He sat, savagely intent upon the waning fire; she turned restlessly again, elbows close together on her knees, face framed in her hands.
"You ask me if I am tired," she said. "I am--of the froth of life."
His face changed instantly. "What?" he exclaimed, laughing.
But she, very young and seriously intent, was now wrestling with the mighty plat.i.tudes of youth. First of all she desired to know what meaning life held for humanity. Then she expressed a doubt as to the necessity for human happiness; duty being her discovery as sufficient subst.i.tute.
But he heard in her childish babble the minor murmur of an undercurrent quickening for the first time; and he listened patiently and answered gravely, touched by her irremediable loneliness.
For Nina must remain but a subst.i.tute at best; what was wanting must remain wanting; and race and blood must interpret for itself the subtler and unasked questions of an innocence slowly awaking to a wisdom which makes us all less wise.
So when she said that she was tired of gaiety, that she would like to study, he said that he would take up anything she chose with her. And when she spoke vaguely of a life devoted to good works--of the wiser charity, of being morally equipped to aid those who required material aid, he was very serious, but ventured to suggest that she dance her first season through as a sort of flesh-mortifying penance preliminary to her spiritual novitiate.
"Yes," she admitted thoughtfully; "you are right. Nina would feel dreadfully if I did not go on--or if she imagined I cared so little for it all. But one season is enough to waste. Don"t you think so?"
"Quite enough," he a.s.sured her.
"--And--why should I ever marry?" she demanded, lifting her clear, sweet eyes to his.
"Why indeed?" he repeated with conviction. "I can see no reason."
"I am glad you understand me," she said. "I am not a marrying woman."
"Not at all," he a.s.sured her.
"No, I am not; and Nina--the darling--doesn"t understand. Why, what do you suppose!--but _would_ it be a breach of confidence to anybody if I told you?"
"I doubt it," he said; "what is it you have to tell me?"
"Only--it"s very, very silly--only several men--and one nice enough to know better--Sudbury Gray--"
"Asked you to marry them?" he finished, nodding his head at the cat.
"Yes," she admitted, frankly astonished; "but how did you know?"
"Inferred it. Go on."
"There is nothing more," she said, without embarra.s.sment. "I told Nina each time; but she confused me by asking for details; and the details were too foolish and too annoying to repeat... . I do not wish to marry anybody. I think I made that very plain to--everybody."
"Right as usual," he said cheerfully; "you are too intelligent to consider that sort of thing just now."
"You _do_ understand me, don"t you?" she said gratefully. "There are so many serious things in life to learn and to think of, and that is the very last thing I should ever consider... . I am very, very glad I had this talk with you. Now I am rested and I shall retire for a good long sleep."
With which paradox she stood up, stifling a tiny yawn, and looked smilingly at him, all the old sweet confidence in her eyes. Then, suddenly mocking:
"Who suggested that you call me by my first name?" she asked.
"Some good angel or other. May I?"
"If you please; I rather like it. But I couldn"t very well call you anything except "Captain Selwyn.""
"On account of my age?"
"Your _age_!"--contemptuous in her confident equality.
"Oh, my wisdom, then? You probably reverence me too deeply."
"Probably not. I don"t know; I couldn"t do it--somehow--"
"Try it--unless you"re afraid."
"I"m not afraid!"
"Yes, you are, if you don"t take a dare."
"You dare me?"
"I do."
"Philip," she said, hesitating, adorable in her embarra.s.sment. "No! No!
No! I can"t do it that way in cold blood. It"s got to be "Captain Selwyn"... for a while, anyway... . Good-night."
He took her outstretched hand, laughing; the usual little friendly shake followed; then she turned gaily away, leaving him standing before the whitening ashes.
He thought the fire was dead; but when he turned out the lamp an hour later, under the ashes embers glowed in the darkness of the winter morning.
CHAPTER IV
MID-LENT
"Mid-Lent, and the Enemy grins," remarked Selwyn as he started for church with Nina and the children. Austin, knee-deep in a dozen Sunday supplements, refused to stir; poor little Eileen was now convalescent from grippe, but still unsteady on her legs; her maid had taken the grippe, and now moaned all day: "_Mon dieu! Mon dieu! Che fais mourir!_"
Boots Lansing called to see Eileen, but she wouldn"t come down, saying her nose was too pink. Drina entertained Boots, and then Selwyn returned and talked army talk with him until tea was served. Drina poured tea very prettily; Nina had driven Austin to vespers. The family dined at seven so Drina could sit up; special treat on account of Boots"s presence at table. Gerald was expected, but did not come.
The next morning, Selwyn went downtown at the usual hour and found Gerald, pale and shaky, hanging over his desk and trying to dictate letters to an uncomfortable stenographer.
So he dismissed the abashed girl for the moment, closed the door, and sat down beside the young man.
"Go home, Gerald" he said with decision; "when Neergard comes in I"ll tell him you are not well. And, old fellow, don"t ever come near the office again when you"re in this condition."
"I"m a perfect fool," faltered the boy, his voice trembling; "I don"t really care for that sort of thing, either; but you know how it is in that set--"
"What set?"
"Oh, the Fanes--the Ruthv--" He stammered himself into silence.