The Worst Princes' Battle Over Giving Up The Imperial Throne

"Release me! F*cking kidnapper!"
"Chill, chill, don"t be violent, calm down. Since I"ll be bringing you somewhere good."
"Those are just sweet lies of a kidnapper! You"re trying to trick me!"

Carrying the completely energetic Gattenwo on my shoulder, I ran through the night streets of Ando. With her speaking the dangerous catchphrase of "kidnapping," it drew reactions out of the guardsmen, but I was not somebody they could catch.

"You f*cker, are you taking me to your evil underlings!? Do you plan to use torture to make me tell where my fortunes are! It sucks to be you then! I gave it all out to the poor people that you sh*tters prey on! You ain"t gonna get a single coin out of me no matter what you do!"
"Oh. I thought that you took some for yourself, but it"s better this way. Good, good."
"W-What"s with that reaction! Be a bit more bitter!"

Since a while ago, Gattenwo has been violently struggling against me on top of my shoulder, but she surprisingly did not have inhuman strength. If I didn"t let her hand reach my vital spots, she could do nothing.

Well, she was still a young girl. Comparing her strength to mine was sort of unfair.

"You know, Gattenwo, I really can"t congratulate you for falling in that warehouse trap as your brother. Frankly, the signs were there."
"S-Shut up! I realized that it was bad the moment I got in!"
"But you couldn"t escape, you know? If you realized that it was bad, you should"ve just turned right back around and left before the door closed."
"I wanted to do that! But I was being blocked!"

Gattenwo suddenly stopped struggling and turned to me, looking sulky.

"Blocked?"
"I heard some rumors about him from the guards, but it"s gotta be that guy. Right before I was going to leave, a giant in a red hood appeared. He was blocking the way out."
"Even if you didn"t move, you"d have burnt to death, so you should"ve just attacked him no matter how imposing he looked."
"Shut up, given the situation, it wasn"t so easy for me to just get there and attack him! That"s why I hesitated for a moment. They used that time to close the door."

At least when I got there, there was no red hooded giant. Thinking that the job was done―or maybe he sensed me and ran.

"Well, I was just in time. Don"t do stupid things from now on, though."
"So yeah, who the f*ck are you! What"s your business telling me what to do!"
"I"m your brother, that"s what I"ve been saying."
"I don"t have any relatives! I ain"t got no brother!"
"Huh? But aren"t you the Fifth Princess…?"

Gattenwo scowled.

"You know. It"s the rule that all n.o.ble thieves are b*stard children from some n.o.ble. Did you actually believe that? What an idiot…huh? If you thought that I was actually a prince, then a brother would mean that you…?"
"Wait."

I stopped her from finishing talking.

"You"re kidding me? So it really was a self-proclaimed prince…?"
"That"s what I"ve been saying. Well, I don"t know who my parents are, so there"s about the same chance of finding a gold needle on a porcupine"s back as it being true. More importantly, what"s this about being a prince"s brother?"
"Then I won"t give up!"

Seeing me get fired up all of a sudden, Gattenwo tilted her head in confusion.

"What…aren"t you gonna give up on? And you couldn"t be a real prince."
"I"m a man that will believe no matter how small the possibility is. Listen, I will believe that you are my sister. Listen, you are a person who should become Emperor and be trusted with the nation. That"s why I believe that you are a princess."
"Wait a second. I don"t get it. What have you been talking about?"

I nodded, as if to say that it was simple.

"As you are a true child of the Emperor, I will now make you one."

"So you came back, you sacrifice! Surround him and crush him!"
"Give up and surrender, you soon-to-be Emperor!"
"I won"t forget your valiant sacrifice…"

Avoiding notice by the gatekeeper, I snuck into the imperial court but was surrounded by my idiot siblings. Wasn"t this a bit too quick?

"Tsk. How did you know I was here."
"The watchdog remembers your smell. He barked as soon as you came back."

Ryausha nonchalantly answered.
Indeed, there were many more dogs out there than usual. Even if I avoided being seen, I didn"t think to avoid being smelled.

"Nice, Sugen. I"m happy. You finally realized what it meant to become Emperor and came back. I"ll support you from the bottom of my heart―" Iifu said.
"Who is that person? I cannot congratulate the next Emperor on kidnapping."

Sauran asked while pointing at the person slumped over my shoulder.
Iifu tutted at me with a sharp look.

