"No; I thank you for giving me this charge. It means that a man must raise his own standard of living before he can accept such responsibility... . You endow me with all that a man ought to be; and my task is doubled; for it is not only Gerald but I myself who require surveillance."
He looked up, smilingly serious: "Such women as you alone can fit your brother and me for an endless guard duty over the white standard you have planted on the outer walls of the world."
"You say things to me--sometimes--" she faltered, "that almost hurt with the pleasure they give."
"Did that give you pleasure?"
"Y-yes; the surprise of it was almost too--too keen. I wish you would not--but I am glad you did... . You see"--dropping into a great velvet chair--"having been of no serious consequence to anybody for so many years--to be told, suddenly, that I--that I count so vitally with men--a man like you--"
She sank back, drew one small hand across her eyes, and rested a moment; then leaning forward, she set her elbow on one knee and bracketed her chin between forefinger and thumb.
"_You_ don"t know," she said, smiling faintly, "but, oh, the exalted dreams young girls indulge in! And one and all centre around some power-inspired att.i.tude of our own when a great crisis comes. And most of all we dream of counting heavily; and more than all we clothe ourselves in the celestial authority which dares to forgive... . Is it not pathetically amusing--the mental process of a young girl?--and the paramount theme of her dream is power!--such power as will permit the renunciation of vengeance; such power as will justify the happiness of forgiving? ... And every dream of hers is a dream of power; and, often, the happiness of forbearing to wield it. All dreams lead to it, all mean it; for instance, half-awake, then faintly conscious in slumber, I lie dreaming of power--always power; the triumph of attainment, of desire for wisdom and knowledge satisfied. I dream of friendships--wonderful intimacies exquisitely satisfying; I dream of troubles, and my moral power to sweep them out of existence; I dream of self-sacrifice, and of the spiritual power to endure it; I dream--I dream--sometimes--of more material power--of splendours and imposing estates, of a paradise all my own. And when I have been selfishly happy long enough, I dream of a vast material power fitting me to wipe poverty from the world; I plan it out in splendid generalities, sometimes in minute detail... . Of men, we naturally dream; but vaguely, in a curious and confused way... . Once, when I was fourteen, I saw a volunteer regiment pa.s.sing; and it halted for a while in front of our house; and a brilliant being on a black horse turned lazily in his saddle and glanced up at our window... . Captain Selwyn, it is quite useless for you to imagine what fairy scenes, what wondrous perils, what happy adventures that gilt-corded adjutant and I went through in my dreams. Marry him? Indeed I did, scores of times. Rescue him? Regularly.
He was wounded, he was attacked by fevers unnumbered, he fled in peril of his life, he vegetated in countless prisons, he was misunderstood, he was a martyr to suspicion, he was falsely accused, falsely condemned.
And then, just before the worst occurred, _I_ appear!--the inevitable I."
She dropped back into the chair, laughing. Her colour was high, her eyes brilliant; she laid her arms along the velvet arms of the chair and looked at him.
"I"ve not had you to talk to for a whole week," she said; "and you"ll let me; won"t you? I can"t help it, anyway, because as soon as I see you--crack! a million thoughts wake up in me and clipper-clapper goes my tongue... . You are very good for me. You are so thoroughly satisfactory--except when your eyes narrow in that dreadful far-away gaze--which I"ve forbidden, you understand... . _What_ have you done to your moustache?"
"Clipped it."
"Oh, I don"t like it too short. Can you get hold of it to pull it? It"s the only thing that helps you in perplexity to solve problems. You"d be utterly helpless, mentally, without your moustache... . When are we to take up our Etruscan symbols again?--or was it Evans"s monograph we were laboriously dissecting? Certainly it was; don"t you remember the Hitt.i.te hieroglyph of Jerabis?--and how you and I fought over those wretched floral symbols? You don"t? And it was only a week ago? ... And listen!
Down at Silverside I"ve been reading the most delicious thing--the Mimes of Herodas!--oh, so charmingly quaint, so perfectly human, that it seems impossible that they were written two thousand years ago. There"s a maid, in one scene, Threissa, who is precisely like anybody"s maid--and an old lady, Gyllis--perfectly human, and not Greek, but Yankee of to-day! Shall we reread it together?--when you come down to stay with us at Silverside?"
"Indeed we shall," he said, smiling; "which also reminds me--"
He drew from his breast-pocket a thin, flat box, turned it round and round, glanced at her, balancing it teasingly in the palm of his hand.
"Is it for me? Really? Oh, please don"t be provoking! Is it _really_ for me? Then give it to me this instant!"
[Ill.u.s.tration: "Turning, looked straight at Selwyn."]
He dropped the box into the pink hollow of her supplicating palms. For a moment she was very busy with the tissue-paper; then:
"Oh! it is perfectly sweet of you!" turning the small book bound in heavy Etruscan gold; "whatever can it be?" and, rising, she opened it, stepping to the window so that she could see.
Within, the pages were closely covered with the minute, careful handwriting of her father; it was the first note-book he ever kept; and Selwyn had had it bound for her in gold.
For an instant she gazed, breathless, lips parted; then slowly she placed the yellowed pages against her lips and, turning, looked straight at Selwyn, the splendour of her young eyes starred with tears.
CHAPTER VII
ERRANDS AND LETTERS
Alixe Ruthven had not yet dared tell Selwyn that her visit to his rooms was known to her husband. Sooner or later she meant to tell him; it was only fair to him that he should be prepared for anything that might happen; but as yet, though her first instinct, born of sheer fright, urged her to seek instant council with Selwyn, fear of him was greater than the alarm caused her by her husband"s knowledge.
She was now afraid of her husband"s malice, afraid of Selwyn"s opinion, afraid of herself most of all, for she understood herself well enough to realise that, if conditions became intolerable, the first and easiest course out of it would be the course she"d take--wherever it led, whatever it cost, or whoever was involved.
