"You are not afraid of this delicious air?" asked his Grace.
"Midsummer air," said Miss Dacre, "must surely be harmless."
Again there was silence; and Miss Dacre, after having plucked a flower and tended a plant, seemed to express an intention of withdrawing.
Suddenly he spoke, and in a gushing voice of heartfelt words:
"Miss Dacre, you are too kind, too excellent to be offended, if I dare to ask whether anything could induce you to view with more indulgence one who sensibly feels how utterly he is unworthy of you."
"You are the last person whose feelings I should wish to hurt. Let us not revive a conversation to which, I can a.s.sure you, neither of us looks back with satisfaction."
"Is there, then, no hope? Must I ever live with the consciousness of being the object of your scorn?"
"Oh, no, no! As you will speak, let us understand each other. However I may approve of my decision, I have lived quite long enough to repent the manner in which it was conveyed. I cannot, without the most unfeigned regret, I cannot for a moment remember that I have addressed a bitter word to one to whom I am under the greatest obligations. If my apologies----"
"Pray, pray be silent!"
"I must speak. If my apologies, my complete, my most humble apologies, can be any compensation for treating with such lightness feelings which I now respect, and offers by which I now consider myself honoured, accept them!"
"O, Miss Dacre! that fatal word, respect!"
"We have warmer words in this house for you. You are now our friend."
"I dare not urge a suit which may offend you; yet, if you could read my heart, I sometimes think that we might be happy. Let me hope!"
"My dear Duke of St. James, I am sure you will not ever offend me, because I am sure you will not ever wish to do it. There are few people in this world for whom I entertain a more sincere regard than yourself.
I am convinced, I am conscious, that when we met I did sufficient justice neither to your virtues nor your talents. It is impossible for me to express with what satisfaction I now feel that you have resumed that place in the affections of this family to which you have an hereditary right. I am grateful, truly, sincerely grateful, for all that you feel with regard to me individually; and believe me, in again expressing my regret that it is not in my power to view you in any other light than as a valued friend, I feel that I am pursuing that conduct which will conduce as much to your happiness as my own."
"My happiness, Miss Dacre!"
"Indeed, such is my opinion. I will not again endeavour to depreciate the feelings which you entertain for me, and by which, ever remember, I feel honoured; but these very feelings prevent you from viewing their object so dispa.s.sionately as I do."
"I am at a loss for your meaning; at least, favour me by speaking explicitly: you see I respect your sentiments, and do not presume to urge that on which my very happiness depends."
"To be brief, then, I will not affect to conceal that marriage is a state which has often been the object of my meditations. I think it the duty of all women that so important a change in their destiny should be well considered. If I know anything of myself, I am convinced that I should never survive an unhappy marriage."
"But why dream of anything so utterly impossible?"
"So very probable, so very certain, you mean. Ay! I repeat my words, for they are truth. If I ever marry, it is to devote every feeling and every thought, each hour, each instant of existence, to a single being for whom I alone live. Such devotion I expect in return; without it I should die, or wish to die; but such devotion can never be returned by you."
"You amaze me! I! who live only on your image."
"Your education, the habits in which you are brought up, the maxims which have been instilled into you from your infancy, the system which each year of your life has more matured, the worldly levity with which everything connected with woman is viewed by you and your companions; whatever may be your natural dispositions, all this would prevent you, all this would render it a perfect impossibility, all this will ever make you utterly unconscious of the importance of the subject on which we are now conversing. Pardon me for saying it, you know not of what you speak. Yes! however sincere may be the expression of your feelings to me this moment, I shudder to think on whom your memory dwelt even this hour but yesterday. I never will peril my happiness on such a chance; but there are others who do not think as I do."
"Miss Dacre! save me! If you knew all, you would not doubt. This moment is my destiny."
"My dear Duke of St. James, save yourself. There is yet time. You have my prayers."
"Let me then hope----"
"Indeed, indeed, it cannot be. Here our conversation on this subject ends for ever."
"Yet we part friends!" He spoke in a broken voice.
"The best and truest!" She extended her arm; he pressed her hand to his impa.s.sioned lips, and quitted the house, mad with love and misery.
CHAPTER XVIII.
