"And after our conference had ended and I was on my way to the hall below, suddenly on my ear, faint but clear, I heard your voice, sweet as the odour of blossoms in an empty room. No--it neither deceived nor startled me; I have often heard it before, when you were nowhere near. And, that I may answer your question more completely, I answer it again: Yes, I miss you; so that I hear your voice through every silence; all voids are gay with it; there are no lonely places where my steps pa.s.s, because you are always near; no stillness through which your voice does not sound; no unhappiness, no sordid cares which the memory of you does not make easier to endure.
"Have I answered? And now, good-night. Gerald has just come in; I hear him pa.s.sing through the hall to his own apartments. So I"ll drop in for a smoke with him before I start to search for you in dreamland. Good-night, Eileen. PHILIP SELWYN."
When he had finished, sealed, and stamped his letter he leaned back in his chair, smiling to himself, still under the spell which the thought of her so often now cast over him. Life and the world were younger, cleaner, fresher; the charming energy of her physical vigour and youth and beauty tinted all things with the splendid hue of inspiration. But most of all it was the exquisite fastidiousness of her thoughts that had begun to inthral him--that crystal clear intelligence, so direct, so generous--the splendid wholesome att.i.tude toward life--and her dauntless faith in the goodness of it.
Breathing deeply, he drew in the fragrance of her memory, and the bitterness of things was dulled with every quiet respiration.
He smiled again, too; how utterly had his sister mistaken their frank companionship! How stupidly superfluous was it to pretend to detect, in their comradeship, the commonplaces of sentiment--as though such a girl as Eileen Erroll were of the common self-conscious mould--as though in their cordial understanding there was anything less simple than community of taste and the mutual attraction of intelligence!
Then, the memory of what his sister had said drove the smile from his face and he straightened up impatiently. Love! What unfortunate hallucination had obsessed Nina to divine what did not exist?--what need not exist? How could a woman like his sister fall into such obvious error; how could she mistake such transparent innocence, such visible freedom from motive in this young girl"s pure friendship for himself?
And, as for him, he had never thought of Eileen--he could not bring himself to think of her so materially or sentimentally. For, although he now understood that he had never known what love, might be--its coa.r.s.er mask, infatuation, he had learned to see through; and, as that is all he had ever known concerning love, the very hint of it had astonished and repelled him, as though the mere suggestion had been a rudeness offered to this delicate and delicious friendship blossoming into his life--a life he had lately thought so barren and laid waste.
No, his sister was mistaken; but her mistake must not disturb the blossoming of this unstained flower. Sufficient that Eileen and he disdainfully ignore the trite interpretation those outside might offer them unasked; sufficient that their confidence in one another remain without motive other than the happiness of unembarra.s.sed people who find a pleasure in sharing an intelligent curiosity concerning men and things and the world about them.
Thinking of these matters, lying back there in his desk chair, he suddenly remembered that Gerald had come in. They had scarcely seen one another since that unhappy meeting in the Stuyvesant Club; and now, remembering what he had written to Eileen, he emerged with a start from his contented dreaming, sobered by the prospect of seeking Gerald.
For a moment or two he hesitated; but he had said in his letter that he was going to do it; and now he rose, looked around for his pipe, found it, filled and lighted it, and, throwing on his dressing-gown, went out into the corridor, tying the ta.s.selled cords around his waist as he walked.
His first knock remaining unanswered, he knocked more sharply. Then he heard from within the m.u.f.fled creak of a bed, heavy steps across the floor. The door opened with a jerk; Gerald stood there, eyes swollen, hair in disorder, his collar crushed, and the white evening tie unknotted and dangling over his soiled shirt-front.
"h.e.l.lo," said Selwyn simply; "may I come in?"
The boy pa.s.sed his hand across his eyes as though confused by the light; then he turned and walked back toward the bed, still rubbing his eyes, and sat down on the edge.
Selwyn closed the door and seated himself, apparently not noticing Gerald"s dishevelment.