In addition to her dread and excitement, she was deeply chagrined and unhappy; and, although Jack Ruthven did not again refer to the matter--indeed appeared to have forgotten it--her alarm and humiliation remained complete, for Gerald now came and played and went as he chose; and in her disconcerted cowardice she dared not do more than plead with Gerald in secret, until she began to find the emotion consequent upon such intimacy unwise for them both.
Neergard, too, was becoming a familiar figure in her drawing-room; and, though at first she detested him, his patience and unfailing good spirits, and his unconcealed admiration for her softened her manner toward him to the point of toleration.
And Neergard, from his equivocal footing in the house of Ruthven, obtained another no less precarious in the house of Fane--all in the beginning on a purely gaming basis. However, Gerald had already proposed him for the Stuyvesant and Proscenium clubs; and, furthermore, a stormy discussion was now in progress among the members of the famous Siowitha over an amazing proposition from their treasurer, Jack Ruthven.
This proposal was nothing less than to admit Neergard to membership in that wealthy and exclusive country club, as a choice of the lesser evil; for it appeared, according to Ruthven, that Neergard, if admitted, was willing to restore to the club, free of rent, the thousands of acres vitally necessary to the club"s existence as a game preserve, merely retaining the t.i.tle to these lands for himself.
Draymore was incensed at the proposal, Harmon, Orchil, and Fane were disgustedly non-committal, but Phoenix Mottly was perhaps the angriest man on Long Island.
"In the name of decency, Jack," he said, "what are you dreaming of? Is it not enough that this man, Neergard, holds us up once? Do I understand that he has the impudence to do it again with your connivance? Are you going to let him sandbag us into electing him? Is that the sort of hold-up you stand for? Well, then, I tell you I"ll never vote for him.
I"d rather see these lakes and streams of ours dry up; I"d rather see the last pheasant snared and the last covey leave for the other end of the island, than buy off that Dutchman with a certificate of membership in the Siowitha!"
"In that case," retorted Ruthven, "we"d better wind up our affairs and make arrangements for an auctioneer."
"All right; wind up and be d.a.m.ned!" said Mottly; "there"ll be at least sufficient self-respect left in the treasury to go round."
Which was all very fine, and Mottly meant it at the time; but, outside of the a.s.set of self-respect, there was too much money invested in the lands, plant, and buildings, in the streams, lakes, hatcheries, and forests of the Siowitha. The enormously wealthy seldom stand long upon dignity if that dignity is going to be very expensive. Only the poor can afford disastrous self-respect.
So the chances were that Neergard would become a member--which was why he had acquired the tract--and the price he would have to pay was not only in taxes upon the acreage, but, secretly, a solid sum in addition to little Mr. Ruthven whom he was binding to him by every tie he could pay for.
Neergard did not regret the expense. He had long since discounted the cost; and he also continued to lose money at the card-table to those who could do him the most good.
Away somewhere in the back of his round, squat, busy head he had an inkling that some day he would even matters with some people. Meanwhile he was patient, good-humoured, amusing when given a chance, and, as the few people he knew found out, inventive and resourceful in suggesting new methods of time-killing to any wealthy and fashionable victim of a vacant mind.
And as this faculty has always been the real key to the inner Temple of the Ten Thousand Disenchantments, the entrance of Mr. Neergard appeared to be only a matter of time and opportunity, and his ultimate welcome at the naked altar a conclusion foregone.
In the interim, however, he suffered Gerald and little Ruthven to pilot him; he remained cheerfully oblivious to the snubs and indifference accorded him by Mrs. Ruthven, Mrs. Fane, and others of their entourage whom he encountered over the card-tables or at card-suppers. And all the while he was attending to his business with an energy and activity that ought to have shamed Gerald, and did, at times, particularly when he arrived at the office utterly unfit for the work before him.
But Neergard continued astonishingly tolerant and kind, lending him money, advancing him what he required, taking up or renewing notes for him, until the boy, heavily in his debt, plunged more heavily still in sheer desperation, only to flounder the deeper at every struggle to extricate himself.
Alixe Ruthven suspected something of this, but it was useless as well as perilous in other ways for her to argue with Gerald, for the boy had come to a point where even his devotion to her could not stop him. He _must_ go on. He did not say so to Alixe; he merely laughed, a.s.suring her that he was all right; that he knew how much he could afford to lose, and that he would stop when his limit was in sight. Alas, he had pa.s.sed his limit long since; and already it was so far behind him that he dared not look back--dared no longer even look forward.
Meanwhile the Ruthvens were living almost lavishly, and keeping four more horses; but Eileen Erroll"s bank balance had now dwindled to three figures; and Gerald had not only acted offensively toward Selwyn, but had quarrelled so violently with Austin that the latter, thoroughly incensed and disgusted, threatened to forbid him the house.
"The little fool!" he said to Selwyn, "came here last night, stinking of wine, and attempted to lay down the law to me!--tried to dragoon me into a compromise with him over the investments I have made for him. By G.o.d, Phil, he shall not control one cent until the trust conditions are fulfilled, though it was left to my discretion, too. And I told him so flatly; I told him he wasn"t fit to be trusted with the coupons of a repudiated South American bond--"
"Hold on, Austin. That isn"t the way to tackle a boy like that!"
"Isn"t it? Well, why not? Do you expect me to d.i.c.ker with him?"
"No; but, Austin, you"ve always been a little brusque with him. Don"t you think--"
"No, I don"t. It"s discipline he needs, and he"ll get it good and plenty every time he comes here."
"I--I"m afraid he may cease coming here. That"s the worst of it. For his sister"s sake I think we ought to try to put up with--"