_Joys of the Alhambra_
THE Duke threw himself into his carriage in that mood which fits us for desperate deeds. What he intended to do, indeed, was doubtful, but something very vigorous, very decided, perhaps very terrible. An indefinite great effort danced, in misty magnificence, before the vision of his mind. His whole being was to be changed, his life was to be revolutionised. Such an alteration was to take place that even she could not doubt the immense yet incredible result. Then despair whispered its cold-blooded taunts, and her last hopeless words echoed in his ear. But he was too agitated to be calmly miserable, and, in the poignancy of his feelings, he even meditated death. One thing, however, he could obtain; one instant relief was yet in his power, solitude. He panted for the loneliness of his own chamber, broken only by his agitated musings.
The carriage stopped; the lights and noise called him to life. This, surely, could not be home? Whirled open the door, down dashed the steps, with all that prompt precision which denotes the practised hand of an aristocratic retainer. (284)
"What is all this, Symmons? Why did you not drive home?"
"Your Grace forgets that Mr. Annesley and some gentlemen sup with your Grace to-night at the Alhambra."
"Impossible! Drive home."
"Your Grace perhaps forgets that your Grace is expected?" said the experienced servant, who knew when to urge a master, who, to-morrow, might blame him for permitting his caprice.
"What am I to do? Stay here. I will run upstairs, and put them off."
He ran up into the crush-room. The opera was just over, and some parties who were not staying the ballet, had already a.s.sembled there. As he pa.s.sed along he was stopped by Lady Fitz-pompey, who would not let such a capital opportunity escape of exhibiting Caroline and the young Duke together.
"Mr. Bulkley," said her Ladyship, "there must be something wrong about the carriage." An experienced, middle-aged gentleman, who jobbed on in society by being always ready and knowing his cue, resigned the arm of Lady Caroline St. Maurice and disappeared.
"George," said Lady Fitz-pompey, "give your arm to Carry just for one moment."
If it had been anybody but his cousin, the Duke would easily have escaped; but Caroline he invariably treated with marked regard; perhaps because his conscience occasionally reproached him that he had not treated her with a stronger feeling. At this moment, too, she was the only being in the world, save one, whom he could remember with satisfaction: he felt that he loved her most affectionately, but somehow she did not inspire him with those peculiar feelings which thrilled his heart at the recollection of May Dacre.
In this mood he offered an arm, which was accepted; but he could not in a moment a.s.sume the tone of mind befitting his situation and the scene.
He was silent; for him a remarkable circ.u.mstance.
"Do not stay here," said Lady Caroline is a soft voice, which her mother could not overhear. "I know you want to be away. Steal off."
"Where can I be better than with you, Carry?" said the young Duke, determined not to leave her, and loving her still more for her modest kindness; and thereon he turned round, and, to show that he was sincere, began talking with his usual spirit. Mr. Bulkley of course never returned, and Lady Fitz-pompey felt as satisfied with her diplomatic talents as a plenipotentiary who has just arranged an advantageous treaty.
Arundel Dacre came up and spoke to Lady Fitz-pompey. Never did two persons converse together who were more dissimilar in their manner and their feelings; and yet Arundel Dacre did contrive to talk; a result which he could not always accomplish, even with those who could sympathise with him. Lady Fitz-pompey listened to him with attention; for Arundel Dacre, in spite of his odd manner, or perhaps in some degree in consequence of it, had obtained a distinguished reputation both among men and women; and it was the great principle of Lady Fitz-pompey to attach to her the distinguished youth of both s.e.xes. She was pleased with this public homage of Arundel Dacre; because he was one who, with the reputation of talents, family, and fashion, seldom spoke to anyone, and his attentions elevated their object. Thus she maintained her empire.
St. Maurice now came up to excuse himself to the young Duke for not attending at the Alhambra to-night. "Sophy could not bear it," he whispered: "she had got her head full of the most ridiculous fancies, and it was in vain to speak: so he had promised to give up that, as well as Crockford"s."
This reminded our hero of his party, and the purpose of his entering the opera. He determined not to leave Caroline till her carriage was called; and he began to think that he really must go to the Alhambra, after all.
He resolved to send them off at an early hour.
"Anything new to-night, Henry?" asked his Grace, of Lord St. Maurice. "I have just come in."