"Thought I"d drop in for a good-night pipe," he said quietly. "By the way, Gerald, I"m going down to Silverside next week. Nina has asked Boots, too. Couldn"t you fix it to come along with us?"
"I don"t know," said the boy in a low voice; "I"d like to."
"Good business! That will be fine! What you and I need is a good stiff tramp across the moors, or a gallop, if you like. It"s great for mental cobwebs, and my brain is disgracefully unswept. By the way, somebody said that you"d joined the Siowitha Club."
"Yes," said the boy listlessly.
"Well, you"ll get some lively trout fishing there now. It"s only thirty miles from Silverside, you know--you can run over in the motor very easily."
Gerald nodded, sitting silent, his handsome head supported in both hands, his eyes on the floor.
That something was very wrong with him appeared plainly enough; but Selwyn, touched to the heart and miserably apprehensive, dared not question him, unasked.
And so they sat there for a while, Selwyn making what conversation he could; and at length Gerald turned and dragged himself across the bed, dropping his head back on the disordered pillows.
"Go on," he said; "I"m listening."
So Selwyn continued his pleasant, inconsequential observations, and Gerald lay with closed eyes, quite motionless, until, watching him, Selwyn saw his hand was trembling where it lay clinched beside him. And presently the boy turned his face to the wall.
Toward midnight Selwyn rose quietly, removed his unlighted pipe from between his teeth, knocked the ashes from it, and pocketed it. Then he walked to the bed and seated himself on the edge.
"What"s the trouble, old man?" he asked coolly.
There was no answer. He placed his hand over Gerald"s; the boy"s hand lay inert, then quivered and closed on Selwyn"s convulsively.
"That"s right," said the elder man; "that"s what I"m here for--to stand by when you hoist signals. Go on."
The boy shook his head and buried it deeper in the pillow.
"Bad as that?" commented Selwyn quietly. "Well, what of it? I"m standing by, I tell you... . That"s right"--as Gerald broke down, his body quivering under the spasm of soundless grief--"that"s the safety-valve working. Good business. Take your time."
It took a long time; and Selwyn sat silent and motionless, his whole arm numb from its position and Gerald"s crushing grasp. And at last, seeing that was the moment to speak:
"Now let"s fix up this matter, Gerald. Come on!"
"Good heavens! h-how can it be f-fixed--"
"I"ll tell you when you tell me. It"s a money difficulty, I suppose; isn"t it?"
"Yes."
"Cards?"
"P-partly."
"Oh, a note? Case of honour? Where is this I.O.U. that you gave?"
"It"s worse than that. The--the note is paid. Good G.o.d--I can"t tell you--"
"You must. That"s why I"m here, Gerald."
"Well, then, I--I drew a check--knowing that I had no funds. If it--if they return it, marked--"
"I see... . What are the figures?"
The boy stammered them out; Selwyn"s grave face grew graver still.
"That is bad," he said slowly--"very bad. Have you--but of course you couldn"t have seen Austin--"
"I"d kill myself first!" said Gerald fiercely.
"No, you wouldn"t do that. You"re not _that_ kind... . Keep perfectly cool, Gerald; because it is going to be fixed. The method only remains to be decided upon--"
"I can"t take your money!" stammered the boy; "I can"t take a cent from you--after what I"ve said--the beastly things I"ve said--"
"It isn"t the things you say to me, Gerald, that matter... . Let me think a bit--and don"t worry. Just lie quietly, and understand that I"ll do the worrying. And while I"m amusing myself with a little quiet reflection as to ways and means, just take your own bearings from this reef; and set a true course once more, Gerald. That is all the reproach, all the criticism you are going to get from me. Deal with yourself and your G.o.d in silence."
And in silence and heavy dismay Selwyn confronted the sacrifice he must make to save the honour of the house of Erroll.
It meant more than temporary inconvenience to himself; it meant that he must go into the market and sell securities which were partly his capital, and from which came the modest income that enabled him to live as he did.