heard between Mr. Pickwick and Mrs. Bardell.
The next witness was Mr. Winkle, and after him came Mr. Tupman, and Mr.
Snodgra.s.s, all of whom appeared on subpoena by the plaintiff"s lawyers.
Sergeant Buzfuz then rose and said, with considerable importance, "Call Samuel Weller."
It was quite unnecessary to call him, for Samuel Weller stepped briskly into the box the instant his name was p.r.o.nounced.