"You…is it that you dyed your hands in crime to get out of being the Emperor? I didn"t think you were a worse sc.u.mbag than me."

I ignored what everyone was saying.
Gattenwo, not understanding the situation, was shifting her eyes left and right. I slowly placed her on the ground.

"Everybody rejoice. I have found an Emperor candidate that is more appropriate than me. This is the famous n.o.ble thief, the Fifth Princess―our sister."

Silence.
After a short pause, Ryausha came over and patted Gattenwo"s shoulder.

"Excuse me, young lady. Our stupid brother kidnapped you. I"ll pay you some hush money, so won"t you forget about this?"
"Wait a second, sister! Haven"t you heard of Gattenwo"s reputation with your sharp ears!?"
"Of course I know! I know, but that doesn"t mean that she"s a real princess! Learn some common sense, you idiot!"

I looked to my two brothers for help, but

"Gattenwo…? The f*ck is that. Some kind of sweet?" said Iifu.
"My intelligence network has not heard of any such thing," replied Sauran.
"Fu is one thing, but Ran, stop acting like some intellectual. We all know that you"re an idiot."

"Anyways!" I cut everyone off, loudly.

"I found the answer to our troubles! Why don"t you guys help this person become Emperor!"
"That"s impossible! We can"t let a complete stranger ascend the throne. Put her back where you found her!"
"Y-You guys! I"ve been listening quietly for a while now and you go and treat me like a pet!"

Gattenwo called out in objection.
It looked like she still didn"t really understand what was going on, but she was snapping at the impoliteness happening before her eyes.

"Who even are you people! Could it be that the imperial court kidnaps people!? If so, I, Gattenwo, will not forgive you! I will take one of you with me in death!"
"Settle down."
"Urgh!"

Accompanying that pitiful sound was Gattenwo being thrown down onto the lawn. Ryausha then sat on her back.

"Won"t you look at this, Sugen. She might have a bit more skill than some street mobster, but she"s completely different from us. This means that she is not one of our sisters."
"People have different dispositions. She may certainly lack strength, but her will to become Emperor is second to none. She"ll surely become an enlightened ruler. I believe in my choice."
"Wait! You"ve been saying this for a while, but who"ll become the Emperor!? I really don"t get it!? Explain this to me from the beginning!"
"Ah, sorry, but could you be a bit quieter, Gattenwo. I"m using my strong bargaining skills to get you to be the Emperor. Just leave it all to me."
"As if I would!"

Ryausha sighed, amazed.

"You brought her here without explaining anything? Well, the less she knows, the less she talks. Hurry up and take her away."
"Yeah, yeah. Just accept that you"ve lost."
"Resisting at this point is just unseemly, Sugen…"

Iifu and Sauran followed Ryausha in condemning me. However, something so little wouldn"t stop me.

"Brothers, sister. If I did become the Emperor successfully, what do you think I"d do first as Emperor with the way you all have been treating me?"

Their eyebrows twitched. Iifu glared at me.

"What do you mean by that?"
"I wouldn"t forgive you if I became Emperor. I think I"d give you piles on piles of work, enough so you barely have time to sleep. I think that"s good."
"Unfair…so unfair! I won"t forgive such an unchivalrous deed!"
"Sugen! Are you perhaps threatening us!?" Ryausha exclaimed.
"Of course. I don"t plan on going to h.e.l.l by myself. Now, what will you do? Shall we all go to h.e.l.l together? Or maybe―"

I pointed to Gattenwo, who was still being sat on by Ryausha.

"Entrust the fure to the Fifth Princess, Gattenwo, with her heart full of justice. Choose."
"Hey! Stop involving in these evil plots that I don"t really get! Hurry up and let me go!"

And so, Ryausha stood up and Gattenwo was free. Gattenwo snorted and dusted her black clothes as she got up.

"Geez, you finally released me. I"ll be going now―"

Her words were interrupted. A physical interruption.
Why? She was simultaneously leaped on by Iifu, Ryausha, and Sauran and was held down from three sides.

"Owwww!! Let me go! Let me go you f*ckers!"
"My eyes must"ve gone bad…! How did I not notice my cute little sister in front of me!"
"I don"t mind if you start calling me "big sis" from now on!"
"We shall secretly support you, the next Emperor…!"

With my persuasion working at its finest, I grasped my fist.